Golden Flames
by ReturnToJohto
Summary: First story ever so bear with me here. Follows the story of Gold,his cyndaquil and the weird situations he and his friends get into. Rated for language, violence and several characters are perverted. Read and Review! FINAL CHAPTER UP!
1. Chapter 1

Golden Flames

Hiro ran out the front door. He dodged out of the way of the early morning commuters of New Bark Town. He was just to excited about today to care about who he knocked down on the way.

"Move out my way old man!", he shouted. The elderly man didn't hear what Hiro said until it was too late. The two slammed into each other with a loud thud. The old man descended to the ground and gave a muffled oomph of pain from under his white beard. Hiro on the other hand, kept going through the air smacked his chin on the side walk. He struggled against the urge to cry, to many people were watching him. Blood trickled his neck as he stood up.

The old man was lying on the ground clutching at his heart. A small crowd formed around the two crashers. The old man started to make gasping noises, as if he were a magikarp out of water. The crowd cast angry glares at Hiro. Hiro began to say something in defense but an unknown hand grabbed and yanked Hiro away from the scene. When they were far enough, the figure let go of Hiro's arm and turned around to face him.

"What the hell did you do, man?", asked Gold. Gold was Hiro's best friend, the one who pulled him out of the crowd, and the main character of this story. He was wearing a red and white hoody, jeans and his lucky black cap. He surveyed his bleeding friend and let out a sigh. "You hit another old man didn't you?"

"They should learn to move out of the way. And second don't cuss. This may be a teen rated fanfic but still.." Hiro took out a napkin from his back and put it to his chin. Gold cringed as he saw the red liquid ooze over the white hankie. He didn't like blood very much. Gold looked away from his friend. He too, was excited about today but not as much to break his face over it. A smile came over his that could Aipom jealous. He, Hiro, Crystal and Silver were leaving town today. The four already got their partners from Prof. Elm yesterday. Gold never left New Bark Town so the idea of journeying alone with his cyndaquil, Pyro both scared and intrigued him. Hiro finished dabbing himself with the tissue. His friend was staring blankly at the sky, completely lost.

"Uh, Gold this is the part where you say that I should walk slower around old men and when you ask me why I'm using the word cuss instead of curse and then tell me I'm weird for thinking the world is a fanfic," Hiro cried. He shook Gold. "Come on Gold talk to me!"

Gold snapped back into reality. He felt a severe pain in between his ears. He hadn't thought that hard in weeks.

"Hey Gold let's take out Pyro and Highfang." Gold nodded and took a red and white ball out of his front pocket. Hiro did the same and threw it into the air. The poke ball opened and in a flash of white light a blue alligator of some sort came out. The creature yawned. It was.. Damn it! All of you know what a Totodile looks like by now right, must I explain?

Totodile turned to look at Hiro then looked at Gold.

"Toto," it said sheepishly. Without warning it jumped into the air and latched on to Gold with its fangs Gold screamed, Highfang's teeth weren't developed yet but still could bite some of your toes off. Gold kicked the pokemon off his foot and into Hiro's arms. Hiro and Totodile glared at Gold.

"Gold you didn't have to kick it. That was just a sign of affection for Totodile."

"Then why doesn't it bite you instead?", Gold pulled off his shoe to look at what Totodile did. Hiro gave him a smug smirk.

"It's because Highfang knows who's in charge." He looked down at his watch. "We got to head for the ceremony." Gold threw his poke ball on the ground. Instead of Pyro, a blue and tan ball with red spots came out. Hiro giggled at Gold.

"Uh, Pyro wake up," Gold nudged the cyndaquil with his foot.

"Remember yesterday when you thought Elm gave you a soccer ball instead of a pokemon," Hiro burst into tears of laughter. "Then Pyro got mad and set your hat on fire, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!", Hiro doubled over from laughter and pounded his fist on the grass. Gold ignored him and lifted the fire mouse on to his head. It uncurled itself and fell asleep again on Gold's hat (which now had burn marks and a hole on it).

"Pyro's pretty lazy isn't it Gold?", Hiro teased.

"Shut up. Pyro's just tired, it's only; what like 7:30," Gold snapped. No one was going to talk about his pokemon while he was around. "Do want a lift to the ceremony or not?" It was customary for the rookie trainers to race to Cherrygrove City. The whole town turned up for the event. If you didn't show up, you weren't recognized as a trainer from New Bark Town. Hiro stopped laughing and gave Gold a look of amazement.

"You got a car?", Hiro asked.

"No. I got my mom's Abra." Without another word Gold took out another poke ball and threw it in the air. The sleeping psychic gave no response to coming out, it just floated beside Gold.

"Teleport," Gold demanded. Abra eyes opened wide and cast a pale blue light. Gold and Hiro were surrounded by the same light. Next thing Gold knew, his legs lost contact with the ground. His muscles were useless against Abra's telekinesis. Abra clapped its hands together and the two boys and three pokemon vanished out of thin air.

Meanwhile…

Crystal tapped her foot on the stage. The two other trainers were late. She met the two yesterday and had come to the conclusion that they were total idiots. She and Silver were the only ones who came on time. The red haired boy did not say anything to her or the race official. He just sat down on one of the chairs placed for the trainers. She herself didn't sit down because of him, there just wasn't something right about him..

"Rita," said the trainer's chikorita. It nuzzled itself against her leg. Crystal was grateful for it's company, she was the only friend she had left. All her other ones stopped talking to her when she announced she was leaving.

The race official came up to her and asked if she wanted to sit down. Before she could sit down, a loud cracking noise came from behind them.

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Crystal remembered that scream. That was the scream Gold made when that cyndaquil tried to burn his hat..

"The idiots are here.."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

An Abra appeared behind Crystal. She thought back to when she was reading about Abras in school. When an Abra teleports more then itself, time, light, space and sound are distorted. She definitely heard Gold scream but the sound came before the owner did.

Four green clouds formed behind the Abra. The clouds swirled once. Electric sparks formed and made them look like miniature thunderclouds. The four drifted into each other and formed one big ominous cloud. Gold, Hiro, Totodile and a cyndaquil fell out of the cloud in that order. Gold fell headfirst on to the stage and opened his mouth to scream but nothing came out of his mouth. Crystal heard Silver mutter 'idiots' from under his breath.

"Good, you two are finally here," said the race official. He then walked over to the microphone in the middle of the stage. The new trainers sat down on the metal folding chairs.

"Hey Gold, how'd they get a stage out on the grass?" Hiro asked. Gold shushed him and picked Pyro off the ground. Crystal ignored the two and scanned the crowd for any signs of her former friends. All the chairs were filled except for three in the back. She sighed and returned chikorita back to its poke ball. She pulled her hands to her face and started to cry softly.

Gold saw a tear run down the girl's cheek. He leaned down to comfort her.

"Hey. Are you al-"

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen," the race official almost yelled into the microphone. "I'm afraid that you came for nothing."

Hundreds of confused and angry groans came from the ground. Gold and Hiro stood up, knocking their pokemon off their laps. Crystal wiped the tears from her eyes and looked both sad and confused. Silver who wasn't interested in what was happening before, stared at the man blankly.

"What do you mean they came here for nothing? Are you saying we're worthless?" Gold yelled. He didn't care that he raised his voice. He wasn't going to be called worthless, not after all the work he did to get this far. He and Hiro were not exactly A students. They had to work hard for a year to get this far. The official stepped backwards and told him to calm down.

"It's not that I think you're worthless. It's just that..," his didn't finish. His face looked grave. He turned back to his microphone and looked out to the crowd somberly.

"Due to an _accident_ from a certain trainer, the president of the Pokemon Association died of a heart attack and intestinal trauma," he stared loathingly at Hiro. In that one moment, all the color drained out of Hiro's face. Gold shook his friend once. He didn't budge. Hiro started fights and joked a lot, but he would never murder someone.

"Without the president here, there is no one to confirm these four as trainers which makes this race null and void."

Silver rushed out of his chair and ran for the exit. His chair knocked over Crystal's. Gold caught her arm just before she fell to the ground. Two guards blocked the exit. Silver stepped backwards and threw a poke ball above them.

"Sneasel, icy wind!" The weasel pokemon shot a jet of ice crystals from its mouth. The poor guards were immediately frozen solid. Gold wondered what pokemon he got, he didn't take it out at the lab.

"What are you two idiots standing around for?" Crystal shrieked. "Unfreeze them with your cyndaquil."

The man from before came behind them.

"I'm afraid you're not authorized to use those pokemon without recognition from the president as stated in Paragraph 6, Article 3, sub section 7, sente- Hey get back here!" Gold had grabbed Crystal and Hiro by their arms and tore after Silver. Pyro jumped back onto Gold's head and Highfang bit Hiro on the leg for leaving him behind. Gold didn't care that he was breaking the law now. He was a trainer now damn it, and no one was gonna stop him now.

"Gold," Crystal started. She had to jog just to keep up with Gold tugging at her arm. "This isn't right, we have to go back."

Gold ignored her and kept following Silver. The red haired boy and his Sneasel led the group out of New Bark Town and deep into the woods. Silver grabbed a tree ranch and Sneasel did the same. The two jumped from tree to tree faster than Gold could sprint. In a matter of seconds, the two were gone, leaving Gold, Crystal and Hiro in a clearing.

Gold dropped the other two from his grip and sat down on a rock. Crystal sat down as well, to catch her breath. Hiro got on all fours and vomited on the grass.

"EEEWWWWW!" Gold and Crystal said simultaneously.

"Shut up... ugh... It's not everyday you find out you killed the key to your future... and sprint two miles..." he said.Gold tried to console his friend.

"You know it's not your fault."

Hiro didn't respond. Crystal strolled over to Gold and smacked him across the face. The force of her blow knocked Pyro off his head. It woke up and flared up the flames on its back.

"What was that for?" Gold questioned angrily. He massaged his right cheek. She stared down at him fiercely.

"Gold, you can't do this. We're uncertified trainers with technically stolen pokemon. We left without any supplies, no word to our parents, no experience, how do expect to live like this? The police will come after us." She didn't look furious, just concerned. Gold couldn't blame her; he took her and Hiro along with him without thinking.

Pyro walked over to Gold and glared up at Crystal. He looked down at it and smiled. He could make it in this world if he just had that cyndaquil beside him.

"Okay." Gold stood up, partly because the rock was beginning to hurt his butt.

"Okay, what?"

"Let's head to Cherrygrove City," Gold said. He let Pyro climb on to his shoulder this time.

"Didn't you listen to a word I-"

"Gold has a point," said Hiro. He stopped throwing up and retrieved Highfang back to its pokeball. "We ran away at the right time."

"What do you mean?"

"If the president really is dead then they would put the vice president in office in about three days. If we stop now and walk two days, we can register ourselves at the pokemon center," Hiro explained.

"Sounds good to me," Gold said. He then put his hand in the middle of their circle. "Until we get there we're partners."

"Partners," Hiro said. He put his hand in the center too.

Crystal was reluctant to agree with them. She was in the woods with two weirdos with the cops coming after her. She looked over her options and saw no other option but to temporarily stay with them.

"Sigh... partners.."


	3. Chapter 3

First of all I would like to thank all three of my first reviewers both good and bad. This chapter is a bit of an experiment for me and I hope you like it

Chapter 3

Night time came unexpectedly and the group let their pokemon stand guard for the night. Pyro looked inquisitively at chikorita, who looked at Highfang, who in turn stared at Pyro.

For future reference; when something is in parenthesis () it is a pokemon talking.

There was a dead silence between them except for the sounds of hoothoot. Chikorita was the first to speak.

(Um, do either of you know what rape means?) It asked, scratching the leaf on its forehead. Pyro shook its head. Highfang yawned then did the same.

(Why do want to know?) Pyro asked.

(My trainer told me not to let your trainers rape her. How am I supposed to stop them if I don't know what they're doing to her?)

Highfang shrugged and fell asleep on the forest floor. Pyro jumped on top of it and smacked it in the jaw. Highfang pushed him off and rubbed his jaw.

(What was that for?)

(We're supposed to keep watch over those three.) Pyro shivered a little and flared up the flames on its back. He turned back to his trainer, who was sleeping peacefully. Pyro didn't think much about Gold, he only knew him as the trainer, nothing else.

(Help me!) The voice echoed through every cell of Pyro's brain. He felt a sinking feeling in his stomach and turned to face the others.

(What was that?) Highfang howled. His legs were shaking.

(Someone's in trouble!) Chikorita exclaimed.

(Let's go find them.) Pyro ran on all fours into an area of condensed trees. The other two pokemon looked at each other and then gave chase to their companion. Hoothoots jeered and hissed at them when they ran past.

(Watch it buddy!)

(You made me lose that ratata!)

(Do you know what time it is?)

Pyro ignored them and kept running until he found the source of the disturbance. The three reached a clearing with an intense battle going on. A female Donphan stood by a pale blue egg panting and sweating. Her opponents were three fierce Houndooms. Donphan swung her trunk at the Houndoom in the middle who dodged to the left and bit her. Blood rushed from her pale gray side. Pyro, Highfang and Chikorita jumped in front of her.

(Leave her alone you big stupid dummy heads!) Highfang shrieked.

(Dummy heads? Was that the best you can do? ) said the Houndoom on the right.

Pyro shook his head. Highfang looked embarrassed and chikorita looked back at Donphan who was gasping for breath. She stood up and fell to her knees.

(Save my...) Donphan gasped. She turned her head to her egg. Chikorita got the message and picked it up with vine whip. Chikorita ran on to a huge rock for safety. Two of the Houndooms growled and stomped their feet at Chikorita.

(Forget the egg!) The one on the left said. (Focus on the mother.) The Houndoom's mouth started to glow bright red. Pyro knew what it was doing; it was preparing a sunny day attack. Highfang shot a surge of water from its mouth at the houndoom. The one in the middle came up and blocked the attack with a green shield. It had used a protect attack. The left Houndoom shot a burst of red energy into the sky. Its light illuminated the clearing with great intensity. Pyro used it to its advantage and fired three fireballs from its mouth. The attack did nothing to the pack of Houndooms in front of them; they were just too powerful. The houndoom on the right fired off a solarbeam attack at the two. The green beam swept the two in the air. Pyro watched in horror as the green burst engulfed Donphan. It let out a scream of pain and fell to the ground one final time.

Pyro landed on top of Highfang and ran toward the now deceased Donphan. He couldn't let this happen, he just couldn't.

(Donphan, please wake up! You can't die; you have a baby! Please...) Pyro fell to his knees. Highfang's eyes flared red and cried out in rage. He felt the same way about losing Donphan. He balled his hand into a fist and punched the left Houndoom in between the eyes. It was using its rage attack. The houndoom in the middle used Iron Tail on it and Highfang fainted. Chikorita used a vine to pick up Pyro and Highfang off the ground and on to the rock she was on. The houndooms however; howled together and rushed toward Donphan's carcass. Three red lights hit the three wolf pokemon and caused them to disappear.

"They weren't supposed to kill the Donphan, Silver. You're being to violent." A woman stepped from out of the shadows. She had blonde hair and piercing red eyes that made her look like a she-devil. Silver said nothing and returned the pokeballs to her.

"I don't give a damn about a Donphan who can't even stand up to a solarbeam attack Karen." He walked past Karen with Sneasel following at his heel. Karen didn't respond; instead she stared up at the three starter pokemon. She smirked at them and followed Silver.

Pyro recognized Silver right away from the lab. He literally fumed with rage. He and Gold were going to make Silver pay for this, even if he had to chase him to the end of time.

(Pyro stop! You're going to kill what's inside the egg.) Chikorita shrieked. Pyro's flames had turned the blue egg, dark red. Cracks formed on the egg's surface. Pyro and Chikorita watched in amazement as two ears burst from the side of the egg. The egg exploded into shards. Pyro used Highfang's limp body as a shield.

(Hey do you two know where my Mommy is?) asked the newborn Phanpy. Chikorita used its vines to cover Phanpy's eyes. It didn't want the little one to know that its mother was dead.

(Make up a lie.) It whispered. Phanpy struggled to free itself from her vines.

(An evil boy named Silver kidnapped your Mom. Uh if you come with us we could bring her back... heh.) Pyro didn't like lying.

(Sounds like fun. Where did they go?) Pyro didn't expect him to think it was fun. The phanpy freed itself and stood in front of Pyro.

(I don't know where they went but we'll find them if you come with my trainer; Gold.)

(Fine. Lets go!) It said enthusiastically.

And that's how Phanpy became Gold's pokemon. Pyro led the group back to the campsite (with Highfang on his back). It was almost morning; the sun peeking over the trees. Pyro and Phanpy rolled up into balls while Chikorita fell asleep on Crystal's back.

Gold woke up and stretched his arms. He stepped backwards and tripped over Phanpy.

"Son of a-"

"Phanpy!" Phanpy jumped into Gold's arms and grinned. Pyro woke up and gave Gold a tired nod. Gold took a pokeball from his pocket and pegged it against Phanpy's forehead. It shook in Gold's hand until it came to a stop.

"I guess I'll call you Trunks but how'd you get here?" Gold asked. He looked at Pyro who had fallen asleep again.

"Pyro? Pyro? Why won't you answer?"

I changed the writing style a lot in this chapter. Yes, I know Trunks is from DBZ but it suits a Phanpy right? Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

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Let me just say that I am taking this fic in a more serious direction and I am thankful for your constructive criticism.

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CHAPTER 4

"Hey guys did we leave food out last night?" Gold asked. They were still walking down route 29 together.

"We don't have any food, remember?" replied Crystal. She looked sour as always.

"You're never gonna forgive me about me about taking you along are you?" Gold was starting to get angry with her. All she ever did was complain. As long as they were traveling together, the least she could do was enjoy it.

Hiro sensed the tension between the two and tried to change the subject.

"Why do want to know Gold?"

"Because there was a Phanpy in our campsite this morning and-"

"Where is it now!" Crystal shrieked. She was actually looking excited for once.

"I take it you like Phanpys, huh?"

"How could I not, they're so cute!"

"Sorry to disappoint you but I already caught it." The smile faded off Crystal's mouth and turned back into her sour scowl again. The group quieted down again. They had reached the outskirts of Cherrygrove city a day earlier then expected.

"Dang! How'd we get here so fast?" Gold cried. "I thought it took two days to get here."

"Whatever, lets just go in-"Crystal stopped dead in her tracks. She just stood in front with her mouth wide open. Gold looked in front of her to what was so amazing, but didn't see anything jaw-dropping fascinating. He stretched his hand to touch her shoulder.

"Hey, why'd you- DAAAH!" Purple lightning shot from Crystal's body and into Gold's arm. He fell to his knees and felt the red liquid release from his arm. Hiro turned Crystal around to face him; at least what he thought was Crystal. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head; leaving only the white parts and some veins. She smiled; a sinister smile that only, a Gengar could pull off...

"Gold! Crystal's possessed by a-"

"Gengar. Shadow ball." A blonde haired woman stepped from behind a tree. Gold took one look at her and automatically denounced her a she-devil. The red eyes, the black dress, how couldn't she be. Crystal formed a dark glob in her right fist and shot it at Hiro's middle section. The force of the attack sent him flying into a nearby tree; instantly knocking him out.

Gengar pulled itself out of Crystal's body and next to the woman. She pat it on the forehead for a job well done. Gold rushed to Crystal's side and helped her stand up again.

"EWW! You got blood on me!" she said disgustedly.

"Focus Crystal." Gold pointed to the unconscious Hiro and then to the unnamed assailant.

"Are we in a battle or something?"

"You are now." A familiar red- headed kid stepped from out of the shadows. Silver took a pokeball from his belt and threw it to the ground. In a flash of white light; a purple dinosaur-like pokemon appeared. Spikes ran down its entire back and tail. It roared and sent shock waves through the ground.

"I believe you have something that belongs to Silver," said the woman.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Gold exclaimed. He barely knew the kid; how could he have taken something from him?

"I was talking about that Phanpy of yours." She gave him a smirk and felt shivers down his spine.

"How did you know about Trunks?"

"Its useless Karen, he already named it," Silver replied. "I don't care anyway. But I say we fight them anyway." Nidoking stomped the ground.

Gold looked at him bewildered. "Why would you want to fight with us? We didn't do anyth-"

"Horn attack!" Nidoking charged at the two. Gold pushed Crystal out of the way and ran to the side. Nidoking kept on charging and was heading straight for Hiro.

Crystal threw a pokeball in front of Nidoking. A Chansey threw itself in front of the monster. Chanseys weren't built for that kind of impact and so it collapsed next to Hiro. Gold was fed up with this and tossed out his pokemon. Trunks came out and flapped its ears enthusiastically.

"Use tackle!" The mini elephant rushed toward the Nidoking. Unfortunately for Trunks, Nidoking swat it into a nearby tree with its tail. The enigma known as Karen sadistically.

"You were right, Silver! That thing wasn't worth our time."

Gold ignored her and called back his Phanpy. He then threw a second pokeball; which contained his Pyro. Pyro slumped down to the ground; it was still worn out from last night's battle against the Houndooms.

"Pyro get up and use smokescreen!" Pyro was to weak to get up. Nidoking smacked the ground; sending Pyro back into Gold's arms. "Damn..." His first battle had ended badly.

Karen's eyes almost popped out of her head when she saw Pyro.

"Silver, that's the pokemon that interfered with our plan last night." She took three pokeballs off her belt and sent them at Gold and Crystal. In moments; Gold, Crystal, Pyro, Chansey, and Hiro were cornered. They were surrounded by Gengar, Nidoking, two Houndooms and an Umbreon.

"Not good..." Crystal said. She was stepping backwards into her Chansey. She was almost in tears. She looked at Gold who was staring at the dark pokemon nonchalantly. "Gold move back, those things are gonna kill you!"

"Relax, I know what to do," he said. At least, he hoped he knew what to do. He didn't want to scare Crystal even more. He stared into Umbreon's bright red eyes' which matched his master's. Karen was laughing at them devilishly and Silver was only mildly interested at their expense. The five pokemon stepped toward the group.

"It's all over," Crystal thought. The tears came and she crouched beside her Chansey; waiting for death.

"We who are about to die say TELEPORT!"

Abra appeared behind Gold and engulfed the group in blue light. He clapped his hands and teleported the group. Karen stopped laughing when she saw all five of her pokemon collide into the tree in front of them.

Meanwhile...

A familiar green cloud dropped all six of the travelers out of the air. Gold sat down on the grass and clutched his arm. It stopped bleeding but it still hurt badly. Crystal came over to him and did something Gold didn't expect. She hugged him around the neck (a little to tightly).

"Thank you Golden Boy, Thank you!" she kissed his cheek. "I thought we were goners, how can I ever repay you?"

"BY LETTING ME BREATH!" Gold gasped for breath as she let go of him. "Why'd you call me Golden Boy?"

Crystal blushed and said, "It's your new nickname Golden Boy, don't you like it?"

"I do," Gold blushed too. He couldn't believe that they hated each other yesterday; it felt like they were friends forever.

"Guuuuuh... wha... what the fk happened to me?" Hiro asked. He was examining the hole in his shirt caused Gengar/Crystal's shadow ball attack.

The group made camp again after telling Hiro the whole story. Crystal had fallen asleep next to Chansey and Chikorita while Gold and Hiro were sitting across from each other with a tree stump in between them.

"We need to find out where Abra teleported us. Let me borrow your map, Hiro."

"No." He looked angry for some reason.

"What are you talking about, don't you want to know where we-"

"Are you just going to pretend that we weren't attacked or are you gonna do something about it?" He glared at his friend disbelievingly.

"Quit playing games and besides Crystal and I were attacked, you were lying face-down in a pile of dirt! Now give me the stupid map!" Gold was losing patience. He almost died that day and didn't want to relive it.

"What's the point of me giving you the map, huh? We could get attacked by a stronger and more ruthless opponent like Silver and wind up with both ourselves and our pokemon dead, lying face-down in the dirt then what do we do!" Gold never really thought of it that way. But then again not a lot of people were going to kill him.

"Hiro no one's gonna kill us out here, you're just being paranoid. And if someone actually tries to hurt us we'll be stronger next time."

"We have to get revenge on those two and if we don't leave now we'll never get as strong as them!" Hiro yelled.

"I don't care about revenge; I just wanna get to the next town."

"Well I do care about getting stronger with or without you!"

Hiro picked up the little things he had and left without another word. Gold felt the rage go through his entire body. He didn't know why he was angry; their fight barely made any sense.

"I hope you get eaten by an Ursaring!"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Crystal woke up first and returned her pokemon back to their balls and surveyed the campsite. She saw Gold sleeping over a tree stump but couldn't find Hiro anywhere. She walked over to her remaining friend and poked him in the back. Grudgingly; he woke up looking very distressed.

"Golden Boy, where's Hiro?" Crystal said. She was starting to worry about Hiro.

"He's up my assho-."

"GOLD! This is serious!" she shrieked. Gold scratched his head and stood up. Since when was she worried about Hiro anyway? "What happened last night when I was sleeping?" She put her hands on her hips and scowled at him. There was no way around it, he had to tell her.

"He and I had a fight last night, okay." He turned away from her and picked up his bag and pokeballs. He threw all three to the ground to check on them. Pyro and Trunks lay on the ground with swirls in their eyes. Abra wasn't hurt at all. It was asleep as always but still floated in the air; over his fainted comrades. Gold returned them all and turned back to Crystal.

"We should find him for you two to kiss and make-up." She grabbed Gold by his collar and dragged him into the forest.

"You do know I'm not gay Crystal."

"It was an expression, Golden Boy." She stopped dragging him and bent down to her knees. There were two sets of footprints in the dirt. One was the same as any teenage boy's foot and the others were small pointy like a certain Totodile they knew.

The two friends followed the footprints into the area where they were attacked yesterday; right outside Cherrygrove City. There was no more dirt to leave footprints in so they had to go in and look for him without any help.

"Crystal can we stop at the Pokemon Center first?" he said weakly. He held on to his aching stomach and looked at her. Crystal was power walking down the sidewalk while Gold was ready to keel over and die. She came to a stop when she heard him.

"Why?" She stared at him.

"Because most of our pokemon are fainted, we're not certified trainers yet and we haven't eaten in two days."

"I'm hungry too but we need to find our friend first," she said as she leaned against a street sign. "Which reminds me. You're his best friend right? You should know what he's going to do right?"

Gold knew Hiro since they were two. He definitely knew what Hiro was doing right now.

"If I were Hiro," he started. "I'd completely forget to register at the Center then challenge someone twice my size and when I start to lose, I'll scream like a sissy." Then as if on cue they heard an ear shattering scream for help towards the center of town. Gold and Crystal ran towards the disturbance.

Gold's prediction hit the nail on the head. There Hiro was being swung around by a Tentacruel. Highfang was trying to gnaw the tentacles binding him; but to no avail. A gang of punks were laughing and jeering at them as Tentacruel swung them higher.

"Golden Boy, do something!"

"My pokemon can only teleport! Use Chikorita!"

"Are you nuts? Chikorita can't take on that thing!"

The two friends watched in horror as Hiro and Highfang were sent up, down and around. Hiro threw up after the fifth swing. Gold couldn't take it anymore. Hiro may have acted like a jackass but Gold was the only one who got to beat him senseless. Gold drop- kicked one of the skinnier dudes and searched through his bag. He found a yellow, pointy capsule labeled 'Revive'. He took out Pyro and fed it to him. Pyro got up and powered up the flames on its back.

"Smokescreen!" Black gas poured from Pyro's mouth. The Tentacruel threw Hiro and Highfang into the air to wipe its eyes clean. Hiro landed on Tentacruel's red orbs for safety. Gold and Pyro ran under Tentacruel and helped Hiro and Highfang off to safety.

"Thanks, Gold..." he said pathetically.

"Don't menti- DAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Gold was grabbed around the middle and swung around like Hiro. The biggest member of the gang came next to Tentacruel and scoffed.

"This battle is between me and the sissy!"

"Pyro, tackle!" Pyro slammed into the trainer headfirst. The force sent him careening into his flunkies. Hiro told Highfang to scratch Tentacruel, only to get snatched up again. Tentacruel sent another tentacle after Pyro.

"Pyro, run around in a circle!" Pyro did what he was told. Tentacruel sent its tentacle after the fire mouse which in about three laps wrapped around the tentacles Tentacruel was using to stand. The monster fell to the ground and dropped all of its captives. Hiro and Highfang landed on their feet but Gold was thrown in the air. Gravity wasn't on his side as he fell at least twenty feet. His back had made contact with the ground hard.

CRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKKK

Gold felt like a thousand knives stabbed at his back at the same spot. He coughed up blood and winced. It hurt to cough. His eyes started to close as he saw Hiro and Crystal rush to his side.

"HOLY CRAP! SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!" That was Hiro beginning to freak out.

"Don't worry Golden Boy we'll get you out of here," Crystal said through her tears. Gold could hear Hiro yelling at the gang and the yells of citizens coming to see what was happening. Gold's brain was beginning to fail him. He wasn't able to interpret what he was hearing anymore. All he could feel was pain. Gold blacked out without anyone noticing during the confusion.

Gold woke up the next day in a hospital bed the next day. At least he thought so. The window showed the city at sundown. He tried to sit up but his back prevented him from doing so. His entire middle section was wrapped in bandages (just so you know, I don't know what doctors do when someone breaks their back).

He coughed again but this time it didn't hurt. He must have stayed up for an hour because the town outside was dark and eerily quiet. Gold was just about to fall asleep again when a doctor walked in.

"Ah Mister, uh whatever your last name is, your awake." Gold wanted to tell him that his last name was Ryu but his voice wasn't with him yet. The doctor fiddled with something on the counter and sat next to him on the bed. "Your friends came here everyday to visit you. They even got you gifts." He opened a cabinet that was overflowing with gifts.

"Where are they now?" Gold asked in a hoarse voice. His voice had come back.

"They're staying at a hotel. Most likely they'll see you tomorrow morning; after all they did it for the past three days."

"Three days?"

"Save your strength. Now drink this." He put a cup to Gold's mouth. The liquid tasted awful and immediately after he swallowed it, Gold was knocked out again.

The next day Gold awoke to Crystal staring at him over head. She smiled at him and gave him a quick hug around the neck.

"Good to have you back Golden Boy." Hiro rushed into the room looking exasperated.

"Do you know how much you made me carry downstairs, Crystal? Oh, hey Gold, you're not mad at me are you?" He looked as if Gold was going to smash his face in.

"Let's put it this way Hiro," Gold answered, "When I get the feeling back in my arms I'm going to STRANGLE YOU UNTIL YOUR HEAD POPS OFF THEN USE YOUR BODY FOR A TOILET AND USE YOUR HEAD FOR A-!"

"STOP IT!" Crystal screamed. Hiro was whimpering in a corner like a frightened puppy. "AWW look what you did to Hiro."

"WHAT I DID? HE'S THE ONE WHO MADE ME FALL 20 FEET!"

"WHY ARE WE TALKING IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS?" Hiro pointed out. Gold and Crystal looked at him; not knowing what he meant.

"Okay everybody just calm down," Crystal instructed. "Now both of you shake hands."

Hiro walked over to Gold and outstretched his arm. Gold didn't raise his hand.

"Gold shake hands," Crystal said warningly.

"I can't feel my arms remember."

"Then say sorry."

"Sigh. Sorry man."

"Sorry too."

Crystal grinned up at the two. "Hiro show him the trainer cards." Hiro took out a card from his back pocket and put it front of Gold's face. It had Gold's picture on it and eight slots for the gym badges of Johto. Gold's picture self had its eyes closed and he still had the bandages on. They took the picture while he was asleep.

"You should have seen it! Professor Oak came all the way from Kanto and gave us the pokedexes." He handed the high-tech encyclopedia to Gold.

"Is pokedexes a word?" Crystal asked. Gold was thinking the exact same thing.

"Who cares; you know what I meant!"

Crystal and Hiro then started fighting over the proper plural version of pokedex. Gold preoccupied himself by flipping through the pages on the pokedex's screen. He stopped at the page on cyndaquils.

Pokedex: Can turn into a fireball by rolling in to a ball and setting its entire body on fire.

"I should use that for Pyro," Gold muttered to himself.

"I'm telling you that its pokedexes!"

"And I'm telling _you_ that its pokedi!"

"Shut up!" said the doctor from last night; who just walked into the room. "I'm sorry but visiting hours are over and you two must leave." He grabbed the two and pushed them out the door.

"But there's, like four hours left!"

"Not for you two!" With that he slammed the door in their faces.

Hiro and Crystal didn't come back the next day. Gold spent the day being tested for brain damage and mobility. It was painfully boring; to say the least. The only exciting thing that happened was the sponge bath (Gold: you want me to do what?). It was the same every day for about a week. He didn't even have his pokemon to keep him company. When the day came to take his bandages off, Gold was able to walk and move without any help.

"You got really lucky you know," said the doctor cutting the last of the bandages. "Not too many fall from a height like that and survive."

"I got lucky, I guess." Gold put on his shirt and walked outside the room. He stepped onto the elevator and pressed the lobby button. He was the only one in the elevator besides a girl about his age in a wheelchair. She looked rather depressed. They both got out on the same floor. He watched her leave in the opposite direction.

Hiro and Crystal walked through the door and came to greet him. Crystal hugged him again and tore away from him after a couple of seconds. She still wasn't use to doing that.

"Where the fuck have you two been for the past week?"

"Um, nowhere?" Crystal replied looking pretty shooken up by Gold's question.

"You should've been there man! We went all the way to Violet City and got our badges and-."

"You guys left without me?"

"That's why we weren't supposed to tell you," Crystal said giving Hiro an angry scowl.

Gold ran out the door and started sprinting. He ran towards route 31 and out of the city. Crystal and Hiro ran after him.

"Gold stop we can just take your Abra!"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Gold took the advice of his friends and teleported the group to Violet City. Unfortunately for them, Abra was asleep therefore teleporting them to random places in the city. Crystal landed on top of the Violet City pokemon center. She scanned the area for Gold and Hiro. The two boys were nowhere to be found. She climbed down from the roof by sliding down the rain gutters. She called out to her friends but didn't hear them call back.

Hiro had gotten teleported into the back of pickup truck. He looked down to find that he was knee deep in dead magikarp.

"D-D-D-DEAD FISH!" No sooner had he said that, three staryu fell from the ceiling and spun in a circle around him. Yellow strips of lightning formed in between the starfishes (if that's a word). Hiro threw Highfang's pokeball at one of their crystalline centers. This disrupted their thunder wave attack and let Highfang out of the ball. During Gold's time at the hospital, Highfang evolved into a Crocanaw. Hiro beat Falkner with Highfang alone and was more confident in battles.

"Use water gun on the ceiling!" The jet of water punched through the truck's top. Shards of steel flew past Hiro's head as he ran toward his Croconaw. He jumped into Highfang's hands which spring boarded him out of the hole. Hiro landed on his feet. His worst fear had been realized; the truck was still moving. Highfang appeared at Hiro's side by shooting itself out with a water gun. The staryus; unfortunately did the same. The truck passed the pokemon center and rounded a corner. The swerving motion knocked Hiro and Highfang off balance and off the side of the truck.

Crystal was directly below them when they fell.

"Hiro? Golden Boy? Where ar- DAAAAAHHH!" She side-stepped Hiro who had fallen on his back similarly to how Gold fell last time.

"Déjà vu..." Crystal said looking don at him.

"Who's Golden Boy?" Hiro replied standing up. He wiped the dirt off his back looking completely unharmed. He returned Highfang back to the ball. "Is he your boyfriend?"

Crystal jumped back looking wildly. "Golden boy is my nickname for Gold and he's not my boyfriend." She looked away from him to hide the red in her cheeks.

"I don't know Crystal, Golden Boy seems more like a pet name to me..."

"Just shut up for once and help me find him!" she screamed. Hiro looked taken aback by her outburst. He kept his distance from her for the rest of their search.

Now let's see what Gold's doing, Shall we?

Abra teleported Gold directly above the Sprout Tower. His entire body smashed through the ancient wood. Before he knew it he had landed on a ball of feathers with talons tearing into his chest. He had landed on a Hoothoot. He pulled the bird's talons from his lower stomach and stood up.

"It's amazing how I keep getting hurt and I still end up fine," he said to himself.

"Move out of the way. We have a battle going on here!" Gold shifted his head and saw none other then Silver standing before him. He had a Gastly floating at his side. He was battling an elderly man who was staring bewildered at his now ruined ceiling.

"HOW THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT TO MY CEILING!"

"Forget the ceiling, Old man. Finish what you started."

"Insolent little boy! How dare you-."

"Um, I think the battle's over..." Gold said meekly as he held up the man's Hoothoot by its foot. He threw it back to the old man who glared daggers at Gold and Silver. He put Hoothoot away and threw a yellow disc at Silver. Silver caught in between his index and middle fingers. He pocketed it and skulked his way down the stairs. Gold turned back to the old man.

"Uh, I'm just gonna go-."

"Oh no you're not," he said. "We repair this place with the money we get from pokemon battles." He snapped his fingers once and 10 men in sage outfits accompanied by 10 bellsprouts. Gold turned to see what pokemon he had out and frowned when he saw that he only had Abra out in the open. The men simultaneously pointed at Gold. Their bellsprouts extended their vines to use vine whip. The vines ensnared Gold instead of Abra. The men were getting revenge for breaking the ceiling of their pagoda.

"Kazam! HELP ME!" Kazam was the name Gold's mother had for the Abra before she gave it to Gold.

Kazam woke up and thought back to before Gold started his journey.

Flashback 

Kazam was sitting on the dining room table in front of Gold's Mom.

"Now Kazam, I want you to go along with Gold from now on. Protect him no matter what; even if you have to lose your own life in the process."

Gold ran downstairs in his boxers.

"Mom where are my pants?"

"In the pants drawer honey. We've been over this before..."

"Thanks Mom." He ran back upstairs and into his room.

"He's going to need a lot of help from you, Kazam..."

End flashback 

Kazam, now inspired by his former master's words started glowing white. Where an Abra once was; stood a Kadabra now. Kazam summoned 10 balls of light around his spoon. Gold who was being suffocated by the bellsprouts. He managed to call out an attack to his pokemon just in time.

"Hidden Power!" The bulbs of light smacked the bellsprouts in the face and surprisingly, froze them too. Gold flipped the pokedex on and looked up Kadabra.

Kadabra: the psy pokemon. The spoon it holds accounts for most of its power but if its tail is ever yanked, it will enable full powered psybeam attacks but lose mobility.

That last bit of information gave Gold an idea. He grabbed Kadabra by its tail and lifted it above his head. Kadabra's arms and legs stiffened to its side. Kadabra was rigid like a board. Two beams of multi-colored light shot from Kadabra's eyes and blew two holes in what was left of the ceiling. Gold swung Kadabra in a circle. The beams threw the sages and frozen bellsprouts out of the way like rag dolls. He had been too careless though. He had completely destroyed the room they were in. Rubble was beginning to fall on them. Gold brandished Kadabra like a sword and obliterated the giant support beam to the tower.

"NOT THE SUPPORT BEAM TOO! THAT'S THE ONLY REASON PEOPLE COME TO THIS STUPID PLACE!" shrieked the leader sage. Gold didn't have time to regret it. There was no way he was gonna pay for this; after all, he was broke. He pointed Kadabra down the rest of the support beam. Kadabra shot a psybeam down the rest of the shaft. Gold dropped Kazam and jumped down the massive hole he made.

Kazam used confusion to save Gold from falling to his death. Without the support beam, Sprout Tower was collapsing from the inside. Gold and Kazam sprinted out of there just in time to see the ancient pagoda collapse into rubbles. Gold turned to his side see a man with blue hair standing next to a Pidgeot.

"You're under arrest."

Meanwhile...

Hiro and Crystal had searched for Gold all day and still didn't find him.

"You don't think he was sent to a different town do you?" Crystal asked.

"I don't kn- whoah!" Hiro gasped as the electronic billboard behind him went active. It showed a man in a suit beside a mountain of debris, wood and concrete.

"The Sprout Tower was viciously destroyed from the inside today. Gym leader and head police officer, Falkner caught the sages of the tower with his bird pokemon just before they fell. To you, Kent." The man named Kent stood beside the sages.

"Thank you Tom. They say that a young boy about fourteen years old used his Kadabra to weasel his way out of a challenge. He obliterated the support beam to the tower and escaped from the bastion before it collapsed. It was there that Falkner arrested the boy on the support. Here is his picture."

A picture of Gold flashed on the screen. He was in handcuffs and looked like he was about kick the photographer in the genitals.

"Oh my God..." Crystal mouthed.

"Mom always said that either I or Gold would end up in jail someday. She owes me 20 bucks now..."

Crystal ignored him and ran towards the police station. The paparazzi had showed up and blocked the door. The two couldn't get to the front door. Hiro called out a Drowzee he caught recently.

"Sleeper, use confusion." Sleeper surrounded the T.V crews with a blue aura and swept them into the air. It swept them to the side and removed the aura. The group of people landed with an Earth crashing 'THUD'. Hiro called Sleeper back and strolled inside. Inside, Falkner was sitting at the desk and filing papers. Gold was banging against the bars of his cell and shouted profanities. Hiro stepped up to the desk to talk to Falkner while Crystal went to talk to Gold.

"How much do we need to bail out the idiot?"

"Aren't you the two that beat me the other day? Never mind. If you want him out it will take 20,000 pokedollars."

Hiro started to haggle with Falkner while Gold explained what happened to Crystal.

"You don't understand Crystal! They were gonna make me pay for all the damages if I lost."

"That's no excuse to demolish their tower! If you didn't want to pay then you should have just won their challenge."

"Do you really think they would have let me walk away if I won? Besides it was ten to one."

"Good trainers should be able to battle against all odds and extremes. You should have found a way to get out without blowing everything up." Whatever feelings he had for the girl left him. She was supposed to be sympathizing with him not nagging him.

"So you're calling me a bad trainer? It's not like you could pulled off anything you just said anyway."

"I'm just saying that you're not a very smart trainer, Golden Boy. And what makes you say I can't pull any of that off?"

"Your pokemon are a Chansey and a Chikorita. You're not gonna get far on those. And as long as I can remember, I've done all the battles for the three of us, not you. You might as well go jump off a bridge for all I care. I don't need you or Hiro for that matter to get all the badges and beat the champion. Because that is when we will see who's the strongest and the smartest trainer in Johto. And I don't expect you to be there with me!"

Crystal slapped Gold across the face and ran out sobbing.

"What do ya' know. A criminal and oppressive to women, you know you're not helping your chances at getting out for good behavior right?" Falkner said from behind a magazine.

"Why you little-."

"Cool it Gold," Hiro said. "Falkner's gonna let you go on ONE condition. If you beat him in a battle he'll let you leave with a badge but you'll never be allowed back in Violet City ever again. If you lose..."

"You'll spend the rest of your life re-building the Sprout Tower for community service," Falkner said.

Hiro left after about an hour. Gold spent the night in the jail cell. Falkner left to prepare the gym for tomorrow. A thousand thoughts were racing through Gold's head. They were mostly about Crystal though. He regretted what he said about being a weak trainer. The memory of her crying like that killed him inside. He then thought back to the challenge tomorrow's challenge. His thoughts drifted him into slumber.

"Wake up, scum." He was prodded by a police officer's nightstick.

"Back off..." Gold said as he swatted the stick away from him. He escorted him to the gym immediately. People on the street threw garbage at him as he walked past. Their children spat at him too, though they missed a hundred percent of the time. The guard led him to a stadium in the back of the gym. The stadium was shaped like an egg. Rows of seats compiled over them. Falkner was no where in sight. One of the gym trainers came up to him to explain the rules.

"This is going to be a three on three battle. Neither sides are allowed to switch pokemon during the match." He walked off to a room in the back to get Falkner.

"Gold over here!" Hiro had run up to him. "Don't worry too much, Falkner used a pidgey and pidgeotto on me, all you have to worry about is Pidgeotto."

"Where's Crystal?"

"She's in the stands. You know Gold, she's lonely without you. I'm not exactly a person you can talk with for long..."

"That's not making me feel better about it."

"All her other friends abandoned her because she left New Bark Town."

"How do you know all this?"

"Let's just say that girls tend to blurt things out when they're crying. Anyway she said that you don't have to apologize. But she says that the three of us are splitting up after this."

"What for?"

"She says if any of us are going to be are champion one day we have to go on different journeys."

"Ladies and gentlemen..." cried out an announcer's voice.

"That's your cue Gold. No worries dude!" Hiro ran up the steps to get to his seat.

Gold threw Pyro's pokeball to the ground. Pyro flared up its flames and walked up to the center of the ring. Falkner just arrived. He threw; to Gold surprise, a Delibird. Why would he use something like that?

"Ember!"

"Powder Snow!"

Pyro's ember won out over powder snow and hit Delibird in the face.

"Counter with mud slap!"

Delibird kicked mud in both Pyro and Gold's eyes. Gold heard the Falkner supporters laugh at him. He didn't have time to get angry right now.

"USE EMBER!" Gold screamed, wiping his eyes of the mud. The fireballs hit Delibird in the stomach this time. It immediately fainted. Gold was confused, that was just too easy.

"Cyndaquil?" Pyro stared at the bag that Delibird left behind. It rushed up to it and looked inside.

"Pyro stop it's a trap!" It was too late. A jet of ice smacked Pyro in the face. The fire mouse froze in a block of ice. Gold knew that would happen. Falkner used mud slap as a distraction so Delibird could use ice beam in the bag. He didn't know what to do; Pyro wasn't fainted so he couldn't bring it back. Falkner had trapped him from the start.

"Go Pidgeot!" The giant flew to the top of the stadium and rocketed toward Pyro. The ice shattered and stabbed at Pyro's skin. The poor thing didn't stand a chance.

"GO TRUNKS!" Gold's Phanpy nuzzled against his leg. For some reason, the crowd laughed at them because of it.

"Pidgeot use gust!" It whipped up a tornado with one flap of its wings. Phanpy was too scared to move on its own. Gold had to improvise.

"Defense curl and make your ears stand up." Trunks' ears caught the wind and pushed it into the air. Gold jumped out of the way of the tornado. "Use rollout!" Trunks ricocheted off the ceiling and then the wall behind Falkner and then into Pidgeot's back.

"Pidgeot use-."

But Trunks bounced off the wall behind Gold and hit Pidgeot in the breast this time (not that kind of breast you pervs!). The bird pokemon fell to the ground. Bird pokemon can't fly if they can't breathe. Trunks was coming back for a third time.

"Stomp attack!"

Trunks fell to the ground and nearly crushed Pidgeot's neck. Falkner called back Pidgeot and threw out his final pokemon; a Togetic.

"Fire Blast!" Trunks was shot by the flames. It was thrown behind Gold, its entire body on fire. Gold returned it so the flames wouldn't spread all over the Phanpy's body. Gold threw Kazam's pokeball to the ground. Falkner didn't wait for it to fully appear. He grabbed on to Togetic's feet and ordered a Double Edge attack. Gold pushed Kazam out of the way and took the attack himself. He was thrown into the back wall. He nearly fainted himself; he didn't think a Togetic could hit that hard.

"It couldn't," Gold realized. Falkner had grabbed on to Togetic to add more momentum to the Double Edge. "Use confusion!" Togetic and Falkner was shot against the side wall. They regained their balance quickly. Falkner grabbed Togetic's legs again. Gold couldn't let him get the upper hand again. "Hidden Power!"

The shots whizzed by Togetic and formed into ice spikes behind them on the wall.

"You should learn to aim better-."

"Confusion!" Kazam shot the ice spikes with a psychic blast. The ice shattered into smaller shards and rained down on Togetic. Togetic dropped Falkner and slumped to the ground. "Use Thunderpunch!" Kazam punched the Togetic in the stomach and electrocuted it. Needless to say, Togetic had fainted.

"Criminal or not, you're one great trainer. Here's the Zephybadge."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Gold had just beaten Falkner to hold on to his freedom. The angry Falkner supporters filed into the battlefield. One of them ran up to him and lifted Gold by his collar. Another one came up and grabbed him by his dangling feet.

"Come on you can't let this kid beat you like that! He destroyed the Sprout Tower! He's a criminal! What's stopping him from destroying someone else's tower?"

"If this guy wasn't holding me down I'd kick you in the nuts! If you had to fight ten on one wouldn't you want to run away, even if you had to mow down everything in your path?" He raised hand and balled it into a fist. Falkner didn't do anything. He wasn't worrying about Gold's safety at all. He was looking at him like he was a semi-interesting TV show.

"DADDY STOP!" Gold leaned his head to the side to see the girl in a wheelchair that he saw at the hospital Walking toward them.

"ANGIE! How are you-?" Angie pointed to the back. Crystal was standing beside her Chansey. Hiro was sitting cross-legged in the wheelchair. Chansey's egg had a single bite mark on its surface.

The man let go of Gold to hug his daughter. The man who held on to Gold's legs hugged her too. The two men let go of Angie and kissed _each other. _

"AHH MY EYES! I THOUGHT GAY PEOPLE DID THAT IN PRIVATE!" Gold covered his eyes. All the other men in the group covered their eyes while the women looked on at them with amazement. One woman asked her husband why he doesn't kiss her the same way and smacked him. Angie separated her dads and walked over to Gold. She leaned closer to him and whispered in his ear.

"Uh-huh. Eww... gross... don't wanna know that," Gold yammered. "EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW! FALKNER USED TO BE-!" The girl slapped her hand across his mouth. She whispered the final thing she needed to say. She let go of Gold and shook his hand. She turned on her heel and walked out of the gym with her fathers trailing behind her. Gold walked over to his companions. Hiro looked as confused as ever and Crystal was trying her hardest not to meet Gold's gaze.

"What'd she say to you?"

"I'd rather not talk about it..."

"Come on tell me, please," Hiro begged.

"Fine but listen closely because I'm only gonna say this once," Gold said. "Falkner is an ex-lover of theirs that had gone straight. Those two are deranged psychopaths who will come after me no matter what to avenge Falkner's defeat but Angie will stop them if Hiro becomes her boyfriend and takes her along on his journey," he said breathlessly. Hiro's jaw dropped and Crystal chuckled at him.

"Why me?"

"She said it was your idea to fix her legs with Chansey's egg and she likes you're bu- never mind."

The group said their goodbyes to Falkner and followed Hiro back to the pokemon center. Crystal didn't say a word to Gold and vice-versa. Hiro detected this silence and decided to talk to them.

"Come on, you two can't stay mad at each other forever."

"Not if you try hard enough," Crystal muttered.

"Humph." Gold answered.

"Gold where exactly is Angie, anyway?"

"Up my asshole..."

"You say that for everything!" Crystal yelled.

"Name one time when I said that!" Gold yelled back at her.

"Last week!"

"At least I don't have an anger problem!"

"I DO NOT HAVE AN ANGER PROBLEM!"

Crystal's outburst had attracted a police officer. He wrote something on his notepad and gave Crystal a ticket.

"What the heck is this for?"

"Disturbing the peace," he walked away from her and entered a donut shop. Silence fell over the group again. Angie greeted them at the door of the pokemon center. She dragged into a fancy restaurant nearby leaving Gold and Crystal alone together. Crystal picked out a table instead of healing her pokemon. Gold walked up to Nurse Joy.

"Can you heal these three?" Gold asked placing all three of his pokeballs on the counter.

"Certainly," Nurse Joy said. She placed them on the healing machine and pressed a button. The machine hummed and flashed for about three seconds and then stopped. Nurse Joy gave the pokeballs back to Gold.

"Thanks. Hey, is it true that-?"

"everybody in my family look alike," she finished his sentence annoyedly. "If I had a pokedollar for every time someone asked me that..."

Gold walked off while Nurse Joy was mumbling to herself.

"Note to self: Don't ask the Nurse Joys that question ever again." Gold released Pyro, Trunks and Kazam from their pokeballs. "You three hang loose for a bit. I'm gonna go talk to Crystal."

(I'm hungry.) said Trunks.

(Me too.) added Kazam

(We could try that human food over there.) suggested Pyro. He pointed to a vending machine.

They trotted toward it and looked inside of it. It was filled with chips and candy.

(How do we get whatever those things are out here?) asked Trunks. He lifted the slot where food comes out and tried to climb in but failed.

(I've seen Gold do it before.) Kazam said. (You press buttons until something comes out down there.) The Kadabra started pressing random buttons on the machine.

Pyro looked away from the vending machine and saw a familiar man with glasses walk through the front door. He was carrying a heavy burlap sack on his back (heheh that rhymed). Pyro recognized him as the man who caught him in the first place: Prof. Elm.

Pyro ran after him leaving the other two to work on cracking open the vending machine. He jumped into his former master's arms. Prof. Elm didn't recognize it at first but when it singed his hair with a fireball he recognized Pyro.

"Pyro how've you been?"

"Pyro get down!" Gold ordered. He was watching his pokemon the whole time and wondered why Professor Elm was here.

"Nice to see you again Gold." He extended his hand out to shake. Gold shook it.

"What brings you here Professor Dork?"

"I thought I told you stop calling me that..." he said as Gold led him back to Crystal's table. After greeted him, he put the sack on the table and took out a pokemon egg.

"I need one of you to take care of this egg for me," he said lifting the egg and putting it in his lap.

"Why?" Gold and Crystal asked simultaneously.

"My research shows that when an egg is around other pokemon it will hatch faster. And after seeing all four of your performances at Violet Gym I say that you all are capable of handling it."

"I think you counted wrong Professor Dork. There are only three of us," Gold said.

"He means Silver too you boob!" Crystal retorted.

"I don't think you're in a position to talk about boobs here Crystal!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked looking down at her chest.

"Enough! Is something going on between you two?"

"Yes!"  
"No!"

The bickering teens stared at each other disbelievingly.

"I don't get you Crystal," Gold said. "First you hate me, then you love me and then you hate me again, are you bipolar or on your period or what?"

Crystal buried her face in her hands out of embarrassment. That was the second time in a row that he talked about her body in front of Prof. Elm. Gold explained what had happened ever since they left home to Prof Elm. How he found Trunks on the first day of the journey, the fight against Silver, how he saved Crystal's life, the fight he had with Hiro, how he broke his back. Crystal didn't say a word until Gold got to the part about when he was in jail and argument they had there.

"Gold I... I'm sorry," she said.

"Sorry? But I was the one who-."

"I know. I shouldn't have nagged you back there. It's just that I worry about you a lot. And I only do it to you because most of the decisions you make get you hurt."

Gold was silent. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He was starting to get the impression that she really was bipolar.

"Ahem," Prof. Elm cleared his throat thus breaking the silence. "If you two are done reconciling with each other I would like to get back to the egg. Which one of you is taking it?"

"Not me," Gold said.

"Why not?"

"There are three reasons over there by the vending machine."

Gold's pokemon were still desperately trying to break open the vending machine. Trunks rolled into a ball with Pyro backing up from behind it. Pyro used tackle on Trunks. Trunks smashed through the glass and started bouncing around the inside of the machine. All the candy that wasn't smashed by the mini elephant flew into the air and were caught by Kazam's psychic power.

"Imagine what those three will do to an egg."

"Um... good point. Crystal; the egg is yours."

"Okay." She put the egg into her backpack. Nurse Joy came from behind her counter.

"Whoever owns these pokemon has to pay for that vending machine!" Gold returned his pokemon and grabbed Crystal and the Professor.

"Run for it!" Gold escaped from the pokemon center. Nurse Joy called the police on the group.

"Yes. An idiot, a nerd and a blue-haired girl with anger issues just broke a vending machine and just escaped from the pokemon center."

Gold didn't stick around to hear the rest. He tore down the street and into the place of Hiro's date. Gold ran past the waiters and couples and found Hiro making out with Angie.

"Dude this is like your first date and you're already making out?" Gold asked. Crystal covered her eyes and Prof. Elm looked somber.

"When is the last time I did that with my wife?"

"Whatever. Hiro, Angie we're being chased by the police again," Gold explained.

"Again? This is like the third time in two weeks," Hiro said getting away from his new girlfriend.

"Professor Dork stay here while the four of us escape," Gold ordered. The teens were almost through the door when Prof. Elm called Gold.

"Gold wait."

"What?"

"Quit calling me Professor Dork!"

Gold laughed to himself as he ran outside with the others. Police sirens went off and flashed against the night sky. An officer Jenny on a motorcycle came whizzing by with a megaphone in her hand. Gold remembered Nurse Joy's descriptions of them. She called him an idiot so they wouldn't come after him or Professor Dork I mean Elm... But Crystal might've been found.

"Crystal cover your hair!"

"With what?" Gold didn't know what to do. If Crystal got caught he wouldn't forgive himself. He took off his own hat and gave it to her. He only wore that hat to stop his from falling in front of his eyes. Crystal took it and covered her ponytails with it. Officer Jenny stopped in front of them.

"Have any of you seen a girl with blue hair accompanied by a man with glasses and a boy with a hat and idiotic expression (hmm sounds like Billy from Billy and Mandy)?

"They went that way!"

"Never heard of 'em.

"Someone caught them already!"

"They're dead!"

"Um never mind. Oh and you," she pointed at Gold. "cut your hair."

"Yes sir." With that she left the group in the darkness. The four left town immediately afterward. They stopped walking when they came to area outside of the Ruins of Alph.

"Does anyone want to tell me why we were running from the police?" Angie asked.

"My pokemon blew up a vending machine. Now tell us why you were trying to eat his face off." Gold pointed to Hiro.

"Because we're in love! Isn't that right snuggle booty?"

"Uh..." Hiro mumbled. Gold and Crystal were on the ground laughing at that 'snuggle booty'.

"You love me right?" she asked again this time stomping on Hiro's foot.

"OW! Of course I love you..." he said meekly. The four slept there not knowing that a certain red head was watching them.


	8. Chapter 8: Silver Ice

Chapter 8: Silver Ice

Silver watched the group from afar. A red-haired girl just stomped on Hiro's foot. He smirked as he leaned against a tree. There was a rustling of leaves overhead and his Sneasel jumped down from it. It was holding a poke ball in its hand... ur... claw.

"Let's see what you got for me this time." He had Sneasel fight wild pokemon by itself and capture the strong ones itself. He didn't really care which ones they were as long as they could help him do what he needed to. He had caught a Gastly and a Zubat by himself. With Sneasel's help he had also captured a wild Larvitar.

Sneasel threw the ball to the ground which revealed an Ursaring. Normally it would crush Silver first instant. But this Ursaring was covered with claw marks and collapsed on the ground panting. Silver returned both Sneasel and Ursaring and trotted his way to Gold's campsite.

He walked past the four of them and made his way towards the entrance of the Ruins of Alph. He flipped open his pokegear and chose Karen's name from the empty list.

"Tell me what I'm supposed to do again."

"This is like the fifth time I've told you," she complained over the phone.

"Just tell me!"

"Fine. Figure out the puzzle at the Ruins."

"Why me? Some of the greatest scientists couldn't-."

"Those nerds wouldn't know how to fix a puzzle if it bit them on the ass. They don't know that the legendary pokemon Unown exists which means you'll be the first to find out their power."

"What if I don't finish the puzzle?"

"Blow everything up until you find something worthwhile."

She hung on him abruptly. Silver didn't know it at the time but his call attracted a herd of Mareep led by a Flaaffy. Gold had woken up as well. He absentmindedly threw a pokeball at the Flaaffy and caught it. The now leaderless Mareeps dispersed away from the campsite. He took out a second poke ball and released Pyro. He looked angry.

"This isn't about me trying to kill you last time right?"

"EMBER!" Pyro shot a round of fireballs at Silver. He reacted by having Gastly take the hit for him. Gastly fainted instantly. He didn't realize Pyro was so strong. In fact, it shuddered and glowed white. It evolved into a Quilava.

"Holy crap you evolved too?" Gold screamed. He picked Pyro off the ground to examine its new body. He had forgotten all about Silver. Silver tried to sneak off towards the ruin but Gold stopped him.

"Don't think that I forgot about you, Silver. I still have to get you back for what you did last time," he said. Pyro wrapped its body around Gold's neck halfway. It made him look like he was wearing a fur scarf that was on fire. "Use tackle."

Silver released his Zubat to take the blow. The blind bat wasn't stupid though. It flew over Pyro and delivered a supersonic attack before it hit Silver. Silver felt sweat run down his neck; that was way to close. Gold had improved a lot in a short time. Gold returned Pyro and used his newly acquired Flaaffy.

"THUNDERBOLT!" The attack had fainted Zubat in an instant. Gold and Flaaffy turned to face Silver. Silver looked over his options. Sneasel and Ursaring were tired and if he moved even a little Gold would strike him down. Larvitar couldn't be sent out. Silver found his escape. Cracks appeared on the ground by both of their feet. Silver jumped once and caused the Earth around them to break apart. Gold fell through the giant hole in the ground while Silver held on to the ground for dear life. He was just about to pull himself above ground but...

"Thunder wave!"

Silver was gripped by the weak lightning and descended towards Gold. The attack paralyzed him and had grabbed him like a giant hand. He was at Gold's mercy. When Flaaffy put him down he attempted to punch Gold but he side stepped him.

"Silver wait," he said as Silver swung at him again. "Look at that..." Silver turned around and what he saw made his jaw drop. A green orb of light was suspended in mid-air. The symbol pokemon Silver was looking for were floating in two belts around it. Silver counted thirteen Unowns in each belt.

"Lets call a truce for now. Make Flaaffy's tail brighter."

"Sparks is hurt from the fall." With that he returned the sheep pokemon back to its ball. Silver ignored him and bent closer to the sides of the cave. They were covered with Unown. Gold joined him and looked at them too. They had their eyes so he wasn't freaked out. "Hey these spell out something. A-S-S-H-O-L-E-S HEY! Stupid Unowns!"

"Out of my way." He brushed past Gold and stood under the orb. He stretched out his hand to touch it but it zapped him away with a burst of lightning. The Unowns opened their eyes and started zooming and bouncing around like a swarm of locusts.

"DDAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Attack of the Unowns! Run for your life!" Gold and Silver sprinted down a second hole in the cave dodging blasts of hidden power. Silver got hit in the back once or twice but it didn't hurt very much. He wondered; if they really were legendary then how come their attacks didn't hurt? And why were they only using Hidden Power? As far as he was concerned Unowns were weak with a legendary story. More Unowns peeled off the walls as they ran past. A primitively built staircase was before them.

The staircase led them into the tourist area of the Ruins of Alph. The Unowns linked together to form a giant tornado and blew the two out of the way. Silver took back what he said about the Unowns. They were weak alone but together they were strong. The black tornado ripped the ceiling off of the building and sent the two halfway across route 32. Silver felt the water go past his ears as they fell in the river. He swam his way across the side and lifted himself to the shore. His strength gave out and he collapsed on the sand. Gold followed him to the shore and helped him get up again.

"Gold whatever you do, don't move." Gold had a Qwilfish stabbing his buttocks. What was worse; it was glowing white. It was going to use an explosion. Silver walked cautiously toward the other boy and kicked Qwilfish away. It exploded in midair. He had underestimated pokemon again. The blast obliterated the docks and charred the ground on both sides.

"HOLY SHIT! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" Gold shrieked. "My friends are on the other side of this! They won't be able to get to Azalea town!"

"Don't complain to me about it. Besides friends hold you back from obtaining true strength."

"Is that why you don't have any?"

Silver fell silent again. He never really thought about friends that much. He was fed up with Gold and his friends.

"You said you wanted to get me back right? Well now you have your chance. Go heal your pokemon down the road and meet me back here in an hour."

"Alright but if you run away-."

"Unless you forgot, I blew up the only way out of here. Besides I never back down from a challenge." Gold walked to the pokemon center like Silver said. Silver threw all five poke balls to the ground. He fed Max Revives to Ursaring, Gastly and Zubat and a super potion to Sneasel. Gold came back an hour later with a Kadabra at his side. Silver wasted no time and sent Ursaring after them. It got up on two feet and jumped into the air.

"Kazam aim a psybeam at the center ring!"

"Ursaring, dodge in midair." Ursaring dodged but the attack grazed its arm. It grabbed the wound and fell to its knees. "Get up! And use thrash!"

Ursaring flailed its arms around and slashed Kazam away with one swipe. It flipped in the air and used recover without Gold telling it to.

"Use Hidden Power on its legs!" The Hidden Power froze when it made contact. "Psybeam!"

"Hyper Beam!" The Hyper Beam attack soared over the Psybeam. The Psybeam however hit Ursaring's weak spot and sent it flying into a tree. The ice on its feet broke into shards and stabbed at its legs. Silver returned it and sent out Zubat.

"Confusion!" Zubat dodged the attack and bit Kazam's neck hard. "Fight it off Kazam!" Kazam tried to take Zubat down but fell to its knees as it sucked its blood. Gold returned it and threw out Trunks. "Use rollout!" The Phanpy smacked into the defenseless bat and fainted it instantly. Silver sent out his third pokemon; Gastly.

"Confuse Ray!" Red beams of light shot from its eyes and stopped Trunks from going around for a second rollout. Trunks smacked itself in the face and nearly collapsed. "Finish with Night Shade!"

Gastly divided itself in two and sent the clone hurtling into the Phanpy. The attack fainted Trunks. Gold sent out his Flaaffy and immediately ordered a thunder wave.

"Before it reaches you, use Curse." A nail appeared out of nowhere and stabbed at Gastly. A black aura appeared around Flaaffy.

"Thunderbolt!"

"Shadow ball!"

The two attacks collided into each other causing another explosion. The shock wave fainted Gastly. Flaaffy was alright but the black aura appeared again and fainted it. Both boys were down to their last pokemon.

"Sneasel!"

"Quilava!" the pokemon roared.

"Sneasel, slash attack!"

"Tackle."

Pyro stopped Sneasel in its tracks. It then powered up the flames on its head which sent Sneasel flying above it.

"Finish it with Ember!" Pyro shot three fireballs into the air which sent Sneasel even higher. Silver returned Sneasel before it crashed. He told Gold that it was a four on four battle so he couldn't finish it with Larvitar. He had lost.

"Damn that was a great battle," Gold said outstretching his hand. Silver completely ignored his gesture and started for the pokemon center."

"Next time we fight, I'm gonna even the score."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."


	9. Chapter 9: Crystal Leaves

Chapter 9: Crystal (Insert title here)

Quick note: I'm going to put each of the main character's stats up every chapter.

Gold Ryu

Occupation: none

Personality: Dumb but strong- willed

Pokemon:

Quilava-Pyro LV: 14

Phanpy-Trunks LV: 12

Kadabra-Kazam LV: 18

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 15

Hiro

Occupation: none

Personality: Dumber then Gold, a bit of a sissy

Pokemon:

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Drowzee-Sleeper LV: 16

Crystal

Occupation: none

Personality: Caring, gentle when not mad at somebody

Pokemon:

Chikorita LV: 15

Chansey LV: 8

Angie

Occupation: none

Personality: Controlling

Pokemon:

You'll see later

Silver

Occupation: Hired by Karen for unknown reasons (even by me)

Personality: Cold and enigmatic

Pokemon:

Sneasel LV: 18

Ursaring LV: 22

Gastly LV: 16

Zubat LV: 12

Larvitar LV: 17

Karen

Occupation?

Personality: Evil and enigmatic

Pokemon:

Houndoom (3) LV?

Nidoking LV?

Gengar LV?

Umbreon LV?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gold watched Silver walk away to Union Cave wordlessly. He looked back to the blown up bridge and charred landscape caused by the Qwilfish. He thought back to the other three who were on the other side of this.

"Shit. How are the other trainers gonna get to Azalea town?" he asked to no one. Pyro hunched up next to Gold's leg. It yawned and fell asleep on Gold's foot. He picked it up and let it rest around his shoulders. He decided to let the authorities handle the damage. When he got to the pokemon center, Nurse Joy had just locked the door to the pokemon center.

"I'm sorry but you're going to have come back tomorrow...?"

"But my pokemon are hurt now! You expect me to go to Azalea with just this one?" he said pointing at Pyro.

"Most people don't know this but we Nurse Joys have lives outside the center. I could care less about your problems right now. It's 1:00 in the morning!" Gold glared daggers at her as she left down the road.

"3-2-1..." Gold counted on his fingers

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE ROAD! T-T-THERE IS NO ROAD! IT WAS BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS!"

"Calm down," Gold said as he came up to her. "I could help you out if you fix my pokemon."

Gold followed her back to the pokemon center. She put his poke balls on the healing machine. It was taking longer to heal them because they were all unconscious.

"I've always wondered how pokemon centers keep running if they work for free?"

"We depend on those vending machines mostly. It's actually a crime to tamper with a pokemon center vending machine. My cousin in Violet City had some trouble because some idiot in a hat couldn't control his pokemon." Gold pulled the hair out of his eyes and was thankful that he forgot to take his hat from Crystal.

"So-um why just vending machines? Why don't you charge for healing?"

"If you think about it it's a good way to make money. Most trainers nowadays are kids who eat piles of junk food. I see dozens of trainers a day who'll pay 20 pokedollars for candy." She handed his pokemon back to him and walked out the door again.

"Is it okay if I sleep in the center? The last time I slept in a bed was in the hospital."

"Hell no! I don't know if you're going to mess up the equipment!"

"You're mean for a Nurse Joy!"

"It's like I said before we have lives outside the center. I haven't seen my little girl in a week..."

"Let me guess... her name's Joy too..."

"Yes. You know one day I wish that one of us produces a girl who looks different from the rest of us. That way, people will stop stereotyping us."

Gold fell silent again. He truly felt pity for the Nurse Joy family. He guessed that he would feel the same if someone grouped everyone together as one person in his family. When they got to the damaged pier, Gold released Kazam.

"You were the last one to come from this place before I found out about it. You must know who did this, right?"

"Uh, a bunch of trainers with voltorbs blew it up." Nurse Joy didn't really believe him but shrugged it off.

"When I get to the other side, I'll tell the police about them. How exactly am I getting there anyway?" Gold had Kazam lift her with confusion. In a matter of seconds she was on the other side of the water. She waved to him and then walked away.

Gold ignored her and went back to the pokemon center. He had Trunks use tackle on the lock and then stepped inside. He searched for a room to sleep in and found Silver fast asleep. He occupied the only bed so Gold had to keep looking. He found an empty bed next to Silver's room and passed out there.

Meanwhile...

Crystal, Hiro and Angie had just woken up. Crystal rubbed her eyes and looked around their campsite. Gold was gone and there were burn marks and a place where it looks like lightning had fallen.

"Hey Hiro, where's Golden Boy?"

"I still think that's a pet name."

"What's your pet name for me Hirrykins?" Angie asked. Her love for Hiro was sickening Crystal to her core.

"Please focus. Where's Gold?" she asked again. The other two just shrugged. "We should look for him at the ruins."

"Nah. Places like that never interested me and Gold. Besides we couldn't get in."

"Huh? Why?"

"Because of that," he pointed to the entrance. A construction crew was using wooden planks to barricade the door.

Crystal walked up to the sign they had posted. Hiro and Angie followed her. Angie read it out loud.

"Ruins of Alph closed until further notice due to the awakening of the pokemon Unown. When the ones who woke them up come back please go to the police station in Violet City to tell us how you did it. All other trainers and civilians are warned to stay away unless they have at least four certified Johto league gym badges."

"They spelled Unknown wrong," Hiro pointed out.

"_Unown_ is a pokemon you dunce!"

"No one gets to talk to my Hirrykins that way except me!" Angie shrieked at the top of her lungs.

"For the love of... Hiro is not in love with you."

"You're just mad because you don't have Gold with you. Hirrykins told me all about your crush on him."

"He did, did he?" she said glaring at Hiro.

"He also told me that you're a hothead who turns into a cry baby every time someone insults you WHA! WHA! WHA!"

Crystal fell silent. She had enough of this girl. No one was going to insult her like that anymore.

"Are you gonna cry again baby?"

Crystal slapped her across the face so hard that she fell to the ground. Angie clutched her now red cheek and started to cry.

"Cool! Girl fight! Hold on. I need to get a camera, some popcorn and a bottle of oil!"

"What-would-you-need-oil-for?" Angie asked in between bursts of tears.

"Congratulations. Your boyfriend is a perverted asswipe."

"Shut up! Go-voltorb!"

Crystal threw Chikorita's pokeball in between Voltorb's eyes and ordered a razor leaf. The leaves slashed into the ball pokemon's sides. It was thrown backwards into the barricade. Voltorb's anger reached its peak. It self-destructed. Pieces of wood and concrete flew in all directions. The workers just barely dodged out of the way.

"You must be the one who blew up the bridge too! Arrest her!"

"What I never-."

"Even if you didn't blow up the bridge you still blew up our barricade." And that was it. Gold's lie had gotten Angie thrown in jail in a twist of fate.

"That was weird..." Hiro said. Crystal shoved past him and started talking to one of the workers.

"Someone blew up the bridge and road to the pokemon center. This kid with a Quilava on his shoulders said that it was blown up by a voltorb." Hiro came from behind and joined in the conversation.

"Then that can't be Gold, he had a Cyndaquil."

"The pokedex said that it was close to evolving. This means we're cut off from Gold and Azalea town. How're we gonna get over there?"

"Lets use the map." Hiro pulled it out and pointed at the cross section between Ecruteak, Goldenrod and Violet City. "We just gotta go through Goldenrod and down to Azalea town."

"Humph." She wanted to do with Hiro or Angie anymore. All she wanted now was to prove her worth as a trainer. She wanted to make sure that people wouldn't call her weak ever again. "Don't you even care that you're girlfriend just got thrown in jail?"

"Not really. She was annoying. Besides both her and her pokemon lost on one hit. And any way I saw a chick fight!"

"Please. It was just one smack."

"Whatever." Hiro grabbed Crystal by her wrist and ran across the field and back into Violet City. He dragged her halfway through the city and across the path towards Goldenrod City. Unfortunately a certain imitation pokemon blocked their way. Hiro hit Sudowoodo face first and fell backwards. Crystal nearly crushed the egg in her backpack.

"Watch it! I'm running for two now!"

"You're pregnant? Way to go Gold!"

Crystal had finally snapped. She punched him in the nose and gave him a nose bleed. She kicked him in the genitals and lifted him by his collar.

"I swear... if you say one more word about me liking Gold, which I don't; I am going to stop that nose bleed of yours BY SHOVING A TAMP-ON UP YOUR FREAKIN NOSE THEN PULLING IT OUT OF YOUR ASS! ... DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!"

"Y-Y-Y-YES SIR!"

"WHAT'D YOU JUST SAY?"

"YES MA'AM!"

"I thought so." She dropped Hiro on the ground and walked up to the fake tree. Chikorita shuddered a little and glowed white. It evolved into Bayleef for no apparent reason.

Hiro was on the ground holding his crotch in pain.

"Hm. Bayleef use a weak vine whip on that tree." Bayleef smacked a vine onto a branch. The tree twitched a little at it like it was alive. "Don't you think it's weird that this tree only has two branches and no leaves in the middle of the summer?"

"Bay." It nodded. Crystal flipped out her pokedex which flashed on and started to speak.

"Sudowoodo. The imitation pokemon. Pretends to be a tree to avoid predators, humans and water."

Crystal pulled out a water bottle and dumped its contents on Sudowoodo. It sprang up immediately and tried to dry itself off. Bayleef grabbed it by its arms and threw it over its own head and onto Hiro's back. Crystal threw a pokeball onto that V shaped thingy on Sudowoodo's head. It rolled on Hiro's head for a bit and then stopped.

"Give me that!" She swiped the poke ball off his head and started to walk away into Goldenrod City.

"Crystal wait for me!"

--------------------------------------------

Let me just say one thing. I change the point of view of the chapter by giving it a different title.

Gold: Golden Flames

Silver: Silver Ice

Crystal: Crystal (don't have one yet)

Hiro: (Man that one's going to be tough)


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Golden Flames

Gold

Quilava-Pyro LV: 14

Phanpy-Trunks LV: 12

Kadabra-Kazam LV: 18

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 15

Hiro

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Drowzee-Sleeper LV: 16

Crystal

Bayleef LV: 16

Chansey LV: 8

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Silver

Sneasel LV: 18

Ursaring LV: 22

Gastly LV: 16

Zubat LV: 12

Larvitar LV: 17

-------------------------------------------------

Gold left the pokemon center that morning at the same time that Angie got arrested. Silver was nowhere to be found so Gold went on without him. He looked back to the damaged bridge and saw a figure flying towards him. It got bigger with every second until it was ten feet above Gold. Gold started to run from it until it called him by name.

"Mr. Gold wait! You scared him off Spears!" A boy about ten years old told his Spearow to get lower to the ground. He jumped off of it and walked up to Gold. "I finally found you!"

"Who are you?"

"Oh yeah, I haven't introduced myself yet. My name's Copper."

"People give their kids weird names nowadays. I mean, my name's Gold for crying out loud." Copper looked at him, completely confused. "Whatever. What do want from me and why do you know my name?"

"I know your name because I saw your match against Falkner and that red haired guy last night. I followed you out here to train under you!" he said enthusiastically.

"Have you been stalking me?"

"Yes. Now teach me things!" Gold didn't know what to do. He couldn't take in any random child, could he? What if he got in the way? Gold decided to test out his skills before he decided on what to do. He took out a pokeball from his back pocket and released Sparks. "Wh-what are you doing?"

"Only the strong ride this boat. Thunder shock!" Copper pushed Spears out of the way and took the attack himself. Spears rose up and pecked Sparks in the stomach. Sparks used tail whip to slam it into a tree. Copper got up with electricity circling around him from the attack.

"I get the picture. I'm not strong enough to come with you... let's go Spears..."

"It took guts to stand up to an attack for your pokemon. I'll let you join but you have to pay for the food bill from now on." Copper jumped up and hugged Gold around the middle. "First rule. Never do that again. People might've been watching..."

"Right. Now teach me things," he ordered again.

"Fist tell me what you know already."

"I know how to battle, if that's what you mean. I used to study under Falkner."

"If you didn't take that hit for Spears then it would've been toast. The problem with gym leaders is that they never consider using pokemon outside of their type specialty. Just look at my team." He released Pyro and Trunks. "Pyro's weakness is rock and water. Trunks protects it from rock types with ground attacks and Sparks protects both Pyro and Trunks from water types. Do you see what I'm getting at?"

"You mean to cover up Spears' weakness to electricity." Copper ran off into the woods for about fifteen minutes and came back wrestling on the ground with a wooper.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

"Catching a pokemon resistant to electricity!" Copper yelled back while strangling the poor Wooper.

"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO USE SPEARS! I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE GOOD AT BATTLING!"

"I MEANT WITH MY FISTS!" he said while beating wooper senseless. Gold noticed that Wooper was still smiling and wasn't being affected by Copper's blows. Gold sweatdropped, Copper wasn't even good at fist fighting.

"Copper, just peg a pokeball on its face and stop embarrassing yourself..."

Copper did what he was told and caught it in seconds. Gold left without saying anything. Copper followed at his heel. A bird trainer blocked their way into the cave. His pidgey floated by his head.

"My name is-."

"Don't care, go away," Gold said pushing him out of the way.

"But I want to battle!"

"Then battle that midget over there," he said referring to Copper.

"Shut up! My mom says I'm big for my age... Go Whoopi!

"Whoopi Goldberg?"

"Use water gun!" The attack smacked the Pidgey in the face and against the cave wall. Copper made a peace sign and hugged his Wooper. The bird keeper handed him fifty pokedollars and ran off crying. Gold and Copper walked into Union Cave together. The ground was moist and water filled their shoes. Woopers rolled in the mud as they walked. The walls were lined with Geodude digging in them thus creating more mud for the woopers. Apparently it was a symbiotic relationship. The water level rose as they walked and Copper was buried up to chest in the water.

"Gold, why is there so much water?"

"This cave is downhill from Route 32. Rainwater fills this place and then fall into the holes dug up by sandshrew and end up in the slowpoke well in Azalea. It's gonna get drier further DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Gold had fallen through a sandshrew's hole. The water made it an extremely muddy water slide. Gold grabbed a rock just before he saw the bottom. "Copper! Have Spears help me out."

"Don't worry I'll get you-AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Copper fallen through a different hole right next to Gold's. The rock Gold was hanging on to also jutted out on Copper's side. Copper hung on to it too.

"Copper can you hear me?"

"Ye-ye-yes..."

"I don't want to scare you but uh... GET THE FUCK OFF MY ROCK!"

"WHAT? If I let go I'll fall to my watery grave!"

"But I'm the main character! I can't die!"

"Main character? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Never mind... Just let go Crackers!"

"My name's COPPER!"

"Doodie?"

"Copper!"

"Pooper?"

"COPPER!"

"Bitch hitter slamma jamma?"

"THE NAME IS CCCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR... SPLASH!" Gold had tricked Copper into letting go of his side of the rock. He was going to save himself by using Kazam but Copper's fall had messed up his plan. Kazam made a ball of blue light and gently descended to the Slowpoke Well inside of it. Copper wasn't dead but he was having a hard time swimming in the well water. Kazam picked him up and gotten the three safely to the shore. A man in black clothes came out of nowhere and grabbed Kazam from behind.

"Let go of him!" Gold ordered. He reached for a pokeball but the Rocket Grunt grabbed Kazam by its tail. He was going to use the psychic sword technique Gold used to destroy Sprout Tower. Gold put his hand down in defeat.

"That's what I thought now you two come with me. You can join the other prisoners..."

"We'll go with you but know this. Kazam is my first pokemon and if you so much as touch a hair on its head I'll-." The grunt raised Kazam over his head. The beam of light coming from Kazam's eyes drilled a hole in the roof. Gold and Copper fell silent again. Team Rocket grunts were piling slowpokes together and cutting off their tails. Gold looked away from them and Copper started sobbing for them. When they finally stopped, they were thrown in a cell with an old man and two slowpokes in it.

"Who are you?" Gold asked.

"I'm Kurt the ball maker. Did you come to rescue the slowpoke too?"

"I came to rescue my Kadabra," he replied firmly. Copper wiped the tears from his eyes and stood up.

"Gold lets bust out of here with our pokemon."

"No. We're can't just blow this place up or they might run away... I got a better idea. Have Spears climb through the bars and grab the key." The Spearow got out no problem. It hopped on the ground and dodged behind rocks whenever a Grunt went by. Finally he saw the key hanging from the belt of a female grunt and swiped it. The female grunt thought that the guy behind her touched her butt and punched him in the stomach.

"Good job Spears!" Copper took the key from its beak and unlocked the door. Gold was just about to leave when Kurt stopped him. He had hurt his back somehow so Gold had to help him walk straight again. The group hid behind a rock. The grunt who stole Kazam was bringing it to his boss.

"Hey Boss, I swiped this Kadabra off one of the prisoners."

"Excellent but what did you with the prisoners anyway?"

"I put him in a cell... why?"

"Angie says that someone stole the key to the cell. If they got out I'm gonna-."

"Angie? Why are you with the rockets? Where's Hiro?" Gold questioned.

"I've always have been part of Team Rocket, Gold. I got in a little trouble with the law but I'm back nonetheless. Hiro and what's her face are dead," she lied.

"No, that's not true!"

"Believe what you want..."

"Silence!" The Rocket Boss ordered. He released a high level Koffing and used sludge on the rock where they were hiding. The rock melted before them and Gold released Pyro. "Smokescreen!"

"Ember!" The fireballs set the smokescreen on fire and created a ring of fire around Gold and the Boss.

"Self-destruct!" The cave walls shattered around them as the rockets made their escape.

"COPPER! KURT! KAZAM! PYRO! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!" They shuffled out of the cave as boulders fell from the ceiling. By the time they got out, boulders had blocked the entrance completely.

"C'mon boys, we can heal at my place," Kurt mumbled. When they got there, Hiro and Crystal were sitting bowlegged on the floor talking to a little girl.

"Hiro? Crystal?"

"Gold?" they said simultaneously and both rushed up to hug him.

"Guys let go! I'm covered in mud!" They let go him quickly and Kurt led him into a back room to change.

"Hey Crystal, did Gold seem a little pissed to you?" Crystal shrugged.

"Hey, Gold told me a lot about you two. You're Hiro and Crystal."

"Who are you?"

"I'm Gold's apprentice, Copper. And I'm gonna be the greatest trainer in all of Johto!"

----------------------------------------------

There you have it, Chapter 10. Before I forget, here's Copper's information.

Copper 

Personality: self righteous

Age: 10

Pokemon:

Spearow-Spears LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Note: I'm tired right now so I'm not putting up the information. I'm too lazy to copy and paste. You want information? Read the other damn chapters!

"So how'd you guys get here so fast anyways?" Gold asked taking a sip from his soda. They all stayed at Kurt's house overnight.

"We took a six hour bus ride from Goldenrod. My ass still hurts from those God awful seats..." answered Hiro. He took a bite out of his burger and held his nose in pain.

"Your ass is the least of your problems..." Crystal added throwing away her own soda. They were walking to the pokemon center together.

"I've been meaning to ask you about that. Why's Hiro all banged up?"

"Um, a Rhydon came out of nowhere and-."

"You beat him up didn't you," Gold sighed. "Seriously when are you gonna get over this anger problem."

"Okay I admit I have rage issues. What; do you think I'm gonna kill someday?"

"No it's not that. I just think that you're a little sensitive. Maybe you should see a therapist or some shit like that..."

Hiro finished the last of his burger and went in between his two friends.

"What happened to that kid you were with Gold?"

"He went to the gym over there. I've only known him for a little while but he's become predictable. He'll come back in about five minutes... Come on. Let's go inside."

4 MINUTES LATER...

Gold was trying to stop Trunks from destroying the vending machine again.

"Trunks, why can't you sit still for one second?" Trunks was struggling to break out of Gold's grasp. Seeing no other choice, Gold returned it to its pokeball. Copper came back as expected and was in tears.

"Gold give me Pyro so I can go back and kick his ass!"

"Excuse me," said the Nurse Joy. "We don't use that kind of language here little boy."

"Go screw yourself ya pokeball smoking whore!" The entire center went silent. No one talked to Nurse Joy like that way and got away with it. In a matter of ten minutes, Copper, Gold, Crystal and Hiro were literally kicked out of the pokemon center.

"Yo, why the fuck were the three of us thrown out?" Hiro complained.

"As if we didn't have enough problems, Copper..." Gold added.

"All I wanted was you're Quilava so I can go back and kick Bugsy's ass. Is that so much to ask?"

"You lost to Bugsy? Me and Hiro beat him no problem yesterday while you guys were out..."

"Why do you guys keep getting badges before me?"

"Then I guess it wouldn't comfort you to tell you that we got the Plain Badge too..." Hiro said sheepishly.

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Gold screamed while running in circles.

"GOLD CALM DOWN! IT ISN'T A RACE!" Crystal shrieked. "You and Copper can go back and try again."

The group walked to the gym. Gold was the only one that didn't see the gym already and was amazed to find an indoor forest inside. Two little girls pushed their way out of the bushes and challenged Gold to a match (I forgot their pokemon so I'm guessing that they have a Ledyba and Spinarak). Gold used Trunks instead of using the smart choice, Pyro.

"Ledyba use supersonic!"

"Ledyba use comet punch!"

"Comet Punch? Are you stupid?"

"Supersonic is stupid!"

"Well you're stupider!"

"You're stupidest!" The twins soon got into a fight with each other. Gold walked off to the left of the gym while Copper borrowed took Pyro and went to the right while they were distracted. Copper walked past all the gym trainers and went straight for Bugsy. Gold found that trainer with a Paras and started a battle.

Story Change: Silver Ice

Silver handed a pokeball to Bugsy. Bugsy looked pretty confused.

"You look pretty confused (I just said that...). Do I need to explain again?"

"No. You want me to use this pokemon against a trainer named Gold. But why me? Couldn't you have picked another leader like Chuck or Claire or-?"

"I picked you because you're a master of evolution and I want that pokemon evolved quickly. Plus I really don't like Gold."

"But that's just for bug pokemon; I don't think it works the same way for-."

"SHHHH! Someone's coming!" Silver hid in the bushes and waited for Gold to arrive. Unfortunately it was just Copper.

"Sigh. You again..." Bugsy whined.

"Shut up. I got my friend's pokemon now and I'm gonna kick your ass."

"I heard that mouth of yours got you kicked out of the pokemon center... And I'm gonna do the same after I win this match." Bugsy took out his strongest pokemon, Scyther. Copper counted by using Pyro.

"Ember!" The fireballs collided in to Scyther's wings and knocked it out almost instantly.

"Sigh... I knew I shouldn't have quit my job at the McDunsparce... Take this badge and get out." He flipped the Hive Badge like a coin which Copper caught and ran off to tell the others.

"Man, you suck," Silver said coming out of the bushes.

"I told them that opening a bug gym was a dumb idea. I mean come on, they're virtually defenseless, their attacks suck and I don't even like them. I just do it for the fat pay checks they give me every week."

"That is exactly why you need me. Gold's coming! Remember what I told you!" he said diving into the bush again.

"My name is Gold and I challenge you to a match!"

"I accept. Go Pupitar!"

"Go Py- What you say? Pupitar is not a bug."

"If it's in a cocoon then it's a bug to me." Gold couldn't believe it. He was told that this gym was easy. And he had the pokemon to win instantly with too. He threw Trunks' poke ball to the ground and started the match. Bugsy on the other hand took out a can of sort of spray and sprayed its contents on Pupitar. Pupitar glowed white and cracked into pieces. Where a Pupitar once stood now stood a monstrous Tyranitar.

"I knew that my evolution spray would work sooner or later... Use Mega Punch."

Tyranitar didn't move at all. Gold figured that it still had to get used to standing on two feet again.

"Trunks use Take Down."

Trunks' attack barely did anything. Tyranitar just smacked it away with its tail. Just as Trunks was about to hit a tree, he remembered the time he first met Pyro. He said that his mother was lost somewhere.

(If I want to find my Mom, I have to get stronger than this.) Trunks thought. Trunks had also glowed bright white and evolved into Donphan.

"Cool! I have a team of evolved pokemon now!" Gold ran to his now fully sized elephant pokemon. He jumped on to its back and began to use the technique Falkner used for Togetic. His weight along with Trunks' attacks even stronger. "Tackle!"

"Tyranitar move out of the way!" Tyranitar didn't move again. This time it actually fell asleep. Silver smacked his forehead. Bugsy was no pokemon master; he couldn't control a high leveled pokemon like Tyranitar. Trunks' attack hit that blue spot on Tyranitar's armor. Tyranitar flinched out of pain and didn't move. "STOP!"

"What do you mean stop?"

"I give up... Tyranitar won't listen to me so what's the point? Here's the Hive Badge and please never come back..."

Gold and the others left immediately. Silver came out of hiding and smacked Bugsy in the back of the head. He took back his Tyranitar and stormed off.

Story Change: Golden Flames

"That was weird," Gold said.

"Whatever, you would have won anyway," Crystal added.

"No I wouldn't. That was a freakin' Tyranitar. It's a good thing he couldn't control it or my ass would've been grass. Hurry up you two!" The group was traveling through the Ilex Forest already. Crystal was riding on her Bayleef as was Gold was riding on Donphan's back. Hiro and Copper didn't have rides and were trailing too far behind. They stopped at that tree you need to cut down.

"HHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP MMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The cry echoed through the forest.

"Someone's in trouble!" Gold screamed.

"Let's call the police," Hiro suggested flipping out his pokegear.

"No," Copper said. "We should call the Poke Rangers!" Everyone stared at him disbelievingly.

"Copper. That's a TV show; they don't exist." Copper clapped his hands together as if he was praying.

"Forgive him Red Ranger for he is an idiot."

"Everyone shut up and come on!" Crystal ordered.

"YES SIR!"

"WHAT WAS THAT?"

"YES MA'AM!"

And with that, they ran off deeper into the forest trying to find the disturbance.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Gold

Quilava-Pyro LV: 15

Donphan-Trunks LV: 25

Kadabra-Kazam LV: 18

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 15

Hiro

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Drowzee-Sleeper LV: 15

Crystal

Bayleef LV: 16

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Copper

Spearow-Spears LV: 10

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 8

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The group either ran or rode towards the origin of the scream. They found a man being mauled by a Farfetch'd.

"Don't worry stranger; I'll save you!" Hiro said. He slammed headfirst into Farfetch'd.

"No! Let him go!" the man ordered as Hiro started strangling Farfetch'd. Hiro let go of it and it immediately started pecking at the man again. "DAH MY EYE!" Gold couldn't stand the buffoonery anymore and had Trunks use Take Down on the bird pokemon. It lay on the ground unconscious. "WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?"

"I don't get it. That thing's trying to kill you but you don't want to hurt it. We came here to save you and we're gonna save something! Damn it!"

"You don't understand. That's my boss' pokemon. I can't fight it. And I can't control it because I don't have the Hive Badge."

"Just go up to that son of a bitch bird and boss him around. You are human; top of the food chain. Well except for Venusaur, Charizard, Blastoise, Arbok, Nidoqueen, Nidoking, Arcanine, Gengar, Onix, Victreebel, Electrode, Rhydon, Scyther, Electabuzz, Magmar, Pinsir, Tauros, Gyarados, Omastar, Kabutops, Aerodactyl, Snorlax, magikarp for some reason, Articuno, Zapdos, Moltres,Dragonite, Mewtwo, Typhlosion, Feraligatr, Crobat, Espeon, Umbreon, Unown, Forretress, Gligar, Steelix, Granbull, Scizor, Heracross, Sneasel, Ursaring, Magcargo, Piloswine, Skarmory, Houndoom, Kingdra, Donphan, Raikou, Entei, Suicune, Tyranitar, Lugia ,and Ho-oh. Everything else you can totally boss around," Gold said breathlessly.

"Gold," Crystal started. "Did you take a breath during that entire thing?"

"Huh? Why would that matter?"

"Never mind..."

The man gave the Farfetch'd a revive but it immediately started pecking him again.

"DAH MY OTHER EYE! I'M BLIND!"

"Ah screw this guy. He doesn't want our help," Copper said turning to leave. The others followed his example and left the man to die a feathery death. When they got to the tree that requires cut they stopped.

"Does anyone have the HM for this?" Hiro asked searching his pockets.

"HM? Are you stupid? All we have to do is burn it down," Gold answered. He took out Pyro and had it use Ember. But when it hit the tree, nothing happened.

"Golden Boy, that's a Charcoal tree. It can't be burned..."

"Then we stomp it down!" Trunks charged the tree and knocked it down. It lost control and accidentally hit the Ilex shrine. Among the rubbles, a Celebi appeared and made a green force field around Gold, Trunks and Pyro. The scenery around them changed and warped. Pyro's eyes glowed green too. Somehow, Celebi changed the world into Prof. Elm's lab.

"Did we teleport? Where are the others? How'd Professor Dork get here?"

The door behind him swung open and a second Gold ran into him... or rather through him. Hiro did the same. They ran up to Prof. Elm who had just given Chikorita to Crystal and Sneasel to Silver. He handed the last two pokeballs to Hiro and Gold. They released them at the same time. Highfang; now back in Totodile form bit Hiro's hand. Pyro; now a Cyndaquil, rolled up into a ball.

"Uh, Professor Dork, what the hell is this?"

"It's a pokemon, Gold. Didn't they teach you anything at school?"

"Is this a sick joke? I wanted a pokemon, not a soccer ball that got colored wrong!" With that, the past Gold kicked Pyro into the back wall. Pyro squealed and unfurled itself in the air. It shot fireballs all around the room out of rage. One of them hit Gold's hat, Hiro used Highfang as a shield. One accidentally hit Chikorita and it shot razor leaves across the room in spite. Silver had Sneasel knock out both Pyro and Chikorita. The real Gold shook his head.

"Man. I was stupid back then..." The room turned green again and swirled around them. Pyro's eyes turned back to normal but Trunks' eyes turned green. The green swirling stopped and turned pitch black.

"What is this? Where are we?"

A voice rang out from the distance. All Gold heard was 'CYNDA CYNDA QUIL CYNDA QUIL QUIL CYNDA!' But Pyro recognized it as his own voice. They were sent back to the time where Trunks' was born.

(Donphan! NO YOU CAN'T DIE!)

Trunks understood too. The mother he was searching for was already dead... Pyro lied to him since the beginning. Trunks tackled Pyro to the ground.

(You lied to me!)

(You were a baby! What did you expect me to do? Just go up and say 'Your mom is dead. Have a nice life'?)

(Who did it?) Trunks asked while stomping his foot down on Pyro's back.

"Stop it! Why are you two fighting?" Pyro ignored Gold and released himself from Trunks' foot and tackled him back.

(The red haired human in the last warp did it.)

The scene warped again. This time they actually warped to the inside of Gold's house. In this one, Gold was a baby.

"I think I get it now. We keep warping to the times of our very first memories. OOH I was such a cute baby!" He heard shouting from behind. A man and woman were fiercely fighting each other. Gold recognized the woman as his own mother. He didn't know who the man was. He had spiky blond hair and an X shaped scar on his cheek. He smacked Gold's mom to the floor and pulled out a pokeball. He released a Tyranitar in front of her.

"Don't make me hurt you, Sarah..."

"Just tell me why you won't be a part of Gold's life!"

"Because I have a wife and a daughter at my real home. Karen's been waiting for her daddy to come back for six years."

"You're Gold's father too. If you leave now I will make sure you never come back! Gold doesn't need to know that his father is a shit bag like you!" Gold's dad walked up to baby Gold's crib. He picked him up and took the hat off his own head and put it on Gold's.

"My Alakazam gave me a vision yesterday. She foresaw Gold meeting me someday and he'll be wearing that hat when he does." He put baby Gold down and left. Gold's Mom slumped to the ground and cried.

The scenery changed back to the Ilex Forest. He was lying down on the ground and Crystal standing over him.

"Golden Boy, are you alright? You were on the ground unconscious and talking to yourself. Trunks and Pyro have been fighting each other with their eyes closed for twenty minutes. What the hell happened?"

Copper was trying to stop Pyro from burning Trunks' face off. Hiro was trying his best to stop Trunks' from tackling Pyro. Crystal helped Gold stand up again and was looking worried. Gold looked for any sign of Celebi but didn't find it. He returned his feuding pokemon and started to walk away.

"Wait, Gold! What's the matter? What did you guys see?"

"Shut up! I don't want to talk about it, alright. Just leave me alone!"

The group set up camp. Gold stayed distant from the others. This was the worst day of his life. He was a bastard child; his Dad was a shit bag with a second family and his pokemon wanted to kill each other. He wanted to shred his hat into pieces but decided against it. He was going to fulfill that prediction whether he wanted to or not.

---------------------------------------------

There you have it. That was the first dramatic thing I wrote since the third chapter so it may not be any good. I left so many clues to the future of this story it's not even funny (kind of literally; it wasn't too funny to me and I wrote it). _Karen_; Gold's dad; the prediction and even the gender of his Alakazam. The plot thickens...


	13. Chapter 13: Hiro Waves

Chapter 13: Hiro Waves

Gold

Quilava-Pyro LV: 15

Donphan-Trunks LV: 25

Kadabra-Kazam LV: 18

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 15

Hiro

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Drowzee-Sleeper LV: 15

Crystal

Bayleef LV: 16

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Copper

Spearow-Spears

Wooper-Whoopi

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hiro woke up the next morning with Copper standing over him.

"Am I dead?" Hiro asked. Copper looked at him inquisitively.

"Why would you think you're dead?"

"Because if you're here, this must be the bad place."

"Shut up and give me that Drowzee of yours." Copper went rummaging through Hiro's backpack. Hiro got up and pulled the pokeball out himself.

"Why do you want Sleeper?"

"Crystal says we're gonna leave Gold here for a while. She wants Sleeper to keep him under hypnosis until we get back."

"Where are we going?"

"She wants to map out the forest before we head out of here. She's afraid that Gold's bad mood from yesterday would interfere."

"You guys go on ahead; I'll stay here."

"Whatever floats your boat..."

5 MINUTES LATER

"God damn it; I'm so bored!" Hiro yelled at the top of his lungs.

"SHUT UP!" Gold yelled back. "I'M TRYING TO FREAKIN' SLEEP! COULD YOU MOTHERFUCKIN'- When'd you get a Drowzee?"

"You don't stay focused very long do you?"

"I blame television." He sat next to Hiro by the water's edge. Hiro was fishing for something. Gold flipped out a fishing rod from his backpack and casted out.

"You're not gonna get anything with that, Gold."

"What makes you say that?"

"You don't have pokemon power," he said pulling out his rod. He had tied Highfang's tail to the end of the line.

"Fine, lets have a race for it. Whoever catches a pokemon first wins. In the event of a tie, we'll have a pokemon battle." They must have been for fishing two hours before Crystal and Copper came back.

"Hey guys, are you ready to go?"

"NO!" they said simultaneously.

"Geez, I was just asking..."

The four waited an hour without speaking. They still weren't catching anything.

"My God, this has to be the most boring and useless sport in history. All you do is sit around waiting for a water pokemon and occasional Grimer to be stupid enough to get hooked on to a dead shuckle bait thingy. This is fucking stupid. We could be half way to Goldenrod City by now, but no we're waiting for a pokemon with less brains then a caterpie to get latched on to this-." Copper was cut short by Gold and Hiro. They stood up and pulled in their lines at the same time. Highfang had a struggling Grimer in its arms and Gold caught a slowpoke.

"See! It's exactly like I said. The occasional Grimer and less brains then a Caterpie." Gold and Hiro threw their pokeballs and caught them instantly.

"I told you I'd win Gold."

"Hey jackass, it was a tie. Now we fight to see who's better at fishing. Three on three battle, got it."

Hiro had Highfang go out first and Gold picked Sparks.

"Use water gun!"

"Don't move!" Sparks took the attack head on. Sparks of electricity fluttered around Highfang. It fell to it's knees, fully paralyzed.

"Paralyzed? How'd that happen, you didn't do anything?"

"Water conducts electricity. When you hit Sparks with water, the electricity in it's fleece released onto Highfang. Thundershock!" Highfang couldn't evade the attack and fainted. Hiro wanted to use Sleeper but he had to find it first. He found it in the bushes trying to eat a sleeping ratatta's dream.

"Hypnosis!" Sleeper waved its arms around and chanted something in pokemon language. Sparks fell asleep on the ground. "Good job, now use dream eater!" White puffs of smoke erupted from Sparks' head and into Sleeper's mouth. "Damn you didn't finish it off. Use confusion!" It shot Sparks into a tree and knocked it out. Gold released Kazam.

"Hidden Power Ice!" The bulbs of light combined together when they hit Sleeper and froze it. "Thunderpunch!" Kazam smashed the ice and electrocuted it unconscious. Hiro threw out his last pokemon; Grimer. He pulled out his pokedex to look up it's level. It was only level 9 compared to Kazam's level 18.

"Poison Gas!"

"Return to Sender!"

The gas whizzed back at Grimer who ducked out of the way and let Hiro take the attack.

"CA- Cough- cough- pound-cough-attack- cough- Man this stuff smells like-cough-shit..." Kazam used a confusion before Grimer (Stench is its nickname for obvious reasons) could even get close. It fainted because of the type disadvantage.

"This proves I'm better at fishing. Now let's get the hell out of here. I think I got a rash on my butt from the-."

"Gold! No one needs to know about that!" Crystal pointed out.

"Sorry..." The group left for the exit but Hiro tripped over something behind him.

"What the hell?" A hand came from out of a bush and beckoned Hiro to it.

"Why'd you fall?" Gold asked.

"Uh... my shoelaces aren't tied. Now I got to... take a piss on a disembodied hand- I mean bush."

"Seriously, would it kill you guys to keep stuff like that to yourselves? No one needs to know!" Crystal said. Hiro went behind the bush to find Silver waiting for him.

"That must've been a tough loss to swallow?"

"You're Silver, right? Gold says to stay away from you?"

"Now why would he say that?"

"Because you keep trying to kill us! Gold says you two fought twice."

"Keep it down! Besides you were always asleep when the 'supposed' fights happened. How do you know Gold wasn't lying?"

"How do I know you're not lying? Gold's my best friend; he wouldn't lie to me."

"Gold is also your best rival. You and I are not so different. You and I lust for power. In the long run, you and Gold will fight again and wouldn't you like to be the winner? Me and P.O.O.T can help you."

"P.O.O.T?"

"God damn it why does everybody say that? It stands for Power Obtaining Operative Trainers and I'd like you to join us."

"Hiro! How long does it take to take a piss?" Hiro looked over his options. He could have friends or he could have glorious power and have the world at his feet but lose all individuality at the expense of a secret organization with a funny name.

"Will there be free chips?"

"Yes."

"I'm in."

Story Change: Golden Flames

He's been in there for twenty minutes," Copper said looking at his watch.

"One of you has to check on him," Crystal said.

"As leader of this group-," Gold started.

"Who said you were the leader?" Crystal interrupted.

"Let me finish. As leader of this group I nominate Copper to go check on him."

"WHAT? I'm ten, dude! I'll be traumatized for life! You do it!"

"Don't be such a baby. Because eight years from now, on Prom night you and some girl who's tits are smaller then a walnut are gonna strip naked and rub your pee-pee places together. Hiro's thingy should be the least of your problems!" Gold said while making hand gestures (inappropriate for children under age 13 hand gestures, I might add).

Copper's eyes rolled to the back of his head and fainted right on the spot.

"Damn it! Now I have to go!" He crept up to the bush to find no one there. Crystal was trying to wake up Copper up by smacking him. "Crystal. Hiro's gone. Can we go on without him?"

"Sure. He'll find his way out eventually..." With that, Gold hoisted Copper on to his back and walked behind Crystal out of the forest.

-----------------------------------------------

Chapter 13 up peoples. Hiro officially left the group and two new pokemon added. Speaking of pokemon, I need help figuring out more pokemon to add to the teams. Keep these guidelines in mind when choosing.

Gold- Pokemon balance each other's weaknesses out

Hiro- Mostly pokemon you wouldn't want to see in a dark alley (think scary)

Crystal- Emphasize Defense and HP

Copper- Emphasize Attack

Silver- Wicked/Dark/Evil pokemon. If you can't figure anything out I'll just look to the game for suggestions.

Update on profiles:

Gold

Quilava-Pyro LV: 15

Donphan-Trunks LV: 25

Kadabra-Kazam LV: 18

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 15

Slowpoke- (Don't have a name as of yet) LV: 10

Hiro

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Drowzee-Sleeper LV: 15

Grimer-Stench LV: 9


	14. Chapter 14:Silver IceCopper Winds

Chapter 14: Silver Ice

"Are we there yet?" Hiro asked Silver. "You didn't answer, are we there yet?"

"What did I tell you the last _thirty seven times?_" Silver responded through his teeth.

"You said no each time."

"And my answer stays the same. So please-PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP-ASKING-ME!"

"There's no need to raise your voice, Silver."

Silver was beginning to reconsider taking Hiro along. He saw potential in him but this was just too much idiocy for a person to take.

"So Silver, want to play the questions game?"

"You mean 21 questions?"

"Nope. I play 21,000 questions."

"Huh?"

"Where do pokemon come from? Do pokemon bleed? How can we call Meowth a cat pokemon if there aren't any cats? Why's your hair head? Why's the sky blue? What's the sound of one hand clapping? Are your shoes untied? How come so many people take drugs then go to the doctor so they can take more drugs? Did you know that there's no such thing as race, all people's skins mutated from black people in Africa when they moved away from it? Did you know that? How come there's no squirrel pokemon? How come there's pokemon battles? How come we have our own pokemon bludgeon someone else's into a coma and call it a victory? What's P.O.O.T? Why can't it be C.R.A.P or S.H.I.T? What's the meaning of life? Where are we going? I'm hungry, are you hungry? Where do we go when we die? Why's the title Silver Ice? Why can't it be Hiro Waves? Are you gay? I think you are, are you straight? Why am I playing this game? Why am I asking so many questions? Why are you covering your ears? Do you like cookies? Did you know that people get killed more with falling Exeggutor eggs then Sharpedo attacks? What's a Sharpedo? Why'd we become trainers? Why do hate Gold? Do you think Crystal's hot? How come you don't answer me? Do you think Crystal's hot? Did I already ask that? Why's their hatred in the world? Why do girls wear stuff that makes them feel uncomfortable but pretty? Why is beauty so important to people? Why can't people be fat and not care about their appearance? Why can't we eat what tastes good and not worry about what others think? Why do we even think? Why is ignorance bliss? Do you have a Blissey? Why do all the Nurse Joys look the same? Do they have a genetic disorder? Why-?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! I SWEAR IF YOU SAY ONE MORE WORD I'LL HAVE MY TYRANITAR USE YOU FOR A CHEW TOY!" Silver hollered. He rubbed his forehead. Hiro had given him a migraine. The two stopped talking until they reached a dead end in the forest.

"This is P.O.O.T? You made me come with you for a giant rock and some trees?" Silver grabbed the back of Hiro's head and slammed it into the rock surface. Hiro disappeared behind it instead of hurting himself. Silver walked through the holographic rock formation. Hiro was on the ground with his jaw dropped and Silver smirked.

"Welcome to P.O.O.T..."

Story Change: Copper Winds

"Guys come on already! I want to battle now!" Copper cried. They were walking all night and through the early morning. Crystal seemed fine for somebody who hasn't slept but Gold was being sluggish.

"Battles can wait. We need to buy supplies first," Crystal said while pulling a bundle of money out of her pocket.

"Can we find a place to sleep first?" Gold asked.

"You can sleep at the store. As for you Copper, why don't you look for new pokemon or something?" Copper jumped into the tall grass to their left and searched for a pokemon.

"So it's just you and me Gold. I don't know-I-I mean do you want to go to the park together w-w-with me?" Crystal stuttered. But Gold wasn't listening. He was on the ground sleeping. Being the hot head that she was, Crystal kicked him stomach.

Meanwhile...

Copper and Spears were creeping up to a wild Growlithe (I took your suggestion Bigfoot).

"Okay, you Fury Attack." Spears soared through the tall grass so fast that it sliced the blades off. It slammed its beak into Growlithe's side once and came back for a second time but Growlithe used an ember attack first. While Growlithe was distracted Copper nailed it in the butt with a pokeball and captured it. He ran back to Gold and Crystal to show them. They were shouting at one another.

"What'd the hell did you that for?"

"Because you're an insensitive bastard!"

"What the hell! I was just sleeping!"

"That's exactly the reason why!"

"What'd sleeping ever do to you?"

"You guys are fighting just like my parents used to," Copper said. The other two stopped yelling and listened to Copper bragging about his capture. They arrived in the city and immediately went to the huge department store.

"You guys go do whatever you want. I'll handle the shopping," Crystal said.

"I'm going up to the fifth floor," Copper stated.

"I'm gonna sleep over there," Gold said pointing to a row of seats.

"I guess that means you're staying with me. We'll come look for you in about two hours."

Copper took the crowded elevator upstairs. He was unfortunate enough to get sandwiched between two fat people.

"Excuse me but can you two move..."

"Did you hear something Fred?"

"Sure didn't, Jed."

Copper waited until they got off and ran off into the fifth floor. He was looking at a rack of TM cases when a woman beckoned to him.

"Aren't you a cute little boy? I've got a special TM for a kid like you." She pulled out two silver discs from her back pocket.

"What are those?"

"These teach your pokemon attacks that most people don't even know exist. You see; no pokemon in the world learn these attacks unless you use these."

"Cool. What do they do?"

"The attack power of these attacks increase on how much or how little your pokemon likes you. They are Return and Frustration."

"Give me them now! Give me them now! Give me or you will feel my squirrelly wrath!"

"Hold on Tiger. You need to show how much your pokemon like you first. I'll give you one for free if you show me." Copper was hesitant to show her his pokemon. She sounded a little bit of a child molester. He released Spears, Whoopi, Flares and _Sleeper._ Apparently he stole the Drowzee from Hiro before he left.

"Alright you guys, I need to show this lady how much you love, adore and worship me." Spears ignored him and picked at a bug on its wing. Whoopi looked confused and Flares fell asleep. Sleeper got ticked off that it was stolen from Hiro and blasted Copper across the room.

"Tsk. Tsk. They don't like you one bit. Here take Frustration." She walked off looking pretty disappointed. Copper pocketed the TM and returned Spears, Whoopi and Flares. He was going to take back Sleeper but a man came up to him this time.

"Damn, all kinds of freaks come up to me."

"I couldn't help notice that Drowzee of yours. Would you trade it for my Machop?"

"It's not exactly my pokemon but sure plot device. I'll trade with you." They switched pokeballs and walked away without a single word to each other. A security guard came up to him next.

"God damn it. Why do people keep coming up to me?"

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"Do you have sex with your boyfriend with that pussy?" The security guard picked him up by his collar and led him off somewhere. "Let me go! Where are you taking me?"

"The children's area until your mother finds you."

"Earth to asshole, my parents are in Violet City. I'm came here with friends."

"That's Mr. Asshole to you," he said showing him his badge that clearly said Mr. Asshole. "Your friends can find you here later."

Meanwhile...

"Crap. Where is he?" Crystal said to no one. Gold was buried to his neck in shopping bags and still asleep. "Gold wake up!"

"I didn't do it!" Gold exclaimed.

"Pick up the bags and let's find Copper." They walked around aimlessly until they asked for help from a security guard.

"We're looking for our little boy," Crystal said. The man snorted when he looked at them.

"They'll let anyone be a parent these days." Gold nearly choked on his lollipop when he heard that.

"He's not ours, he's-."

"That's what they all say."

"Listen to me-."

"No, you listen to me. Sex might be fun but if you're not going to take proper care of the baby then you might as well just cut off your wang sonny." Gold's eye twitched and Crystal ran off somewhere to puke.

"Dude, we're like 14 and haven't done...that okay. First of all we're not looking for a baby. He's ten. Second; why do you care so much about what we do? Third; help us look for the kid. Fourth; go kill yourself you jackass."

"It's Mr. Jackass to you," he showed him the badge that said it.

"Man, who names these people?" Mr. Jackass led them to the children's area. Copper wasn't hard to find. He was; after all, sitting on a throne made out of building blocks. The other children were either bowing to him or feeding him cookies. The others were in lines to four attractions. Spears was lifting children into the air and dropping them one by one on a giant trampoline. Whoopi was being hugged and had its cheeks pulled by little girls. Flares was being used to warm up their cookies. His new Machop was arm wrestling with the boys and flinging them against the walls.

"Holy Shit..." Crystal and Gold said simultaneously. They ran up to Copper and pulled him off his throne. The ones bowing to him got up and picked up their toy swords and surrounded them.

"Don't worry guys, they're friends." They dropped their weapons and went to play with Copper's pokemon. "So what's up guys?"

"Why are enslaving these kids?"

"It's not my fault they'll pay their weight in cookies to play with pokemon. It's called capitalism."

"It's called communism if you make all the rules. Never mind, let's go."

"Fine. ATTENTION MINIONS! I NEED MY POKEMON BACK!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW..."

"But I'll come back tomorrow, because I love each and every last one of you... r cookies." He returned his pokemon and walked away with Gold and Crystal.


	15. Chapter 15:Hiro Waves

Chapter 15: Hiro Waves

Gold

Quilava-Pyro LV: 15

Donphan-Trunks LV: 25

Kadabra-Kazam LV: 18

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 16

Slowpoke-(Damn it! Still don't have a nickname for it! Anyone mind helping out again?) LV: 10

Hiro

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Drowzee-Sleeper (Stolen by Copper and traded to random guy for a Machop)

Grimer-Stench LV: 9

Crystal

Bayleef LV: 16

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Egg! (Almost forgot this thing existed)

Copper

Spearow-Spears LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15 (Same as Sleeper)

------------------------------------------------

The P.O.O.T headquarters was... A toaster. I know what you're thinking. A TOASTER WTF? It's a really BIG toaster, alright.

"A TOASTER? WHAT THE FUCK!" Hiro yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Congratulations, Hiro. That was the password." Silver said nonchalantly.

"Wha- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" A trap door appeared under Hiro's feet. He was falling through a tunnel. At the bottom, Hiro fell on his ass and looked around to find an evil looking factory with smoke circulating over his head. Silver reappeared next to him and landed safely on his feet.

"It's time to give you the tour, Recruit."

"Recruit? I'm already a member?"

"You turned into member when you got the password right." Silver led him into a room where pokemon eggs were falling from tubes and on conveyor belts.

"This place is exactly under the Daycare Center in Goldenrod City," Silver droned. "All pokemon lay five eggs at a time and our spies give us four out of five of those. We give each new recruit one egg for personal use." Silver grabbed an egg off the conveyor belt and handed it to Hiro. It glowed and vibrated in his hands and exploded. A baby Magby appeared in his hands.

"This place already kicks ass if it gives out free pokemon," Hiro said while tickling Magby's stomach. Silver glared at him. "What's wrong with you?"

"If you want to be a good P.O.O.T operative then you'll have to stop caring for your pokemon so much. If your feelings for them get in the way in missions then you have no place here."

"What the hell? I'll do what I want with my pokemon. And ease up a little, man. How serious can an organization called P.O.O.T be?"

Silver ignored him and led him into a flight of stairs. They led to a sort of spectator's balcony. Below them was a fierce pokemon battle. The battlers were between a Scizor and a Steelix. The trainer behind Steelix Hiro recognized immediately. She was the gym leader of Olivine City and Hiro's cousin; Jasmine.

"Use Swords Dance, Scizor!"

"Use Dragon breath, Steelix!"

Scizor spun in midair to build up it's strength. A blast of green air came from Steelix's mouth. Scizor became paralyzed at the touch.

"Oh no!" cried the male trainer. "Okay, use Baton Pass!" Scizor made a pink baton in it's claw out of thin air. The trainer released a Rhydon from it's pokeball. Rhydon grabbed the baton from Scizor. The Scizor returned back to it's master. "Rhydon use Earthquake!" Tremors formed in the arena and shook. The attack missed Steelix but was heading for Jasmine.

"Steelix, protect me!" Steelix made a green barrier out of nothing and stopped the attack with ease. "Iron Tail!" Steelix's tail glowed white and smacked into Rhydon. Rhydon went soaring into the balcony Hiro and Silver were standing on. Steelix caught all three of them before they fell down.

"Hi Cousin Jasmine!"

"Hiro? When'd you get here?"

"Six minutes ago." He jumped off of Steelix's head. He was going to greet his relative but a thought stopped him in midstep. "You're in P.O.O.T?"

"Uh huh. I'm leader of the Olivine Division."

"What 'choo talkin' about Jasmine?" Hiro asked in a way that would've made Gary Coleman proud. Silver came down from Steelix and joined the conversation.

"Remember how I told you that the daycare center owners are our spies? The Olivine Division spy for us in Olivine City. Your cousin works as the gym leader and lighthouse owner to see the grand scheme of things going on in the city. That guy over there is the mayor of Olivine City who also works for us."

"Damn. This is like the scientology of the pokemon world. What the hell does P.O.O.T do anyway? My seven minute attention span has run out and I demand to know what's going on or I'm leaving." Jasmine and Silver looked at each other and gave Hiro angry glares.

"That is classified information. Leave now and you will die," they said simultaneously. Hiro made a run for the door anyway but only to be blocked by Steelix. It was preparing to use a Hyper Beam and was pointing it at Hiro.

"Uh, where's my room, heheh I think I just pissed myself..."

"Good answer," Jasmine said while returning Steelix. "When you get there change your pants. You can't do combat practice like that..."

Jasmine left without saying a word to her relative. Silver led him into a hallway where doors were opening every few seconds. Kids about Hiro's age were running into different rooms looking very distressed.

"Silver, what's going on?" Hiro yelled over the noise.

"This is where you're sleeping!" He led the two of them to a room at the end of the hallway. Silver shoved Hiro into it and locked the door. A girl was talking on the phone with somebody on the lower part of their bunk bed. Tears were falling heavily on to her pillow.

"Mom. Please you've got to get me out of here somehow. I-I don't know what to do. Rory tried to leave and they killed him... I know you can't help right now but you have to try. Tell the police or something, do anything... Also when you see Copper again please tell him I'm sorry."

She threw the phone away and cried silently into her pillow. Hiro felt sorry for her and wanted to know her connections with Copper.

"How do know Copper?"

"You know my little brother? And who are you?"

"I'm Hiro Steel."

"I know who you are. You're Rory's replacement," she said. She lowered her head to cry again. Hiro looked away from her and climbed to the top bunk.

"God damn it. What have I gotten myself into," Hiro thought. He fell asleep for a while until an intercom went off and echoed through the halls.

"WILL ALL NEW RECRUITS PLEASE COME TO THE TRAINING AREA? REPEAT; ALL NEW RECRUITS PLEASE COME TO THE TRAINING AREA?" When Hiro got there a trainer with an Octillery had just won a match. Hiro recognized her as his new room mate. The Intercom went off again. "Will Hiro Steel please come for his class A match up? " Hiro gulped and ran out to the field.

Hiro pulled out the pokedex and looked up Octillery.

"Octillery. The Jet pokemon. It is nicknamed the Gun with Tentacles. Every one of it's moves is a beam or blast that it fires from it's mouth while anchoring itself with it's suction cups."

"Highfang and Stench are too slow for this. Inferno is inexperienced. Sleeper should handle this," Hiro thought. He reached for Sleeper's pokeball to find that it wasn't there. He thought back to before he left with Silver. He lent Sleeper to Copper but he never gave it back.

"Hey! Your little brother stole my pokemon!"

"Tell it to someone who cares." Hiro couldn't believe it. The sobbing girl he knew was gone and replaced with this angry venomous one. He picked Highfang for battle instead.

"Water gun!"

"Octazooka!" The attacks collided into each other leaving a pool of black water around the arena. The water had reached Hiro's knees before he reacted.

"Highfang use-."

"Ice Beam!" The water around Highfang froze it in a black cage of ice.

"Hidden Power Grass!" (From now on the trainers using Hidden Power say what type it is so I won't have to.) The ice shattered and both the ice and hidden power hit Octillery. It landed on it's head and couldn't get back up. The members of P.O.O.T watching laughed out loud at that.

"I won't be made a fool of. Use Psybeam." The blast shot the wall behind her and sent Octillery flying into Highfang. Highfang held it back but couldn't keep the flying octopus like that for long.

"Use bite on one of the tentacles!" It did what it was told and swung Octillery over it's head. "Use hidden power again." But the girl only smirked.

"Use Fire Blast!"

"Wha!" (I looked it up. Octillery can actually do that among other things. People don't realize it but Octillerys are really strong. They're one of the few pokemon that could use moves to cover up their own weaknesses. Respect Octillery!) The attack shredded through the hidden power and hit Highfang's middle section. Hiro checked the pokedex to see Highfang's HP. It was about to run out.

"Stop!" Hiro yelled. "I forfeit!" Hiro ran up to Highfang's side to check on it. It collapsed to the ground out of pain. "Are you okay, buddy?"

"Croco...naw naw croc?" Translation (Do I look okay to you, you idiot?) Hiro put it back in the ball. A man came from behind a curtain on the newly built balcony. He was wearing a long black cloak. His face was hidden by a hood with a few tufts of blond hair sticking out.

"How dare you stop! What is the meaning of this!"

"Are you blind? Highfang was hurt. If you took off that hood then you'd be able to see it you blind old son of a-." Silver came out of nowhere and tackled Hiro to the ground.

"He is new. He doesn't know who you are yet, my liege. I told him that his care for pokemon is his weakness. If you allow it I'll train him myself." The man nodded his head and walked away with his guards.

"What was that for?"

"I was saving your ass! That was the Boss..."

------------------------------------------------

By the way, if you're going to submit team ideas please do not include anything uber. I hate Ubers and overused pokemon with a passion so please keep them out of the story. Not that anyone has suggested these kinds of pokemon,still do not put legendaries and pokemon that n00bs use for every fucking team. To name a few- Charizard, teams full of starters, most legendaries and shit like that. Respect the Underused or you'll be feeling a swift kick to the nuts filled with squirelly wrath!


	16. Chapter 16: Golden Flames

Chapter 16: Golden Flames

Gold

Quilava-Pyro LV: 15

Donphan-Trunks LV: 25

Kadabra-Kazam LV: 18

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 16

Slowpoke LV: 10

Hiro

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Grimer-Stench LV: 9

Magby-Inferno LV: 5

Crystal

Bayleef LV: 16

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Egg

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Crystal tapped her foot and checked her watch. Gold came running in the pokemon center looking extremely joyous.

"Crystal, I just beat like six trainers in a row and-."

"Where-is-Copper?" she said while pausing after each word.

"He's in that bug catching contest thing. Now as I was saying, they came at me with rabid pikachus but Trunks-."

"Gold. You were supposed to take me to the Park an hour ago..." She put her hands on her hips and glared at him.

"Oh yeah. I knew I was supposed to be doing something today..."

Crystal grabbed another trainer's Ditto and had it turn it into a bat. She backed Gold in a corner. Gold decided to talk his way out of this.

"Hey Crystal, I uh, never noticed it but um, but you look kind of sexy when you're mad." Crystal stopped in mid swing. The Ditto bat was only a quarter of an inch away from smacking Gold in the face.

"Do you really mean that?"

"Mean what? Oh yeah, yeah. When that vein in your temple pops up uh, I feel magic and the feeling that I'm going to piss myself." Gold meant every word except the magic part. Instead he usually felt fear. Crystal dropped the Ditto. She wasn't looking angry anymore. She was looking kind of serene and a little embarrassed. Gold liked when she was like this the best.

"So, uh what do you like best about me?" Gold mentally kicked himself. He should've known she was gonna ask more questions. She was good looking, alright. But if Gold told the truth, she would be inclined to turn that Ditto into a Bazooka.

"Son of a- I mean you're uh, um, uh your eyes. Now let's go find Copper shall we heheh, hiccup!" He hiccupped when he was nervous. She grabbed Gold by his cheeks and pulled his face at least an inch in front of hers. "Uh, Crystal what are you doing, hiccup?" He felt a bead sweat fall down his cheek.

"Am I sure you're not just lying to me?"

"Hon-hic-est."

"Gold, just tell me the truth and I won't kill you on the spot."

"Damn it. My lies keep coming back to fuck me in the butt," Gold thought. "If I lie they'll still come back to haunt me. If I tell the truth, she'll keep asking questions and then kill me. The only way to get out of this is to..."

"Confusion!" He was hiding Slowpoke in his backpack the whole time. Gold raised it up a couple of levels before coming back. Crystal was sent flying into a trainer's Starmie. One of its ten points stabbed her in the arm. It didn't go in to deep but just enough to give you a scar for the rest of your life. "Ooooooooh... I'm in deep doo-doo now..."

"YOU BET YOU ARE!" Crystal roared.

"DDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Gold screamed. Crystal chased him through the streets of Violet City and well into the giant park behind the city. The bug catching contest was still going on and they passed Copper on the way.

"HI COPPER, BYE COPPER! KICK ASS DUDE!" Gold hollered. Crystal had led Gold into a dead end part of the forest.

"Oh come on Crystal! You can't stay mad at me forever!"

"I won't after I beat you to a pulp."

"Since when do you care about what I think about you?" Crystal paused for a second.

"I really don't know why. I guess I was just wanted to be told I was beautiful." She turned on her heel and started to walk away.

"You're beautiful!" Gold called. Crystal turned back to kiss his cheek and then ran off again. "I've never been so confused in my life..." he said to himself.

"THE BUG CATCHING CONTEST HAS ENDED! ALL PARTICIPANTS AND SPECTATORS PLEASE COME TO THE WEST GATE FOR THE JUDGING!" Gold did what they said and found Crystal trying to stop Copper from shitting himself.

"Why did you think it was a good idea to put him in a competition like this?"

"He was bugging me so I gave him a little weed I got from some guy with syringes sticking out of his arm. After I got bored, he tried to enslave those kids at the department store again so I put him here. I still think he's on the weed though..."

"Hey talking donut!" Copper said to Gold. "Give me more of those thingies with the smoke and the sniff and inducer of red dots in my eyeeeeeeeeeees and make talk fast and I not no where I is be!" Copper rambled really fast.

"In third place...," the announcer began. "Is Cooltrainer Nick and his Scyther!" The trainer named Nick took his pokeball and prize. "In second place... is Youngster Benny for his Pinsir!"

"This is it," Gold announced.

"Oh please," Crystal said, rolling her eyes. "He was high during the entire competition. There is no possible way he could have-."

"In first place... is Trainer Copper for his outstanding Heracross!" Copper broke out of Crystal's grasp and jumped up onto the first place podium. He hugged his Heracross and took the Sun Stone.

"Big Pickle won! Big Pickle won! Big Pickle won I a pointy cookie!" Copper started nibbling on the Sun Stone. Gold and Crystal took Copper away from the crowd.

"Now do you see the dangers of giving illegal drugs to children?"

"Not really and it's kind of funny to watch him." Copper was trying to suck the 'magic fairy juice' out of the back end of a Caterpie. "You watch him while I go look for a trainer to find."

"Gold wait! You have a commitment to this child too," she cried. Gold was already out of earshot when she said it. "I want a divorce," she said (not literally). Gold crept through the grass to find a Sunkern sleeping in front of him. He didn't bother to weaken and threw a pokeball at it. It hit the leaves on its head and captured it.

"Hey!" a middle aged man yelled while coming out of the grass. "That was supposed to be my Sunkernyyernyern!"

"Sunkerbyyayayaya? Never mind. In the wild I can catch any pokemon I want. Go find another Sunkern."

"Raichu, come on out!"

"Slowpoke, get ready!"

"Why the hell would you use a Slowpoke? Whatever. Thundershock!"

"Disable!" The lightning attack stopped in midair. It turned blue and vanished into thin air. "Water Gun!" Raichu collided into it's trainer and fainted. "Good job, Slowpoke." The other trainer walked off almost in tears.

"Gold! Come quick!" Crystal screamed. Gold sprinted to her aid.

"Did Copper set the park on fire?"

"Well, yes. But that's not what I called you for. The egg's hatching!" The shook and rattled in her hands and exploded in a flurry of egg shards. What came out was...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's the end fools! Gotta make changes to Gold and Copper's data.

Gold

Quilava-Pyro LV: 20

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Kadabra-Kazam LV: 19

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 19

Slowpoke-(now Snores after reading Bigfoot's review but may change if someone comes up with a better one) LV: 18

Sunkern (insert nickname here) LV: 7

Copper

Heracross-Big Pickle (he was serious when he called it Big Pickle. He thought it was gigantic pickle and actually nicknamed it that ) LV: 16

And I worked my ass off to make two chapters in one day so don't complain that I took a break for a little while before. Rock on!


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter: 17

Gold

Quilava-Pyro LV: 20

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Kadabra-Kazam LV: 19

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 19

Slowpoke-(now Snores after reading Bigfoot's review but may change if someone comes up with a better one) LV: 18

Sunkern (insert nickname here) LV: 7

Hiro

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Grimer-Stench LV: 9

Magby-Inferno LV: 5

Crystal

Bayleef LV: 16

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Egg

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

"Smoochum!" said the creature from the egg. It jumped into Crystal's arms and hugged her and she did the same.

"Oh it's so cute!" Crystal cried.

"Crystal, don't move," Gold warned.

"What do you mean?" Gold flipped out a tennis racket from his backpack.

"You're hugging a mutant!" he said in a whisper so Smoochum wouldn't hear.

"Are you crazy? Don't you know what this is? Can't you tell the difference between a mutant and a Smoochum?"

"In order: Yes. No. And not really but I'll still kill it anyway!" He swung once and Crystal sidestepped him. Smoochum started to cry into her shoulder.

"Gold if you touch one hair on both of our pretty heads I'm gonna-." Copper came by being chased by police officers and men in white coats. He had a flaming tree branch in one hand and releasing a gallon of lighter fluid all around the park. He dropped the branch and the entire park became engulfed in flames.

"OH MY FRIGGIN' JESUS!" Gold screamed. Crystal grabbed Copper and Gold by their hands and tore them out of there. They ran into the nearest open house they could which turned out to be the Goldenrod game corner.

"Phwoo, we're safe now," Crystal sighed.

"Have you noticed that everywhere we go, major monuments get blown up? The Sprout Tower, Slowpoke Well, Ilex Shrine and most recently; the burning down of the Goldenrod Park."

"Bad luck?"

"Maybe or is it destiny?"

"Need coins, need coins, need cooooooiiiiiiiii..." Copper chanted. The Mary Jane in him finally wore off and he passed out on the floor.

"Finally. He stopped. No more weed for the ten year old. Empty pockets Golden Boy."

"What makes you think I still have some?" Gold said indignantly.

"Because I know you to well, confusion!" Smoochum used its psychic power to lift packets of drugs from his pockets. They flew into Crystal's outstretched hand.

"What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Do you want a side of fries for your _Smoochum _burgers?" Smoochum burst into tears again and jumped into Crystal's arms.

"No! Don't cry little one! The bad man won't hurt you." She put Smoochum in a pokeball and glared at Gold.

"Hey Crystal did I ever tell you how hot you look when you're-."

"Stow it! That won't work twice." She walked away from him to wake up Copper.

Gold; on the other hand, tried his luck on the slot machines. He inserted the only coin he had and put in the slot. He pulled the lever three times and got all sevens.

"Holy shit! I hit the jackpot!" Coins were falling out of the machine so fast that Gold couldn't catch them all. When the other gamblers saw what was happening they stampeded to Gold's spot to steal his earnings. "Get off of me you fuckers! Trunks!" The Donphan released itself from the pokeball. All of the other people stepped back and proceeded to leave with their coins. "HEY! If you want to live then you'll drop my coins!"

They did what they were told, grudgingly though. Gold gathered his coins up in a sack and took them to Crystal.

"Hey Crystal, check it out! I'm rich!" He opened up the sack to show her what he got. Crystal always wanted a Dratini and it just so happened that she could get one for 6,000 game coins. She decided this would need a feminine touch. She laid Gold down on the bench.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Crystal got on top of him so that every part of their bodies except their faces were touching.

"I'll give you something nice if you give me those coins."

"L-L-Like what?" Gold stuttered. Crystal kissed him lightly on the lips. It wasn't an intimate kiss but Gold liked it anyway.

"They'll be more of those if you give me these," she said while lifting up his bag of coins. Gold let go of the bag and she got off of him immediately. She ran off to get her Dratini. Gold sat up.

"Hey Gold, how'd you do that?" Copper said. He had woken up to find Crystal kissing Gold but didn't say anything.

"Do what?"

"Get Crystal to kiss you."

"I really have no idea..."

"I know it ain't because of your looks," Copper teased.

"Hey remember what I told you. School prom, walnut tits, pee-pee rubbing, any of that ringing a bell?"

"Crystal! Gold's warping my little mind!"

"Gold, cut it out," Crystal said. She had a Dratini wrapped around her neck and she was patting its head. Gold stood in front of her. He pushed out his lips in anticipation of another kiss.

"Gold, what are you doing?"

"Waiting for my kiss?"

"Oh. I just did it for the Dratini so let's get a move on to the gym." Gold felt disheveled and didn't say anything to Crystal on the way over. Copper felt the need to make fun of him.

"You're a tool. You're a fool. You wanted to be kissed. But you just got dissed. And now you're really pissed-," Copper sang.

"Girl with walnut tits!" Gold added.

"DAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Copper shrieked. The group fell silent until they reached the front door to the gym. Crystal read the sign out loud.

"Whitney. The white trainer with white power. This sign is kind of racist..." They entered the maze inside. And came up to the fork in the road.

"I'm going this way," Copper pointed to the right.

"Me too," Crystal said.

"Then I'm going this way," Gold said taking the other path.

"Is something wrong with Gold?" Crystal asked.

"Are you fucking stupid? You played him like a trumpet! Of course he's pissed at you!"

Crystal looked on sadly as Gold walked opposite path of the gym.

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Questshipping abroad! Need to update Crystal's profile. By the way, My school is having a carnival today so I won't update twice like yesterday. I've got a lot to do for the next three days so don't expect anything from me.

Crystal

Bayleef LV: 16

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15


	18. Chapter 18: Crystal Leaves

Chapter 18: Crystal Leaves

Gold

Quilava-Pyro LV: 20

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Kadabra-Kazam LV: 19

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 19

Slowpoke-(now Snores after reading Bigfoot's review but may change if someone comes up with a better one) LV: 18

Sunkern-Sprout LV: 7

Hiro

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Grimer-Stench LV: 9

Magby-Inferno LV: 5

Crystal

Bayleef LV: 16

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"My Jinx's milk shakes bring all the boys to the yard

And they're like, its better then yours.

Damn right, its better then yours.

You can touch them

But I have to charge," Whitney sang. Crystal and Copper had already fought their way across the gym and were staring her in the face.

"Stop singing and battle us!" they said simultaneously.

"But like, there's two of you and like one of me. What to do... I know!" She threw out all six of her pokemon. Her team was: Miltank, Clefable, Wigglytuff, Stantler, Dodrio and a Misdreavus.

"I saw this in a magazine once, about the Hoenn region," Whitney told them. "We'll have a double battle!"

"What's a double battle?" Copper asked Crystal. She shrugged.

"I use two pokemon and you guys use one pokemon against them at the same time. When one of your pokemon faint, you guys are allowed to decide which pokemon to use because I'm only permitting one substitution. Do you accept?"

Crystal didn't answer but used Sudowoodo for the battle. Copper released Whoopi from its ball.

"I'll take that as a yes. Misdreavus! Wigglytuff!" Misdreavus glided through Whitney and Wigglytuff hopped in front. "Double Shadow Ball!"

"Mimic!" Sudowoodo shot a third shadow ball from its hand. It collided into the one coming for Sudowoodo but Whoopi took the attack head on. The poor thing didn't stand a chance at such a low level. Copper returned it and was about to use another one but Crystal stopped him.

"We can't allow any more slip ups. Let me use my pokemon. Go Chansey!" It was just Crystal's two against Whitney's three. "Sudowoodo, use shadow ball. Chansey, just wait until they come to you."

The shadow ball KOed Misdreavus easily. Wigglytuff came close to Chansey to use a double edge attack but Crystal ordered a seismic toss attack. Then Sudowoodo knocked Wigglytuff back with a low kick.

"Oh no, Misdreavus! Miltank get in there and use Rollout!" Miltank rolled up into a ball and smashed into Sudowoodo. It swerved around and was coming back for Chansey.

"Sudowoodo, block Chansey. Chansey use defense curl!" Sudowoodo took the hit again but this time, pieces of its own body chipped off. "Are you okay, Sudowoodo? Just hang in there! Chansey use your own rollout!" Chansey and Miltank collided into each other. Neither could push back the other. They stopped rolling and fainted simultaneously.

"Crap! Okay it's all up to you Wigglytuff! Flamethrower!" Wigglytuff puffed itself up to the size of a cooking oven and released a jet of fire from its mouth. Sudowoodo ran straight into and came back out with its fist raised. Wigglytuff freaked out and ducked out of the way. Sudowoodo smacked its head against the back wall. It actually KOed itself...

"I THOUGHT YOU SAID THAT YOU CAN HANDLE IT?" Copper shrieked.

"No fair! Sudowoodo could have wasted them. She won on dumb luck!"

"She isn't the only thing that's dumb! Do you realize that I only have one badge and I wouldn't have even got it without Gold's help! You and I are failures as trainers!"

"Oh please. You're overreacting. I won my badges with no one's help and especially not _Gold's_." She still was mad at him for threatening her Smoochum.

"You rang?" Gold said walking toward them. He had Sprout sitting on his shoulder. Whitney dropped her Wigglytuff and stared adoringly at Gold. Gold stared back at her but took out a pokeball.

"Please don't tell me a cutie like you wants to fight little old me?" She got up close to Gold and batted her eyelashes. Crystal made a fist and accidentally punched Copper in the nose on the back swing.

"I came to get the Plain badge. So I don't care if I have to fight someone as hot as you to get it." Crystal stomped her foot down and crushed Copper's foot. Whitney sighed and wrote something down on a piece of paper. Gold read what she wrote out loud.

"487-6902?" Crystal made a fist again but Copper held her back.

"Woman, if you hit me again I'm gonna collapse!"

"Oh yeah. Copper let me borrow your Sun Stone."

"What Sun Stone?"

"The pointy cookie..." Copper handed it to Gold. Gold pegged it against Sprout's face. It glowed white and grew into a Sunflora. Gold forgot to take Sprout off his shoulder and collapsed under its weight. "Sprout, get off of me!"

"Fine. I'll battle you Golden Boy. But after this I want you to call-."

"WHAT?" Crystal roared. "GOLDEN BOY IS WHAT I CALL HIM! CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S NOT INTERESTED!"

"IT'S NOT LIKE YOU OWN THE PHRASE! AND I CAN GET ANY MAN I WANT, EVEN YOURS!"

"HE'S NOT MY MAN!"

"THEN BACK OFF!" Gold and Copper watched in amazement.

"Dude. You got a kiss and have two girls fighting over you on the same day. You are officially god of pimping. How do you do it?" Copper asked.

"I seriously do not know. I think I got this animal magnetism going on. The ladies can't resist me."

"Should we do something?"

"Fine." Gold walked in between the bickering girls. He pushed Crystal away from Whitney. "Crystal, can I talk to you for a sec?" He took Crystal away from the others.

"What do you want?"

"I want you to stop fighting with her. You're ruining my chances of getting a badge!"

"Does a badge really matter more to you then good friends? And I want you to stop flirting with her!"

"Huh? I'm not doing anything. Why do you care so much?"

"Because I care about you."

"Oi! Lover Boy, I'm waiting," Whitney called. Gold stepped on to the battle field. Along with Sprout Gold sent out Pyro. Whitney chose Stantler and Dodrio.

"How about I start first. Use Hypnosis on Dodrio!"

"Huh?" Dodrio stepped in front of Stantler. Stantler's eyes glowed purple and Dodrio became engulfed in a purple aura. Stantler made Dodrio stand on its tiptoes and stretch out its necks. It lifted Dodrio in the air and spun it around until it was a one big brown pointy blur. Dodrio stabbed into Pyro and sent it flying backwards. "What the hell is this?"

"The Hypno Pecker! Stantler uses Dodrio as a spear in midair!" Dodrio was sent flying into Sprout.

"Double Team!" Dodrio hit one of Sprout's illusions and got its beaks stuck in the ground. Pyro tackled Stantler without waiting for an order. Stantler lost its control over Dodrio. "Sprout, use sunny day! Pyro, use ember!"

Sprout made a ball of orange light out of nothing and let it drift to the ceiling. With the power up, Pyro unleashed a massive fireball from its mouth and shot it at Stantler. It was thrown into the back wall and lost consciousness. Whitney used her Clefable last.

"Rain dance, Clefable! Oh and help Dodrio out of the ground..." Clefable released a ball of blue light but this time rain drops fell. It trotted up to Dodrio's legs and pulled it out. "Drill peck!"

"Move out of the way, Pyro!" Pyro shuddered from the falling rain. It couldn't move in the rain... Pyro got stabbed by the beaks three times; one for each head. Pyro fell to its knees and fainted. Sprout wasn't moving to well in the rain either. It was rooted to the spot literally and its head drooped. Gold released Sparks from its ball.

"Thundershock!" The lightning blew up in Dodrio's face and KOed it one hit. Gold smirked; he gotten rid of Sprout's weakness.

"Clefable, Thunder!" Clefable shot a lightning bolt into the rain clouds above. It circled once and came back down towards Sprout. Sprout jumped in front of it and started storing the electricity in its fleece. However, it was too much for one Flaaffy to hold.

"EVERYBODY NOT INVOLVED IN THE BATTLE GET OUT NOW! THAT FLAAFFY'S GONNA BLOW!" Whitney screamed. Crystal, Copper and the gym trainers tried to run for it but couldn't find their way out of the maze. Sparks fell to its knees; holding in that much electricity was hurting it.

"GIGAVOLT! Sparks sent waves of electricity in all directions. Gold was swept off his feet and felt and saw everything in the room blow up in a flurry of sparks. The attack blew the roof off the gym and crumbled the walls. Gold passed out...

Crystal woke up in a hospital room. She found Gold sitting on a chair next to the bed sleeping. Copper was at the foot of the bed like a curled up dog. A doctor came in to see how she was.

"How'd we get here? Why are we here? Are we hurt? Where'd-?" The man put a finger to her lips to shut her up.

"The three of you are fine. You all had seizures and then became unconscious. How a bunch of kids are able to blow up a gym, I'll never know."

"Bad luck," Crystal sighed.

"Or destiny," Gold added. He finally had woken up. Copper yawned and arose too. "We even set a record, two things blown up in one day. Oh yeah, Whitney stopped by to give us these." He held out three plain badges. "Somehow, Sprout survived the attack. She felt sorry for Copper because of his little speech about the badges. And she said that she won on dumb luck so you deserved it."

"Your girlfriend's kind of sentimental."

"Hey! She's not my girl-."

"WAKASHAKALAKA! TYHYMYJYPYGYSNY!" Copper was screaming gibberish. Apparently he got into the medicinal marijuana...

"Not again..."


	19. Chapter 19: Golden Flames

Chapter 19: Golden Flames

Gold

Quilava-Pyro LV: 20

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Kadabra-Kazam LV: 19

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 19

Slowpoke-(now Snores after reading Bigfoot's review but may change if someone comes up with a better one) LV: 18

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 16 (survived the Gigavolt and gained enough EXP to level up)

Hiro

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Grimer-Stench LV: 9

Magby-Inferno LV: 5

Crystal

Bayleef LV: 16

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Damn it. I was so blasted, I can't remember anything," Copper said holding his head.

"Dude, you're becoming an addict. You wrapped that thing that checks your blood pressure around your neck. Then you used it like a Kevorkian Scarf and inflated your head to the size of a basketball," Gold replied.

"What's a Kvlarkian Scar?" Crystal asked. The three of them were leaving Goldenrod city after leaving it in ruins.

"A _Kevorkian Scarf_ is a suicide machine. It fills your head with death gas until your head blows up (Don't ask me how I know that. Why are you looking at me like that?)." His pokegear started ringing. He saw a picture of Whitney's head pop on to the screen. "Oh shit..." he muttered.

Crystal gave him a look of disdain and walked on ahead of him. Gold picked up Whitney's call.

"What do you want?"

"I don't care if you are cute, you don't go blowing up gyms!" Whitney yelled in his ear. She sounded like she was crying.

"I told you I'd pay you back. Now please stop calling me!" He hung up on her and ran up to Crystal and Copper. Unbeknownst to them, a helicopter with the word P.O.O.T written in red paint hovered over them. It descended and landed in front of the group, blocking their way. Hiro and Silver stepped out of it.

"What's up Hiro?" Gold asked. "We haven't seen you in a week. Where've you been?"

"I've been making new friends." He didn't look to happy to see his friends again. He reached for a pokeball on his belt. "Copper, where's Sleeper?"

"I traded him for a Machop."

"YOU WHAT?" Hiro put his pokeball down and reached for something silver in his pocket.

"Relax Hiro. We can- JESUS CHRIST! HE'S GOT A GUN!" Gold shrieked. Hiro had his finger on the trigger. Silver tied Gold, Crystal and Copper together. "Hiro why are you doing this? We're your friends!" Hiro kicked Gold in the ribs to silence him. With the help of Ursaring and Tyranitar, they were loaded onto the helicopter. Silver drove while Hiro stood watch.

"Hey Jackass," Crystal called Hiro. "What are you gonna do to us?"

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it." He bent down to kiss Crystal but Gold used his feet to push him back. "Humph. I always knew you guys were a couple." Gold was too angry to tell him that he was wrong.

"Hiro. I regret ever meeting you that one day in the park!"

Flashback...

Two year old Gold was being pushed by his mom on the swings.

"Honey, I have to get something from the store. Just swing yourself for a while. And this time, try not to fall off again..."

"Will do, Mom-a-roo!"

"Stop watching so much Simpson's episodes!"

Two year old Hiro was passing by the swings. Gold accidentally kicked him on his way down. He kicked him so hard that Hiro was sent flying into the pond in the middle of the park.

"Oopsie. I gotta save him! Go Kaphlam!" Gold didn't have all of his teeth yet and couldn't say Kazam right. Kazam (still an Abra at the time) teleported over the spot where Hiro was drowning. Gold hung onto Kazam, who was floating over the water.

Gold reached out his hand and Hiro grabbed it with all his might.

"Teledort!" They were instantly brought back to the swings.

"You saved my wife (life)!"

"No bizzle dizzle. What's your nizzle, fizzle?"

"What'd you say?"

"I heard somebody on T.V named Floop Dogg say it. It means 'No big deal and what's your name, friend?"

"My name's Hiro. You like T.V too?"

"TV's the best thing ever made! You know what else is good?"

"What?"

"Taking a Poopie!"

"I know! It's so cool! We like the same stuffs!"

"Lets be friends!"

"Yeah!"

End flashback.

"I should have let you drown!"

"But you have to admit, TV, taking dumps and sugar were our favorite things back then."

"Ah, good times..." Crystal nudged Gold's side to get his attention.

"I hate to mess up your trip down memory lane but try helping us get out of here, Golden Boy."

"What do you want me to do about it? Even if we could untie ourselves, knock these guys unconscious and get control of the helicopter, how do we get it down?"

"By crashing it and hope we live," Copper said. "And what's with the taking dumps thing?"

Hiro sat down on the floor next to Gold.

"Hey Gold, remember that thing that happened on the first day of sixth grade that we promised to never talk about?"

"You guys were in Ms. Mase's class that year, right?" Crystal asked.

"Yeah, here's what happened."

Flashback (again)...

Gold and Hiro were running through the halls looking very distressed.

"Hiro, how the fuck did we sleep till one o'clock! Let me see your watch again!" Gold grabbed Hiro's wrist. He looked extremely angry now.

"What's wrong?"

"You looked at the watch upside-down you idiot! This says 7:30! We're the only ones here because everyone else is sleeping!"

They decided not to go back home and found their class at the end of the hall. Inside was their teacher Ms. Mase. But she was on her desk wearing nothing but her birthday suit. She was doing the forbidden dance in Principal Adrian's lap.

"Holy shit..." Gold and Hiro said in unison. Ms. Mase screamed and hid in the closet. Principal Adrian stood up and proceeded to leave but the two boys stopped.

"Hey, Principal Adrian..." Hiro called.

"Is that a banana in your pants?" Gold asked.

"Or is that a di-."

"Enough! What do you want from me?" Gold and Hiro gave him evil smirks.

Later that day...

"Attention Students." The principal said over loudspeaker. "I would like to tell you that I am gay. And now I prepared a song for your amusement. Ahem. I... like... gay men's butts and I cannot lie. You other fags can't deny. When a guy walks in with an itty bitty waist and there's a round thing in my face I... I... whhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaa!" Gold and Hiro high-fived each other. They succeeded in making a grown man cry.

End flashback.

"Bwahahahahaha!" Gold and Hiro were bursting into tears of laughter.

"You guys were the ones who did that? I was afraid to even walk near him in the hallways because of you guys!" Crystal said disbelievingly.

"And the best thing is, we blackmailed him into changing all of our F's into A's for three years!"

"Hey keep it down, back there!" Silver ordered.

Hiro stood up again and wiped the smile off his face. Copper succeeded in gnawing the ropes off. Gold snuck up behind Hiro and knocked him out with one punch. Silver set the helicopter on auto-pilot and walked to back. Gold released all six of his pokemon. Silver did the same, with the addition of Houndour. This was too much weight for the helicopter to hold and began to fall out of the air. They were flying over Ecruteak city and demolished what was left of the Burned Tower. Gold got shot through the windshield of the chopper using Hiro's gun. He dropped it when he saw the sleeping forms of Entei, Suicune and Raikou in front of him. Crystal and Copper joined him and stared in awe at the beasts.

"Hey guys, what are those?" Copper said. Apparently his question was as much noise needed to wake up the legendary pokemon. Raikou turned itself transparent and glided through Gold's body. Entei jumped over Copper's head and Suicune stood staring at Crystal for a second and then disappeared.

"Do my eyes deceive me?" some guy in a cape said from behind them. "Suicune, Entei, and Raikou they were all here! Morty you missed it!"

"Eusine, I've told you. I'm only interested in the rainbow phoenix. Ho-oh..." The two men left without saying anything to the group. Gold, Copper and Crystal followed them so they wouldn't have to deal with Hiro and Silver.

-------------------------------------------------

I put a lot of Gold and Hiro's childhood in this chapter. I'm surprised I even got this chapter up with all the stuff I have to do. But then again, I make this stuff up as I go along so it's not so hard.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Gold

Quilava-Pyro LV: 20

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Kadabra-Kazam LV: 19

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 19

Slowpoke-(now Snores after reading Bigfoot's review but may change if someone comes up with a better one) LV: 18

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 16

Hiro

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Grimer-Stench LV: 9

Magby-Inferno LV: 5

Crystal

Bayleef LV: 16

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So, aren't you guys mad that we destroyed your tower?" Copper asked Morty and Eusine.

"Not at all. That one was already destroyed when you got there. And I believe it was your destiny to awaken those three pokemon. I see greatness in you three." Morty said.

"I'm just glad we're not dead," Gold said. Morty stopped in front of Gold.

"I was told about you in particular, Gold Ryu. Falkner told me you're rebellious and destructive. Bugsy said you're unfocused and an idiot. And Whitney told me last night you're a master of pokemon battling and a hottie-hot-hottie... Which one is it?"

"I'm all of those things except idiot. And you can tell your gym leader buddies they can just go suck my bal-."

"Enough!" Eusine said. "I don't see anything special in any of these kids especially this one." He pointed at Gold.

"Then maybe you should look harder, ya cape wearin' son of a bi-." Copper put a hand over Crystal's mouth. Eusine and Morty whispered something to each other and nodded.

"Go Alakazam!" Eusine roared. Gold used Pyro for the match.

"Alright, use smokescreen!" But Pyro was feeling particularly lazy today and didn't move. It fell asleep instead. Gold nudged its side with his foot; only to have Pyro pee on his leg. "Why you little- GAAAAH!" Gold screamed as he chased Pyro around the town square. Alakazam used disable to make the two stop.

"I win Morty, now give me my money." Morty grudgingly gave Eusine a hundred pokedollars.

"You bet on me?" Gold said after being released from the disable. "What kind of idiot are you? You should know better then that."

"Sorry, I guess I was wrong about you. Let me see your pokemon." Gold handed Pyro to him. Pyro began saying things to Morty in its own language and Morty understood it perfectly.

"Pyro says that you haven't fed him or the other pokemon in a day, you never train together and most of the time you're too damn lazy to let it out of the pokeball. It says it won't battle until it gets better living conditions."

"How'd you know what its saying? And how the fuck was I supposed to know they were hungry?"

"It's common sense. I'm beginning to suspect that you really are an idiot."

While Morty and Gold were arguing, Crystal and Copper talked amongst themselves.

"I don't know about you Copper but I'm leaving this place and not coming back until I know Silver and Hiro are gone."

"I need to train more before I battle Morty. My last battle was pitiful...

"I guess this is goodbye because I'm going to Olivine."

"See you around." Crystal left through the western gate. While Gold was distracted, Copper left for the eastern gate.

Story Change: Copper Winds

Copper decided to go through Mt. Mortar to get to Mahogany. But about say 4 minutes later he was chased out by angry geodudes.

"Now what do I do?" As if on cue, the legendary dog, Entei appeared at his side. It beckoned him to get on its back. Entei leaped over the lakes between Ecruteak and Mahogany in single bounds.

"Whoa! This is like a roller coaster without the coaster!" Entei carried him into Mahogany town. "Okay this is my stop-Hey what are you doing!" Entei continued to carry Copper north into the Lake of Rage. A red Gyarados (yeah) was thrashing around and burning down everything in its path.

"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! YOU WANT ME TO FIGHT THAT?" Entei shook its head. It ripped open Copper's bag and pulled out his pokeballs. "Catch it? Hmm. Oh yeah! I'd kick so much ass with that thing!" Copper ran forward not realizing what he was getting into.

Story Change: Crystal Leaves

Crystal was riding on Bayleef's back again. They were halfway across Route 38. Bayleef bowed down to something in the road. Crystal rolled off of it to check on it.

"Do you need to use the bathroom?" Bayleef shook its head and turned Crystal's head so she could face Suicune. Crystal gasped at the sight of it.

"That is the prettiest pokemon I've ever seen... MUST HAVE IT!" Crystal ran straight for Suicune. Suicune ran towards Olivine City. Bayleef used vine whip to stop Crystal from pursuing Suicune anymore. "Stop it! I don't care if it is a god among pokemon I'm gonna... Crap!" Suicune wouldn't have approached Bayleef unless it deemed it worthy of something. She had just ruined Bayleef's chances of ever becoming close to Suicune. "I'm sorry Bayleef..." Bayleef let her down gently and hung its head in shame. "Cheer up! We'll go after it!" She climbed back on to Bayleef and raced down the Route after Suicune.

Story Change: Golden Flames

Morty's Haunter had just finished off Trunks with a shadow ball attack. Gold started a gym battle with him and was losing miserably.

"Need I remind you that you're down to your last pokemon?" Gold glared at him. Morty was mocking him.

"I choose-." A lightning bolt crashed through the door to the gym and hit the back wall. Raikou stepped inside and leaped over the cursed floor. It stood by Gold's side. Morty and Haunter bowed to Raikou.

"RAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIII!" Morty roared.

"KOOOOOUUUUUU! RAAAAAAAAIIIIIIII!" Raikou roared back. Morty gasped in surprise at whatever Raikou said.

"I thought it came for me but it's you it came for. It wants to fight alongside you."

"Kick ass! Use Spark!" Raikou electrocuted Haunter with an electric tackle. Haunter fainted at the touch. Morty sent out a Gengar next.

"Thunderbolt!"

"Hyper Beam!"

The two beams of light collided together and exploded in the air. Gengar fainted and Raikou came out without a scratch.

"Awesome! I've got a legendary pokemon! HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" Raikou blew a hole in the ceiling and leaped through it again. "Bitch!" Gold called it.

"Raikou wasn't meant to be contained forever. I have a feeling that you; and yours friends for that matter will see those pokemon again soon enough."

"Where'd my friends go anyway?"


	21. Chapter 21: Copper Winds

Chapter 21: Copper Winds

Gold

Quilava-Pyro LV: 20

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Kadabra-Kazam LV: 19

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 19

Slowpoke-LV: 18

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 16

Raikou (not captured, more like it's keeping tabs on him)

Hiro

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Grimer-Stench LV: 9

Magby-Inferno LV: 5

Crystal

Bayleef LV: 16

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Suicune (not captured, interested in Bayleef and Crystal)

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Entei (not captured, helping him on the journey)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Copper trembled at the power of Red Gyarados. He looked at Entei, who gave him a look of complete confidence. Copper released all five of his pokemon.

"Okay. Spears go distract Gyarados. Whoopi send mud slap into the water. Flares heat up the mud. Big Pickle, lift Champion on to your back. Champion, hit Gyarados while on Big Pickle." All five of them did what they were asked to.

"Spear, ow, ow spear!" (Hey ugly, over here!)" Gyarados shot a Hyper Beam at it. Spears couldn't escape the blast in time in its present state. Spears glowed white and evolved into Fearow. It flipped in the air and the beam missed it.

"Alright Spears! I mean Fears!" Whoopi dumped mud into the water around Gyarados. Flares heated the mud until it turned as hard as rock. Gyarados couldn't move now. Big Pickle hovered over head. Champion jumped up and punched Gyarados with BP catching it every time. Despite all of the pokemons' efforts, Gyarados wasn't hurt much. The red dragon breathed in once and blew away all five of the pokemon.

Copper held onto Entei's side to stop him from getting blown away. The rock holding Gyarados was beginning to crack as well. Entei jumped in the air and used a stomp attack on the uh... pointy thingy on Gyarados' head. The discolored pokemon dropped its head to the ground. Copper decided that was its weak spot and threw a pokeball there. It rolled three times and abruptly stopped.

"Nice work." A man dressed in all black appeared behind Copper. He had spiky red hair covering most of his face. He stood beside a Kangaskhan and smirked. "It's amazing how a kid like you can control a pokemon like Entei."

"Well, I'm one amazing kid. Now what do you want?"

"Easy there, kiddo. You and I are probably wondering the same thing right now."

"You're thinking I should get a cape too?"

"What? NO! I'm wondering why the Gyarados is red! Aren't you!"

"I try not worry about to many things."

"Whatever. My name's Lance."

"Copper. You still didn't tell me what you want though."

"I think it might be Team Rocket's doing. P.O.O.T is too smart to do something like this. P.O.O.T is the evil group to end all evil groups. Literally. Their leader is dead set on wiping out the competition and ruling the world. And I want trainers like you to help me stop them."

"Don't they have the Elite Four for this kind of stuff?"

"Humph. The Elite Four is too lazy to get off their overpaid asses and help someone who doesn't have 5,000 pokedollars in their pockets. We're on our own."

"Give me 5,000 pokedollars and I'm yours."

"God damn it! Why won't anyone volunteer for free anymore?" He pulled out a wad of cash and gave it to Copper.

Story Change: Crystal Leaves

"Here Suicune! Here boy or girl or whatever you are! Damn it where are you?" Crystal arrived in Olivine City earlier then expected and was desperately trying to find Suicune. She finally found it by the docks, staring out at the ocean.

"Now's your chance Bayleef. Just go up to it like before." Bayleef went behind Suicune and bowed down again. Suicune turned around and bowed to Bayleef. Bayleef got up looking surprised at what Suicune was doing. Crystal looked behind Suicune to find a black cloud of metal coming towards them. Suicune sensed the danger and formed a ball of light in its mouth. It shot it at Bayleef. Bayleef glowed white and grew bigger. Thanks to Suicune, Bayleef evolved into a blue Meganium.

The black cloud of metal turned out to be a swarm of helicopters. Each one had P.O.O.T written on their sides. They had machine guns latched on to their bottoms.

"Shit. Suicune get out of here!" Suicune shook its head no.

"Crystal! Get out of there!" Crystal turned around to find Gold, Silver and Hiro beckoning to her.

"Oh no. I'm not sticking around those two freak shows," she said referring to Hiro and Silver.

"They've changed now," Gold said. "We need to get you and Suicune out of here now no matter what!" He grabbed her wrist and ran past Hiro and Silver. He helped her onto Raikou's back.

"Gold what's going on? What are those helicopters doing?"

"Don't ask questions." He nodded to Raikou, who ran off to the north of Olivine. Suicune came up to Gold. "Take care of her." Suicune got the message and ran after Raikou.

Story Change: Golden Flames

Hiro and Silver told Gold the whole story before they came to Olivine. They had betrayed P.O.O.T and when they kidnapped them before, they were trying to help them escape. P.O.O.T was planning to capture Olivine City and use it as a base while at the same time, look for Entei, Suicune and Raikou to bring out Ho-oh.

"You ready, Gold?" Silver asked.

"We're gonna try and single handedly destroy a group of super villains. We've got our pokemon; they have pokemon and machine guns. There are three of us and there are 3,000 of them. And I'm this close to pissing myself. We're wasted."

"You gotta look on the bright side, Pal," Hiro said.

"At this point, there is no bright side."

The whole city began to shake as if it were in an earthquake. Jasmine and Steelix rose from the sand.

"Attention citizens of Olivine City! We are taking over the city. Those of you that don't die in the invasion will be put in slave labor. Have a nice day!"

The whole city began to go in mass panic as P.O.O.T soldiers invaded their home. The three boys ran past all of the people and headed for Jasmine directly.

"I don't care if we are related, your ass is grass!" Hiro cried.

"The family always said you were a loser, Hiro and now I'll prove it! Scizor! Slowbro!" Gold had Lazy (changed it but still might change until I decide for sure) head butt Slowbro. The Shellder on its tail flipped off and accidentally grabbed on to Lazy's head.

"Slowking! Ah! It's so nice to have a little more intelligence around here. Oh and Gold, please change the food you give for it gives me a little gas..." Lazy said in a British accent.

"L-L-L-Lazy, you can talk now?"

"Indubitably."

"Enough!" Jasmine yelled. "Metal claw!" Silver had his new Haunter use Protect. Hiro sent out a Weepinbell and had it use Razor leaf on Jasmine's new Slowpoke.

"Gold, this would be a good time to use my flamethrower attack."

"You can do that?"

"Why, yes. You've never known this?"

"Whatever just do it!" (I checked, it can really do that) Slowking shot a jet of fire at Scizor and knocked it out. Steelix was the only one left standing. (Oh and if you're wondering why I had her have a Slowbro, I tend to give the gym leaders pokemon from their teams on Stadium 2. The ones there just seem better to me. Falkner's Togetic, Bugsy/Silver's Pupitar, Whitney's extended team; all part of the plan my friends. Plus the Shellder thing works itself out.)

"Wipe them out, Steelix! Use Hidden Power Ghost!" The hidden power bulbs were about the size big screen TV's now. They collided into Haunter, Lazy and Weepinbell and knocked them out.

"Go Pyro!"

"Go Tyranitar!" Tyranitar rushed up to Steelix and grabbed it by the tail. It swung Steelix over its head and Pyro jumped inside Steelix's mouth. It sent out an Ember attack down Steelix's throat. After it was completely burned on the inside Steelix opened its mouth in defeat. Pyro climbed out but it came out as a Typhlosion.

"How'd you evolve? Was it something Steelix ate?" Gold said while looking at his new pokemon. Jasmine stood up again and started laughing her head off.

"What's so funny?" Hiro asked.

"Look behind you." At least 100 hundred soldiers surrounding them. While they were battling and fooling around with Jasmine, P.O.O.T's forces captured the city.

"Man, we're total idiots," Hiro said slapping a hand to his face.

"Speak for yourself," Silver said. The three of them were loaded onto a P.O.O.T helicopter and thrown out into the open ocean.

"THIS CAN NOT GET ANY WORSE! THIS SHIT IS CRAZY!" Gold yelled while treading water.

"You spoke to soon Gold!" A whirlpool came by and swept the three away and deep under the ocean floor.


	22. Chapter 22: Silver Ice

Chapter 22: Silver Ice

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32 (Don't ask how it got that way)

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Kadabra-Kazam LV: 19

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 19

Slowpoke-LV: 18

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 16

Raikou (not captured, more like it's keeping tabs on him)

Hiro

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Grimer-Stench LV: 9

Magby-Inferno LV: 5

Weepinbell LV: 21

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 30 (Power granted by Suicune)

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Suicune (not captured)

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Red Gyarados LV: 50 (30 doesn't work because it knows Hyper Beam already)

Entei (not captured, helping him on the journey)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This chapter is set BEFORE Hiro and Silver tried to kidnap Gold, Crystal and Copper.

Silver was given orders to take Hiro to the Z room. That was where the Boss gave out his most direct orders. He had seen Karen go into that room before and she always looked solemn when she came back out.

He found Hiro spinning on his head and listening to music.

"Before the end of the night, I wanna hold you so tight. You know I want you so much and I'm so tempted to touch." (Heh, I was listening to that song while writing this) Silver shut off the radio, causing Hiro to fall flat on his face.

"What was that for?"

"Quit fooling around. You're needed-."

"Tell the ladies to take a number," Hiro said drying himself off from the sweat.

"Are you giving them zeroes?" Hiro's roommate asked.

"Why?"

"Because you are a zero, you have zero ladies and have a zero I.Q."

"Go take a dildo and shove it up your-."

"Enough! You're needed in the Z room, get a move on!" Silver led him into a room with the letter Z printed on the door. The man in a black cloak from Hiro's first day at P.O.O.T was there waiting for them.

"I have a special mission for you two. The very fate of P.O.O.T depends on you two."

"Hold up a sec, gay wad. I've been here a while now and still don't what the whole point of this organization. What are we after?" Hiro questioned. Silver slapped Hiro in the back of the head.

"I'm so sorry, Sir. It won't happen again."

"It won't happen again because I'm answering his question."

"Huh? Really? You never even told me!"

"Your mission is the whole reason P.O.O.T was created. I want you to go to the Burned Tower," he removed his hood to show his face. He had spiky blond hair and an X shaped scar on his cheek. "Awaken Entei, Suicune and Raikou when you find them. Capture them at any cost. Do you understand?"

They both nodded.

"Good. When you do, bring them to me. When they're captured, Ho-oh will descend from the heavens and be captured by me."

"Why do want Ho-oh?"

"I will use Ho-oh's power to drown the world in lakes of fire. The only ones allowed to live will be two of every kind of pokemon. My P.O.O.T operatives are the only people to live. Then me and my children and my children's children will be the kings and queens of all they see. My son Gold and my daughter Karen will live in a perfect world!"

"GOLD? You promised I'd rule by your side!" Silver cried out.

"HOLY FUCK! GOLD'S YOUR SON? I WAS ALWAYS TOLD YOU DIED WHILE TAKING A DUMP!" Hiro screamed.

"It sounds like both of you know him. Where is he now?"

"I'm not telling you anything. You've lied to me for the last time. As long as I'm not at your side, I'll fight you instead."

"Me too. This place is gay anyway. And I kind of like not being drowned in lakes of fire. This is a demented version of Noah's Ark for crying out loud." The Boss didn't even frown or flinch. He pressed the button to his intercom.

"All forces prepare to shoot Silver and Hiro on sight."

"Holy shit..." Hiro and Silver said in unison.

"Silver, should we run for our lives now?"

"After you."

"Gladly, DDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

They burst out of room Z screaming their heads off. The other members of P.O.O.T shot bullets at them as soon they saw them. The two dove into the helicopter hangar and bolted the door. Hiro jumped inside of the nearest helicopter.

"What are you doing?"

"Pushing buttons until something happens. We gotta save Gold!"

"But I hate Gold."

"Think about it Silver. If Gold rules the world, then you'll be able to go to college at 7 years old and wearing your hat backwards will be mandatory. Would you wish that on anyone?"

"You got a point. Warp speed ahead!"

One Chapter 19 and 3 hours later...

"Oh my head..." Silver said. He climbed out to find that Entei, Suicune and Raikou missing. "Hiro, get up! We have a problem!"

"I'll say. I got a bump on my head the size of the backend of a Gengar..."

The two walked out of Burned Tower to see Raikou escape from Ecruteak gym.

"FLYING LION!" Hiro gasped.

"What's a lion? That was Raikou! We're to late!" Gold ran out of Ecruteak gym too.

"Raikou, wait!" Silver and Hiro grabbed Gold by his arms. "Let me go!"

"Not until we tell you what's going on." And so they did. To put it bluntly, Gold wasn't happy to know that his father was a maniac.

"I'll fight too. I'm finally gonna get payback for 14 years worth of fatherless Father's Days."------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Really short Chapter but at least you know why Hiro, Silver and Gold teamed up. This also reveals P.O.O.T's true motives. Keep reading or I'll peel off your skin with a salad fork. Just kidding (or am I? Dun dun dun! Lightning flashes, wolves howl) Nah!


	23. Chapter 23: Golden Flames

Chapter 23: Golden Flames

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Kadabra-Kazam LV: 19

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 19

Slowking-Lazy LV: 25

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 16

Raikou (not captured, helping Crystal to safety)

Hiro

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Grimer-Stench LV: 9

Magby-Inferno LV: 5

Weepinbell LV: 21

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 30

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Suicune (not captured, currently bringing Crystal to safety)

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Red Gyarados LV: 50

Entei (not captured, helping him on the journey)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"God damn it..." Gold muttered. They were marooned on one of the whirl islands. He woke Silver and Hiro to assess the situation.

"Okay," Silver started. "We failed in our mission to stop P.O.O.T from taking Olivine." He drew an X in the sand to stand for Olivine.

"All they have to do is get to Ecruteak. But as long as they don't have Entei, Suicune and Raikou we don't have to worry," Hiro said drawing another X in the sand to represent Ecruteak City. He drew a line to connect the two cities.

"I sent Raikou and Suicune to Ecruteak already. And I think Entei must be with Copper. But no matter what happens we have to get off this stupid island!"

"And if your dad is gonna use Ho-oh, we got to find some legendary power of our own."

"Yeah but where are gonna get something like that-Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... OW!" Silver screamed. The sand under him had given way and created a way into the caverns below. Hiro and Gold jumped down and stood on the land below. They heard bellowing and roaring from down below.

"Do you guys hear that? Anything that can make roars like that is powerful," Gold said.

"But it's at the end of a waterfall..." Hiro sighed while looking below. Gold kicked him into the waterfall headfirst. Silver jumped down as well and Gold last. You remember that giant waterfall to Lugia in the games? Well just so the main characters actually live to see Lugia, I'm making that a four foot drop.

"Lame waterfall..." Hiro said.

They walked into the cavern together to find the silver bird waiting for them. Lugia's eyes glowed blue and so did an item in Silver's pocket. He pulled it out to reveal a silvery feather. He pulled it up and Lugia went up. Silver pulled it down and so did Lugia.

"What's the story on that feather?" Gold asked.

"I don't know. I think it used to be my mother's."

"What do you mean 'think'?"

"I was an orphan, it was the only thing I had with me when took me to the orphanage." Silver pushed the feather away from him and Lugia flew backwards into the back wall of the undersea cavern. He flipped the feather in the air and Lugia did a back flip. "Unless we find a way to give it orders this is useless."

"This might sound stupid but try talking into the feather."

"You're right, it does sound stupid.'

"Just do it!"

"Okay um, testing, testing, 1, 2, 3, testing. If you can hear me do a, uh, what are its attacks?" Hiro flipped out his pokedex and read off the attacks. They were Iron Tail, Aeroblast, Psychic and Ancientpower. "Use Aeroblast!" Lugia shot a blade of air over their heads and shattered the rock wall behind them.

"Come over and lift us onto your head," Gold shouted into the feather.

"And do the funky chicken on the way over," Hiro said. Lugia took both of the commands. It actually did the funky chicken pretty well.

"Do the Lean wit it Rock wit it!" Gold said. "Yeah rock left then snap your fingers, rock right then snap your fingers-." Silver punched Gold in the back of the head and climbed on to Lugia's. He gave Gold a disapproving look. "What? When are we ever going to see a dancing Lugia ever again?"

"Just get on. We got the final battle to get to."

Meanwhile on the other side of Johto...

Story Change: Copper Winds

Entei jumped over the lakes again with Copper on his back. Lance was riding on a Dragonite overhead.

"Lance, what are we gonna do if they actually get Entei, Suicune, Raikou and _Ho-oh?"_

"I don't know. But who says we'll be the only ones fighting? Take a look around." Pokemon were leaving their homes and were heading to Ecruteak.

"But, if we're bringing Entei to Ecruteak isn't that aiding the enemy?" Lance went pale.

"I guess I didn't think of that..."

"You can take your money back, I don't work for idiots."

"Go fuck yourself. OH NO! IT'S ALREADY STARTING!"

P.O.O.T's forces were gathering around Suicune, Raikou and Crystal. Suicune, Raikou and Crystal's entire team were trying to keep the evil people at bay. Their boss came by on helicopter and threw out two master balls. They hit Raikou and Suicune on their heads and caught them instantly. Tin tower shuddered and glowed bright red.

"BWAHAHAHAHA! THE PERFECT WORLD IS CLOSE TO BEING BORN! THE FINAL PIECE OF THE PUZZLE IS NEARBY!" The boss bellowed. He pointed to Copper and Entei. The P.O.O.T forces overwhelmed Entei and brought to its knees. Copper fell off Entei and painfully fell to the ground. He boss threw out his final master ball and captured Entei. Tin Tower glowed in its brightest shade of red and shook violently. A rainbow feather appeared out of nowhere and the Boss swiped it. Ho-oh came from the sky and stood in front of the man.

He jumped on to the bird's head and ordered it to rise.

"I want my son. WHERE IS HE?"

"RIGHT HERE! AND I DO NOT LIKE THE IDEA OF BEING THE SON OF A SON OF A BITCH!" Gold, Hiro and Silver had just arrived on their Lugia. Silver was still in control of it. Gold's dad ordered Ho-oh to rise higher, so that Lugia and Ho-oh were staring each other in the face.

-----------------------------------------------

Sorry for the delay. I got into big trouble at school and my mom took away the keyboard and mouse permanently. I managed to find the mouse but I can't find the keyboard. I'm typing on an on screen keyboard right now...


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Kadabra-Kazam LV: 19

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 19

Slowking-Lazy LV: 25

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 16

Raikou (not captured, helping Crystal to safety)

Hiro

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Grimer-Stench LV: 9

Magby-Inferno LV: 5

Weepinbell LV: 21

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 30

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Suicune (not captured, currently bringing Crystal to safety)

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Red Gyarados LV: 50

Entei (not captured, helping him on the journey)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Gold. I am not afraid to fight my own family."

"We're not family... GET READY SILVER!"

"RIGHT!" Silver commanded Lugia to start with an Aeroblast. Ho-oh used Sacred Fire to counter it. The attacks exploded in the air and sent both bird pokemon flying backwards. Ho-oh recovered fastest and fired off another Sacred Fire. Gold released Kazam on to Lugia's back. Gold's dad stopped Ho-oh's attack.

"Is that Kazam? I haven't seen you in years!"

"Kazam, teleport us over Ho-oh," Gold ordered.

"No! Don't do that. Don't you remember who I am, Kazam? I'm the one that hatched you from your egg."

"But I'm the one that trained you and have been with you your whole life!" All this talk was confusing Kazam. The boss tossed pokeball onto Ho-oh's head and revealed an Alakazam with uh... cleavage. In other words...

"WHOAH! THAT ALAKAZAM HAS BOOBS!" Hiro roared. Kazam recognized it as his own mother and teleported to her.

"Kazam, you traitor!"

The boss tossed out another pokemon and released a Ditto. It took the shape of Lugia and head butted (that was weird to say) the real Lugia in the stomach. Gold and Hiro hung onto Lugia's spikes for dear life while Silver tried desperately to keep control. Lugia landed on some guys' house.

5 MINUTES BEFORE...

"Happy 100'th birthday Grandpa!"

"Why won't I die?"

The rest of their family rushed outside to watch the pokemon battle. When they saw Lugia about to land on their house, they rushed Grandpa and pet Munchlax out of the house.

"Let me go! Let the silver angel take me away!" The old man didn't die but his Munchlax accidentally latched on to Lugia's tail.

"What the hell is that thing?" Gold asked.

"Who cares? Just keep that thing out of the way!" Silver ordered.

Crystal, Copper and Lance ran up to their literally fallen comrades.

"Are you guys alright?"

"We'll be fine," Hiro said. "But we've gotta move this fight somewhere el- OH MY GOD! EVERYONE TAKE COVER!" The boss used Aeroblast and Sacred Fire at the same time. Lugia rolled to the left in midair and jetted off towards Mahogany Town.

"You can't from me forever, boys!" He threw out Entei, Suicune and Raikou as well had them attack. They didn't listen though. They attacked their new master instead. "Whatever, I don't need you three, I have Ho-oh and an almost Lugia!" He caught up to Lugia and used Fire Blast. The attack missed and burned down most of Mahogany Town. Lugia turned to face him. It created four replicas of itself out of rock.

"Ancient Power!" Silver ordered. Two clones hit Ditto/Lugia and knocked it out. The others slammed into Ho-oh so hard that it went careening towards the edge of Ecruteak. Due to that nasty weakness Ho-oh has to rock, it didn't get back up.

"YAY, WE WON!"

"Not quiet," Gold's dad said. He jumped off Ho-oh's head. "Ho-oh will recover so for now play with these!" He released a Charizard and Tyranitar. Charizard used Mega Punch on Lugia followed by Tyranitar's Hyper Beam. Gold fell off of Lugia's back with the Munchlax and Hiro. Munchlax glowed white and evolved into Snorlax a split second before they hit the ground. They bounced off its stomach and landed on their feet.

"That was oddly convenient," Gold said.

"DUCK!"

"What Psyduck?"

"I mean get down!"

Hiro pulled Gold to the ground. A ball of fire whizzed over their heads and hit Snorlax in the face. It got ticked off and used Hyper Beam on Charizard.

"TAKE THAT CHARETARD!" Gold and Hiro taunted at once. Gold jumped on Snorlax's head and ordered an earthquake attack (since Kazam left, Snorlax is its replacement. If someone comes up with something better then 'Sleepy' I'll take it). Tyranitar got swept off its feet and went flying into Ho-oh's limp body. This woke up Ho-oh. Its feathers started to stand on end and its eyes were red and bloodshot. The boss started laughing maniacally.

"Phoenix Feather Blast!" Ho-oh's feathers came off by themselves and started flying on their own. By now they were as sharp as knives. Gold captured Snorlax in a pokeball so it wouldn't get hurt. A feather stabbed through his shoulder and pinned him to a tree. Hiro got hit by more of them then Gold and nearly lost consciousness. Lugia swept them on to its back before they got hit again.

They flew towards Ecruteak again. Raikou, Suicune and Entei were being controlled by Lance, Crystal and Copper this time. They used their respective elemental attacks on Ho-oh but that was too little to stop Ho-oh from chasing Lugia. Silver made Lugia fly upwards to Tin Tower. Ho-oh was chasing after them faster then they were flying. Ho-oh was combining its Sacred Fire and Phoenix Feather attacks to make flaming dagger/feathers.

"We need to lose them! We need to drop some weight!" Silver exclaimed.

"Silver, there's no time for Lugia to go on an Atkins diet now!" Hiro said back.

"He means to push someone off, numb nuts! Bye Hiro!" Gold pushed Hiro off the side. He landed on Ho-oh's beak. Ho-oh stopped in midair to look at its new booger. It exhaled and blew Hiro away. Lance rode from behind on Raikou and caught Hiro.

"I'm gonna get you for that Gold!"

"Good work, Gold. I think that slowed them down a bit," Silver applauded.

"Be glad you don't have friends Silver. My best one's gonna shoot me in the head once we land."

"That's if we land. LOOK!"

Ho-oh was coming back, fiercer then ever. There was no way they could attack from where they were.

"THEY'RE GONNA RAM US! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" Silver was beginning to panic. He was losing his control over Lugia in this state. Gold punched him in the nose and threw a pokeball towards his father. Snorlax popped out of it.

"EXPLOSION!" The attack sent Ho-oh flying backwards again. It also blew away a deep chunk of tin tower. The enormous tower was beginning fall over. Lugia regained control of itself in time to stop the tower. It was struggling to keep it up though. Gold released Pyro from its pokeball and jumped off of Lugia. "Dynamicpunch!" Instead of hitting Ho-oh, Pyro punched Gold's dad in the stomach. He let go of the Rainbow Feather and Gold caught it instead. "Sacred Fire."

The attack burned through Tin Tower. Lugia threw the piece of building to the ground and waited for an order. Gold was about to destroy the Rainbow Feather when he was picked by his collar by his father.

"Let me go! Pyro get him!"

"Baku..." it said weakly. Kazam and its mother finished it off with a combined Psybeam. The boss took Gold and threw him bodily off of Ho-oh's back. Gold managed to grab Ho-oh's tail feather.

"It's just like kids these days. You literally try to give them the whole world and they don't appreciate it. Sorry son but I can't let you interfere anymore." He pulled out a gun and shot Gold in the same wound he got from the phoenix feather.

"GAAAH! I HATE YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Gold shrieked as he let go of Ho-oh. Silver saw what happened from atop of Lugia and became furious. Lugia felt that rage as well and bit down hard on Ho-oh's wing. It then flipped in the air and used Iron Tail. It ten balled its wings into fists and started punching.

ON THE GROUND AND SIX HOURS LATER...

"Got any twos?" Copper asked lazily.

"Go fish..." Lance said back.

Gold landed in a conveniently placed pillow truck when he got shot. Crystal, Lance and Copper found him and took the bullet out (I have no idea what doctors do when they take bullets just so you know). Ho-oh and Lugia were fighting to the point of exhaustion and resorted to sissy slapping rather then using actual moves.

"Hey guys," Gold started. Crystal was helping his arm through a sling. "Instead of playing cards couldn't we just come from behind, beat the shit out of my dad, destroy the rainbow wing, and save the day?"

"You should have told us that hours ago," Lance said. "LET'S GO!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another delayed chapter. I can write when my Mom's not around and at the library. I can try to update tomorrow and Wednesday but the rest of the week I've gotta go to Canada... Oh yeah, I got to update Gold's profile.

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Snorlax LV: 30

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 19

Slowking-Lazy LV: 25

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 16


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Snorlax LV: 30

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 19

Slowking-Lazy LV: 25

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 16

Hiro

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Grimer-Stench LV: 9

Magby-Inferno LV: 5

Weepinbell LV: 21

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 30

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Suicune (not captured, currently bringing Crystal to safety)

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Red Gyarados LV: 50

Entei (not captured, helping him on the journey)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Okay do you guys have any questions?" Lance asked.

"Who are you?" Gold asked.

"Is it nap time?" Hiro asked.

"Where's the crapper?" Copper asked.

"Can I sit this one out? I'm going through a female metabolic process..." Crystal said closing her legs.

"If Crystal is having her period, can I stay for my own perverted reasons?" Hiro asked. Crystal slapped him across the face.

"Can I stay too?" Gold asked. "My arm still hurts regardless of the removed bullet."

"Can I have permission to strangle Hiro?" Crystal asked.

"Do you know I just pissed on your cape?" Copper said.

"Okay, enough questions! In order: I'm Lance. Hell no. Over there. Sure. No and you're an asshole. You can't because you're needed for the mission. Yes. And you can have this cape after I strangle you with it." He got on to his Dragonite and took off towards Ho-oh. Copper and Gold rode on Fears and Hiro lifted off on a Skarmory. They made a triangle in the sky and fired a combined Hyper Beam attack and fired it at Ho-oh.

Ho-oh fell to the ground and dropped its master. Hiro had Skarmory dive and was heading straight for the evil man. The boss released a Weezing and had it use Explosion. The attack blew Hiro off of Skarmory and swept him away in the blast. The attack did little to stop Skarmory. It used Steel Wing and managed to make its target drop the Rainbow wing. Fears flew down and picked up Hiro. Gold outstretched his hand and grabbed the Rainbow Wing. He tossed into the air where Dragonite blew it up with a Hyper Beam.

"Silver, you can get off of Lugia now. WE DID IT!" Silver slid down Lugia's back and snapped the Silver wing in half. Ho-oh and Lugia looked at each other confusedly. They left without a word in opposite directions: Lugia diving towards the sea and Ho-oh rising towards the heavens.

"NO HO-OH! COME BACK TO ME! I'LL HAVE ALL OF YOU DESTROYED... um... tomorrow..." A helicopter driven by Karen came by from overhead and was coming to rescue her father. Raikou, Suicune and Entei used their elemental attacks to blow the helicopter up. Karen escaped on her Murkrow at the last second.

Police cars surrounded the group. They grabbed P.O.O.T's boss and shoved him into the back of a police car. An Officer Jenny came out with a megaphone.

"THE SIX OF YOU STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE! YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST!"

"OW! Quit screaming into that thing. We're standing right here! And what do you mean, we're under arrest?" Gold shouted.

"Even though you saved the world, we still have to take you in for everything else you've done," she said pulling out a long list. "Let's start with Silver. Stolen 800 items from 300 different locations in six cities over the past eight years."

"That was to live! I've been alone for twelve years, what do you expect?"

"Tell it to the judge. You're a former P.O.O.T member, been in possession of weapons, 3 cases of hit and run, using a car without a license, using a helicopter without a license, been involved in forty incidents involving arson and weapons of mass destruction; such as bombs, missiles, bazookas, etc, and since that Lugia was under control you are responsible for all the damages it has done. Maximum sentence, 500 years in jail. Take Him away!" The cops dragged him away into the back of a police truck.

"Gold Ryu. Two cases of resisting arrest, destroyed The Slowpoke Well-."

"THAT WASN'T ME THAT WAS TEAM ROCKET!"

"There is no evidence to support that claim. You also trampled over the Ilex and blew up Goldenrod gym. Maximum sentence, 30 years."

They grabbed Gold by his arms and threw him headfirst into the back of the truck. After about an hour everyone except Lance were arrested.

AT THE JAIL

"This is great, we save the freakin world but they throw us in jail," Copper said.

"We've gotta get out of here before they bring someone else in here," Gold said worriedly.

"Why?" Crystal asked.

"Don't you now what they do in jail? They... they... analay ape ray you!"

"Excuse me?"

"Utt bay ex say."

"Huh?"

"Assay ounder pay."

"You do know I don't speak Pig Latin, right."

"Forget it. It doesn't concern you anyway. Silver, Hiro, Copper do not drop the soap when we take that group shower thing."

"Another thing," Copper started. "Why the fuck am I here? I know I took some drugs and burned down a park but shouldn't they have sent me to juvey or something?"

"Do you ever stop complaining?" Silver said holding his head. Hiro played a sad tune on his harmonica.

"Where'd you get the harmonica?" Gold asked.

"It was in this bag I sneaked in."

They gathered around the bag. Inside was all of their pokemon, a spoon, a bowl, a shovel, a lamp, a TV, a DVD player, a Playdude magazine, a pair of shoes, a radio, several CD's an inflatable super model, a vat of ice cream, a box of cereal, underwear, a stapler, a tree branch, cases of perfume, rings, a rifle, a phone, Michael Jackson (just kidding), an oboe, a clown mask, laptop, printer, action figures, a quart of milk, first aid kit, plastic butt, a vial of poison, some vodka, a dead ratatta, an inhaler, pillows, a gamegirl advance PS, scissors, Bigfoot12310, 5 easy ways to be a pimp, Bitch slapping for Dummies: how to keep your rowdy Growlithe in line, a clock, a bomb with the countdown off, a shotgun, Hiro's diary, a voodoo doll of Gold, 10,000 pokedollars, a picnic table, portable toilet, and a clone of Hiro floating in a tube, a video camera, a broken ceiling fan, _a playgirl magazine_, a globe, an umbrella, a clarinet, a flyswatter, a vat of chocolate that wasn't chocolate and Hiro's mom.

"How'd you fit all that in such a small bag?"

"It's four dimensional, it can hold anything."

"How'd you get something like that?" Crystal said, looking into the bag again.

"Oh yeah," Gold said. "I forgot to tell you, Hiro's got more money then Gil Bates. He can bail us out!"

"No I can't, I'm already in jail. That's her job," he said pointing to his mom.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Snorlax LV: 30

Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 19

Slowking-Lazy LV: 25

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 16

Hiro

Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20

Grimer-Stench LV: 9

Magby-Inferno LV: 5

Weepinbell LV: 21

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 30

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"After I get you all out of here, you have to promise to never come back to Ecruteak," Hiro's mom said.

"Now that's two places we can't ever come back to," Gold sighed.

"What do you mean 'we'?" Crystal said back.

"Oh yeah, I have a surprise for you in Olivine City, Hiro."

"Is it a fifth dimensional bag? The fourth dimensional is boring.

"Of course not Hiry Piry Poo. We're disgustingly rich! I've got something bigger in mind. Fifth dimensional backpacks are most suited for your commoner friends."

"We're standing right here you old bi-." Gold slapped a hand over Crystal's mouth.

"Cool it," he whispered. "She's the one getting us out of here. And she might even give us a couple handouts if we get on her good side."

"And don't even think of getting handouts, you street urchins!"

"FUCK YOU!"

"Hey don't talk to my mom that way!"

"Your mom's boobs are so big they've been mistaken for tree trunks!"

"Well your mom is such a sl-t and so bad in the sack that your dad couldn't stick around to do it twice!"

"Oooh, that was below the belt, Gold," Copper said with delight. "Are you gonna take that from him?"

Gold kicked Hiro in the groin. Hiro's mom rushed over to her son and glared at Gold.

"Take this money and bail yourselves out you sons of bitches."

An hour later...

"Okay, you're all free but don't do anything stupid." the warden said. The group walked outside.

"Don't do anything stupid? When's the last time we didn't do something stupid? Right Hiro?" Hiro had already gotten in a car with his mom and sped off towards Olivine. Silver knocked someone off their bike and stole it. He trailed after Hiro's car and eventually passed it.

"What do we do now?" Copper asked.

"We're gonna go to Olivine City where they'll make me the new gym leader," Gold announced.

"Why do you want to be a gym leader?" Crystal asked.

"I was looking at our profiles before the chapter started and I realized that I'm the strongest main character, I never lost a match. Plus I get to be one with my pokemon, reach new levels of strength, cunning-."

"You just wanna do it for the fat pay checks and that your mom won't have to work too hard make ends meet."

"Are you psychic or something?"

"Nope, I just know you too well. You can be sweet when you want to be."

"If you really know me then how big is my di-?" Crystal punched him in the stomach.

"I also know that you can be a disgusting jerk."

"Geez! I was just kidding. To Olivine my friends!"

"What'd you mean by profiles and chapters?" Copper asked looking puzzled.

"The entire world is a fanfiction made by a 14 year old boy who would rather write and listen to music on the internet then go outside. I am a merely a vessel for his own personality, Crystal is only here to serve as the main character's significant other and adds romance to a tale of idiocy, destruction, and semi-original plot line. Hiro and Silver act as best friends and rivals and you were made for the purpose of sarcasm/comic relief and apprenticeship. Now we shall forget that I've completely obliterated the fourth wall and go to Olivine City." Gold stopped talking and left Ecruteak City through the western gate.

"I am pretty sure I overdosed his medicine..." Crystal confessed.

"Clearly," Copper replied. "So... uh... what's he takin'?"

"Why do want to know?" Crystal asked him looking at him suspiciously.

"You know... just um... you know... looking out for Gold from the stuff... in the uh stuff... from the thingy... in the thing.

"Hmm... MARIJUANA!"

"WHERE!"

"HA! You just wanna get high again!"

"DAMN IT!"

"You're not gonna get your crack addict fingers on this stuff!"

"DOUBLE DAMN IT!"

The group got to Olivine City in a matter of days. It just occurred to me that none of the characters fought the NPCs in actual battles. But I'll make up for that up next. They entered the gym first to find Hiro waiting for them.

"Hiro, why are you here?"

"I _own_ here."

"YOU'RE THE NEW GYM LEADER!"

"Damn straight," Hiro said leaning back into a throne of rock.

"You... Stadium stealing... sperm swallowing... son of a Starmie! You took my dream job away like an illegal immigrant!"

"That was both racist and true. And this place has always belonged to the Steel Family which I is am. You couldn't have taken it anyway."

"I'll fight you for it! Go Pyro!"

"Go Armor! (That's the name of Hiro's Skarmory)"

Armor didn't wait for Hiro's orders again and used Steel Wing. Pyro grabbed it by the left wing and tossed it across the room and then knocked it out with a Flame Wheel attack. Hiro used Highfang next but this time it was a Feraligatr.

"Highfang, slash it across the eyes!" Highfang sliced its claw against Pyro's face. Pyro wheeled round backwards clutching its now bloodied eye. Highfang started punching Pyro over and over until Pyro fell to its knees and fainted. Gold used the still un-named Snorlax.

"Snorlax, Double Edge!" Snorlax glowed white and charged towards Highfang. Highfang stamped down on a floorboard and sent Snorlax flying into the air.

"IF YOU WANNA LIVE, GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Gold screamed as he dove out of the way of his falling pokemon. Snorlax's plummet released a second floorboard and sent Highfang soaring even higher and through the roof. Hiro returned it before it hit the ground and switched in Stench. Apparently, all of Hiro's pokemon evolved because Stench is a Muk now.

"Use mega punch," Gold commanded.

"Acid Armor." Just as Snorlax was about to strike, Stench turned it into a purple liquid. It then sort of, slithered up Snorlax's mouth. Snorlax's face turned green and looked like it was about to vomit.

"Eww. Stench must taste like ass..."

"Uh-."

"No, I don't know what ass tastes like Copper. Snorlax, pull on your uvula and puke Stench out!"

"He's gonna need a lot of lotion and napkins for that, Gold!" Copper remarked. Crystal smacked him in the back of the head.

"What was that for?"

"The uvula is that thing in the back of your mouth, not the thing in your- you know what? I don't feel like explaining his. Just watch the battle and keep your mouth shut."

Who will win?

Gold or Hiro?

Will Hiro keep his gym leader title?

Will Copper finally know the difference between a wang and a uvula?

Where the hell was Silver the whole time?

Why am I asking you all this? You don't even know the answers!

All the answers to these questions and more on the next chapter of Golden Flames. If you don't read you are a pile of donkey droppings!

TO BE CONTNUED... PSYCHE!

Snorlax's hand was too big to fit in its mouth. Stench was using Sludge Bomb on the inside. Snorlax couldn't take the pressure anymore and collapsed. Before Gold returned it, Snorlax farted Stench out of its system.

"Nasty..." Gold winced.

"Next victim, please," Hiro said complacently.

"Victim this you son of a- GAH FORGET IT! Go Sprout!"

"Sprout? Stench's sludge will steamroll Sprout."

"Sprout scrunches stupid, smelly smucks like Stench!"

"Stench surreptitiously-,"

"Will you two stop speaking in S words, it's getting annoying!" Crystal pointed out. Stench was yawning the whole time. Sprout fired two razor leaves into its mouth.

"Stench spit those out and use Sludge Bomb!" The leaves were bouncing around inside Stench, preventing it from moving. Gold and Sprout stopped attacking.

"Are you giving up?"

"You wish. Those leaves will destroy Stench on the inside just like you did to Snorlax." What Gold said was true. Stench collapsed from the bouncing razor sharp leaves and swallowed them. Hiro switched in his Victreebel.

"Victor, reel it in with vine whip!" Victor grabbed Sprout by its waist and shoved it into its mouth. "Good now use Sludge Bomb!" Sprout came back out covered in sludge. Gold caught it in his arms. Victor used vine whip again and managed to knock out Spout and also knocked Gold off his feet.

"Gold, at least try to look decent. This match is being televised for Pete's-."

"We're on TV?"

"Yeah, you mean you didn't notice the cameras? Just give the viewers a good show."

"The viewers can bite my ass. I choose Lazy!"

"Why hello again, master. What rapscallion must I defeat for you this time?" Lazy said in its usual British accent.

"Use Fire Blast on that toilet with leaves!" Lazy shot the man shaped fire jet at Victor. Needless to say Victor fainted. Hiro chose Inferno, which evolved into Magmar at some point in time.

"Use all four of your attacks at once! Dizzy Punch! Fire Punch! Mega Punch! Thunder Punch! GO!" Inferno sprinted and used all four of its punch attacks over and over again. Inferno was punching so fast that Lazy couldn't counter.

"Shellder, can you hear me? Use Water Gun!" Shellder jumped off of Lazy's head and knocked Inferno out of the way. When it clamped back down on Lazy's head, Lazy's personality changed.

"YO! Get that fucked up mug of yours outs my grill, son! Or I'll be on you like a Primeape on a banana! You look confused, do I have to spell it out for you n---a? Get your slimy duck bill of a mouth off my d—k of I'll bitch slap you like a crack smokin' w---e! Get cho' fo' shizzle out my nizzle!" Lazy ranted.

"Whoah... What happened to the British accent?" Gold said in awe.

"Not cool, dude... Little kids are watching this! Thunder punch!" Hiro ordered to cover up what just happened.

"Lazy get out of the way!"

"Sorry but I don't listen to no white man."

"But-."

"But nuttin'!" Inferno knocked it out with one last punch. Gold shook his head and returned his identity impaired Slowking. He switched in Trunks and had it use Take Down. Inferno tried using Mega Punch but only to be brushed aside by the awesomeness that is Trunks. Hiro chose his final pokemon: Rhydon.

"Rollout!"

"Earthquake!"

Trunks rolled into a ball but due to shaking battlefield, it uncurled itself and landed on its back. Rhydon used Iron Tail and sent Trunks crashing threw the stalagmites on the ground. To Gold's dismay, Trunks had lost consciousness. All he had left was Sparks. Sparks evolved into Ampharos on the way over from Ecruteak but that didn't matter because of Rhydon's type.

"OKAY GIVE 'EM YOUR BEST THUNDERSHOCK!" The attack hit Rhydon head on but it did nothing. "THUNDERBOLT!" Again nothing. "THUNDERPUNCH!" Do I need to say it? IT DID NOTHING! "OKAY, ENOUGH OF THIS! GIGAVOLT!"

Sparks' attack wasn't as powerful as the one in Goldenrod but still did significant damage to the gym. But did nothing to Rhydon...

"Cough... Gold... cough... what made you think that would work... cough..." Crystal wheezed through the smoke.

"Cha- The-cough- TV show-cha-lied to me... That always worked for-cough-Pikachu..." The smoke started to clear.

"The ground pokemon on that show are told to fall when they get zapped by that runt! It doesn't work in real life!"

"Ash Ketchum lied to me again!" Rhydon was fighting Sparks while they were talking. Rhydon smacked Sparks to the ground with its tail. It finished Sparks off with a stomp attack.

"Return Sparks... I can't believe it... I've lost..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There you have it. God loses to Hiro for the first time. Now you know what Hiro's mom's surprise was. HIRO'S THE NEW OLIVINE GYM LEADER!

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Snorlax LV: 30 (Insert Nickname)

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 30

Slowking-Lazy LV: 25

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 25

Disclaimer: Just so you know, I hope all black people reading this do not get upset over what Lazy said. STEREOTYPING IS WRONG! I'm African American as well and I know what I'm talking about. I am ReturnToJohto and I approve of this message.

RTJ


	27. Chapter 27: Crystal Leaves

Chapter 27: Crystal Leaves

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Snorlax LV: 30 (Insert Nickname)

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 30

Slowking-Lazy LV: 25

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 25

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 30

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Crystal wake up! There's something big going on at the Battle Tower!" Gold said enthusiastically. Any normal person would feel depressed after a loss but Gold's not a normal person. He was smiling from ear to ear.

"What time is it?" Crystal asked groggily.

"Six o'clock."

"If you don't mind, Gold, I'm planning to sleep until noon today, so-."

"BY NOON IT WILL BE TOO LATE! WE'RE GOING NOW!" Gold grabbed Crystal's hand and dragged her out of the pokemon center.

"Gold wait, what could be so important that you won't let me change out of my pajamas first?"

"THIS!"

The Battle Tower was in a state of complete chaos. Herds of Tauros, Exeggutor, Nidoking, Nidoqueen, Rhydon, Steelix, Magneton, Magnemite, Miltank and an army of Bulbasaurs and Ivysaurs led by a Venusaur were all attacking the Tower at once. People carrying signs were chanting 'If you don't get rid of the pokemon soon, this place is shut down by noon'.

"Explain yourself, Golden Boy."

"The guy who owns this place hired me and Copper to get rid of the pokemon."

"But why are there hippies?"

"I don't know, lets ask them."

"Gold don't-."

"HEY ASS MUNCHERS, WHY ARE YOU HERE!" The protesters stopped. A woman came out of the center and spoke to him from behind a megaphone.

"The evil pokemon battling circuit built this bastion of oppression on the pokemon's Sacred Breeding Grounds. We passed a law so that if they don't find a way to please our pokemon brothers and sisters they will be forced to shut down!"

"First of all, speak in words I understand. Second, why do you care if a bunch of pokemon can't have sex where they want to? Third, don't you guys have anything better to do?"

"We're hippies; dude, we don't like do anything."

"Yeah you do, you guys smoke weed and complain on matters that don't concern you, that's something."

"Someone with such a feeble mind could never understand our mission. Now get out of the way; we're gonna protest against the people they hired."

"You're looking at 'em."

"Actually it's just him- GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Crystal shrieked. A Rhydon came by carrying Copper on its head. Copper managed to steer it away from them in time but crashed into a tree. "That does it! I'm going back to bed. Call me when this is over!"

"Bye Crysta-DAAAAAAA!" Gold was carried off by a Tauros on a windshield.

Crystal left on her own. She stopped when she heard a familiar voice by the peer.

"Let's see... Tentacruel, magikarp, Gyarados, car tire, Starmie, Vhid, DAMN IT! I'll never find one, like this." Silver roared. He kicked all of them back into the ocean and broke his fishing pole in half.

"Hey Silver, what are looking for?" Crystal asked.

"None of your business. What do you want from me?"

"Relax, I'm just saying hi."

Silver gave her a puzzled look. His eyes scanned up and down her body.

"You perv-."

"No-no- it's not that- it's just- the pajamas-and-."

"Forget it. You wouldn't believe how many times Gold did that. So what were you fishing for?"

"Another Silver Wing. It's not going to well though..."

"If it's that important to you, how about you join our group? We may be able to help you." Silver closed his eyes and thought for a moment. He smirked at her.

"I don't hang out with weaklings that don't know that electricity doesn't work on Rhydons." Crystal frowned; he must have seen the match on TV.

"If I proved Gold and Copper aren't weaklings or idiots would you join up?"

"Maybe; maybe not." An explosion went off near the Battle Tower. Dozens of red lights flashed at once. "What just happened?"

"Gold happened..."

STORY CHANGE: Copper Winds

Copper had gained control of Rhydon and stood across from Gold. Gold was standing on the Tauros that rammed him with his arms crossed.

"OK, Copper. I caught all the Tauros, you caught all the Miltank. I got all of the Nidoqueen; you got all of the Nidoking. Me gots all the Steelix, you gots all the Rhydon. Me; Magneton; you, Magnemite. I have the Exeggutors; you have the Saurs. But I want the Saurs, so to be fair; I'll trade my 300 Exeggutors for-."

"No way!"

"Why not? Tors kick the crap out of Saurs!"

"I don't care; I don't even have a starter!"

"No one deserves them better then me!"

"Asshole!"

"Vaginal discharge!"

"Bitch!"

"At least I can get bitches!'

"I don't think flat-chested chicks like Whitney count as bitches, Gold."

"That is still one more bitch then you'll ever have."

"Go bite my balls!"

"It's funny 'cus your mom said the same thing, but I told her I don't sleep with men but maybe your son would be interested."

"Bitch!"

"Super Bitch!"

"Ultra Bitch!"

"Mega Bitch!"

"Gay Bitch!"

"Supreme Bitch!"

"INFINITY BITCH!"

"CRAP! Fine you win. Now help me get rid of those protesters," Gold pointed to the mob. They stopped when they saw all the pokemon were gone. Their leader came back out.

"Where'd the pokemon go?"

"Beaten up, captured and teleported away three hours ahead of schedule," Copper said spinning a pokeball on his finger. "Now we just have to get rid of you jokers and collect our fee."

"Not if we have anything to do with it!" They pulled out three giant solar panels. "These things can both absorb and throw back solar energy. And right now they have as much power as ten solar beams... EACH!"

"Gold, before we die at the hands of these weed guzzlers, I want you to know... that I used your toothbrush to wipe my ass this morning."

"You son of a bitch!"

-------------------------------------------------

Sorry if this is late or not as good as the others. I'm kind of running out of ideas...


	28. Chapter 28: Golden Flames

Chapter 28: Golden Flames

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Snorlax LV: 30 (Insert Nickname)

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 30

Slowking-Lazy LV: 25

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 25

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 30

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"STOP!" A second woman came out from the crowd. She spread her arms out to shield Gold and Copper. "If you kill them then you have completely forgotten what being a hippie is all about. It means to smoke weed, complain a lot, promote peace and love without violence."

"Keep it up Lady!" said Gold.

"I'm a man!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW..."

Two hours later...

"...WWW!"

"Forget it just kill them."

"Nice work, Asshole!" Copper yelled. "He was going to save us and you screwed it up!"

"I had to, man; that was nasty."

"Extremely..."

"FIRE!" The hippies fired their weapons of mass destruction. Luckily for Gold and Copper, the Tauros and Rhydon herds came by and swept them away just in time. "Don't let them get away!"

"These bitches don't know when to quit!" Copper said.

"I've got an idea. Make all the pokemon fire a Hyper Beam attack at the lobby of the Battle Tower." Gold pointed to it.

"Are you nuts?"

"Do it or I'll kick you in yours! Whatever- I'll do it. COMPANY HALT!" The herds stopped in their tracks.

"How'd you do that?"

"My third step dad was a drill sergeant. ALL TROOPS FRONT AND CENTER AT ENEMY BASE CAMP!" They all stood in front of the Battle Tower at Gold's command. "PRESENT ARMS!" The pokemon started preparing their attacks. "FIRE THEN RETREAT!" They shot down the bottom of the Battle Tower and ran away before the top fell. The tower fell on top of the hippies and killed them all.

"They wanted to shut down the tower, by the twelfth hour..." Copper rhymed sadly.

"But now instead, the ground is red..." Gold added.

"And now those assholes are dead, this really sucked..."

"AND NOW WE'RE EXTREMELY FUCKED!" Gold shrieked. The police were already closing in on them.

"NOT AGAIN! AND WHAT'S WORSE IS THAT THE GUY WHO WAS PAYING US WAS STILL IN THE TOWER AND NOW HE'S DEAD!"

"SHIT!" Gold cursed. "We've got to get Crystal and get out of here! HI HO TITTY TWISTER!" (The name of the Tauros Gold is always riding) They returned all the pokemon except for Titty Twister and Copper's Rhydon and ran for it. The police were hot on their trail.

They found Crystal and Silver at the docks and dismounted their pokemon. Gold jumped high into the air and drop kicked them into the nearest motorboat and took off.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!" Crystal said clutching her cheek.

"And why'd you bring me too? I'm not part of the idiot squad!" Silver complained.

"WEKNOCKDEDOVERTHETOWERAND KILLEDTHEHIPPIESNOWBADPOLICEPEOPLESCOMINGAFTERUSAGAINWEGONOW! GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!" Gold said pulling the cord thingy to go faster.

"Hold on. Put spaces between your words," Crystal said.

"WE-KNOCKED-OV-ER-THE-TOW-ER-AND-KILLED-THE-HIPP-IES, NOW-BAD-PO-LICE-PEOP-LES-CO-MING-AF-TER-US-A-GAIN, WE-GO-NOW! GO-GO-GO-GO-GO-GO-GO-GO-GO-GO-GO!"

"I said words, not syllables. AND WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO!"

"I did..."

"Whatever, JUST GO!"

--------------------------------------------------

Too short of a chapter, I know. My mom's coming back home soon and since she doesn't want me on the computer, I had to stop short- SORRY


	29. Chapter 29: Silver Ice

Chapter 29: Silver Ice

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Snorlax LV: 30 (Insert Nickname)

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 30

Slowking-Lazy LV: 25

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 25

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 30

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Silver put his head in his hands and stared out in to the ocean. The motor on their boat broke down a while ago and Gold and Crystal were fighting over on how to fix it.

"Gold, all you have to do is snip that red wire and-."

"NO! The battery is dead that's all! Let a _man_ handle it."

"What man? I don't see one!"

"Whatever, the fact of the matter is that your kind is more suited for cooking, cleaning and sucking b---s while men are best at fixing stuff and bringin' home the bacon." Crystal dunked his head into the water.

"Sexist bastard!" Gold lifted his head out of the water and shook her off.

"By that I hope you meant Sex-y Bastard."

"You're so full of yourself!"

"I'm the biggest thing since sliced bread; woman and I'll prove it. SPARKS COME ON OUT!" The Ampharos turned away from Gold and drooped its head miserably. "What's wrong with you? Maybe Lazy's right about the food I give you guys..." Gold took out a piece of Poke-bits and ate it. "DAMN! That _is_ nasty!"

"It isn't the food, Dumbass! The poor thing is still depressed from losing to Hiro's Rhydon."

"But that was yesterday... Sparks just forget about it. When we're done with Cianwood we'll go back to kick Hiro's ass. But for now juice up this thing so we don't die of starvation before that." What Gold said didn't seem to affect Sparks at all. It gave the motor a weak jolt of electricity and took the pokeball out of Gold's hand and returned itself to the ball.

The motor shuddered and then... blew up.

"HOLY SHIT!" Gold screamed.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! NOW WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE OUT HERE BECAUSE OF YOU!" Thus starting another conflict between Gold and Crystal. Silver and Copper ignored them and continued talking to each other.

"Those two do know that we can ride a pokemon or something to Cianwood right?" Silver asked.

"Let's put it like this. The last time they fought like this, I stole some weed from these guys on the street, burned down an orphanage and a park, and slept with three drunken women at once without them noticing."

"How'd you do three girls? You're ten!"

"A magical thing called the dil-."

"-Don't want to know!"

"Whatever. I CAN HAVE GYARADOS TAKE US THERE YOU SONS OF BITCHES! STOP YELLING!" Copper roared at Gold and Crystal. They instantly stopped. Copper tossed a pokeball out into the sea and out came the Gyarados in all of its redness.

"You never said Gyarados was red," Gold said.

"Does it matter?" Copper answered back coldly.

"Who put a Qwilfish in his undies?" Copper climbed onto Gyarados' tail. But Gyarados began thrashing around and slammed Copper into the air. Silver grabbed his hand just before he crashed into the boat. Silver released his Golbat and climbed onto its back.

"Get close to it and I'll do the rest!" Golbat soared over Gyarados and dropped Silver on the way. Silver drop kicked Gyarados on that scale thingy on its head. Gyarados reeled back in pain and countered by wrapping its body around Silver's and crushing him.

"You've got to do something Copper!" Crystal screamed into his ear.

"Damn you're loud! And what do you expect me to do? I'm a little boy! And besides, Silver can handle it." Silver didn't even cringe at being crushed. Instead, he glared out in front of him.

"GYASSHHAA, RASSSHHH, RRRRAAAASSSSHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Silver screamed. Upon hearing this Gyarados let him go and let him ride on its back. Silver pointed to the others and Gyarados let them get on too.

"How'd you-." Gold started.

"When we get there I'm going back to my original plans and I don't want to see you three ever again," Silver interrupted.

"Fine but how'd you-."

"Stop me and I will crush you all," he cut in again.

"Fine; crush us with your mighty might and all that shit but how did you-."

"I'll seriously will take a nine inch razor blade and shove it up your-."

"ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!"

"Huh? What question?"

"Just forget it!"

They all didn't say a word until they got close to the beaches of Cianwood. Gyarados stopped abruptly and sent the passengers flying into different places. Copper hit the beach headfirst and returned Gyarados. Crystal and Silver landed at the same spot which happened to be one unfortunate family's picnic. Gold was extremely unlucky and crashed into a building on the other side of the island which happened to be the gym.

"HOLY CRAP! That son of a bitch broke my fridge!" Chuck yelled taking a bite out of a fried Farfetch'd leg. Farfetch'd are the equivalent of chicken in this story. No wonder they're almost extinct...

"WHO CARES ABOUT THE FRIDGE! He blew up the gym, dojo, our house and my porcelain figurines!" His wife yelled back.

STORY CHANGE: GOLDEN FLAMES

"Yo; can someone take me to the hospital? I don't feel too good. You'd think after crashes like that I'd get hurt but I actually get sick. I must have a head of steel or something..." Gold said climbing out from the rubble.

"You're not going anywhere punk!" Chuck said pulling Gold up by his collar.

"My God, you're fat... I can tell just by looking at you, you weigh more then 300 pounds. Seriously dude... I don't feel so good..."

"I'm not fat; I'm big boned. And to pay for what you did you're gonna work for me for the rest of my life."

"If you keep hitting those KFF (Kanto Fried Farfetch'd) buckets, I'll only be here three minutes then. Oh man... I feel like I'm gonna puke..."

"GGGRRRRR..." Chuck growled.

"BLEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHH!" Gold vomited on Chuck's head.

"AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

TO BE CONTINUED- KEEP READING MINIONS- I MEAN READERS OR YOU SHALL FEEL ETERNAL WRATH AND DOOM WILL BE SPREAD TO ALL YOU KNOW AND LOVE.

Love,

RTJ


	30. Chapter 30: Poliwrath Pummeling

Chapter 30

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Snorlax LV: 30 (Insert Nickname)

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 30

Slowking-Lazy LV: 25

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 25

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 30

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chuck threw Gold out of the same hole he came in. Gold unceremoniously landed on his ass in the middle of an arena. The outdoor arena was exactly like a normal pokemon battlefield but it had ropes around it like a wrestling match. Chuck came charging through his own home and jumped into the ring.

"Wassup Tubby?" Gold said barely realizing he was thrown out of a window by this person.

"Here are the rules you little punk. Instead of using actual moves our pokemon will fight with their own two or more hands, tentacles, claws, paws, etc. We will both only use one pokemon. This battle will go on just like a wrestling match."

"What's the cache? (Don't know if I'm using that expression right...)" Gold asked, finally realizing he was in trouble.

"In this fight, trainers will fight as well. And if you lose you're working for me... FOREVER!"

"Oh shitty pants..." There was no way he could beat Chuck; he was six times his six times his size and that's just around the middle.

"We'll start this off randomly and I choose you and my Poliwrath to fight first."

"Wait, what-?" Chuck had already ran off and sent Poliwrath out into the ring. Gold looked around to find a bunch of people putting down chairs to watch the fight. "Oh crap... I'm gonna die out here..."

Poliwrath was charging at him. Gold side stepped it and punched it in the back. That didn't seem to effect it at all because it turned around quickly and bitch slapped Gold so hard that he went flying into one of the metal bars that hold the bars. Gold felt his skull crack open a little bit and was beginning to lose consciousness.

"Gold are you alright?" Gold turned his head to see Crystal, Copper and Silver standing outside the ring.

"Do I look alright to you?" Gold snapped.

"Sorry..." Crystal replied.

Gold got up and tried to punch Poliwrath but it dodged to the left and kicked him in the face. Gold held his face in pain and Poliwrath punched him in the stomach. Gold fell on his back and Poliwrath kicked him...

"GAAAAHH, RIGHT IN THE DOUBLE DIGITS!" Gold screamed. He held his reproductive organs in pain. He went into a frenzy and punched Poliwrath on the swirl on its stomach. Then he used the ropes to deliver a flying drop kick in the same spot. Poliwrath grabbed Gold's leg just before he hit it and tossed him out of the ring.

Gold landed on his leg this time and broke it.

"SON OF A BITCH! I'M GONNA GET MY ASS WHOOPED AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT COPPER!"

"How is this my fault?" Copper asked.

"Your stupid Gyarados tossed me into that f---ing gym so this is _your_ fault!"

"Gyarados stopped short because it was gonna run over some magikarp. It was an accident!"

"You can suck my now numb nuts!"

"STOP FIGHTING!" Crystal said pushing the two away from each other. Gold pulled out a pokeball and released Lazy.

"Yo wassup bitches?" Lazy said yawning.

"I need you to help me kick that guy's ass," Gold pointed to Poliwrath.

"What's in it fo' me?"

"A twenty and the finest bitch you can pick out."

"Deal." Lazy took out a crowbar from under Shellder and climbed into the ring.

"Where'd he get that crowbar?" Silver asked. Gold shrugged and looked into the ring. Then he grabbed his broken leg in pain.

Lazy used its crowbar to bash Poliwrath in between in the eyes. Lazy got it once on its left flank and pushed Poliwrath onto its back. Then it slammed it right in the...

(DDDOOOOOOOOHHHH, RIGHT IN THE TWIG AND BERRIES!) Poliwrath shrieked. It closed its eyes and fainted. Chuck returned Poliwrath and whimpered upon seeing Lazy. Chuck's wife put on a cheerleading outfit and was cheering for him.

"GO GET HIM HONEY!"

"Uh, right..." He came up to Lazy and whispered in its ear. "Hey I was hoping that Poliwrath would beat you and that kid up. Look at me! I can barely walk; let alone fight! So if you forfeit the match for me I'll-,"

"This pussy forfeits!" Lazy cried out.

"Hey!"

Gold jumped into the ring and hugged Lazy.

"EWW! 3 SECOND RULE! Now where's my twenty?" Gold handed him the money and walked up to the bewildered Chuck.

"Now here are my demands-," Gold started.

"You don't get to make demands!" Chuck said in protest.

"SILENCE MORTAL!" Chuck immediately shut up.

"I want-," Copper put a hand over Gold's mouth.

"I want two glass cutters, a piece of twenty feet of rope, two AK-147 brand BB guns, a pair of tweezers, and two canisters of sleeping gas. And four Storm badges." Copper said.

"What the hell do we need all that for?"

"You'll see..."

STORY CHANGE: Copper winds

Copper twiddled his thumbs, waiting for Gold to get out of the emergency room. Crystal left to go shopping and Silver was nowhere to be found. Gold came out in a wheelchair with his broken leg propped up.

"Uh, Gold; you know when Gyarados flung us away?"

"Yeah..."

"I found your pokemon next to me except Lazy and-,"

"Where are they?"

"If I tell you, you have to promise not to hit me."

"Why would I hit you?"

"Because I traded them all to this guy named Big Tony for a bunch of Botox inject-," Gold grabbed Copper around the neck and flung him into a guy on life support.

"YOU PROMISED NOT TO HIT ME!" Copper said through his tears.

"I'LL KILL YOU, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!" Gold took out one of the crutches from behind his chair and smacked Copper with them. Copper ran from Gold and pushed the button to make the elevator come.

"WHY ARE YOU EVEN STILL ALIVE! BOTOX IS THE MOST POISONOUS THING ON EARTH!" Gold screamed taking another swing at him. Copper rushed into the elevator before Gold attacked him again. Gold flung himself out of the wheelchair just before the elevator doors closed.

"Gold, stop! Big Tony said he'll give them back if we give him a couple diamonds!"

"WHERE THE HELL ARE WE GONNA GET DIAMONDS!"

One hour later...

"We're gonna rob a jewelry store?" Gold said in disbelief.

"Hell yeah!" Copper rushed towards the door without a moment's hesitation.

"Copper, wait! Oh man... How in one day did I go from beating up hippies to getting mauled by a Poliwrath to robbing a jewelry store?" Gold questioned running after Copper as good as a person with a broken leg could.

"Freeze bitches!" Copper roared. "This is a robbery!" Copper started firing bullets at anything that moved.

"COPPER STOP! THIS IS A BAKERY, STUPID!"

"Ooops... Sorry dudes." The people working there just hid until they left.

"Only you would be stupid enough to charge into the wrong store," Gold complained.

"Why are you always picking on me?"

"Because ever since I met you, everything you've done and said has been filled with stupidity!"

"Like you're one to talk!"

"At least I have enough common sense to not let some guy put needles in my arms and give away your master's pokemon away in exchange!"


	31. Cops, Robbers and Porn Magazines

Chapter 31

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Snorlax LV: 30 (Insert Nickname)

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 30

Slowking-Lazy LV: 25

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 25

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 30

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The bakery that Copper tried to rob called the police on them. But Gold and Copper were too busy arguing to notice that they were surrounded.

"What should we do with them, Chief?"

"Hmm... Leave them alone."

"What? WHY!"

"They're working for Big Tony right? We could follow them right to his hideout."

"Good Idea!"

"Kiss my ass!" Copper bellowed.

"Bitch!" Gold said back.

"Bitch!"

"Bitch!"

"Bitch!"

"Bitch!"

"Bitch!"

"Bitch!"

"WOULD YOU TWO IGNORANT PINHEADS, PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP?"

"Who said that?" Gold turned around to find Lazy out of its pokeball and glaring at them.

"I could hear you two maniacs through the pokeball! Just get yo' white asses into that place and rob it!" Gold and Copper did as it said and pulled on their ski masks and loaded their BB guns.

"Okay, um... could you... uh... guys... put the shiny things in the...um... this sack? This...is...um... a... r-r-r-robbery! Yeah... that was the word I was looking for. This is a robbery!" Gold stammered.

"God damn it! You guys couldn't rob your way out of a paper bag! Give me that!" Lazy said swiping the gun out of Gold's hand. "DON'T LISTEN TO THOSE IDIOTS! Y'ALL BETTER LISTEN TO ME IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! NOW GIVE US ALL THE DIAMONDS YOU GOT OR I'LL SHOOT EVERY LAST BITCH IN HERE!" The store manager filled four sacks with diamonds out of fear. "HEY YOU!" Lazy pointed the gun in a little girl's face. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING WITH THAT DIAMOND?"

"I-just-my birthday-and-."

"I DON'T CARE IF IT'S FO' YO' DAMN WEDDING! THAT ROCK IS OURS BITCH!" Lazy used confusion to blast her away.

"Lazy! Stop it; that was just a little girl!" Copper said helping her up.

"Whatever, ya' sentimental bitches. Get the ice and let's bounce..."

Both Gold and Copper the heavy sacks on their shoulders and walked out.

"Thank you for your patronage!" Gold said before leaving. He turned to Copper. "Where's Big Tony's place?"

"Down by the docks..."

------------------------------------------------

Big Tony's place was a rundown shack at the far end of the beach so no one would see it. But inside you could see gems lying on the ground like they were trash and grown men fighting. The group made it there, still blissfully unaware that the cops were following them.

"We've got business with-," Copper started to say to the bodyguard at the door. The giant man ran inside in a panic.

"Yo' Big Tony that punk kid and his friend brought the police with them!"

"WHAT?" They heard Big Tony shriek out of horror.

Copper looked up to Gold to see if he knew what they were talking about. Gold shrugged at him. He felt uneasiness in his stomach and turned around on his crutches to find at least a hundred police officers pointing guns at them. Gold made a strangled sound from his throat. Copper heard it and turned around too.

"Gold, did you just piss yourself and saw your life pass your eyes?"

"Yes..."e

"Good. I didn't want to be the only one..."

The bodyguard grabbed the duo by their necks and pulled them inside.

"We're taking these two pinheads hostage! If you ever want to see them again, you need to give a billion dollars for each of them!" he yelled out the window. He pushed Gold and Copper on to their knees in front of Big Tony.

"You're killing me kid," Big Tony said to Copper. "We made a fair deal didn't we? I give you back your pokemon and you give me diamonds. Fair; right? And before you left; I told you specifically- SPECIFICALLY NOT TO BRING THE CO-."

"I'm sorry Big Tony! We didn't know they were there; I swear!"

"HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW? THEY WERE RIGHT BEHIND YOU!" He stood up to punch Copper in the face but Gold blocked by lifting his crutch in front of the blow.

"We got your stupid rocks, regardless of the cops. Give me back my pokemon now or I'll have my psychotic Slowking blow this place sky high!"

"There's a bit of a temper in this one... Fine. Get the man what he wants." A couple of his goons went into the backroom and came out with pokeballs. They handed them to Gold. Gold opened one up to find a small stick of dynamite and a timer in it. Gold threw all five out of the window just in time. They blew away one of the police cars. The police; in turn fired nonstop on to the hideout.

"Copper get down!" Gold said tackling him to the ground; just narrowly saving them both from an oncoming bullet. Everyone else pulled out a gun and fired out at the police.

------------------------------------------------

The gunfight lasted all night. Everyone except Gold, Copper and a few surviving police officers were dead.

"That was... the coolest gunfight EVER!" Copper rejoiced.

"How could you be so cheerful? All those innocent people are gone..." Gold said lifting himself off of Copper.

"Innocent? No way! And what's wrong with you? You didn't mope when we killed all those hippies yesterday."

"Whatever... But where all my real pokemon?"

"Oh! About that... you seriously think I was dumb enough to give them the real pokemon? _I _gave them the pokeballs with bombs in 'em," he said pulling the real pokemon out of his pocket.

Gold bopped Copper on the head with his crutches.

"What the hell was that for?"

"WHY DID YOU MAKE US COME HERE THEN?"

"To take all of Big Tony's stuff when he was dead!"

Copper started rummaging through the drawers. In ten minutes, he found 400 dollars, a pearl necklace, 3 gold bars, and (to Gold's delight) a Playdude magazine. Crystal and Silver the gunfight on TV and rushed down to the hideout.

"Are you guys alright?" Crystal asked.

"Damn, you've got a nice set of tits!" Gold exclaimed.

"Y-You really think so?" Crystal said blushing. Gold however didn't even notice she was there. He was talking about a girl in the Playdude magazine.

"And some nice legs too ya' curvy ass cutie!" Gold said; still looking at the magazine.

"You think I'm cute too?" Crystal was overjoyed to hear that. Silver tried to point out to here Gold wasn't talking about her.

"Crystal, he's not-."

"I would like totally do you, right now!" Gold exclaimed.

"Don't you think that's a little sudden, Gold? I mean; we haven't gone out on a date yet."

"What's sudden, Crystal? Never mind. I need to go to bathroom for about twelve minutes..."

"I'll be waiting..." she said batting her eyelashes at him.

"Crystal, he wasn't talking to you. He was talking into this Playdude!"

"Oh please, Silver. What idiot would talk into a porn magazine?"

"Someone who isn't getting any like Gold!"

"Don't make fun of my future husband!"

"Fine! Live with your own ignorance!" Silver roared as he stormed out. Gold's twelve minutes were up and he walked out with a satisfied look on his face.

"Come on guys, we have to get back to Olivine City by tonight."

"Isn't there you want to say to me, Gold?"

"Umm... Where's Silver?"

"I don't know and I don't care. He had this crazy idea that you were talking to a porn magazine instead of me and-,"

"Uh, I was..."

"WHAT?"

"Umm... I didn't know you were there actually-OW!" Crystal kicked him in the... "GAH MY ONE EYED SNAKE!"

"Serves you right!" With that, Crystal stormed out too. Copper finished filling his pockets with stolen goods and left too.

"Why do all my friends suck?" He released Pyro from its pokeball. "At least I have you guys right?" Pyro answered him by flaring up the flames on its back and lifting him onto its head. "Good answer... I think... TO THE DOCKS MY FRIEND!"


	32. Tit's tits and Typhlosion love

Chapter 32

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Snorlax LV: 30 (Insert Nickname)

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 30

Slowking-Lazy LV: 25

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 25

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 30

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Stop here, Pyro," Gold said. The others were already loading their stuff onto Gyarados' back. Copper signaled for Gyarados to start swimming. "WAIT A MINUTE YOU SONS OF BITCHES! YOU FORGOT ME AND PYRO! COME BACK!" Pyro shot a jet of fire at Gyarados but they were already out of its range.

"Are you Gold Bartholomew Ryu?" Gold turned around to find the police chief next to Pyro.

"I'm him."

"May I see your Slowking?"

"Um... sure," Gold said taking Lazy of its pokeball. The chief slapped handcuffs onto Lazy's wrists.

"You are under arrest."

"WHAT? OH I GET IT; YOU TAKING ME IN 'CAUSE I'M A BLACK SLOWKING ISN'T CHA! ALL YOU POLICE OFFICERS ARE ALIKE! YOU ARREST US BLACK FOLK ON BOGUS CHARGES!"

"We're arresting you because you robbed a jewelry store last night; not because you're black-I mean-pink or whatever."

"GOLD SAVE ME!"

"Officer stop! That's my only way off the island!"

"That's not my problem."

Lazy was taken away kicking and screaming. Gold started to panic. They were taking away his only water pokemon.

"I wonder if Lazy knows it can blast its way out... Sigh... Its times like this I wish I still had Kazam to teleport me places..." Gold sat down in the sand glumly. Pyro did the same and patted Gold on the back as a way to cheer him up.

Pyro looked at Gold's pokeballs and noticed his sleeping Snorlax through the top. Pyro tapped Gold on the shoulder and pointed to it.

"Hmm... You're brilliant Pyro! Come out Lummox (Gold isn't being mean, that's just what I decided to call it)!" Lummox fell into the open ocean and created a tidal wave. "Pyro you're an idi-." The wave swept them both away before he could finish. When everything settled down again Gold found himself in some girl's bosom.

"HOLY CRAP! I'M SO SORRY! PLEASE DON'T HIT ME!" Gold shrieked as he pulled himself off of her.

"Relax. I've got this thing against hitting people in casts," she said. She looked about Crystal's age but even prettier then she was. Gold looked around for Pyro. Pyro found a female Typhlosion on the beach and was... how shall I put it: bedroom blasting, the thunder down under, solid snaking, etc.

"PYRO! Get your horny ass back here!"

"You too, Princess!" The girl called to her own Typhlosion. But the two pokemon refused to be separated. "Aw, isn't that cute? They want to be with the one they love! That's so romantic!"

"What you call cute and romantic; I call disturbing and nauseating..." She giggled at him.

"I feel bad for separating those two. If it isn't too much trouble, can I and Princess come with you, Pyro and that Snorlax trying to eat the hot dog stand?"

"Um... sure. Lummox leave that alone! What's your name?"

"You have to promise not to laugh..."

"I'm not very good with promises," Gold said remembering when Copper made him promise not to hit him. "Fine, I promise."

"It's Tit. A. Nium. Short for Tittonderoga Alexandria Nium." Needless to say, Gold burst into a fit of laughter. Tit kicked him in the already broken leg.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T HIT GUYS IN CASTS!"

"I'm not good with promises either," she said, her voice full of spite.

"LUMMOX! I'LL BUY YOU A TRUCK LOAD OF HOT DOGS IF YOU GET YOUR ASS IN THE WATER!" Lummox ran past him and was about to jump into the water but Gold stopped it. "WALK THIS TIME!" And so it did. Gold had Tit help him onto Lummox's back then had the Typhlosion come on last. Lummox started swimming and off of Cianwood they went.

STORY CHANGE: Crystal Leaves

"Does anyone else feel like we forgot something?" Crystal asked.

"I feel that way too," Silver answered. "What could it be?"

"SNORLAX ABOUT TO RAM THE POOP DECK!" Copper warned. Crystal and Silver looked off to the left and right. "LOOK BEHIND YOU, DUMBASSES!" Lummox was jumping out of the water over and over to build momentum.

"YOU BITCHES ARE GONNA PAY FOR LEAVING ME BEHIND!" Gold yelled at the top of his lungs. "BODY SLAM!" Lummox rammed into Gyarados and sent it careening underwater. "SEE YOU GUYS IN OLIVINE!" Gold mocked.

"I just realized what we forgot," Silver said, lifting his head out of the water.

"What's that?" Crystal asked doing the same.

"We all left our toothbrushes and Gold at Cianwood."

"You sons of bitches realize that now?" Copper complained.

STORY CHANGE: Golden Flames

"That was kind of mean of you Gold."

"Isn't that the point of revenge? And why are you here again?"

"Don't you remember? Our Typhlosions refuse to be separated and all that..."

"Nope, doesn't ring a bell."

"Not to be insensitive, but are you retarded? We met like thirty minutes ago!"

"Sorry but I don't let strangers on the S.S Lummox," Gold said pushing her and Princess into the ocean.

"I'll get you for this you fucking idiot!"

"Now you're getting the revenge thing! Damn that bitch was annoying. At least I got to touch her tits. Heheh... I touched Tit's tits..." Pyro bit him on the shoulder. "What was that for?" Pyro pointed to the shrinking figure of the only creature it ever loved.

"Trust me, Pyro this is for the best. And what if you impregnated that bitch? You could have a whole bunch of baby cyndaquils to pay child support for and Princess will keep nagging at you to spend _time _with some kids that probably aren't yours. Then she'll get really pissed off at you for saying that and she'll make you go down to the Maury show to take a paternity test and when Maury says you are the father, you go back to your crummy ass apartment. _THEN_ you jump out of a third story window and kill yourself and spend the rest of eternity in Pokemon Hell. That's what will happen if you stay with her. But if you run away from her, you could sleep with all the bitches you want."

Pyro frowned at him and then bit him on the shoulder again.

"Get off of me, you hairy bastard!"

"Same Dumbass as always eh; Gold?"

"Huh?" On the beach there was Hiro waiting for him.

-----------------------------------------------

I kept my word didn't I? Second chapter in a day and lovin' it. It's a shame what happened to Lazy though...

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 30

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 30

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 25


	33. Hoenn bitches and ass jackets

Chapter 33: Crystal Leaves

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 30

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 30

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 25

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 30

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Red Gyarados LV: 50

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"So we all agree, when we see Gold we shoot him Gyarados' hyper beam, right?" Crystal announced.

"Right."

"Right; but there is something I need to tell you, Crystal," Copper said.

"What is it?"

"We're gonna die." He pointed to the back of them, where a whirlpool was pulling Gyarados into it.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME EARLIER?"

"Because I'm really stoned right now." Crystal slapped him across the face as they fell to their doom.

STORY CHANGE: Golden Flames

"I'm on top of this again, Gold," Hiro mocked. Gold challenged him to yet another match. Rhydon was his last pokemon again and just kicked Pyro's ass. Gold was at his last pokemon too.

"That's what you're Mom said last night. Go Jugs o' Poppin'!"

"What the hell is Jugs o' Poppin?"

"Poppin' Jugs, duh Hiro."

"I meant the pokemon behind the Jugs, Smart Ass!"

"My Nidoqueen. Sick 'em girl!" Gold tossed the pokeball over Rhydon's head and JoP appeared behind it. "Iron Tail!" JoP swept Rhydon off of its feet and jumped on to its back. "Ice beam!" JoP froze Rhydon over and that was the end for Hiro.

"Fine. As proof of your-blah, blah, blah; just take the badge."

"Hey I know what will cheer you up. What has red wings, blue all over and a menacing disposition?"

"A sad Charizard?"

"I actually have no idea but it's COMING RIGHT AT US! DUCK BITCH!" Some unknown dragon pokemon flew over their heads with Tit. A. Nium riding on it. Tee hee, her name's Tit...

"SALAMENCE WON'T MISS NEXT TIME!" she yelled from above.

"What's a Salamence?" Gold asked back.

"You Johto trash, don't know anything about Hoenn do you?"

"No but if they make girls as hot as you there I'll go anytime," Hiro commented. He purred at her and she giggled at him.

"Fraternizing with the enemy, I see!" Gold said to Hiro.

"Shut up, dude! If I play it right, I might get a date with her so don't screw this up!"

"Fine, but let me help you..." Gold said mischievously. "Hiro says you have crooked teeth and he smelled the shit in your ass crack a mile away!"

"WHAT?"

"Gold, what're you doing?"

"He said you're a million times hotter then his last girlfriend."

"Aw that's swee-."

"But three _billion_ times as bitchy!"

"YOU'RE BOTH GONNA DIE!" Hiro lost interest in this and pulled on his Isuck (parody of Ipod). He started dancing around and singing.

"Could it be the little wrinkle over your nose when you make your angry face? That makes me wanna just take off all of your clothes and sex you all over the place. Could it be the little way you storm around that makes me wanna tear you down?" Salamence pinned him to the ground but he didn't seem to notice. "Baby, I'm not sho' but one thing I do know is every time you scream at me I wanna _kiss you_. When you put your hands on me I wanna _touch you yeah_. When we get to arguing, just gotta_ kiss you. _Baby, I don't know why it's like that but you're so damn sexy when you're mad." Tit thought Hiro was talking about her and she jumped off of Salamence and started making out with him.

"I better leave those two alone..." Gold said to himself. He left both Hiro's gym and Olivine City that night. Unfortunately, a thunder storm came out of nowhere. A lightning bolt came down in front of Gold and knocked him back.

"RAIKOU STOP!" the lightning bolt shrieked.

"Since when do bolts of electricity talk?" Gold asked. The lightning and the rain stopped and Raikou and a girl with purple hair stepped out of the talking lightning bolt.

"My name's Annabel. Do you know where the Battle Frontier is?"

"Nope. And Raikou chose me first bucket head!"

"I don't see your name on it you Johto hick! Later ass jacket!" Raikou sped off with Annabel on it.

"Note to self: Everyone from Hoenn is a bitch. And my jacket doesn't smell like ass..."


	34. The Evil Ms Necro

Chapter 34

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 30

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 30

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 25

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 30

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gold started to regret leaving all of his friends out at sea. It was taking him a lot longer to get to Ecruteak without a map. It's been at least two weeks since he left Olivine and he got more lost every single day.

"GOD DAMN IT!" he yelled to the sky. "WHY DO I SUCK AT DIRECTIONS?" Gold kicked at a random tree root. He heard a yelp come from the tree. "Inanimate objects are talking to me again... Back away slowly..."

"Who's there? What do you- GAAAAA- OW!" The talking tree turned out to be Morty from Ecruteak. And he fell out when Gold kicked the tree again. He gasped when he saw Gold. "GOLD! I've never been so happy to see you in my life!"

"I wish I could say the same Morty..." Gold grumbled. Morty ignored him and checked to see if they were being watched.

"Okay, there are some things I need to tell you. For one, you and I are both not allowed in Ecruteak anymore so I would be honored to help you across the city and-."

"How come you're not allowed in the city?"

"Someone told the mayor that I slept with his daughter," Morty said rummaging through his backpack.

"Way to go, dude."

"Gold you don't understand. I never slept with his daughter and... not that it matters but, um... I'm a virgin..."

"How old did you say you were?"

"33."

Gold started laughing his head off. Morty found what he was looking for and pulled it over Gold's head. It was an oversized afro wig that could fit not only Gold but at least a second person too.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? SOMEONE HELP! I'M BEING EATEN BY AN URSARING!"

"Keep it down will ya'? And relax; it's just a wig." Morty put a pole in the middle of the wig to make it stand up straight and lifted it to his head. "Gold, this is how we're gonna get across Ecruteak." Morty opened the gates to Ecruteak.

"By hiding me in a wig and hoping no one will notice that their respected gym leader just grew 40 pounds worth of hair?"

"Do you have a better idea?"

"Yeah, I do actually. Couldn't you just have teleported us away with Gengar?" Even though Gold couldn't see Morty from the inside the wig, he heard him sniffle a little.

"I don't have Gengar anymore..."

"WHAT?"

"Or any other pokemon. Here's what happened..."

FLASHBACK...

Morty was sitting at his computer watching internet porn when a woman with blond hair came in followed by the mayor of Ecruteak.

"Whoah!" Morty cried shutting down the computer. "Uh... what... could I... uh... do for you?" The mayor ran up to Morty and kicked him in the nuts. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

"Ms. Necro told me all about your affair with my daughter and now we're here to rip up your trainer's license."

"This has to be some sort of mistake! And who're you gonna believe me or this bitch?"

"The _bitch_ you're referring to," said Ms. Necro. "is the new president of the pokemon association so what I say is law. And if I see a reason why you're not fit to run a gym... YOU HAVE NO SAY IN THE MATTER!"

"WELL I SAY YOU'RE A BITCH!" She punched him in the stomach, knocking his pokeballs and license out of his pockets. She pocketed the pokeballs and ripped up the license.

"Move yourself out of the city by nightfall. Pleasure working with you..."

END FLASHBACK...

"SON OF A BITCH!" Gold yelled.

"That isn't even the half of it."

"Oh, I wasn't talking about that. There are dead Caterpies in here! GAA! THIS ONE'S STILL ALIVE!"

"Stop it Gold! You're making a scene!"

Some people stopped to see Morty's squirming afro. Morty punched the side of it to make Gold stop moving. When they were far away from the crowd again, Gold threw the caterpie out of the side.

"So as I was saying, I'm not the first gym leader to get shut down by Ms. Necro. She humiliated Whitney into giving up her gym by beating her in front of the entire city. And she bribed Bugsy into an early retirement. Falkner was able to keep her at bay and then she went to me."

"This is all very interesting but why are you telling me this?"

"Because I have a favor to ask you. Could you go to Mahogany and make sure Pryce is alright?"

"Sure, but knowing my kind of luck, Pryce will be dead by the time I get there..." Morty had reached the outer limits of the city and released Gold from the wig.

-------------------------------------------------

Lummox fell asleep for its month long nap, so Gold couldn't surf his way to Mahogany. He had to climb Mt. Mortar instead. With his sense of direction, Gold lost his way for about three months after nearly starving to death. When he came back out, it was the middle of winter.

As for Crystal, Copper and Silver, the whirlpool they got caught in spat them back out halfway across the world near a place called Shinou (hint, hint). They lived off of Remoraid in the ocean. During the past three months, they rode on Gyarados night and day until they finally reached the edge of Goldenrod City by the sea route.

And for once Gold was right about something. Pryce really did die when he was away. Gold trudged through the snow and looked inside the gym. A blonde haired woman was giving leftover Glacier badges to any trainer that wanted them. Gold picked one out of the box. Gold glanced at the woman's face and jumped back in horror. Her name tag said Ms. Necro but Gold knew her as...

"KAREN?" She grabbed him by his collar and tossed him threw the window of the gym. Karen had turned the gym into a base for both P.O.O.T and Team Rocket. Karen had walked inside and confronted him.

"Do you like it little brother? Because it will be the last thing you'll ever see."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"I'm glad you asked. After Daddy's fiasco at Ecruteak I took over the family business. Since I already lead the Elite Four, it was easy to take over as the President after the old one died."

"Holy shit! If Hiro didn't bump into that old man back in Chapter 1 this wouldn't be happening!" Gold thought to himself. If you don't remember, the very first thing that happened in this story was Hiro bumping into the old President of the Pokemon Association. He died shortly after that.

"I also made a deal with Team Rocket. I use my power to get rid of the gym leaders so Team Rocket could get to Goldenrod and they give me weapons and money. Speaking of which... PREPARE TO FIRE!" Everyone in the room pulled out a gun and pointed them at Gold. Gold whipped out a pokeball and tossed it to the ground. Pyro emerged from it.

"BLAST BURN!"

-------------------------------------------------

And that's how Hiro's accident nearly spelled the end for Gold. Oh and I probably won't update tomorrow or the day after. And what happened to Bigfoot?


	35. One Gym Left Standing

Chapter 35

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 35

Donphan-Trunks LV: 30

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 32

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 32

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 29

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 30

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"BLAST BURN!" Pyro glowed dark red and its fur started standing on end. Pillars of fire erupted from the ground around it. The pillars came together to form a dome over Gold and Pyro. Pyro stamped its foot down and the dome exploded into a thousand blasts of fire. The blasts hit every one in the gym at once and either killed or severely burned them.

Karen ran out of the front door out of fear. She climbed onto her oversized Murkrow and took off. Gold noticed this and grabbed onto Murkrow's feet.

"Let go of my Murkrow you little twerp!"

"Make me!" Karen kicked Gold in the face. "Ouch! I'm telling Mom!"

"We don't have the same Mom, Dumbass!" Karen kicked him in the face again. Gold let go of Murkrow and fell headfirst into the roof of a cave. The rock ceiling broke down and Gold fell into the water on the inside of the cave and fainted.

When Gold came to he was being poked in the arm with a stick. Gold brushed it off and opened his eyes. A whole bunch of trainers with Dratinis and Horseas were staring at him.

"Is he dead Clair?"

"I think so. We should- GAAAAAAAAAH! HIS EYES ARE OPEN! THE DEAD ONE LIVES!" All of them started screaming and running around in circles.

"SHUT THE HELL UP AND TELL ME WHERE AM I!" Gold shouted. He stood up and brushed himself off.

"Welcome; dead one to the Dragon's Den."

-----------------------------------------------

Copper Winds

"Hey guys, take a look at this," Copper said pulling out a newspaper. They had landed in Goldenrod City three days ago and were still getting used to being on land again. Crystal took the paper from him and read the headline out loud.

"One Gym Left Standing."

"Read more, its about Falkner," Copper insisted.

"In the past three days Ms. Necro has shut down the gyms in Blackthorn, Olivine and Cianwood City. Clair was relieved of her post for; as Ms. Necro puts it 'Too bitchy for her own good'. Chuck was fired for failure to keep up with Ms. Necro's standards. Chuck had this to say.

"That bitch has no right to shut me down! Gold's the one who screwed up my gym; he should be the one to pay for it. If I ever see that little punk ass mother fucker ever again I'll-."

"The rest of his speech was cut out for being too graphic. And finally Hiro was shut down for committing inappropriate acts of nudity in the gym, leaving fecal matter on the ground and proving his love for a 'Tit. A. Nium' in plain view of a challenger."

"What did Hiro do?" Silver asked.

"He was naked in public, shit on the floor and had sex with that bitch Gold was with," Crystal said with a hint of jealousy in her voice. She didn't like the idea of Gold being with a different girl. "Falkner has now challenged Ms. Necro. If he wins, the gym leaders get their jobs back except for Bugsy who had quit on his own. If he loses, he will lose his job."

"We have to go back to Violet City, NOW!" Copper shrieked.

"What for? Its none of our business."

"You don't understand. I used to be Falkner's apprentice and he's the one who gave me Fears in the first place. I HAVE TO GO! AND IF YOU TRY TO STOP ME, I'LL KICK YOU BOTH IN THE NUTS!" Crystal smacked him across the face.

"First of all, I don't have nuts you little bitch! And second, the match is on TV!" Silver pressed a button on the remote for the Pokemon Center TV. Falkner was standing on an outside arena facing Ms. Necro/Karen. Falkner sent out his Pidgeot. And Karen used her Umbreon.

"SKY ATTACK!"

"Counter!" Pidgeot glowed white and tackled Umbreon with all of its might. Umbreon glowed red and tackled Pidgeot back with twice the force. Pidgeot careened backwards and fainted.

Falkner chose his second pokemon and tossed the ball into the ring. A Charizard came out.

"Flamethrower!" Karen returned Umbreon and released a Slowbro (Don't ask me how a Slowbro is a 'dark' pokemon; I'm just following Stadium 2). Slowbro took the attack and didn't get a scratch on it. Charizard rushed over to slash it but Slowbro sprayed water in its face.

"Okay, use Psychic." Slowbro picked Charizard up using its mind and slammed it against the ground. After Slowbro repeated this three times more, Charizard fainted. Falkner whistled to the sky instead of picking his last pokemon. A storm hovered overhead but no rain fell. A bolt of lightning fell from the sky and hit the ground in front of Falkner. When the lightning faded away a Zapdos appeared next to Falkner.

"Use Thunder!" Falkner commanded. Zapdos dropped a mighty lightning bolt over Slowbro's head. Slowbro fell to the ground. Karen returned it and to everyone's surprise; a Meowth. "You're kidding, right?" Falkner asked. "You're using a Meowth against my Zapdos?"

"Don't underestimate Meowth." Meowth bit Zapdos on its leg. Zapdos shook it off and tried to hit with a Thunder attack. But Meowth used Double Team to dodge its attacks. Falkner ordered Zapdos to hit the entire ring with lightning. Meowth fainted but it didn't fall to the ground.

Instead, it turned into purple slime and retreated back to Karen. A second Meowth appeared at Karen's shoulder and absorbed the slime back into its body.

"It was using substitute..." Falkner realized. Meowth glowed white and evolved into Persian. Karen commanded it to use Shadow Ball. The attack hit Zapdos square chested but didn't seem to affect it. Regardless of effectiveness, Zapdos fell to the ground and fainted.

"HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN!" Falkner screamed. Karen laughed at him.

"Check its leg," she said maliciously. Zapdos' leg was dripping with a purple liquid. Falkner finally realized that when Meowth bit Zapdos in the beginning of the match, it had really done a Toxic attack. Karen had beaten Zapdos without having to do anything. "Now hand over your pokemon and license." Falkner returned Zapdos and handed it to her along with his other pokemon. And just as she did with all the other gym leaders, she tore the card into pieces.

"Poor Falkner..." Copper muttered.

"As President of the Pokemon Association," Karen said through the TV. "I command all of the pokemon trainers of Johto to go to the Indigo Plateau by the end of the month. You will all be forced to challenge the Elite Four regardless of your gym badges. And when you all lose you will be stripped of your licenses and get turned into P.O.O.T operatives. Resist my power and you shall die a horrific death. Thank you for your time."

"OH-," Crystal said.

"MY-," Silver said.

"GOD!" Copper finished. They could hear the trainers of Goldenrod screaming outside.

"IT'S THE END OF JOHTO AS WE KNOW AT IT!"

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

"I WANT MY MOMMY!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS P.O.O.T?"

"What are _we_ gonna do?" Copper asked.

"What _can _we do?" Crystal questioned. She gave a worried look to Silver.

"We go there and kick their asses. And maybe we'll see Gold there too..."


	36. New Bark Town Trauma

Chapter 35

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 35

Donphan-Trunks LV: 30

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 32

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 32

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 29

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 30

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Red Gyarados LV: 50

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Clair gave Gold a ride to New Bark Town after they heard of Falkner's demise. She pushed him off of her Dragonair right in front of his house.

"What was that for?" Gold said, holding his ribs.

"For trying to touch my boobs on the way over here. And by the way; you're gonna need this. Just remember to give it back to me when you're done." She tossed a pokeball at him which hit him right between the eyes and knocked him out for an hour.

"Why does everyone I come in contact with kick my ass?" Gold pocketed Claire's pokeball without looking what was inside. He stepped up to his own front door and rang the doorbell. His little brother looked at him through the mail slot.

"Hey big brother, did you bring me a present?"

"No."

"Then you don't get to come in." He shut the mail slot.

"Platinum!" Gold shrieked. "Open the door!"

"Don't call me that! I changed my name to P-izzle while you were away. And you have to guess my favorite color to get in."

"Vegetable..." Gold droned.

"Damn it, how'd you know that? But now you have to guess the password and- Uh oh! Wait stop Mom! Not the frying pan again... OW! OUCH! STOP IT! OW!" Gold could hear Platinum crying on the other side of the door. His Mom opened the door holding a frying pan. Platinum ran up the stairs to his room and shut the door.

"If that boy isn't playing stupid tricks he's locked up in his room... Welcome back, honey." She leaned down to kiss Gold on the cheek but Gold stopped her.

"We've got problems."

"I'll say. Your little brother is using his big toe as the subject of his next book report..."

"No, not that. My psychopathic half sister's gonna doom the country unless I do something!"

"Who says you're the only one fighting?" Gold turned around to see Copper, Silver and Crystal standing in the doorway.

"When'd you bitches get here?" Gold sneered.

"We actually don't know how we got here..." Crystal said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, we were in Goldenrod one minute and then we're standing right here the next." Copper said. Platinum heard the commotion downstairs and ran downstairs.

"Who're these guys? Do they have pokemon? Can I see them? Is that you're girlfriend? Where's Hiro? Did that girl kiss you? Is that guy gay? Where are there pokemon? Are they-," Platinum asked really fast. Gold's Mom beat him over the head with her frying pan again and he burst into tears again. "Stop hitting me you crazy old bitch!" This time he ran outdoors this time.

"If I ever get my hands on that boy I'll-." Gold helped his Mom into a chair and fixed her a cup of coffee. He beckoned his friends outside.

"Who was that little kid?" Crystal asked him.

"He's my half brother Platinum."

"How many half siblings do you have?"

"12 but he's the only one my other dads wouldn't take when they divorced my Mom."

"That explains why he doesn't look like you and the silver hair. Not to be rude but your family sucks."

"I know..." Platinum came from behind the house with Copper chasing after him.

"Give me back my drugs, you son of a bitch!" Copper tackled him and snatched them from his hand. Platinum shook him off and ran up to Gold.

"Kick that guy's ass Gold!"

"How come you know so many curses Platinum?"

"I told you my new name's P-izzle."

"Whatever. I guess I could use a practice match anyway. Go, um whatever you are!" Gold tossed the pokeball that Claire gave him. A Kingdra appeared before him. "I have Claire's Kingdra?" Copper tossed out his pokemon too.

"Go Champion!" Champion was now a Machamp.

"Champion got a two arm upgrade..." Gold said. Champion knocked Kingdra out with one punch. "Damn. If we're still this bad at battling we might as well kiss Johto goodbye..."

"Don't even joke like that Gold," Crystal said pulling on another worried look on her face.

"Who said I was joking?"

"You're kind of scaring me right now."

"That means its working."

"What's working?"

"I have no idea. I just thought it would be cool if I said that."

"Loser..."

Karen's deadline drew closer every day and all Gold and his friends did was slack off instead of training their pokemon.

"King me Silver," Copper said laying down his cards.

"Copper for the last time- WE'RE PLAYING POKER; NOT CHECKERS!"

"Why didn't you say so?" Copper pulled a card from the top of the deck. "Check mate."

"That does it!" Silver pulled out a lighter and burned both of their cards. Gold's Mom bashed him over the head with her frying pan.

"There will be no fire in my house, young man! And shouldn't you kids be outside training or something?"

"Holy shit!" Gold screamed. "When's the deadline?"

"Two weeks from today."

"CRAP! COME ON GUYS WE HAVE TO-."

"Go fish Silver."

"I burned all of the cards you retard!"

"Damn it. You guys made me forget what I was saying!"

"You said we were gonna go out for tacos." Crystal said. She and Platinum were playing on the GayStation 2. "Where's your game at bitch?"

"Up your butthole she-bitch." When Platinum lost he threw the controller to the ground and stormed upstairs.-------------------------------------------------------

The fate of Johto is in their hands and their just sitting around playing video games and burning cards. Damn shame...


	37. Platinum Volts and Horny Dolts

Chapter 35

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 35

Donphan-Trunks LV: 30

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 32

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 32

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 29

Kingdra LV: 40

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gold and Silver were standing on the streets of New Bark Town trying to pick up chicks. Or at least Gold was anyway. Silver just enjoyed watching Gold fail at it. Every girl Gold tried to talk to kicked him in the nuts or used pepper spray on him.

"What's up girl? How're you doing? How about you fork over your digits and- DAAAAAAH MY EYES! THEY BURN!" She had used pepper spray on him. Gold fell to the ground half blind. Silver broke out into hysteric laughter. Another girl came up and kicked Silver in the nuts.

"That will teach you to laugh at the weak and the innocent!" She bent over to talk to Gold. "Are you alright?" Gold rubbed his eyes and felt around for her. He was temporarily blind.

"Wh-who's there?"

"I'm a doctor. Call me if you still have problems seeing. My number is 555-6969." She walked away and Gold got his eyesight back just in time.

"Yeah, I totally scored with that chick."

"How do you even know it was a chick? You were blind!" Silver said back in protest.

"I know by the sound of her voice."

"How do you know that it wasn't a guy with a girly voice?"

"How do I know that maybe you're a _woman_ with a _man _voice?"

"Touché."

"And besides, she has two sixty nines in her phone number."

"So?"

"Don't you know anything? Sixty nine is a sex position."

"What does that have to do with you?"

"Absolutely nothing. And that's what makes it special. But that gives me an idea. Chicks dig guys in pain. Quick, someone's coming! Hit me in the nuts as hard as you can."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Just do it!" Silver kicked as hard as he could. Gold had fallen down in pain again. The next girl kicked Silver in the nuts and then gave Gold her phone number. And the next three did exactly the same.

"Damn there are a lot of doctors in this town... Gold, at this rate we're both not gonna be able to make children. Couldn't you think of a less painful way to do this?"

"Not really. Let's go home."

-------------------------------------------------

Crystal was sleeping face down on the couch. Platinum snuck up on her and took a pokeball from her pocket. When his mother came by he hid under the couch and came out on the other side. He crept outside without her noticing.

"Alright. Come out!" He pressed the button on it but the ball was empty. "Ah man. Only I would be dumb enough to get an empty pokeball..." He kicked at a bush. An angry Pichu came out and attacked him. He pegged it in the forehead with the pokeball and captured it. "I ROCK!" Now and forever, when the story is about Platinum, it shall be called Platinum Volts. So does decree, the Creator, RTJ.

Gold and Silver had just come back from their day of well... doing nothing productive. Platinum threw the pokeball containing Pichu at Gold. Which happened to hit him in the nuts.

"Big brother, I caught a Pichu! What should I call it?"

"GYAAAAH! MY FRIGGIN' TWIG AND BERRIES!"

"That's a good name for it! Thanks Gold! I got to show Mom!"

"What the fuck just happened?" Gold said rubbing his privates.

"Your brother caught a Pichu and you became a victim of circumstance," Silver said matter-of-factly. They could hear Platinum screaming from inside.

"Ouch! Stop it Mom! What did I do?" They couldn't hear what Gold's Mom said. "That's not my fault. Gold's the one who named it... Can I have some Ice Cream? Thanks Mommy!" Gold's Mom came outside with her infamous frying pan.

"Uh oh..."

"Gold Bartholomew Ryu! When did you think it was a good idea to tell your brother that he could name his pokemon after a sexual innuendo?"

"Indyflendo? Innudenda? How do you say that word you just said?"

"INNUENDO! THAT DOES IT! I WANT YOU AND YOUR PINHEADED FRIENDS OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"Uh, Mom don't you think that's a little harsh? I didn't mean to tell Platinum to call his Pichu that..."

"Oh yes. Platinum too. Take him with you."

"WHAT?"

"I'm sorry sweetie. But I'm sick and tired of you and your friends stupiding up my house and making bad role models for your little brother. And you wouldn't believe how many times I had to clean up after you guys today..."

"But doesn't kicking us out defeat the purpose? I mean we'll still be stupid, lazy, dirty, and bad influences."

"But as long as you're not stupid, lazy, dirty and bad influences in my house, I don't care."

"But-."

"BUT NOTHING!" She went inside the house and picked up Copper, Crystal and Platinum by their collars and tossed them out.

"What the hell?" Crystal said dazedly.

"Come on guys..." Night rolled in quickly. The rest of the trainers of New Bark Town left their homes and sat together in the middle of town. Some of them even started to openly weep.

"Dude. This is the worst party ever..." Copper said.

"This isn't a party you moron!" said one of the trainers. "Karen's deadline is midnight tonight. These may be our last hours of freedom..."

"HOLY SHIT!" Gold screamed. He started running in circles screaming his head off. Crystal smacked him and took him away from the others. She sat him down by the town sign.

"Golden Boy you have to calm down." She sat down beside him.

"How can I be calm at a time like this? Every trainer in the country is gonna become Karen's slaves and it's all my fault! Why didn't I remember to train? Why couldn't- OW!" Crystal smacked him again.

"Gold. Before this all starts, I want you to know something."

"What is it?"

"Even though since day one I've nagged you, punched you, kicked you in the nuts, called you names, played you for a fool, beaten you to a pulp-."

"Get to the point..."

"I just want you to know that even though I did all those things to you... I've always sort of... liked you. Maybe even... _love_ you..." She turned away from him and covered her face. Gold looked over her shoulder to see that she was crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm just scared that's all..." Gold put his arm around her.

"I'm scared for the both of us..." Gold said. He leaned down to kiss her but...

"GOLD AND CRYSTAL SITTING IN A TREE! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Platinum was standing on the town sign making fun of them. Gold leaped up and grabbed his throat.

"You little son of a bi-." Gold was stopped by the sound of helicopters landing. P.O.O.T agents came out of them and rounding up trainers into their helicopters. One of them grabbed Gold and Platinum by their collars and tossed them into the metal vehicle. Gold looked out the window to see Crystal, Silver and Copper get separated into different helicopters.

"This is it. The beginning of the end..."


	38. Gold and Will's Psychic Smackdown

Chapter 38

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 35

Donphan-Trunks LV: 30

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 32

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 32

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 29

Kingdra LV: 40

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Okay you little maggots," said a P.O.O.T member. "You will all be given a chance to fight the Elite Four. And when you all lose, you'll work for us."

"What do you mean _when_ we lose?" Gold questioned. "What if one of us (me) kicks their asses?"

"Or Twig and Berries kicks their asses first?" Platinum said pointing to the sleeping Pichu on his head. Gold put a hand over Platinum's mouth.

"Shut the hell up..." Gold whispered to him.

"WHY?" Platinum practically shouted.

"THAT'S ENOUGH OUT OF YOU TWO!" The commander roared. The two brothers kept quiet until they reached the indigo plateau. All of the trainers were dumped onto Victory Road. They were forced to make a giant line that stemmed out for miles. A giant screen TV was placed on a cave wall to show the other trainers' challenges. They were also given numbers like they were in jail. When their numbers were called, the poor sucker fought against the Elite Four. Gold was 777665. Platinum was 777666 (evil).

"Let me see Gold."

"Platinum I'll give it to you when I find them."

"I told you that I only answer to P-izzle."

"Can you please shut the hell up for once? You're breaking my concentration..." They were fighting over the binoculars Gold brought with them. They were searching for the other three.

"Hey Gold I just realized something. " 'Platinum' credit cards are better then 'Gold' ones. 'Platinum' records are more revered then 'Gold' ones. 'Platinum' is more precious and valuable then 'Gold' and 'Silver' combined."

"What's your point?"

"Does this mean that I'm better then you and Silver?"

"No. It just means you have a better name. HOLY CRAP! I see Copper!"

"Where is he?"

"A half mile behind us! And I think Crystal's right behind him!"

"Alright, we found your apprentice and your bitch so now we have to find that red haired guy." Gold punched him in the nose. Platinum started to cry again. "What was that for?"

"Don't ever call her a bitch again. And if you do I'll-THERE'S SILVER! OH MY GOD!"

"What is it?"

"He got a cooler number then me!" Silver's number was 866969. He saw Gold in the distance and gave him the finger. "Bitch!" The challenges seemed to go on forever. It was about a week before they called Gold's number at last.

"Will number 777665 please come up for his challenge?" Gold didn't hear them at first. They only fed them gruel and in small portions so Gold was already half starved and half dead.

"Wake up Gold..." Platinum urged. Gold woke up at last and walked with the guards. They took him to the pokemon center there and healed his pokemon.

"Heal or No heal?" One of them asked him.

"Huh?"

"Would you like to heal and change your pokemon in between matches? Not that you'll need it though."

"Yes I do want to heal them but why wouldn't I need it?"

"Think about it kid. 777664 people went before you and none of them got past Will. What makes you think you'll need healing when there's probably a 99 percent chance you'll lose?" Gold didn't answer. He brushed past him and walked down the corridor to the Elite Four. He climbed the stairs and slipped on the ice in the room. Will was dressed like a clown as usual and was sitting in an armchair reading a newspaper. He got up grudgingly and looked really bored.

"This has to be the dumbest looking challenger yet... Oh well. After nearly 800,000 matches, nothing seems to faze me anymore."

"Before we start I want to ask you something."

"Fire away."

"Why do you work for Karen?"

"I admire her for her strength. That's all."

"And?"

"Well if you must know, she said she'll let me get to second base..."

"You mean you two are dating and you work for her anyway?"

"Yes."

"Dude. You're her bitch."

"I know... But what can I say? I'm a sucker for big gazongas."

"Tits kick ass. Bouncy Bungalows..."

"Hanging Hooters."

"Milk Bubbles."

"Chest balls."

"That's a new one to me. You know what they should do? They should combine both boobs together to make a Super Boob!"

"That's the first good idea I heard today. Maybe when this is all over I should look into that..." The remaining trainers outside saw the two talking and started complaining.

"What the hell is he doing?"

"He's making friends with the enemy!"

"This is boring! Can someone change the channel?"

"Hmm... Super boob? Sounds nice..." Gold and Will were becoming fast friends. They kept trading breast innuendos.

"The Milky Duo," Gold half laughed when he said that.

"Silicone Stuffers."

"The Man Hypnotizers."

"The Lesbian Pleasers."

"The-."

"WILL!" Karen's voice shouted through the Elite Four's intercom system. "STOP FOOLING AROUND AND FIGHT MY BROTHER!"

"Wait. This is the semi- retarded little brother you've been complaining about?" Gold was ice skating around Will and singing.

"Deck the hall with balls of honey, FALALALALA LALAHLAHLAH! There's hos at my house cuz I owe money, FALALALALA LALAHLAHLAH! Cadillac pimpin' with my dogs in the city, FALALALALA LALAHLAHLAH! Holy Crap! This ain't gonna be pretty! FALALALALA LAHLAHLAH- OW!" Gold skated his way into a brick wall.

"I see your point Karen... He's a fucking moron. Gold come over here!" Gold skated over to him. Will tossed out a pokeball containing his Girafarig. Gold used Sprout first. "Use Double Edge!" Gold and Sprout ran for it and slipped on the ice. Girafarig couldn't change directions during the attack so it didn't matter that they slipped.

But Girafarig's second head use Crunch on the ice. It took control of the hind legs and helped the first head change the direction of the attack. Sprout fired off two razor leaves At Girafarig. But it leaped over them and used Stomp on Sprout. Girafarig created a crater where Sprout lay unconscious.

"Damn it Sprout... Go Pyro! Melt the ice around Girafarig!" Pyro jumped into the air and used Flamethrower. Girafarig was confined to a block of ice surrounded by water.

"That can't stop Girafarig," Will said confidently. Girafarig had dove in to the water.

"SHIT! Is there anything that thing can't do?"

"It can't give a decent blowjob..."

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

"I mean...um... it can't give a pleasant...uh...Heartthrob."

"That's what I thought you said... Pyro stick your hand in the water!" Pyro gave him a worried look and shook its head no. "Trust me on this one." Pyro did what it was told. "Okay use Thunderpunch!" Pyro strengthened the fire around its fist until it turned into electricity. Girafarig got electrocuted underwater and came out of it unconscious. Will returned it and changed to Slowbro. Pyro ran up to it to prepare another Thunderpunch.

"Use Amnesia!" Will commanded. Pyro punched it but the attack barely hurt it.

"You know, I never understood the amnesia attack," Gold said. "How does forgetting something raise special defense?"

"I don't get it either," Will admitted. "I just try to ignore it whenever I do that move. Psychic!" Slowbro blasted Pyro away and into the water.

"HOLY CRAP! PYRO RETURN!" Gold returned Pyro before it drowned. "That's no fair! Pyro could have died!"

"I may be your friend but I'm still as evil as your sister." Gold used Claire's Kingdra next. It swam deep under the ice lake. Slowbro chased after it underwater.

"Whirlpool!" Kingdra (and I realized that I can't nickname Kingdra because it still belongs to Claire and Gold can't nickname something he didn't catch on his own. Lummox is an exception because it was just that old man's pet Munchlax but not exactly captured) yawned and created a whirlpool. Slowbro wasn't the only thing that was getting swept away by the whirlpool. Kingdra's whirlpool was breaking up the ice Will and Gold were standing on. "Kingdra stop it and use Hyper Beam!" Kingdra fired Slowbro out of the water and knocked. Will returned Slowbro and switched in his Exeggutor.

"Use Poisonpowder in the water." Exeggutor sprayed purple dust from its mouths into the water. Kingdra began to choke and came out of the water for air. "Now use Psychic to blast it away!" Exeggutor sent Kingdra colliding into Gold.

"Get off me Kingdra!" But Kingdra was too knocked out to listen.

What will Gold use against his strongest foe yet? Why am I asking you that? You don't know the fucking answer! The answers to these questions and more on the next chapter of Golden Flames!


	39. Psychic Smackdown Part 2 KOGA IS NAKED!

Chapter 39

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 35

Donphan-Trunks LV: 30

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 32

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 32

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 29

Kingdra LV: 40

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Will! There's a naked woman behind you!"

"WHERE?"

"Get 'em boy!" Gold was standing on Lummox's head and demanded a Body Slam from it. Lummox jumped as high as its stubby legs could and flattened Exeggutor. Will turned around to see his Exeggutor flattened.

"That was a literally dirty trick!"

"That was for Pyro bitch! Rollout!" Lummox rolled up into a ball and came after Will.

"HOLY SHIT! XATU HELP ME OUT!" Will grabbed Xatu by its feet and flew out of the way. "Psychic!" Xatu used its power to break up all the ice in the room and put them all together to form a small ice mountain with a throne on top. Xatu dropped Will on the throne and fluttered over Gold's head. "Drill Peck!" Gold dove into the freezing pond and Lummox did the same. Xatu shattered the only strip of land they had left instead.

"Sorry Lummox... SELFDESTRUCT!" Snorlax glowed white and sent a wave of energy in all directions. The blast knocked Gold out of the water and onto Will's Ice Mountain. The water rippled out in tidal waves and managed to knock Xatu out of the air. In the end Lummox came up floating on its back unconscious and Xatu was drowning.

"Return Xatu!"

"How's it feel cock muncher?" Gold mocked. Will was so angry that Gold could see a big purple vein popping on his forehead. Will switched in Jynx and had it use Hyper Beam at Gold. But Will's Jynx is a bad shot because it sliced off a piece of the Ice Mountain for Gold to stand on instead of hitting him.

"Damn you Jynx! Why do you keep messing up your Hyper Beams?" Will bitch slapped it and Jynx started to cry. "You cry when I tell you to Bitch!"

"Will, chill out. Jynx is your pokemon not your ho."

"You have no say in this, client!"

"Client? You don't really think you're a pimp do you?"

"I told you to never question how I treat my bitches!"

"Are you fucking insane? We're in a battle!"

"Yes as a matter of fact I am insane. But it is the insane ones that are the true geniuses. It would take a true genius to invent Psycho points like I did."

"You're the only Psycho around here pal. And what's a Psycho Point?"

"I found out that every psychic pokemon has a certain place on its body where a human can grab and instantly take control of a full powered Psybeam. The middle head of an Exeggutor, the Shellder on a Slowbro, the-."

"Tail of a Kadabra?" Gold said remembering back to when he and Kazam sliced up Sprout Tower.

"Precisely. Now can you guess where the Psycho point is on a Jynx?" Gold thought for a moment and became quickly disgusted.

"Dude. You can't be serious. In its ju-."

"Yes! Psycho Jugs!" Will went behind Jynx and grabbed Jynx by its jugs. The Psybeam produced from Jynx's eyes was ENORMOUS. If Gold didn't duck in time, it would have decapitated him. Gold switched in Pyro again (nearly drowned but didn't faint. Same with Xatu). Will moved Jynx down. Gold jumped back holding Pyro in his arms before the blast hit them. Gold released Lummox again and used it for a raft. "That's not fair! You can't use two pokemon at once!"

"Take a look at Lummox retard! It can't fight you!" Lummox was out like a light. Pyro used a Flamethrower (TM) attack but instead of hitting Jynx it aimed for Will's Ice Mountain and melted it until it was just a floating strip of land. Now Gold did something unexpected. He used Lummox's stomach as a trampoline and leaped _onto_ Jynx's psybeam.

"GAH! OUCH, HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT! MY FEET ARE BURNING! HOT, HOT, HOT, HHHHOOOOOOOTTTTTT!" Gold screamed as he ran on the beam of light. He kicked Will in the face with his burning left foot. This caused Will to let go of Jynx and fall backwards into the water. Gold cannon balled into the water to put out his feet. "GET IT PYRO!" Pyro used a second Flamethrower which hit Jynx square in the stomach and knocked it out.

"None of the others could get me to use my last pokemon..." Will muttered to himself. He released Xatu again. "Future Arts!"

"That's not an attack!"

"And neither is Gigavolt but you still use it on a regular basis."

"How'd you know that?"

"I read your mind. And that girl Crystal is kind of hot. If you two ever break up, can I have a chance with her?"

"Touch her and you die! And stop messing with my head!"

"Whatever." Xatu's eyes glowed red and lifted its wings. It stayed stationary in midair. Suddenly the air above it became distorted and a jet of flames appeared over Xatu's head but it didn't fall nor move. And Xatu did the same thing over only with a jet of ice and a thunder bolt.

"What's it doing?"

"It's summoning some elements from the future and is gonna use them to kick your ass." Xatu clapped its wings together and the three elemental beams his Pyro at once. Pyro hit the back wall and collapsed in the water.

"CRAP! NOT AGAIN!" Gold returned it quickly and switched in his final pokemon: Sparks. Sparks used its foot to scratch behind its ear and didn't look too interested in the battle at hand. Will laughed at it and bashed him over the head with a stray boulder of ice. "This will teach you to make fun of Sparks. GIGAVOLT!" Sparks blasted at Xatu with all of the electricity in its body.

"FUTURE ARTS!" Xatu summoned its elemental beams again and used them to shield it from Gigavolt. Gold had to think of a way to distract Xatu.

"Hey Xatu! There's a smokin' hot female Xatu behind you!"

"You honestly think Xatu would be dumb enough to fall for that?"

"You fell for it, so why not Xatu?" And Gold was right. Xatu turned around to look for the 'smokin' hot' female Xatu. The Gigavolt engulfed its entire body. When the smoke cleared Xatu fell headfirst into the water... unconscious.

Gold could hear the other trainers cheering for him all the way from Victory Road.

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Crystal Leaves

"THAT DUDE WAS INCREDIBLE!"

"THAT IDIOT IS GONNA SAVE US!"

"You know what's sad?" Copper said to Crystal. "777664 couldn't beat that guy. And then Gold comes in with his negative 4 IQ and kicked his ass in forty five minutes."

"Geez. What's eating you? The sooner he wins, the sooner we get out of Nazi Road (just a joke, don't take it seriously) here."

"I'm just pissed off that Gold wins everything before I have a chance to try..."

"That's why it's called _Gold_en Flames."

"You're just saying that so he and you could have victory sex after this..." Crystal punched him in the nose and turned back to the screen.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Golden Flames (again)

After they healed all of Gold's pokemon they led him over to Koga's. Koga was waiting for him. And being the perverted asswipe that I am, Koga was butt naked and doing it with three chicks at once. Doggystyle...

"MY EYES! THEY BURN...yet I can't look away... This is like internet porn but in real life..."


	40. Bruno the Scared and Gold the Stupid

Chapter 40

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 35

Donphan-Trunks LV: 30

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 32

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 32

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 29

Kingdra LV: 40

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Koga had finally realized Gold was watching him do his... thing. He picked up his discarded pants and pulled out four throwing stars.

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't stab you in the face with these," he snarled.

"Because I can...um... get you more women to pussy poke."

"Really?" Koga asked putting down his weapons.

"Uh...yeah. I've got this girl named Crystal and let me tell you... Shorty's ass so big, you can set a cup of water on her booty and do her without spilling a drop!" Gold heard a tiny voice yelling at him.

"I'm gonna kill you, you little motherfucker!" the tiny voice said.

"Did you hear that too?" Gold asked looking around the room.

"Hear what?"

"Um... nothing..."

"Listen you little whelp. I have climbed mountains, trained trainers such as yourself, trained almost every day of my life and successfully raised a gym _and_ raised a daughter alone. And now I want to enjoy retirement pimping these bitches. I don't want to fight you or ever see you again."

"You're letting me go?"

"I never said that. What I meant was; if you answer my riddle correctly _I won't fight you. _If you don't I'll never see you again _alive._" Gold gulped and nearly wet him self.

"R-Riddle away dude..."

"What pokemon is long, hard and has a big head?"

"That's it? A Steelix." Koga shuddered and stopped um... I ain't saying it again. Koga smiled at Gold.

"That's correct. I also would have accepted Onix and Penismon."

"Penismon is a fake digimon. And that was a really gay riddle."

"I know. I didn't have time to come up with something clever..."

"Before I go, can I have one of their numbers?" Gold said pointing to the girls. Gold heard the tiny voice yelling at him again.

"You're _asking_ to be dipped in acid aren't you?"

"There it is again... On second thought, forget the numbers."

"We wouldn't have bothered to talk to a loser like you anyway," one of them sneered.

"Yeah, we wouldn't have talked to you with our butts' mouth," a second one said.

"You're talking to me with your _real_ mouths now, aren't you?" Gold said back.

"We only use our real mouths to talk to fellow bitches," the third one said.

"You also use 'em to suck balls or did you forget that bitch?" Gold sneered back. Damn. This is extremely degrading to both women and the sex industry...

"Keep talking like that and you'll never get laid," the first one said back.

"I can get laid anytime I want!"

"So can we..."

"I only need to snap my fingers and Crystal will be on like Donkey Kong." The tiny voice screamed at Gold again.

"With a snap of my fingers you're gonna be dead like everyone who used to review this story (except you Vhid)!"

"Damn it! Would the person who keeps yelling at me please come out so I can kick your ass?"

"That does it! No victory sex for you!" Gold had enough of the back talking women and the voices from nowhere so he left Koga's room and into Bruno's. And for all you _slow_ people out there, the mysterious voice was really Crystal. She saw and heard everything using the big TV in Victory Road and screamed so loud Gold could hear it from where he was.

Gold stepped onto the lava field but didn't see Bruno anywhere.

"Hello? Where is the leader dude that I'm supposed to-FUCK!" Bruno came down from the ceiling with his Hitmonlee. They both drop kicked Gold. Gold moved out of the way but they kicked the ground so hard that Gold was blasted off the platform. Gold grabbed the edge just before he fell into the lava. Hitmonlee stamped its foot on Gold's hand.

"Any last words boy?" Bruno asked folding his arms.

"Just two. HYPER BEAM!" A blast came from below the ground. Hitmonlee back flipped out of the way just in time. A Steelix came out of the hole created from the Hyper Beam. Gold's Steelix. Gold brought a couple of his extra pokemon with him just for this match. Steelix burrowed into the ground just before Gold went over to Bruno's. Gold grabbed onto Steelix's tail and ran up its body to its head.

"Earthquake!" Bruno commanded. Hitmonlee stomped the ground and made the whole building shake. Steelix lost balance and fell head first into the lava. Steelix used Crunch on the platform to save itself. Gold ran up the side of the wall and returned Steelix.

"Return Ironbutt (Steelix) and go Coco (Exeggutor)!" Gold climbed onto Eggies' leaves and grabbed the middle head. You know, Gold's IQ may be -4 but when it comes to battling (and sex innuendos) he is almost a genius. He rememberedwhat Will said about Exeggutor's psycho point and used it to his advantage. The other two heads fired a psybeam attack each and hit Hitmonlee and Bruno at the same time. Hitmonleedidn't get back up after the attack. Bruno returned it and used Hitmonchan.

"Mach punch!" Hitmonchan jumped up into the air and punched _Gold _in the face. The best parts are when the trainers get hit aren't they? Hitmonchan then hit Coco with a Fire Punch when it wasn't looking. "HITMONCHAN!" Bruno roared. "HAVE I TAUGHT YOU NOTHING?" Hitmonchan shrank away in fear of its master's rage. "HITTING TRAINERS AND POKEMON WHEN THEIR BACKS ARE TURNED IS DISHONORABLE!" Gold thought back to his and Will's fight while holding his now broken nose.

"Me and Will are going straight to hell..." While Bruno was scolding Hitmonchan Gold noticed that Coco had the perfect chance to use a Psychic attack. But before doing anything Gold considered his options. "Hmm... if I hit them then that would be dishonorable which is a sin, and I MIGHT go to hell. But I need to defeat this guy in order to save the world which is not only NOT a sin but a really good deed. But then again... since when have I cared about religion and honor? I'm hungry, I wonder if Bruno's got any Nachos. I like Nachos... Nachitia, Nachitio, Doritoto, Tostitia, NACCCCCCCCCCHOOOOOOOOOOS! Wait. Hold on, a muscular dude like him probably doesn't have any Nachos! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"What the hell are you so upset about?"

"Oh. I thought I was thinking all that... And my problem is you dude! How could you not have nachos?"

"If you're hungry I've got these vitamin enriched dirt flavored Nachos."

"NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCHHHOOOOOOOSSSSSSS!1111!11!" (Gold isn't speaking nerd, my finger slipped off of shift and I don't feel like fixing it lol jk) Gold tackled the Nacho bag and ripped off the top with his teeth in an animalistic kind of hunger. Instead of taking out the chips Gold ate them all at once, bag and all. He was really starting to freak Bruno out.

"You're really starting to freak me out man (didn't I just say that?)." Gold started to back away from him but Coco blocked the exit. Gold shuddered and started twitching and sputtering on the ground with his eyes rolling up to the back of his head. This only was making Bruno even more creeped out. Coco stomped its foot on Gold's stomach which made vomit everything he just ate onto Bruno.

"GAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Bruno screamed. He leaped up to the video camera that Karen was using to watch the match on. "I don't care how much you're paying me. No amount of money will make me have to deal with that messed up kid. I'm going back home and locking all the doors. Later Karen!" And with that Bruno smashed the screen and ran for his life.

"I just realized something," Gold said to himself. "That was the first black guy I've ever seen in my life. Bruno come back! I have so many questions to ask! What's a Cracka'? And why can't white people say the N word? How come everyone in the world is of Japanese descent but we all look white? How come white people have no ass? COME BACK!" But Bruno was already halfway to Victory Road by the time Gold finished. "Damn it. Why do black people have to know the secret to everything and I don't? Oh well. This means I beat Bruno, WOOT!"

Karen smashed her control panel with a metal bat. A dark figure watched her from under his hood. She beckoned him to come forward to talk to her.

"Is it done Old Man?"

"Show some respect child!"

"Hey! I didn't spring you out of prison so you can nag me Old Man! Now is it done?" The Man snapped his fingers and two members of P.O.O.T came in carrying a knocked out and tied up Lance.

"Does that answer your question? Now why are you smashing the machinery?"

"Because my strongest warrior has just betrayed me and that brat is coming over here right now!" The man didn't say anything. He just stood quietly in silent thought.

"Finish him."

"No shit Sherlock!"

"MIND YOUR ELDERS CHILD!" The man couldn't control his anger and started to strangle Karen. The P.O.O.T guards dropped Lance and pulled the old man away from Karen. "Don't screw this up. You know what will happen if you do..."

"Yes... Father."


	41. Fatal Family Reunions

Chapter 41

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 35

Donphan-Trunks LV: 30

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 32

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 32

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 29

Kingdra LV: 40

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

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"Straight from da bay, posted in tha 'J'

Bout to hit tha club, we been mobbin' all day

Drinkin' some on Russell, dyin' off Patrone

VIP style, strapped wit my chrome

Look around tha club, what do I see

Everybody rockin' from side to side to tha beat

Snappin' they fingers, bouncin' to tha groove

All by they self, that's tha new move

Cracka where I'm from, we like to go dumb

I'm soakin' up tha game; I'm seein' how it's done

I ask shawty what they call it, she said tha Pool Palace

Staright from Bankhead, I said you good at it

Do what cha do, you and ya crew

They even got playa's and thugs doin' it too

The mo' that I drank, tha more it's lookin' smooth

It's nuthin to a boss, I can do tha shit too," Gold rapped on stage. "Wait, where the hell am I? And why did I just say all that stuff?" A female reporter came out of nowhere and came up to Gold.

"Gold otherwise known as G-50; how does it feel to be the first champion/ white rapper/ billionaire/ movie star of Johto?"

"Um... confusing. Wasn't I just at the Indigo Plateau?" Everyone in the audience all started laughing maniacally at him. "What's so funn-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The floor boards under him had given way and Gold fell through the hole. Instead of what there should be under a stage there was nothing but a bottomless darkness and Gold was falling through it. When Gold opened his eyes again he was standing in front of an alter in a tuxedo. Crystal was standing beside him in a wedding dress.

"And do you take this moron as your lawfully wedded husband?" The priest asked.

"I do," Crystal told him. Gold jumped back in horror.

"What the hell? What's going on?"

"Now do you take this woman as your lawfully wedded wife?"

"Gold do you like nachos?" Crystal asked as sweetly as she could.

"I do."

"Then I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the idiot boy."

"I never agreed to that! I- did you say _kiss?_ I guess I can agree with this for now..." Crystal threw her arms around his neck and Gold put his around her waist. Gold closed his eyes and pressed his lips against hers. But instead of being pleasant; the kiss burned. Literally. Gold opened his eyes to see that Crystal, the priest, everyone watching the wedding and the church itself were on fire. Gold felt his mouth to find that it was on fire too.

"I'M IN HELL! THE FLAMES OF HELL HAVE COME TO DESTROY ME!" Gold was beginning to go crazy. He grabbed a goblet full of holy water and splashed out the fire on his face. He ran out screaming for his life but when he got out of the church and down the stairs he stopped. There was nowhere else to run. The church was a floating island in the darkness Gold came in from. The flames were beginning to spread away from the church. Having no other choice, Gold jumped headfirst into the darkness.

Gold opened his eyes once more to find that he was sitting on a throne in the middle of a palace. Gold put his hand to forehead.

"No fever. Am I hallucinating?" He put his hand to his lips to find that not only were they were not burned but... "HOLY CRAP! I HAVE FACE FUR!" Gold got up from the throne to look at himself in the mirror. He looked six years older then he really was and with a beard, just like he said. "Let's see. I have a crown, a beard, (he felt his butt) top round buttocks, (he felt his chest) and a six pack. Damn. I am one sexy king! I like this hallucination!" Gold's self admiration was cut short when Crystal had walked into the room.

"Good morning dear."

"GAAAAAH! STAY AWAY FROM ME DEVIL WOMAN!" Gold picked up a chair as a lion tamer would to tame a lion. Crystal continued to smile at him and put a hand on the chair.

"Stop being so silly and put this down. No one is going to hurt you." Gold didn't know why he did what she said; it was just something in her voice that soothed him. "I guess being king of the world stresses you out sometimes," she said to him.

"King of the world?" Gold said disbelievingly. She nodded and then walked out the door.

"Get the royal back massager and the baby in here, post haste!" She yelled downstairs. In seconds _Silver_ came up carrying a solid gold basket with a baby inside with him. But this Silver was fat and had an enlarged forehead and a hairy mole on his cheek. Gold bent over the basket to look at his child but instead of a child, a black hole came out of the basket and pulled Gold head first into the darkness again.

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In the real world, Gold was on the ground sleeping. He and Karen had started their match earlier. Karen used Umbreon to counter Lummox. Umbreon combined Hypnosis and Nightmare to slowly get rid of them both. Thus explaining the bad dreams Gold has been through.

Lummox let out a particularly loud snore which was able to finally wake Gold up.

"Oh man... what a dream..." Gold said falling back on to Lummox's stomach. Karen had noticed that he woke up and had Umbreon use Hypnosis. Gold ran behind Lummox's head before the waves hit him again. Gold kicked Lummox in the back of the head to wake it up. "Hyper Beam!" Karen returned Umbreon and switched in Misdreavus. The attack passed right through Misdreavus.

"Shadow Ball!" Gold cried.

"Dodge and use Thunderbolt!" Misdreavus hovered over the Shadow ball and spat out a bolt of electricity from it mouth. The attack hit Lummox right in the face but Lummox didn't go down.

"Use Hyper Beam on the ceiling!" Lummox blasted at the ceiling. Pieces of the ceiling came down and completely buried Karen and Misdreavus. A flash of red light went off under the rubble and Karen came out with her final pokemon: an Alakazam (I know I'm being lazy with the Gold vs. Karen fight but I'm tired right now). Alakazam used Psychic on Lummox and took it out with one hit. Gold switched in Pyro as his last pokemon.

But Gold didn't attack it. He noticed the scar on Alakazam's left shoulder and remembered something from his childhood.

FLASHBACK...

It was Hiro's fifth birthday and being the spoiled rich kid that he was, he got a cake the size of an SUV. But the problem was that it was placed too high for either Gold or Hiro to reach.

"Grab it already Hiro! My arms are killing me!" Gold was helping Hiro by lifting him on his shoulders. Hiro tripped and smacked his chin on the table. The two of them fell to the ground in pain.

"This is all your fault stupid!" Hiro roared.

"Excuse me kind sir! How dare you mock my intelligence with such an outlandish statement! Continue to do so and I shall have my doctor tell you otherwise. Then I shall tell my sole parental unit what has happened," Gold said. I know its weird but Gold was smarter as a child then he is now (like me). Hiro gave him a confused look and Gold decided to stop using big words from that moment on. "Let's get Kazam to cut a couple of pieces for us."

"How's it gonna do that?"

"With these!" Gold said pulling out twelve knives from his pockets. I take back what I said before. He knew more big words back then but you can't change pure stupidity.

"Why do you carry around knives in your pockets?"

"No reason."

"Works for me." Gold pulled out Kazam's pokeball and released it.

"Pick up these with your psychick (psychic) powder (remove the D Dumbass) and cut us two pieces of cake." Kazam swirled the knives in the air and accidentally slashed Gold, Hiro and itself with the knives across the shoulder. Instead of simply cutting two pieces out, Kazam stabbed the cake with the knives. Yeah... Kazam wasn't useful for anything except teleporting back then...

END FLASHBACK (Thank God)

And to this day Gold, Hiro and Kazam kept those scars. Gold lifted up his sleeve to show his.

"Kazam?" Kazam nodded and pointed to the scar on its own shoulder. It teleported in front of Gold and hugged him. "Nice to have you back buddy."

"Kazam! Get your ass back here!" Karen screamed. Kazam blasted her away with a Psychic attack. She tossed out Umbreon again as her real final pokemon. "Double Edge!"

"Wait for it..." Gold ordered Kazam and Pyro. "DOUBLE DYNAMICPUNCH!" Both of Gold's starter pokemon punched Umbreon in the face and knocked it out. Karen returned Umbreon and ran past Gold, trying to run for it. "I'm not done with you yet!"

By the time Gold had reached Bruno's lava field Karen was gone. Gold brushed past Koga and Will's domains and returned to the pokemon center. He made his way to the computer and sent Kingdra back to Claire with an E-mail attached.

"Dear Claire,

Thanks for letting me borrow Kingdra. But it's all over now so I don't need it anymore. Tell the other gym leaders that I defeated the Elite Four (mostly on dumb luck) and that they should return to their gyms.

Your friend

Gold

P.S: Tell Whitney that she can't call me anymore so she can stop bitching to me about her fucking problems.

P.S.S: I LIKE NACHOS!" Gold got up and turned around to find that all the trainers after him were waiting for him. All of a sudden, they rushed over to him nearly crushing him. People were kissing his feet, shaking hands with him and even kissing him on the lips (no guy on guy kissing though).

All this celebration was cut short when a lone cloaked figure made his way through the crowd to Gold. He removed his hood to show his face.

"It's been a long time son."

"HI DADDY!" Gold said merrily waving to him.

"Geez. I thought you would take our reunion a little more seriously then that..."

"I can't help it. Twelve girls just kissed me and I'm happy as shit!"

"Twelve? Nice work boy!" They pounded their fists together in recognition. Gold's dad let out a sigh a grabbed Gold's wrist. He took him to the place where you fight Lance in the game.

"Gold. I just want you to know that I'm not interested in P.O.O.T or world domination anymore. I cooperated with Karen and defeated the current Champion in battle just to have a chance to fight you. Not as the leader of P.O.O.T but as your father and rival. If you want to become champion you have to beat me to do it."

"You're on old man."

"Why does everybody call me old? I'm only forty seven..."

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For those of you who are getting sick of me making a chapter everyday, you'll be happy to know that I can't update on the weekends for reasons that are mine alone. I really do have a lot of time on my hands but just not on the weekends.


	42. Final Showdown

Chapter 41

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45 (From fighting the Elite Four)

Donphan-Trunks LV: 40

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 41

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 39

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 39

Alakazam-Kazam LV: 47

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

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Gold's Mom opened the door to let three small children in. They were some of the half siblings Gold was talking about before. The fraternal twins: Orange and Indigo brushed past their mother and sat in front of the TV. Their little sister, Pink hugged their mother and sat next to her in the kitchen.

"What are you doing Mommy?"

"Opening mail."

"I learned how to read while we were away."

"Really? Then read this," she said pulling out a letter from the stack.

"Dear Ms. Ryu,

We re-gret to in-form you that your sons Gold and Pla- Pla-."

"That's Platinum dear."

"Right. Gold and Platinum have just been de-de-declared le-golly."

"Legally."

"Legally retarded. What does that mean Mommy?"

"It means they're big dummies."

"I knew that. But Gold's the nicer one. Platinum sucks."

"Where did you learn that word?"

"From Orange." Mom got up and walked over to the living room with Pink trailing behind her. Orange and Indigo had their eyes glued to the TV with their mouths wide open in shock.

"Orange! Why did you teach your little sister that wo-."

"MOM! GOLD'S ON TV!" The twins yelled at the same time. The championship match was being televised. Gold was giving his pokemon a pep talk before the match.

"All we worked for comes down to this guys. If we win this, I'll change that nasty ass food I give you." The pokemon were overjoyed to hear that last part. "But if we lose... YOU'LL NEVER EAT AGAIN!" All of them gulped at once and Lummox began to cry. "Oh yeah. I almost forgot. Kazam meet Lummox. He was your replacement after you left with Dad. Lummox meet Kazam; your predecessor." Gold walked away for some reason leaving the pokemon confused.

(What does replacement and predecessor mean?) Lummox asked. Pyro scratched its neck with its foot and told it what those meant.

(Replacement means gay lover and predecessor means taco.)

(So if Kazam is my predecessor that means it is my taco. I like tacos...) Lummox said inching towards Kazam. Kazam put its spoons up in defense.

(Touch me and you die Pillsbury Doughboy!)

(That must mean Kazam is Lummox's gay lover then.) Sparks reasoned. Trunks and Sprout were the most confused of all.

(What does gay lover mean?) They asked at the same time. Pyro was the one to answer again.

(It's what you two are.)

(A Donphan and a Sunflora? But Kazam and Lummox aren't-.)

(Pyro!) Sparks yelled. (They're only kids, you can't tell them stuff like that!)

(Damn you're hot!) Sparks is a girl. (If we're both not in a coma later hows about you and I uh... knock some boots if you know what I mean...)

(I don't know what you mean.)

(Me neither...)

Gold walked around the arena twice out of anxiety. He tripped over a long metal pole. He picked it up thinking that it might be useful. His restlessness ended when he saw Platinum, Copper, Crystal (well maybe not Crystal) and Silver enter the seats placed around the arena. Gold's father came out at last looking pleased.

"Oh my God..." Gold's Mom said at home. "Not Walter, anybody but Walter..." More and more came and filled the seats around the place. Gold took his place on stage. He signaled Trunks to come out first and returned the others. The old man didn't choose any pokemon. He just snapped his fingers and the ground began to shake.

"What the hell is going on?" Gold asked.

"Gyarados, come on out!" Gyarados came up right below Gold and Trunks and swallowed them whole.

"MY BABY!" Gold's Mom screamed. The three children began to cry at the loss of their brother. In reality Gold and Trunks were still alive but were tumbling down Gyarados' cavernous body and soon landed in the stomach. The stomach acid was beginning to tear up Gold's shoes.

"Now way dude. I am not gonna be the shit of a bloated Magikarp! Bang against the walls Trunks!" Trunks used Rollout on one side of Gyarados' stomach while Gold used his pole to smack the other side. Gyarados eventually vomited them up into the air. Trunks rolled up into a ball and hit Gyarados right between the eyes in midair. But Gold crashed nuts first onto one of Lance's dragon statues.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO CRYSTAL IF I KEEP GETTING HIT IN THE DRUMS AND BANJO?" Gold slid off the statue, semiconscious.

"If you keep talking about me that way you're going to be eating your drums and banjo for breakfast!" Crystal screamed but Gold didn't hear her. Gyarados groaned on the ground from Trunks' attack in almost the same condition as Gold.

"Dig backwards Gyarados!" Gyarados, whose tail was in the ground the whole time drilled backwards into the ground. Gold got up and pondered out loud.

"How could it dig with such a flat tail? Or even dig in that condition?" Gyarados came back up fully healthy and rushed towards Gold. Gold raised his pole up vertically in defense. The pole got caught in Gyarados' mouth. Since Gold was still hanging on to the pole, Gold was flung around while Gyarados was flailing. "Hyper Beam!" Gold screamed. Trunks fired at Gyarados' middle section knocking out of the ground and Gold and the pole out of its mouth.

The whole stadium gasped when they saw Gyarados come out of the ground. You see, this Gyarados had _two _heads. Their bodies were connected at the middle like a twin headed snake. Thus explaining how it could dig when it was knocked out and come back healthy again. Two heads or not, it was knocked out from the Hyper Beam. Walter returned his mutant Gyarados and switched in his Ditto. Ditto turned into a Venusaur and fired a Solarbeam at Trunks. Trunks hit the back wall from the attack and fainted.

Gold switched in Lummox. Ditto turned into a pokemon Gold had never seen before. Gold pulled out the pokedex (I almost forgot he had this thing. Sue me if I don't make them take out the damn pokedex for every fucking pokemon that walks by. Sarcasm intended).

"Mewtwo. The Genetic Pokemon. This crazy motherfucker will kill you and your whole family. Often put in fanfictions for it is either a total emo or total badass. Why are you pointing me at that thing? I don't want to die! Why are you even near this thing? Are you fucking stupid? Read my nonexistent lips. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE BITCH!"

"I never should have added that curse word database... But it has good advice. RUN FOR IT!" Lummox was nowhere near being able to outrun Ditto/Mewtwo. Ditto punched Lummox so hard in the stomach that you could for the first time, see Lummox's ribs. It then blasted Lummox away with a Psychic blast. "Hold on Lummox! I'll think of something!" Gold remembered something about Dittos not being able to hold a form when laughing. When Ditto had knocked Lummox on to its back Gold jumped onto Lummox and used it as a trampoline.

"Hey Ditto! Check this out!" Gold did a backflip onto another dragon statue and let himself get hit in the privates again. "Ta-da..." he said feebly as he fell on to the ground face forward. As expected, Ditto burst into a fit of laughter. It started rapidly changing into all the pokemon it knows. Gold waited until it turned into a Magikarp and then had Lummox use Body Slam on it. Ditto fainted right before Lummox hit it out of fear.

"Yeah that's right bitch! Me and Lummox kick so much ass, bitches faint before we even touch 'em!" Gold started victory dancing around the arena, without realizing that his Dad had switched in his Machamp and was pummeling Lummox to a pulp.

"Seismic Toss!" Machamp grabbed Lummox by the feet and sent it flying into a wall, just inches in front of Gold. Gold stopped in midstep out of a amazement.

"Dude... What did I miss?" Gold returned Lummox and switched in Kazam. Kazam used a Psychic attack on the ceiling making a boulder fall on Machamp's head. Machamp grabbed it and threw it at Kazam instead. Kazam made a beam of light come out of its spoon and sliced the rock in half.

"Earthquake!"

"Reflect!" The underground shock waves couldn't break through Kazam's barrier. Kazam teleported over Machamp's head and turned them into swords of light again (Star Wars Biotch!). Machamp grabbed one with its top two hands and stopped the other with the other two. Kazam let go of its spoons for a second. It kicked Machamp in the chin and took the spoon sabers back while it was stunned. Machamp punched Kazam in the gut and grabbed it by its bulbous head.

Then Machamp pushed Kazam's head right between its own legs. That way, it looked like Kazam was...

"Kazam! I order you to stop giving Machamp a blowjob this instant!" Meanwhile back at home...

"Mommy, what's a blowjob?" Pink asked.

"Its what women do to get men in the mood," Orange explained.

"Mood for what?"

"For-." Their mother slapped a hand over Orange's mouth.

"I don't think she needs anymore of your explanations..." Now back to regularly scheduled dose of ass whooping. Kazam used Psychic to make Machamp back off. Machamp stomped down on the ground causing the entire arena to topple over like a seesaw. Gold stabbed the pole into the ground to stop himself from falling towards Machamp. Kazam fell helplessly forward towards Machamp. Kazam flipped in midair and kicked Machamp in the face again. Machamp let the stadium fall back into place again. Machamp looked exhausted already. Kazam used Psychic one last time and blasted it back to its master's feet. Gold's dad started to talk to himself.

"So this is my seed. A horny, retarded, bitchy, unfocused, and a little bit crazy bastard who knows his way around the pokeball. Just like his old man. Well except for the retarded part..."

"Hey Dad! What's two plus two?"

"Seven. Why?"

"I didn't know. I was hoping you would."

"Just remember that its either seven or pickles...or was it mayonnaise?" He shook the question off and used his own Alakazam; Kazam's mother.

(Uh...hi Mom.) Kazam's mother bashed him over the head with her spoons. (What was that for?)

(For not writing or calling for the past six months! I thought you were dead!)

(Um...Mom can we not do this now? There's people watching and-.)

"Hidden Power Ice!" Gold demanded.

(Forgive me...) Kazam covering its eyes with one arm and using Hidden Power with the other. The other Alakazam froze over when it got hit.

"Fire Punch!" Walter ordered his own Alakazam.

(Oh man... My yellow ass is gonna get kicked...) Its mom burned its way out of the ice and rushed at Kazam. She punched Kazam in the stomach and used Psychic to knock Kazam back. She turned the spoons into swords of light and started slashing at Kazam.

"Fight back Kazam!"

(Hell no Bitch! She might bring in the belt if I do that!) Kazam let his mother beat him until it was in a coma. Gold switched in Sparks and had it use Iron Tail. The Alakazam grabbed Sparks by the tail and tossed it into the air.

"Hyper Beam!" Sparks flipped in midair and fired the beam from above. Alakazam took the attack head on and got severely damaged. Sparks hit it with a Thunderbolt once it was on its feet. This time the other Alakazam fainted. Gold's dad used his fifth pokemon: Tyranitar. It slapped its tail to the ground and took Sparks out with one Earthquake attack.

"Go Sprout! Use Earthquake!"

"Sunfloras can't do Earthquake..." Walter said looking bored.

"Oh. I knew that... Okay use Fire Blast!"

"Can't do that either..."

"Blizzard!"

"No."

"Thunder!"

"No."

"Surf!"

"For the love of God, just do a mother fuckin' Solarbeam!"

"What he said! Man... Sprout can't do anything cool..." Gold whispered the last sentence so Sprout wouldn't hear. Tyranitar fell asleep while Gold was choosing the attack so it got hit by surprise. The Solarbeam had knocked it out with one hit (I know Sprout had no chance against Tyranitar under normal circumstances).

Walter pulled his last pokeball off of the chain around his neck. He released it, revealing the Charizard he had used against Gold back in Ecruteak. It used Flamethrower on Sprout, knocking it out in one hit. Gold was down to his last pokemon too. He released Pyro to face Charizard.

"PYRO USE FLAMETHROWER!" They yelled at the same time. Apparently, they both named their fire starter Pyro. Their flames met in midair and exploded, knocking both pokemon back. Pyro rushed into the smoke blindly and tackled Charizard (though its name is also Pyro, I'm only calling it Charizard to avoid confusion) in the stomach. Charizard quickly recovered and used Iron Tail. The attack sent Pyro flying into the back wall. If that wasn't enough, Charizard flew up into the air and gave Pyro a flying Mega Kick.

Pyro grabbed Charizard by the leg and threw it to the ground. Then it bit its left wing so hard, you could hear the bones crack.

"Dynamicpunch!" Gold ordered. Charizard rolled out of the way just before Pyro hit it. It smacked Pyro across the face with its tail again and then flew up into the air as far as its broken wing could let.

"Earthquake!" Charizard came crashing down with its feet down. Pyro got out of the way just before it flattened it but nothing could stop the Earthquake attack right after. Pyro tripped from the attack and fell flat on its face. Charizard stomped its foot down on the back of its head.

"BLAST BURN!" Pyro glowed dark red and exploded with the lethal fire energy. Charizard was sent soaring from the attack and fell back down right next to its master. Charizard and Pyro both got up at the same time. They stared at each other unflinching as if they were trying to see into each other's soul. And then...Charizard shuddered, fell to the ground and fainted.

"ALRIGHT!" Gold cried in triumph. He ran over to Pyro and hugged it. But Pyro toppled over and fainted on him. "Ugh! Get off of me!" Gold pulled out its pokeball and returned it. "You deserve the rest, dude." Walter returned the other Pyro and walked over to Gold smiling. He TOLD Gold to follow him into the backroom where there was only an odd machine and a screen inside.

"Place your pokemon on the scanner." Gold laid all of six of them on the machine. The machine flashed for about 10 seconds and then stopped. Gold took back his pokemon and faced his father. "It makes me sad to lose but I'm glad that I lost to someone as skilled as you Gold." He turned to leave.

"Where are you going? We need to spend some quality time together or something. We can go fishing or camping or maybe you can show me how to a ride a bike. Come on, don't leave me Daddy!"

"You don't know how to ride a bike?"

"I never got around to it."

"I don't think I should screw around with your life anymore Gold. Tell your mom that I said Hi. Oh, but before I go, let me see your pokegear." He took the machine from him and pressed a couple of buttons on it. When he gave it back, his number was registered on it. "So we can keep in touch. Now if you don't mind, I have to go track down your sister..."

"Bye Daddy!"

"Stop calling me Daddy! You sound really gay when you say that!"

"Sure thing Daddy!"

"I give up..." So long story short, Gold went back home with his friends and had a huge victory party where almost half of the country turned up for. Many people were slept with... Copper and Gold drank much beer... so much chaos then you will ever need to know about. THE END. Wait. Hold up. These bitches still need to screw up Kanto. Haha! The story continues!


	43. The Worst Couple on a New Journey

Chapter 43

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45

Donphan-Trunks LV: 40

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 41

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 39

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 39

Alakazam-Kazam LV: 47

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

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Gold turned over in bed to find someone else next to him under the covers. He felt it to be the figure a fine female. He immediately thought what a guy would think in this situation. He got laid!

"Finally!" he whispered as to not wake her up. "I finally did it with Crystal!" He got dressed and started dancing around and singing. "She makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up with just one touch, and I erupt, like a volcano and cover her with my love. Baby girl you make me say oohoohooh and i just can't think of anything else I'd rather do than to hear you sing my name the way you do. Oh when we do our thing when we do the things we do, baby girl you make me say... Sexy love, girl the things u do, keep me sprung, keep me running back to you! Ooh, I love making love to you. Baby girl you know you're me sexy lov-YAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Gold had moon walked his way down the stairs and landed on his back.

"HEY CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN! I'M TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP!" The person who said that was a blonde haired girl and she came out of Gold's room. She was definitely not Crystal.

"Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-," Gold stammered.

"Did you get brain damage from that fall?"

"You're not Crystal," he finally managed to say.

"Last night was awesome. And yet you don't know my name. My name is-."

"I don't care about your name! You have to get out of here before Crystal finds out!"

"What don't you want me to find out Golden Boy?" Gold turned around to find Crystal standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips. She took one look at the girl. Then she looked at Gold with anger and with tears in her eyes. She ran away from them as fast as she could. Gold started to run around screaming.

"Why are you so freaked out?" the other girl asked. "Now that your little girlfriend is gone there's more time for us..." she said seductively. But Gold didn't hear her over his own screams.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

"Is it really that serious?"

"YES! Crystal has extreme rage issues and to make it worse her Dad is a manufacturer of pointy objects and power tools!" They heard footsteps outside along with the sound of a motor going off. "HOLY SHIT! IT'S MISTER CHAINSAW! I'M GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" And with that, Gold jumped out of the window just before Crystal came in. She didn't notice this and went inside with her blade of death.

Gold rolled out on to the front lawn and shook the broken glass off regardless of the deep cuts on him now. The two girls sounded like they were in mortal combat inside. It kept going until the other girl came out running for her life with Crystal following in an animalistic rage.

"You better not touch my man ever again you skanky ass s—t! Or I'll slice your ass into chewable pieces!" She turned around to find Gold directly behind her. "YOU'RE NEXT!"

"Hold up Crystal," he said backing away slowly. "I was extremely drunk; you can't penalize me for that... right?"

"I can and I will," she said bringing the chainsaw up to eye level.

"But before you kill me can I have a ten second head start?"

"Five seconds."

"That's not fair!"

"Four...three...two-."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Gold went around the corner just before Crystal got to one. He ran into Prof. Elm's place and locked the door. He started pulling tables, bookcases, stools, Liagiba, etc in front of the door. Prof. Elm grabbed by his hood and brought him to the back where Silver, Hiro, Copper, Tit and most importantly Crystal were.

"CRYSTAL! How did you get here?"

"Back door." She pointed to the appropriate door.

"Dang. How did I miss that?"

"It's because you don't think," she said stepping closer to him. "You don't think before you act. It's because of that, you don't notice the people and things around you which not only makes you stupid but also unaware of current events. And more importantly don't think or even care about my feelings before you decide to get drunk and sleep with cheap s—ts behind my back!"

"If it makes you feel better; I thought I was doin' the do with you. Hey that rhymed; I like rhymes..." he said for some reason drooling.

"That doesn't make it better and you know it!" She slapped him across the face and stormed out crying.

"You two make the worst couple," Tit mocked.

"Shut up!" Gold yelled back. "I know I screwed up-."

"Under statement of the year," Copper muttered.

"You shut up too! I know I screwed up and I don't need you guys reminding me! Why are you ASSHOLES here anyway?"

"Because of me," Prof. Elm said. "I'm handing S.S tickets to the strongest trainers so they can get to Kanto."

"But why are Copper and Silver here?" They took that as an insult and prepared to strangle him but Prof. Elm stopped them.

"While you were sitting on your ass knocking chicks up, we were collecting badges!" Silver roared.

"So that explains why you guys were gone for three weeks. I thought you went out for bagels and never came back."

"Crystal was right. You really don't know what's going on around you," Hiro said.

"In fact Gold, Copper collected seven badges which is exactly how many you got and Silver has eight which is one more than you have," Prof. Elm explained. Gold got pissed at the two of them. How dare they upstage me? Gold thought to himself. "I also handed one to Crystal while she was here. And of course I have to give one to you." Gold snatched the ticket out of his hand.

"Why are you giving these things to us anyway?"

"Because it's a plot device. And I think I'm a little bisexual." Everyone except him ran out of the back door a split second after he said that. "Heheh, that works every time! Now where's my Playdude?" Gold had stolen it for his own perverted pleasure. He's gonna need it now that Crystal's pissed at him.

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Really short, I know. I was thinking of putting this as the first chapter of Golden Flames 2 but I changed my mind. I'm saving that for much later.


	44. Oh My God They Killed Hiro

Chapter 44

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32

Donphan-Trunks LV: 26

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 30

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 30

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 25

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 30

Chansey LV: 9

Sudowoodo LV: 20

Smoochum LV: 5

Dratini LV: 15

Copper

Spears-Spearow LV: 9

Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5

Growlithe-Flares LV: 10

Machop-Champion LV: 15

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hurry up Gold!" Hiro shouted. Silver looked up from his newspaper and gave him a confused look.

"The ship doesn't leave until tonight. What's the rush?"

"There's something on the ship that I have to get to as fast as I can. I don't want to miss it!"

"What is _it_?"

"Let's just say _it_ is incredibly sexy..."

"A strip cl-." Hiro slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Don't spoil _it. _Why must you have an incredible intuition?"

"Genetics." At that precise moment Gold came downstairs talking to someone on the phone.

"So you're not mad at me anymore?" Gold asked the person on the phone. "Fine. As long as I can never trust you around power tools, you can never trust me with alcohol, other women, condoms, round objects, lotion and my own penis anymore. What's that? Fine, we'll pick you and Tit up later. Love you baby." He hung up and tossed the phone onto a nearby couch. Hiro looked furious at him. "What's up with you?"

"You were supposed to read what I wrote for you to say Crystal."

"How does calling her 'An unforgiving bitch that doesn't let her boyfriend have a good time' solve my relationship problems?" Hiro didn't answer. Instead he picked up the phone and pressed a couple of buttons.

"Is this Crystal? No I am not drinking Crystal... I'm calling to tell you that you're an unforgiving bitch that doesn't let her boyfriend have a good time with other women on Gold's behalf. Say hi to Tit for me! Bye," he hung up on her. Gold's jaw dropped and his left eye twitched violently.

"What was that for?"

"Trying to liberate you pal. You can thank me later."

"I'M NOT GONNA THANK YOU! Crystal's like a ticking time bomb Hiro! She's gonna kill the two of us!"

"The situation can't be that ba-." He stopped when a gunshot came from the window. The bullet hit him in the back.

"OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED HIRO!" Silver screamed.

"Who's they?"

"You're supposed to say 'YOU BASTARDS!' like in South Park," he said calmly as if their friend just didn't get shot.

"Oh right. YOU BASTARDS!" He kicked Hiro's lifeless body in the face. "But it's what this bastard deserved!"

"Knock it off Gold!" He pushed him out of the way and checked to see if Hiro was still breathing. "He's still breathing! Quick, call 911!"

"Do I have to?"

"Yes, damn it!"

"But first, there's something I always wanted to do..." Gold started to unzip his pants.

"Um... Gold, what are you doing?" Silver said backing away from him.

"Just this." Gold took a piss on Hiro's back for three minutes.

"Are you done?" Silver said clearly aggravated.

"More or less."

"CALL 911!"

"Okay. What's the number for 911?" he said casually picking up the phone.

"911!"

"That's who I'm trying to call but what's their number?"

"911 YOU IDIOT!"

"9-1-1-9-6-8-4-3-4-6-8. Got it. Hey is this 911? Tony's pizza parlor? What are you doing on 911's phone number? Well anyway, can I have a large with pepperoni and mush- GAAAAAAAAAAH!" Silver grabbed Gold by the throat and started strangling him.

"Listen closely... the number for 911 is NINE FUCKING ONE, ONE!"

"Why didn't you say so before?"

"We don't have time for this! We're better off dragging Hiro to the hospital!" As soon as he reached the front door hundreds of shots went through the door. Silver ducked under them and Gold hid under a table.

"Open up! The NAACP wants to talk to the one called Gold!" A familiar voice said from behind the door.

"NAACP? Does that stand for Nacho Attackers and Cheese Paper?" Gold asked.

"No you idiot," Silver said. "It stands for National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (that's a real organization)."

"You're both wrong!" another voice said. "We're the Hot Umpire Manly Poolboys Man-eating Entities Boyfriends Itching Tits Choking Hampers!" Silver and Gold looked at the door in amazement and confusion.

"Not only does that not make sense or match with NAACP, it spells H.U.M.P. M.E. B.I.T.C.H."

"And several of those words were gay," Gold added. Their enemies kicked the door down. In the doorway was Bruno, Brock from Pewter City and most importantly: Lazy. It had several scars across its face and was looking at Gold with the utmost essence of loathing. But Gold didn't notice and waved to him. "Hi Lazy!"

"Is that all you have to say to me bitch?" Lazy pointed the gun at his face.

"Pretty much," Gold said backing away.

"You let me go to jail for half a year and that's all you have to say?"

"Um... sorry?"

"SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH ANYMORE BIOTCH!" Lazy roared. "My new trainer ordered us to kill you and I'll be happy to oblige..." He took a couple of more steps towards Gold and Silver.

"Before you kill us, let me ask two questions. Who is your new trainer?"

"Classified information."

"Okay... And why are Bruno and Brock here?"

"I don't like you and Brock lost a bet," Bruno explained. Silver inched towards Gold with Hiro on his back.

"What do we do?"

"RUN FOR IT!" Gold and Silver ran downstairs to the garage skipping several steps at a time. Gold slammed the door shut and put several boxes in front of the door. Lazy and the others were trying to shoot down this door too. Gold took a key from under a paint can and opened the door to his Mom's car. Silver tossed Hiro into the backseat and sat next to Gold. Gold rammed the car through the garage door and made their escape.

STORY CHANGE: Crystal Leaves

"When I see Hiro again I'm gonna introduce him to Mr. Chainsaw!" Crystal exclaimed. Copper and Tit sat bowlegged watching Crystal pace out of anger. But just when Crystal was about to say something else, Gold and Silver rammed the car into her living room wall. "MY HOUSE! MY WALL! MY FANCY NAPKINS! GOLD YOU'RE GONNA-."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET IN!" Gold screamed even louder then she did. The three of them got inside and didn't say a word. Gold started to drive away from New Bark Town completely forgetting about Hiro.

"Is Hiro dead?" Copper asked at last. Tit looked at Hiro and took out his so called bullet.

"He got hit by a tranquilizer but he's not dead." Gold and Silver looked at each other.

"You strangled me and taught me the number for 911 for nothing!" Gold complained.

"It sounded like a gunshot alright! And Hiro's gonna be pissed when he finds out he got a black eye and smells like pee!"

"What did you two do while we were out?" Crystal asked interrogatively.

"Nothing," they said in unison. For the next six hours, Gold drove them to Olivine City with the constant fear of Lazy in his mind. When they finally got on the ship, he decided to hire a bodyguard. But only a guy named Russell showed up.

"What does this job pay?" were the first words out of the large man's mouth.

"Toothpicks and used combs."

"You're kidding right?"

"Nope."

"I'm not gonna work for toothpicks and combs."

"How about toothpicks and half eaten bananas?"

"No."

"Toothpicks and a jar of ratatta feces."

"NO."

"Toothpicks and several articles of my girlfriend's underwear. Including the ones with the Pikachu design and Pikachu tail shaped vibrator."

"FUCK NO!"

"Okay this is my final offer. Toothpicks and toothpicks," he said pulling out two handfuls of toothpicks.

"WILL YOU STOP IT WITH THE DAMN TOOTHPICKS?" Russell smacked the toothpicks out of his hands. "I want cash you little freak! So from now on I'm taking 40 percent of what you make."

"Forty! I say thirty!"

"And my fist says sixty!"

"Fair enough..." Gold said in fear of being hit. Russell walked outside the cabin without a word. The ship's intercom system had just started up.

"There is a talking criminally insane Slowking here for Gold and Silver. Will Gold and Silver please come here now?" Gold sighed and shook his head.

"Damn it Lazy..."


	45. Guys in Cloaks Suck

Chapter 43

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45

Donphan-Trunks LV: 40

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 41

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 39

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 39

Alakazam-Kazam LV: 47

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gold left his room to go to the front of the ship but was stopped when he heard Crystal scream from hers. Gold kicked the door down to see Crystal in the corner being backed in by a moving suitcase.

"SUITCASE FROM HELL!" Gold cried. He kicked the back of it. It burst open to release Platinum from the inside. "How the hell did you get here?"

"I snuck inside that suitcase. I can't believe Professor Dork forgot to give me a ticket..."

"He only gave them out to us because we're the best trainers in Johto. Which you are not." He grabbed Platinum by the arm and dragged him away. "Lazy's gonna have to wait. I need to get you as far away from here as possible."

"Excuse me young man," said some random guy in a cloak. "I couldn't help but overhear your predicament. I can take that little boy off your hands for you." A plastic nose fell out from under his hood. He picked it back up and hurriedly tried to put it back on his face. Gold didn't notice it but Platinum did. He tugged on Gold's sleeve.

"Hey Gold, I think this guy is Michael Jackson."

"If you're gonna lie to me at least make it clever."

"I'm not lying!"

"Yeah. And I'm the Queen of Switzerland. Now; are you a certified child caregiver?" he said turning to the cloaked enigma.

"Why yes, of course. Children are my life. And in exchange, I'll trade you a bag of magic beans."

"DEAL!" Gold snatched the bag out of his hand excitedly and shoved Platinum over to him. The stranger moon walked away with Platinum in his arms. A card fell out of his pocket. Gold looked inside the bag to find... "These aren't magic beans! They're half eaten apples! Give Plat back whoever you are!" He picked up the card the man dropped and read it aloud. "The president of the pedophile convention: MICHAEL JACKSON! GET BACK HERE!"

Gold chased him down the halls of the ship and was just about to tackle him when Lazy, Brock and Bruno came out of nowhere and blocked Gold's way.

"Move it bitches!" The three carried him by the armpits and took him to the front of the ship. They then tossed Gold into a group of sunbathers, one of them being Crystal. "Hey Crystal..."

"What's going on _now_?"

"Lazy and his crew are back with a vengeance which is stopping me from going after Michael Jackson who stole Platinum from me. And you?"

"I'm trying to tan."

"Why?"

"Because that girl you slept with had a tan so I thought I should get one too." Gold got up and kissed her on the lips.

"You don't have to change for me. I love you just the way you are."

"That was so cheesy and yet so sweet... LOOK OUT!" She tackled him to the ground to avoid a bolt of lightning. Another man in a black cloak stood on top of the lifeguard stand with a Raichu on his head.

"Give me back Platinum you son of a bitch!" Gold screamed. The guy just scratched his head in confusion.

"Who's Platinum? That's a stupid name for a child..." Gold nudged Crystal with his elbow and whispered in her ear.

"I have a feeling that I have to fight this guy. I want you to head back and get my pokeballs and tell the others to go after Michael Jackson. And tell Copper not to leave his room."

"What are you gonna do?"

"Fight him off with Pyro. That's the only one I have right now..."

STORY CHANGE: Copper Winds

Copper leaned over the side of the boat and threw up. Michael Jackson came by and grabbed him by the collar.

"Let go of me you piece of shit!"

"Oooh... you're a nasty one aren't you? I've got a special place in Neverland for you."

"Neverland? Oh no! You're Michael-."

STORY CHANGE: Crystal Leaves

"-Jackson stole Platinum and this guy in a cloak is beating the shit out of Gold as we speak! Help us!" Crystal said. Hiro, Silver and Tit gave her looks of indifference.

"You expect us to believe that Michael Jackson is on this very ship and kidnapping children while Lazy and the famous Brock and Bruno are trying to beat Gold up at this very moment? How stupid do you think we are?" Hiro asked.

"In my opinion, you're all very stupid. And why are you here Hiro? Don't you have a gym to run?"

"Oh, I got fired again."

"For doing what?"

"The same reasons as before."

"You're a freak. You know that right?"

"I aim to displease. Now let's focus here. You're gonna have to give us proof of what you say." At that precise moment an explosion went off on the other side of the ship. Then the intercom system started.

"All passengers are warned to stay away from the battle on the front of the ship. There is a gun wielding Slowking here and he'll shoot at anyone who gets near."

"Okay you were right about Lazy but what about-."

"SOMEONE HELP ME! MICHAEL JACKSON'S GOT US!" Copper shrieked as Michael ran by.

"Um... I believe you now..."

"Good. Now all of you just get up, shut up, and go after them!" The three of them filed out one by one and chased after Michael.

STORY CHANGE: Hiro Waves

They found him trying to escape in an emergency lifeboat.

"The jig is up Jackson!" Hiro said. Michael Jackson took out two pokeballs and tossed them at Copper and Platinum instead of Hiro. Two Ninetales came out and flashed bright red and then disappeared.

"Where'd they go?" Tit asked. Copper and Platinum let out ear deafening roars of pain. Their teeth and nails turned into fangs and claws. Fur was growing out of almost every place on their bodies and nine tails came out of their backsides.

"I saw something like this on Naruto once. Those two are possessed by a Nine tailed fox," Hiro explained. Platinum jumped up and bit Hiro on the arm. "AAAAAHH! GET OFF OF ME YOU DEMENTED LITTLE MIDGET!" He tossed Plat back into the lifeboat. Michael started to row away.

"HAHA! I WIN AGAIN BITCHES!" he said as they left towards the horizon.

"Gold's gonna be pissed when we tell him what happened... Quick poll: Does anyone really give a shit?" Silver asked.

"No," Tit and Hiro said in unison.

"Me neither..."

STORY CHANGE: Golden Flames

"THUNDER!" Raichu blasted a massive bolt of electricity which hit Gold square in the chest. The shock wave made Gold fall over the side of the boat. Crystal came back just in time to catch him by the foot.

"What took you so long!" Gold screamed.

"Our stupid friends are too skeptical for their own good. Now don't worry, I'll- AAAGGGHHH!" Lazy just smacked her in the back with his infamous crowbar. That caused Crystal to let go of Gold's foot and dropping him into the ocean.

"I HATE MY LIFE!" Gold yelled as he fell head first into the sea.

"Mission complete," the second cloaked figure said. "Lets get out of here boys." He clapped his hands together and the four of them disappeared in a puff of black smoke.


	46. Breaking the Fourth Wall

Chapter 46

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45

Donphan-Trunks LV: 40

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 41

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 39

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 39

Alakazam-Kazam LV: 47

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With three characters gone, how will our heroes handle the threat of both Michael Jackson and the enigmatic forces of H.U.M.P.M.E.B.I.T.C.H? If you read up to this part, you should know how they're going to handle it. Very, very stupidly or not at all.

"Pass the butter Tit," Silver said.

"Get it yourself jackass." In this case, not at all. The world is doomed yet again... But look on the bright side. Silver finally gets his butter! DO THE BUTTER DANCE! WOOT!1111! Okay... this chapter needs a plot... a... plot...what does that word mean again? Oh yeah! That's when stuff happens. What should happen though? Hmm...

"Hey! RTJ, make something happen already!" Silver said to me.

"Hey, you're not supposed to talk to me! I don't pay you to talk," I said back from... wherever I was at that point.

"You don't pay us at all!" Tit yelled.

"If you guys acted out the story better then maybe I'd pay you!"

"We can't act when there is no story Shithead!" Silver threw a cup at the screen which hit me in the face. "Start the chapter or there will be more where that came from!"

"Fine, you son of a bitch! Crystal! Get your shexay ass in here!" I ordered. From this point on I am no longer in the story and it proceeds normally again. Crystal came into the, her face shining with tears.

"What's wrong with you?" Silver asked from behind a newspaper.

"They pushed Gold over the side of the boat AND NOW HE'S DEAD!" She cried even more furiously after that. Tit dropped the bowl she was eating out of and gasped.

"But who's gonna be the main character! Who, damn it, who!"

"I can be the main character," Silver proposed. "Get ready to change the title to Silver Ice ladies."

"You'll never take Gold's place!" Crystal bellowed. "Because I'm taking his spot!"

"Over my dead body!"

"That can be arranged."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'M HIDEOUS!" Hiro screamed from his room.

"What's his problem?" Tit tried to open his door but Hiro closed it before she looked inside.

"I just remembered something about getting bites from people possessed by a Ninetales," Silver explained. "He's got the curse of the beast."

"What's that?"

"Since Platinum bit him, the curse was passed to him. He's slowly turning into a Ninetales."

"WHAT?"

"He's got about eight months to live as a human. At the end of each month he'll grow a new tail and become more feral. At the end of the eighth month he'll become a full fledged Ninetales." This made Tit burst into tears.

"My boyfriend is a Were-Tails!"

"Tit calm down!" Crystal said covering her ears. "Silver's lying!"

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are. That curse stuff is a load of bullshit!"

"Excuse me but..." Silver pulled a book out of his backpack. "I don't think the Big Book of Obscure Curses lies to people!"

"That book is just a way to scam idiots like you out of their money!"

"I'll prove that the curse is real. Hiro get out here!"

"NO! NEVER! I'M TOO UGLY!"

"There's a stripper out here." Hiro knocked and looked around wildly for the stripper. He looked the same as he always did.

"See, Silver? There is nothing wrong with him." A tail extended itself from behind Hiro and wrapped itself around his leg. "Um... never mind..."

STORY CHANGE: Platinum Volts

"This place kicks ass!" Plat said when they reached the Neverland Ranch. Michael Jackson stood in front of the two boys and started making a speech about the place but Copper stopped him.

"We don't really give a shit. Just take us to the rooms Jackson."

"I'm not really Michael Jackson you know. My real name Peter Mcglibbinshireakmhedbinshakirailikelittlekidsbuttsandicannotlieosamabinladenbinakmhedmcbeyoncesbutty... the Third." He took off his mask revealing his true face.

"You mean to tell us that you're not a black guy in white plastic that gets away with everything even with witnesses around?" Platinum questioned.

"That's correct."

"Bitch, we're out of here. Come on Copper; let's get molested by a real pedo."

"We're not getting molested at all Dumbass. But I have to ask Peter something before we go."

"What is it my sweet little prince?"

"Right... If you could afford to reopen Neverland, why can't you use your power and influence to pick up chicks?"

"That's a good question actually..." While he was thinking over the matter Copper and Platinum made their escape.

STORY CHANGE: Golden Flames (he ain't dead yet biotch)

Gold woke up to see the sight of Crystal standing over him. He sat bolt upright and rubbed his eyes. What he believed to be Crystal turned out to be a Poliwrath. He suddenly remembered when Chuck's Poliwrath beat the shit out of him and started to back away.

"I've had enough of you guys for one lifetime. Stay away from me Hell frog!" Poliwrath ignored him and put Gold's hat on its own head. "Give that back Hell Frog!" Poliwrath started to run away but Gold tossed a pokeball at it and captured it.

"Haha! Once again, the Champion of Johto triumphs over all!" Poliwrath released itself from the ball and ran off with the hat again. "Damn you Hell Frog! Hey... that should be your nickname... RTJ, make it so."

"I make the orders around here, shrimp! And I told you guys to stop breaking the fourth wall!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

All the others are in Crystal's possession.


	47. My Life Without a Twig and Berries

Chapter 47

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gold and Hell Frog walked casually across a Newsstand in Vermillion City. Gold noticed that one of them had a picture of him on it looking down his own pants. He picked it up and read the title out loud.

"My Life Without A Twig and Berries: A Biography of Gold Ryu, the guy with no balls? WHO WROTE THIS BULLSHIT?" He opened to the front cover. "Written by the distinguished authors, HIRO AND SILVER? THOSE SONS OF BITCHES! WHEN I SEE THEM I'M GONNA GOUGE OUT THEIR EYES AND MOUNT THEIR BALLS OVER MY FIREPLACE! What the fuck are y'all looking at?"

A group of people clustered around him, each carrying a copy of My Life Without a Twig and Berries. They were whispering behind their hands to each other.

"The book says he attached a stapler to his groin to make up for having no penis."

"Is it true that he cheated on Crystal with forty girls?"

"Probably. He's champion right? What girl wouldn't want to sleep with him? Even though he has no genitalia, girls go crazy over famous dudes."

"I CAN HEAR YOU! AND EVERYTHING IN THAT BOOK IS A LIE MADE UP BY MY STUPID FRIENDS!"

"So the part with the lotion and the Ponyta wasn't true?"

"Lotion? Ponyta? Let me see that." Gold took the book from his hand and read it to himself. "EWWW! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THOSE TWO! Calm down Gold... Okay everyone just burn these books and pretend like you never read it. As long as they don't leave the city, I'm fine." One of them tapped him on the shoulder.

"I hate to tell you this but these are being shipped to the entire region tonight."

"The book is that good?"

"Oprah even put it at the top of the booklist."

"Shit! That makes it worse. Damn Oprah and her widely used booklist. Tell me, where are these things being made?"

"In Saffron City."

"Then that's where I'm headed. But before I go... HYPER BEAM!" Hell Frog sent a blast of energy from the swirl on its stomach and blew up the Newsstand. "I'll teach those two to never mess with a champion!"

STORY CHANGE: Hiro Waves

The S.S. Aqua had just landed in Vermillion. The group shoved Hiro into a burlap sack so no one would see the new tail. When they got out a sailor stopped them in their tracks.

"What's in the bag?"

"Um... a clock?" Crystal said unsurely looking at the bag on Silver's back. The sailor put his ear to the bag and listened closely.

"TICK TOCK TICK TOCK..." Hiro said from inside the sack. The sailor backed away from it and started shouting.

"IT'S A BOMB! MAN YOUR STATIONS! RED ALERT! RED ALERT! GET THE BOMB SQUAD IN HERE!" He snatched the sack away from Silver and tossed into the water. Hiro freaked out and jumped out of it just before they blew up the bag.

"Me no likey water..." Hiro said hissing at the water.

"You almost killed him you fucktards!" Tit shrieked.

"Um... sorry about that... Hey, that kid has the curse of the beast! Get him before he bites someone!" Everyone who worked on the ship chased after Hiro. Hiro had enough sense to lift everybody on to Armor before taking off.

"Bite my furry ass sailor dudes!" Hiro pulled down his pants and mooned his pursuers. Heheh, he's _mooning, sailors. _Sailor Moon, get it? Bad joke-o-rama...

"Where to first gang?" Hiro asked. Crystal was crying over the loss of Gold, Tit was trying to comb Hiro's tail and Silver was listening to his Isuck, not giving a damn as usual. "And I thought I was the one cursed... This part isn't gonna get anymore interesting. RTJ, switch to Platinum and Copper."

"Damn it! Stop talking me! And don't tell me what to do either."

"Quit your bitching and change the point of view."

"Fine jackass. Why are you guys so pissed at me all the time?"

"You turned me into a mutant, supposedly killed Crystal's boyfriend and my best friend and Tit and Silver are being dragged into a journey they don't want to be a part of."

"Now that you put it that way, I'm fucking evil."

"Damn straight."

"I'll change it but from now on, stop talking to me during the fanfiction."

"Deal."

"ALAKAPOOPIE!"

STORY CHANGE: Platinum Volts (I changed the scene with my magical powers)

"Where the hell are we dude?" Platinum asked someone on the street.

"You're in Lavender Town. Now please go away."

"Bastard!" Plat kicked him in the shin and ran back to where Copper was waiting. He didn't look to happy..."What happened to you?"

"I was trying to look for the others at that Tower but they kicked me out. I say we sneak in there and blow up everyone who gets in our way."

"Let's do it!"

The duo hid under a couple of tables inside the building. The security was positioned in front of the stairs like always. Platinum distracted him by releasing the Raticate he caught in front of him. When he ran after it the two boys ran up the stairs.

Instead of being a Radio Tower, the rest of the building turned out to be a strip club. Copper and Platinum's mouths fell open in amazement.

"My eyes, they burn yet I can't look away..." Platinum muttered. Remind you of anyone?

"Let's get the fuck out of here!" They ran back down the stairs. Platinum returned Raticate and ran out screaming. When they were far enough away from the Tower they stopped to catch their breath.

"Let's never speak of this ever again."

"Deal. So how about we go get some badges or something?"

"Sure." Let's see what's Gold's doing, shall we?

STORY CHANGE: Golden Flames

"This is the place," Gold said in front of the place where they made the evil books. "If I'm going to hell I'm taking those damned books down with me."

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Sorry about the shortness. I just don't have enough focusing power to make it longer right now. I know what you're thinking. Why don't I just take a break and write more when I get my head together? Well that's not how I work okay! Why must you judge me? Now that I'm through annoying you I must find that Leprechaun that's always on TV and beat him up for his Lucky Charms.


	48. The Gang Gets Blackmailed

Chapter 48

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

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"Hey Tit, do you think they shipped those books we wrote yet?" Hiro asked. The four of them were chilling out at the pokemon center before moving on again.

"What books?" Tit asked.

"During those three weeks we stayed at New Bark Town before going here, Gold blew me and Silver's condom supply up with a stick of dynamite. So we decided to make a book that would totally ruin his reputation by making up lies like he has no balls or he did awful things to a Ponyta or sleeps in dead fish pokemon when he gets horny."

"That last one was disturbing."

"That's why the book's so great." By that time many fans of the book came up to him to listen to his speech. They all got mad and threw their copies of My Life Without A Twig and Berries at him.

"We wasted our money on this crap, jackass!"

"It's not my fault you're all stupid!" One of them lit a match and set the books on fire. Hiro jumped out of his seat and used Highfang to douse the fires. The angry people walked out while Silver and Crystal came in. Crystal was crying again. Silver's face turned redder then his hair out of anger.

"THAT DOES IT! I can't take it anymore! You cried on the boat! You cried while flying! You cried while walking! You cried on the motherfuckin' toilet! Give it a rest! Crying is never gonna bring Gold back!" Crystal stopped crying and looked at him with her eyes wide open in shock.

"Maybe you're right..."

"I know I'm right. One day you'll realize there's another boy out there who loves you as much as I- I mean Gold did. So for now just stop crying." Crystal wiped the tears away and; surprisingly, hugged Silver. She then walked over to Tit and started talking to her. Hiro smirked at Silver and walked up to him.

"Since when are you ever nice to someone?"

"Shut up."

"I think you're going soft dude."

"If I was going soft, would I do this?" Silver attempted to kick him in the nuts but Hiro stepped to the side.

"I also noticed what you almost said to her back there. What were your exact words? Oh yeah, 'Someone who loves you as much as I-."

"Damn it! What do you want from me?"

"I'll keep your secret but you have to be nice to people for a month."

"You're blackmailing me?"

"Hell yeah."

"Fine. But if you tell her I'll kill you. And mark my words, I'm gonna get you for this!"

"That's what they all say. Now go tell the girls that they're pretty." Silver walked over to them and scowled. He attempted to say something but it only came up as choked hissing noises.

"Gahhhh-glka-You look-baakaa- nice today-daach- THE NICENESS! IT BURNS!" Silver ran out of the pokemon center screaming leaving Hiro in a frenzy of laughter and the girls in an annoyed confusion.

"HAHAHAHAHA! I think I'm gonna have a seizure! BWAHAHAHA!" Hiro exclaimed in between fits of laughter.

STORY CHANGE: Golden Flames

"7-6-5-4-3-." Gold counted down. He had his finger on a remote controlled detonator. "2-1-GOODBYE SILPH CO! (AKA the evil book company)" Gold pressed the button and the building blew up from the inside while Gold was safely on the roof of the Pokemon Center.

"You're in deep doo-doo..." A voice from behind him said. He turned around to find Sabrina hovering in front of him.

"Oh Poopie Pants. I can explain. What had happened was that this place was making falsified accounts of my life and I, with the blowing up, and the BOOM, I-I-I, I'm in deep doo-doo..." Sabrina put a hand on his shoulder and teleported him into her gym.

"Fight. One pokemon each. Now."

"Why?"

"I get lonely here. So if you win I'll let you leave the city. If you lose, You become my sex slave for a week. Deny my commands and the police will be getting a mysterious tip-off about who blew up Silph Co."

"You're blackmailing me?"

"That is correct."

"Whatever. I like this deal..."

"Let us begin." Gold chose Hell Frog (to make sure that he loses) and Sabrina chose Espeon. But before they made a move, the ceiling burst open. H.U.M.P.M.E.B.I.T.C.H stood over them.

"Not you guys again!" Gold returned HF and hid behind a statue of an Alakazam. Lazy jumped down and knocked Sabrina unconscious with his crowbar. Bruno lifted her onto his back and took off again. "Aww... I wanted to tap that shexay ass. Curse you H.U.M.P.M.E.B.I.T.C.H! CURSE YOU TO HELL!"

Lazy and Bruno turned around when they heard Gold. Lazy looked extremely pissed but then again, when _isn't_ he pissed?

"That son of a bitch is still alive! Quick hand me a bazooka and-," Lazy cried. Their mysterious leader slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Don't worry. There's nothing he can do to stop us anyway."

"I'll kill every last one of you!" Gold said back. The others just laughed as they disappeared in a puff of black smoke again. Gold exited the gym and decided to call his dad.

"Hey dad. You're an Ex-maniacal genius right?"

"Why must you remind me of my mistakes?"

"I kind of _am_ your mistake but that's not the point. I keep running into this guy who wears a black cloak like you used too and is the leader of this group called H.U.M.P.M.E.B.I.T.C.H. Which; surprisingly has a lot of black people in it..."

"I don't know anyone like that but I'll be happy to help you."

"Where are you?"

"Behind you." Gold spun around to find his Dad behind him.

"Whoah! Small world..."

STORY CHANGE: Copper Winds

"Use Flamethrower!"

"Use Double Team!" Copper was using Flares against Janine's Venomoth. Venomoth used Double Team to get out of the way.

"Extremespeed!" Flares ran around in a circle, knocking out all of the clones in its way. Eventually it hit the real one and knocked it out.

"As proof of your victory here, blah, blah, blah, take the badge and get out." And so he did. Platinum was waiting for him outside.

"Did you win?"

"Sure did," Copper said pulling out the badge. That was the second one he got including the Rainbow badge.

"We rock dude!"

"What do you mean _we_? I do all the battling; you just stay outside and raid my secret stash of alcohol and marijuana." Platinum fainted from getting overdosed on the drugs. "I should just leave him here."

Copper walked away and used the Red Gyarados to surf his way to Cinnabar Island. But the water were blocked by huge chunks of black rock.

"What the hell is going on?"

"That's from the volcano eruption on Cinnabar. You can't go this way," said a construction worker from Fuchsia.

"Then get them out of the way so I can leave."

"We don't know how."

"Just blow it up Dumbass!"

"Oh... why didn't we think of that?"

"Because nowadays, a ten year old boy has more common sense then most people in the country! God, people are so stupid! HYPER BEAM!" Gyarados blew the big rock into oblivion. Copper climbed onto Gyarados and took off.

"Thank you Mysterious angry kid!"

"Fuck you!"

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FEEL MY POWER MORTALS!


	49. Hiro's crazy uncle

Chapter 49

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

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"Uh... dad, should you be reading while you drive?" Gold asked. He was giving Gold a ride in his car and he was reading a supposedly hilarious book at the same time.

"It's called multitasking boy."

"Can you single task instead?"

"Why?"

"Because we just ran over a Pikachu, a paper boy and an old lady."

"Oops... But I can't put the book down. It's too funny and glued to my hand."

"I don't even want to know why it's glued to your- Wait. What book is that?"

"My Life Without A Twig And Berries."

"LOOK OUT!" Gold grabbed the steering wheel and swerved the car out of the way of an incoming truck. "I'm driving..."

"No you're not. You don't have a license. Even though I'm reading, I am still perfectly able to drive a- SWEET JESUS! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" He drove the car into a tree. The airbag stopped the impact for him but Gold didn't have one. His head got slammed into the dashboard. Walter picked him up from the floor of the car. "You alright boy?"

"I hate you..." Gold murmured just before he passed out.

"Oopsie... HAHA! That part with the lotion and the Ponyta is hilarious!" I guess stupidity runs in the family. Time for another scene transition folks!

STORY CHANGE: Silver Ice

"FASTER BITCH, FASTER!" Hiro demanded. He, Crystal and Tit were riding in a rickshaw (those things that are like little huts on only two wheels with the two bars in front for people to grab and drive you with while you're sitting on your ass inside) with Silver as the driver. Hiro was using his tail to whip him.

"Why is Silver driving this piece of shit again?" Crystal asked before getting slammed into the side of the vehicle when Silver took a sharp turn.

"He's just being _nice_. Isn't that right Silver?"

Silver put on a fake smile and said, "That's right... I'm gonna kill you while you're sleeping you evil son of a bitch..."

"What was that?"

"I said I'm gonna kill poo while you're sleeping in a Sneasel filled ditch."

"That's what I thought you said. STOP!" Silver stopped so abruptly that Hiro fell out and landed on his face.

"HA! That's what you get bitch!" Silver mocked.

"Oh, Crystal," Hiro called. "I've got a _secret _to share with you..." Silver panicked and picked Hiro up and whispered into his ear.

"I'll do anything you want just don't tell!"

"What do you want to tell me?" Crystal asked climbing out the rickshaw.

"Silver likes to give people piggy back rides in his free time," Hiro explained. Crystal shrugged and climbed onto Silver's back. Silver gave Hiro the middle finger just before they entered the building they were looking for.

"Hey Silver. What's going on between you and Hiro?" Crystal whispered in Silver's ear.

"Nothing."

"I'm not stupid Silver. Tell me what's going on!"

"Um...uh... I'm gay?" That last part just kind of slipped out. Crystal got off of him and crossed her arms. Her face practically screamed 'I don't believe you'. "What? You don't believe I'm gay? I'll show you!" He went up to Hiro and kissed him.

"EWW! GET THE FUCK OFF! GAY SON OF A BITCH! UGH! I THINK I'M GONNA THROW UP!" Hiro screamed.

"See! I told you I'm gay!" Crystal shook her head and walked ahead of the group.

"When you decide to stop lying to me, then we'll talk Silver." Hiro took the lead again and led them to a rundown apartment building.

"What are we here for?" Tit said as a Ratatta ran across their path.

"My uncle lives here," Hiro explained. "I asked him to help me with my tail problem. But be cautious, he's getting on in years and getting a little insane. So refer to him as Horatio Thunder Pants the whole time." He knocked on the front door and a man who slightly looked like Albert Einstein answered the door. He was in his boxers and with a test-tube up his right nostril. "Hi Uncle Thunder Pants."

"Michael Jackson? I love that crazy biotch! Cause this is Thriller! Thriller night and no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike. You know its Thriller; Thriller night! You're fighting for your life in a killer, thriller TONIGHT!" He grabbed his crotch and started to dance spasmodically. He took another look at Hiro and started to cry.

"What's wrong Uncle Dude?"

"I'LL COME BACK TO YOU KAIRI! I PROMISE!" He pulled on a red haired wig. "I KNOW YOU WILL!" He took off his boxers and stood naked in front of them.

"THE NAKEDNESS! IT BURNS MY FLESH!" Hiro cried covering his eyes.

"WHAT ARE YOU PUNKS DOING IN MY HOUSE? GET THE FUCK OUT!" He slammed the door in Hiro's face, causing him to fall backwards.

"That went well," Silver said sarcastically.

"Shut up douche bag! You just need to speak his language, that's all." He knocked on the door to find his uncle in a princess outfit. "Princess Thunder Pants may I ask thee to sever the beast within with the plunger of smiting?"

"You want me to cut off that tail? Sure, anything for my favorite niece."

"Penis."

"I mean nephew." The others looked at Hiro in sheer awe.

"You spoke gibberish and he completely understood you!" Crystal exclaimed.

"That's how you communicate with him. Go ahead and try it." Crystal walked up to the old man.

"Um..." Crystal was thinking of something to say but the old man bitch slapped her across the face.

"I know you ain't talking about _my _man that way! Get out of my house bitch!" He shoved her out the door and locked her out. "That'll teach you, you skanky whore! Now what did you want again Hiro?"

"For the blade of retardation to staple my butt shut."

"I'll go get the knife." He walked off into the kitchen and came back with a knife in his hand. He laid Hiro's tail down on the table and sliced it off in one slash.

"Water bottles are pooping on my eyes!" Hiro said.

"I am awesome aren't I niece?"

"Penis..."

"Sorry. Nephew." Tit tapped Hiro on his shoulder and pointed to his butt. The tail grew back in an instant.

"Aww... poopityschmopit!" Hiro cursed.

"The Fire Department's on fire (that's what poopityschmopit turned into)?" The gang said their goodbyes and left the apartment.

"I don't get it," Silver said. "Why'd you make us come here when Crystal could have cut off your tail with her chainsaw?"

"Then you wouldn't give us a ride in the rickshaw."

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

Meanwhile...

"Nigga, this game cheats (that's the first time I didn't censor the N word)," Brock said. He and Lazy were playing on the Gaystation in their spooky cave headquarters.

"Nigga, the game ain't cheating. I don't even have thumbs and I'm still kicking your ass."

"Suck my ass!"

"Why are you talking about asses for homo?"

"Because you like to take it in the ass."

"Yes, yes I do. Got a problem with that, bitch?

"Uh... damn it nigga! You outsmarted me!"

"Nigga you' stupid."

"Bitch nigga!"

"Stupid nigga!"

"Bitch ass nigga!"

"Ignorant motherfucka'!"

"WILL YOU TWO PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP? THE BOSS IS ABOUT TO SPEAK!" Bruno yelled. Their boss came out of the shadows. He took out four pieces of paper and tossed them onto the table. They were pictures of Hiro, Silver, Crystal and Tit.

"Hey I know these bitches," Lazy said. "The retarded jackass, the red haired badass, the bitch with attitude and that girl with the stupid name. What do you need us to do with them?

"Eliminate them."

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I know the past few chapters were kind of filler-ish but I promise that there will be some action in the next part! Read it, love it, review it and then go back to your daily lives, whatever they may be.


	50. Attack of the Clones

Chapter 50

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

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Before starting, I have to say something. It's not very important but I've decided to divide the fic into arcs depending on location. Johto: Jackasses in Johto. Kanto: Crap in Kanto. Now back to your regularly scheduled dose of supreme, never ending stupidity.

"Niggas in my face damn near everyday, askin' a million questions like Lazy where you stay. Tell 'em in a cave where we got sex slaves. In 20 grand, spend a grand on knaves. Just bought a zone, bling on my feet, I'm on that patrone so get like me- BAM!" Bruno took out a gun and shot the radio in Lazy's car.

"Nigga, what was that for?"

"I'm tired of hearing that song of yours!"

"You're just mad because no one likes the songs you make. I'm telling you, people don't like songs called 'You ain't supposed to be a Nigga, you're supposed to be a black man'. It's too fucking long!"

"It's niggas like you and Brock that give us black folks a bad name."

"Nigga, we're the only black people in the entire pokemon universe, anime, manga, fanfiction or otherwise. How could we give black people a bad name if we're the only ones?" Brock said. Bruno was positively dumbfounded and shut up for the rest of the trip. They stopped at the pokemon center in Vermillion City.

"Let's get rolling bitches..."

STORY CHANGE: Golden Flames

"This place rocks!" Gold's dad had led them into an abandoned leftover Kanto P.O.O.T base. The sign labeled the place 'The Hall of Misfit Inventions.

"This isn't so great. All of the inventions here work wrong. Like that cheese ray. Or that cloning machine."

"What's wrong with the cloning machine?"

"It makes your clone about one-eighth your size and gives them the brain capacity of a four year old."

"Like mini-me?"

"Yes, like mini-me." When his dad wasn't looking, Gold placed a hair on the scanner. The machine gurgled and sputtered out puffs of smoke. The red light on top of it turned green and opened the doors. A miniature version of Gold stepped out, who looked only about five years old. "DAD CHECK IT OUT! I HAVE A CLONE!"

"I told you not to touch anything!" He slapped the back of Gold's head and pulled out the cheese ray.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna eliminate this freak of nature." Gold ran up to shield his monstrosity.

"Touch a hair on Gold Jr.'s head and I'll make sure you'll never get a moment's peace for the rest of your life!"

"Fine. Keep your pet clone. I've got something here that could help us find H.U.M.P.M.E.B.I.T.C.H, so until I get back... DON'T. MAKE. ANYMORE. CLONES!" He walked off deeper into the cave.

"Wanna make more clones?" Gold asked Gold Junior. Gold Jr. shook his head and pulled out two vials with hairs in them. One was labeled Silver and the other was Hiro. "Oh. You want friends! Wait. Where'd you get those?"

"Your pockets," he replied.

"You can speak?"

"Among other things." He placed Silver's hair on the scanner and in about five minutes, a clone of Silver came out.

"Uh oh. Dad's coming. Hiro's clone is gonna have to wait. You two hide!" The clones hid behind some sort of strange machine.

"Who are you? Where am I?" Silver Jr. asked.

"The guy who looks like me is Dad. And that weird looking machine is Mom. And that middle aged guy is Grandpa, and I'm Gold Jr. I don't know where we are either," Gold Jr. explained.

"We come from the same Mom and as far as I can tell, your dad is my dad too. We must be brothers!"

"Makes sense to me." Gold senior sat next to his own dad in front of a giant computer.

"The flaw of H.U.M.P.M.E.B.I.T.C.H is that their members are too recognizable. Who doesn't know Bruno and Brock? And a talking gangsta Slowking isn't hard to miss."

"What's your point dad?"

"My point is that if we ask around then it will take us days to find them. But if we use P.O.O.T's global positioning satellite then we can find them in an instant." He pressed a couple of buttons on the keyboard and in seconds a map of Vermillion with three glowing dots near the top.

"They're in Vermillion!"

"Let's teleport there right now!"

"We need to get the clones first."

"_Clones?_ You made more then one didn't you?"

"Gold Jr. wanted a friend."

"Silver's not just my friend. He's my little brother!" Gold Jr. said coming from behind the machine with a sense of pride in his voice. Gold couldn't help but smile at the clones holding hands, no matter how gay it looked.

"Let's go kick some ass!" Gold shouted.

MEANWHILE...

"EVERYBODY DOWN ON THE GROUND!" Lazy ordered. He and the others were destroying the Pokemon Center. Lazy slammed the pictures down on Nurse Joy's desk. "Have these bitches been here recently?"

"Th-th-they're b-b-b-."

"SPIT IT OUT BITCH!"

"They're behind you!" Lazy turned around to find himself surrounded. Hiro and Highfang to the back of him. Crystal and Meganium to his right. Tit and her Typhlosion to his left. And Silver and Weavile (the evolved form of Sneasel) in front of him.

"Long time no see. Deadbitchsayswhat."

"What?" Crystal asked.

"Bye bitch!" He shot a bullet at her. Silver jumped in front of her and took the shot himself.

"SILVER! Why'd you do that for me?"

"Because... I like you... you hear that Hiro? You have no power over me anymore-AAAUUGHHH!" Silver screamed out of pain.

"I'm gonna get Silver to a hospital. You two hold them off!" Crystal lifted Silver onto Meganium's back and ran away with Weavile following them.

"Hyper Beam!" Hiro ordered. Lazy used protect and then used psychic to blow Highfang into the back wall. Tit and Princess came up behind him to do a Thunderpunch but he used Hydro Pump before they got close.

"That was too easy. Give me a challenge bitches!"

"Try us on for size!" Everyone turned to see Gold, his dad and two midgets who looked like Gold and Silver. "ATTACK MY CLONES! ATTACK!" Gold and Silver Jr. ran up to Lazy. Gold (Jr.) kicked Lazy in the nuts.

"MY ONE BARRELED BAZOOKA!" Lazy screamed. Silver took Shellder off its head and ran off with it.

"Put Shellder back on his head!" Gold ordered.

"Why?"

"Because it changes his personality." Silver did what he was told. Lazy got back up again and yawned.

"Like, oh my God. Where, like am I? I should be like at cheerleading tryouts by, like now."

"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO! HE'S THE MOST AWFUL THING ON EARTH NOW! A VALLEY GIRL!" Gold screamed. "Lazy return..." Gold pulled Lazy back into its pokeball where it hasn't been in for months. But Bruno and Brock were still itching to fight.

How will they fight H.U.M.P.M.E.B.I.T.C.H?

How is Crystal gonna deal with having two guys in love with her?

What is Gold gonna do with the clones?

Why am I asking you this?

To be continued...

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Fiftieth chapter. This story has come a long way from when I started this in May. I start high school next Wednesday so I have to slow down the updates. Read it, love it, review it and come back next Monday.

RTJ.


	51. Insane Asylum Blues

Chapter 50

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Slowking-Lazy LV: 70 (that's how he kicked so much ass)

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

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"That white kid took our nigga away!" Brock said. Bruno smacked him in the back of the head.

"I know that already Dumbass! We were sent to guard Lazy. Since Lazy's not here anymore, we should get back to the hideout."

"But I wanna cap these bitches!"

"I said no!" Bruno dragged Brock away by his ear.

"Um... did we just win?" Gold asked. Everyone else just shrugged and left the building. Hiro explained what happened to Silver and took the group to the hospital. "If he touches a hair on Crystal's head I'm gonna put several more bullets in his ass."

"Isn't that kind of harsh?" Hiro asked while stopping the clones from touching his tails. A month had already passed and now he had two tails and his nails were growing into claws.

"I don't give a fuck about being harsh. I'll fucking murder that bitch," he said. Gold loaded one of Lazy's guns. "Tit, can you look after the clones for me? Me and Hiro are gonna check on Silver." Tit nodded and they walked away from her.

"So who'd you do it with to get those kids?" Hiro asked.

"No one. I used a cloning machine."

"I guess that would explain why Silver Jr. doesn't look like you. Hey, if you had enough time and energy to clone Silver, how come you didn't clone me?"

"We were gonna but we had to come over here and save your sorry asses."

"First of all, my ass isn't sorry. It's furry. Second-."

"I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!" Gold and Hiro had reached Silver's room. Silver and Crystal were in the hospital bed together. Their clothes were on the floor so that means... "MY GIRLFRIEND LOST HER VIRGINITY TO A BALL OF SHIT LIKE YOU?" Gold pulled out the gun from before and pointed in Silver's place. Crystal went in front of him to shield him.

"Please don't do this Gold! He's suffered enough because of me today."

"Why'd you do this to me?" Gold pointed the gun in her face now. "Wasn't I good enough for you? Or are you too much of a slut that you need two men? Huh, ho?" Gold raised fist to punch her but Silver got out (fully naked) and tackled Gold to the ground.

"You're not gonna hit a woman while I'm around."

"What woman? All I see is Hiro, a ho, and a guy with a nine inch- nevermind... You've got ten seconds left to live. Use 'em well," Gold said getting up and putting his finger on the trigger. He started slowly counting down from ten and started looking around the room. Hiro was about to pass out from the excitement, Crystal was crying her eyes out and Silver was trying to tell Gold that he thought he was dead but Gold wasn't listening.

"3-2-1." He pointed the weapon at Silver but a wave of remorse swept over him. "GAH! You guys aren't worth my time. Have fun screwing each other because I just don't give a fuck anymore. C'mon Hiro!" Gold and Hiro filed out and slammed the door behind them. When they were far enough away, they started talking again.

"There are plenty of other fish in the sea dude," Hiro said. Gold was just about to burst into tears but his manliness forbade it.

"But I wanted that fish..." His expression turned malevolent. "But my fish got eaten by a bigger one. Silver..." He said Silver's name in pure venom.

"Uh oh," Hiro said. Gold stared to run back to Silver's room but Hiro got in front of him.

"LET ME GO! I'M GONNA KILL THAT SON OF A BITCH!"

"You had your chance to kill him back there but you didn't take it. So just let them be!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!" Gold broke out of Hiro's grasp and started attacking random objects and people. Hiro cringed when he saw Gold shoot a little girl's Pikachu in the face. "IF I CAN'T KILL SILVER THEN I'LL KILL EVERYONE ELSE INSTEAD!" And then everything went black.

The next time Gold woke up he was in a room with white padding. He tried moving his arms but he was in a straightjacket.

"What the hell? This can't be; I'm in an insane asylum! What's the last thing I remember? I said I was gonna kill everyone and then...nothing." A man in white clothing came in and started talking to Gold as if he was four years old.

"HELL-o! my NAME IS DOC-tor sm-ITH! DO YOU UNDER-stand?"

"YES, and stop TALK-ing LIKE THAT!"

"There IS SOME-one here to see YOOOOOOOOUUUUU." He pointed to Gold and made it seem like Gold didn't know who he was. He led him into the park outside of the building where the other patients were trying to scale the walls with forks to escape. "THEY AL-ways do THAT but IT never works."

"I'M GON-na kick YOOOOUUU in the NUTS if you DON'T STOP it," Gold said back in the same way. The doctor ignored him and led him to a tree where Hiro waiting under. He had a bulbous black eye and a slash across his arm. "Hiro! What the hell happened? Why am I here?"

"You went on a homicidal rampage. That's what happened. That's how I got like this!" He pointed to his eye and the scar.

"Sorry..."

"Forget about it. They had to knock you out with a metal bat to make you stop. That's probably why you can't remember anything."

"Did I hurt other people too?"

"Butt loads of people got hurt but that Pikachu was the only one that died. Dude, you killed a Pikachu! That's so awesome!"

"I HATE THOSE LITTLE BASTARDS!" They said at the same time and then burst into laughter.

"So why am I here?" Gold asked wiping a tear of laughter away.

"They declared you criminally insane. But don't worry, Tit, the clones, your dad and I are gonna bust you out." He then ran off somewhere leaving Gold all alone with the doctor.

STORY CHANGE: Hiro Waves

"So does everyone know their parts?" Hiro asked.

"Um, explain the plan again," Gold Jr. said scratching his head.

"I'll distract the guards outside the building. Then Tit will attack the outside of the building. This will flush those guys in the white clothes outside. When they're distracted by Tit, you three will sneak inside while being camouflaged by her Kecleon. You'll bust open Gold's room and sneak him out the same way you came in. Any questions?"

"What if this doesn't work?" Silver Jr. asked.

"Then we'll have to come up with a new plan. Anymore questions?"

"Do you guys know we were here the whole time?" Two men in white clothes were listening in on their plan.

"Oh shit!" The group ran as far as they could from the place. "Now we have to come up with a new plan!"

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I know I said I'd have this up yesterday but I've been busy with personal matters. Welcome back Bigfoot but I don't understand your question. Do you mean the Naruto section of the site and if so, no I haven't.


	52. Silver's up to his old tricks

Chapter 50

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Slowking-Lazy LV: 70

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

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Hiro and Tit were standing on the brick wall that divided the asylum away from the outside world. They were looking at Gold through binoculars. Gold was sitting under a tree sobbing quietly to himself.

"Aww, man! He's crying! We've gotta do something before he becomes completely gay!" Hiro said throwing the binoculars away.

"Since when does crying make you gay?"

"It's just not something guys do, Tit."

"And why not? Guys should open up to their feelings more. Girls like that sort of thing."

"Guys shouldn't open their feelings and that's final."

"Why?"

"Because that's gay!"

"I'll have you know that gay people live a perfectly healthy lifestyle."

"Tit, they go around screwing each other in the butt. That's not natural!"

"I let you screw me in the butt so why can't-." Hiro slapped a hand over her mouth.

"There are children present," Hiro pointed to the bottom of the wall where the clones were arm wrestling. "And we're getting off topic again. How're we gonna get Gold out of here?"

"We could start a fire," Tit suggested.

"How will that help?"

"If a fire starts then they have to move all the crazy people out onto the sidewalk on the other side of the street, right? That's when we grab Gold and take off on a flying pokemon!"

"Brilliant!" Hiro kissed her cheek and pulled out a pokeball.

"What're you doing?"

"I'm gonna make Inferno burn this place away." Tit smacked him across the face.

"IDIOT! Pokemon roar when they come out. We have to be inconspicuous!"

"How is standing on their wall help us be inconspicuous?"

"How do we be in-promiscuous?" Gold Jr. asked lifting himself and Silver Jr. onto the wall.

"Easy. You take a Playdude and pull on your weener," Hiro said. Tit punched him in the arm.

"Um... Gold, the word is _inconspicuous_," Tit explained.

"That's what I said. In-promiscuous."

"Damn it Tit! We're getting off topic again! Let's get this over with already!" Hiro yelled. Tit whispered into Gold and Silver's ears and nodded to them. The boys yanked both of Hiro's tails. Hiro belched out a jet of flames which sent the wall nearest to them on fire. Smoke bellowed from his mouth and he beat his chest and coughed.

"Ugh... heartburn... How'd you know about that?" Tit pulled out a book.

"I stole the Big Book of Obscure Curses from Silver just before he and Crystal left us. He won't miss it, we need it more then he does anyway. EVERYBODY DOWN!" All four of them leaped off of their wall. Tit and Hiro gave a pokeball each to Gold's dad. He ran down the block with them in his hand. The crazy people filed outside, lead by another guy in a white coat. Hiro saw Gold and rushed towards him. The others followed after him. He grabbed by his collar and dragged him to the other end of the block where Walter was waiting.

Gold's dad released Armor from its pokeball. Gold and Hiro climbed onto it and flew ahead of the others. Everyone else had climbed onto Tit's Salamence and Walter's Charizard.

"WE DID IT!" Hiro rejoiced. "How does freedom feel Gold?"

"Like my life: wasted," Gold answered back sadly.

"Do you mean the good wasted like 'Dude, like I'm so totally wasted' or the bad kind?"

"The bad kind."

"Oh. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" Gold was standing on Armor's wing, ready to jump off.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm gonna kill myself!"

"Why? So what if your girlfriend left you for a guy with a bigger penis? There's so much to live for!"

"There's nothing here for me..." Gold said just before he jumped off. A Dragonite came by and caught him in its arms.

"What do you know? I caught my idiot," an unknown voice said. Gold looked up to see Crystal sitting on Dragonite's head staring back at him. Gold punched Dragonite in the face to force it to drop him. He plummeted into a dense forest and crash landed into a tree.

"DADDY!" The clones shrieked. They began to cry but Gold wasn't dead yet. He had grabbed onto a Pidgeot's tail feathers and was coming back to ram into Crystal.

"WING ATTA- HOLY SHIT!" Pidgeot had climbed upwards instead of hitting Crystal. The only thing it wanted to do was to force Gold off of it. "ATTACK HER YOU STUPID BIRD!"

"Gold stop it!" Crystal ordered. "I figured that you wouldn't want to see me again... At least let me explain why I'm here."

FLASHBACK...

"Uh... why are you following me?" Silver asked as they were leaving Vermillion.

"We're together now, remember?"

"Who told you that nonsense?"

"YOU DID! At the hospital, just before Gold showed up (back from the dead) and started beating people up."

"Oh... That was a lie."

"WHAT!"

"I'm a man of ambition Crystal. And it just so happened that I felt like getting laid. So I formed a plan to do so and now... I don't need you anymore." Crystal punched him in the stomach.

"I am not some tool to be used and thrown aside! Now I'm two things. Reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaalyyyyyy pissed and an idiot. An idiot, to believe that you had changed. You're still the same jackass as before!"

"And proud of it!" He had his Gengar blast Crystal away with a Psychic. "I've got to get back to the hideout, those idiots Bruno and Brock are probably screwing around without me around."

"You're with H.U.M.P.M.E.B.I.T.C.H too? That does it! I'm bringing you down right here and right now! Go Dragonair!" Dragonair glowed white and evolved into Dragonite for no reason. "Why does that always happen?" Crystal forgot Silver and started inspecting Dragonite. While she was doing that, Silver escaped on Crobat.

"THIS ISN'T OVER SILVER! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!"

END FLASHBACK...

"Haha! You're a tool! You're a fool! You really suck! You got fucked! And-," Gold mocked in the same sing-song voice Copper used back in Goldenrod.

"HYPER BEAM!" Crystal ordered Dragonite.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Gold screamed.

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I know this is a weird place to end the chapter at but my Mom's coming soon and I'm not allowed to use the computer until I go to college (4 more years). Thus explaining my lateness.


	53. Red Revenge

Chapter 53

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Slowking-Lazy LV: 70

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The gang had found its way to Celadon City and stayed the night at the pokemon center. Crystal came up to Gold in the hallway and tried to greet him.

"Um... Good morning Gol-."

"I have to go with my dad and Hiro to the Hall of Misfit Inventions," Gold interrupted. He didn't even look up into Crystal's face. He just stared angrily at his shoes. "We'll be back by tonight, so until then look after the kids." He then walked outside and took off on Whirlwind (the Pidgeot that tried to buck him off in the last chapter). Crystal sighed and took a seat across from Tit at a nearby table.

"He hates me," Crystal said putting her face in her hands. Tit wasn't even paying attention and reading from the Big Book of Curses.

"Raichu tails and Marowak bones, and seeds of strife. Point now at the nearest fool, and you shall end their life..." Tit read out loud. She looked around for a fool and found one leaving the center.

"Ahh, what a glorious day to be alive! I think I'll give money to the poor and adopt some underprivileged Hoennian children today! Wouldn't that be lovely?" the obvious child molester of a fool said. Tit pointed at him and he stopped in mid-step.

His eyes rolled up to the back of his head. He fell backwards and died right on the spot. Tit gasped and put the book away just as Nurse Joy came to check on the fool.

"I better not mess with that shit anymore," she thought to herself. "So what were you talking about Crystal?"

"Nothing... just nothing," she said turning towards Gold and Silver Jr. They were playing rock, paper, scissors. Gold did scissors and Silver did rock.

"Dang! How come you always pick rock?"

"Because you always pick scissors idiot! Now go ask her!"

"But why do I have to do it?"

"Because you lost. That's how bets work dude. Now do it!" Gold and Silver got off the floor. Gold trotted over to a little girl about his age.

"Um... can I see it?" Gold said scratching the back of his head.

"See what?" she asked. Gold mumbled something inaudible. "Speak up. I can't hear you." Gold pulled down his pants in front of her and started shouting at her as if she was deaf.

"DO YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE?" he asked pointing at his... I'm not saying it for obvious reasons. She kicked him in the twig and berries and ran out crying.

"GOLD! What the hell is wrong with you!" Crystal screamed as she ran to his side. Tit and Silver were laughing hysterically at him.

"If he really is Gold's clone, I can think of thirteen things wrong with him right now!" Tit said through her laughter. Crystal cast a look at Tit and Silver that made them shut up in an instant.

"Why would you do something so stupid Gold?"

"Silver said girls had wee-wees too and I wanted to prove him wrong- OH MY WEE- WEE!" he cried grabbing his nuts. Crystal smacked Silver across the face and knelt down so they were looking at each other face to face.

"That was a terrible thing to do to your little brother-."

"H-H-He's m-my-my older b-b-brother," Silver stuttered, trying his best not to cry.

"Whatever! If you do something like that again I'm gonna do more then just smack you. UNDERSTAND?"

"Y-Y-Y-Yes Mommy!" He couldn't help but start crying now. Crystal took out a tissue and wiped away the tears.

"Go help you brother up and I'll take you out for ice cream," she said. She went back and sat across from Tit who was looking very skeptical.

"It's weird. They're Gold and Silver but they don't fight as bad as they do now. And this Silver isn't a nasty son of a bitch like the other one. What's the deal?"

"People change from the way they're raised from birth," Crystal said philosophically. "And it totally kicks ass to act like I'm their Mom!"

STORY CHANGE: Golden Flames

"Boys! Stop playing with the inventions and help me with this!" Walter said. Gold and Hiro came back but weren't the same as before. Hiro grew a second head and Gold was walking around with Magikarp for arms.

"What do you want Dad?"

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU TWO DO TO YOURSELVES?"

"We don't know exactly..." Gold said.

"Mr. Ryu, have you met my evil second head? His name is Ricky and he doesn't speak. He keeps trying to bite my ear off- YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Hiro screamed as Ricky got a particularly good bite. Mr. Ryu pulled a spray of green liquid. He sprayed it once on Gold's Magikarp hands and they gradually turned back into regular arms.

"Damn it! I wanted to turn them into Gyarados!" Gold whined.

"Hey, remember that twin headed Gyarados of mine?"

"Yeah. So?"

"You'll end up like that if you raised them into Gyaradoses." Gold gulped and took a seat next to his father in front of the giant supercomputer. Hiro ran off deeper into the cave trying to shake Ricky off his ear.

"So what do you need Pop?" His dad tapped a couple of keys and a map of Fuchsia City came on screen. Four glowing dots labeled Silver, Bruno, Brock and Unknown were in the middle of the screen.

"P.O.O.T's satellite doubles as a laser. Just press that button and those four will be blown off the map. Forever."

"AWESOME!" Gold smacked the button as hard as he could. A shot came down on screen and after the screen stopped shaking, a gigantic crater filled half the screen.

"Oopsie... That laser is a bit too powerful... Huh!" In big red letters, the words TARGET MISSED flashed on screen. Walter pressed a couple more keys and found their enemies in Pewter City. They were standing on top of the Science Museum.

"No way..." Gold gasped.

"How could they move so fast without teleporting? Maybe we should monitor them a little- GOLD, STOP!" Gold had already fired again and blew up the Science Museum. Walter smacked him in the back of the head and turned back to the screen. It was completely black now. "What the hell?" H.U.M.P.M.E.B.I.T.C.H's leader appeared on the screen and started laughing at them.

"Nice try fools."

"I've had enough of these games! Show your face!" Mr. Ryu yelled at the screen. The leader pulled down his hood. He looked a little bit like Gold except his hat was facing frontward. Both Gold and his father climbed out of their seats in fear.

"OH MY GOD! IT'S RED!" They said at the same time. They looked at each other like they were crazy.

"What's your story on this guy dad? Mine's a bit long..." Gold said still backing away from the screen.

"He's... my very first bastard child..." he said rubbing his forehead.

"You knocked _three_ un-married women up? Dang, you're a man-slut, Dad!"

"Just shut up and explain yourself!"

"Okay. It all started five years ago..."

FLASHBACK...

"Gold! I'm gonna find the crimson lightning bolt and win a chance to meet Red!" Platinum exclaimed enthusiastically. Whoever found the crimson bolt in their cereal could win a chance to have an exhibition match with Red, who was a celebrity of sorts back then.

"You do realize my ass has a better chance of sprouting wings, right?" Gold sneered back.

"At least your ass won't be so ugly with wings!" Plat said losing; his anger growing.

"What are you looking at my ass for homo?" Their Mom smacked them both in the back of the head and told them to eat their breakfast. The crimson bolt fell into Plat's cereal but only Gold noticed it. Plat picked it up with his spoon but still remained ignorant of it.

"Plat wait!" Platinum had already started choking on the bolt by the time Gold warned him. Their Mom smacked the Platinum's back which caused him to cough up the bolt. Gold caught it in midair. "I have found victory and it's covered in spit!" So after a long and arduous argument it was decided that Gold would get to go to the exhibition because he actually _owned_ a pokemon.

When they got to the mall where the exhibition was happening, Red was being surrounded by the paparazzi.

"Hey dude, can I get your autogr-." Red pushed him away and continued to talk to the press. "I'm gonna kick your ass twice as hard just for that you douche bag!" In ten minutes the match started. Gold had chosen Kazam but Red was too busy blowing kisses to his fan girls to care. "Choose your pokemon, douche!"

"Quit calling me a douche, brat! Go Pikachu! Use Quick Attack!" Kazam teleported out of the way just in time. It's probably because of that, that Red hates Gold. Because a traveling knife salesman was right behind Gold.

"KNIVES! GET YOUR FRESH KNIVES HERE! GET YOUR STAINLESS STEEL BLADES OF DOOM HERE! HOLY CRAP!" Pikachu had lost control of its quick attack and collided headfirst into the knife cart. By the time the dust cleared, Pikachu had four knives lodged in its back and... dead.

"Pikachu! NO! YOU!" He pointed at Gold. He rushed at him and started strangling him to death. "YOU KILLED PIKACHU!" Three security guards pulled Red off of Gold. "I SWEAR YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS! I'LL MAKE YOU PAY OR IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!

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Sorry for taking so long. I can only use the computer on Mondays and Wednesdays, when my mom's not around.


	54. HOLY SHIT!

Chapter 54

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Slowking-Lazy LV: 70

Pidgeot-Whirlwind: 36

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What do want with us Red?" Gold's dad asked the screen.

"REVENGE! Revenge for what that son of a bitch did to my Pikachu!"

"Dude, get a life!" Gold shouted. "First of all, it was a freakin' accident. Second, Pikachu's are gay. I can't even stand listening to those things. 'Pika Pika Pikachu' doesn't drive you nuts?"

"That Pikachu was my best friend!"

"DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE? You know you should do? Go to a brothel, spend a hundred bucks and get your dick sucked or something. That way you're not bugging me with this Pikachu shit! Now get off my dad's screen you sorry son of a man whore!" Gold tossed an empty pokeball at the computer and smashed the screen into oblivion.

"You do realize that you could have turned the computer off instead of blowing it up right?"

"I do... now... Let's get back to the girls. Hiro! Where are you?" Hiro came back but not with Ricky hanging off his neck.

"Hey dudes."

"What happened to Ricky?"

"I found one of those cans that Mr. Ryu used to make your Magikarp disappear. I sprayed Ricky away but it made me grow a third tail. You know... you guys are starting to look pretty good... I can just_ eat_ you up..." He licked his lips and flashed his newly grown fangs. Gold's dad whispered in Gold's ear.

"I'll try and fix his tail problem. You go back to the girls and I'll probably have him fixed by tomorrow." Gold left the cave leaving the other two behind. "Okay, Hiro I need you to come with me and-."

"Back off!" He breathed in deeply and spat out a black fireball. Walter dodged it at the last second and pulled out a pokeball.

"HOLY CRAP! Why are you attacking me?"

"I don't like to eat my meat raw..."

"Hiro, listen! You can't let the curse take control of- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Hiro tossed another black fireball at him and it didn't miss this time...

STORY CHANGE: Golden Flames

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME SPEAK?" Crystal shouted at Gold.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SAYING WHAT I WANT TO HEAR!"

"YOU ARE THREE SECONDS AWAY FROM GETTING KICKED IN THE NUTS!"

"THEN DO IT BITCH! AT LEAST THEY'LL ACHE LESS!"

Tit had enough of them fighting and was looking up a new spell in the Book of Curses to make them shut up.

"Hmm...This love spell should work. Hearts in fury, hearts turned, hearts tossed, clap to rekindle love once lost." Tit did what she was told. Gold and Crystal froze for a couple of seconds. They then looked at each other and immediately started to make out.

"Hey, Tit!" Crystal called. "We have to...uh... check on something in the back...and then we're gonna have-."

"Sexy Love!" Gold piped in. "Girl the things you do, keep me sprung, keeps me running back to you! Oooh, I love making love to you. So baby you know you're my sexy lo-." Crystal dragged him off by his collar into the back room. Gold and Silver tugged at Tit's skirt looking very distressed.

"Why were Mommy and Dad...?" Gold started.

"Trying to eat each other's faces before?" Silver finished.

"It just means they're in love again," Tit explained.

"Love's gross..." Gold Jr. said. Shrieks and moans started to come from the back room that Gold and Crystal were in.

"You two don't know how gross it can get..." Tit said feeling a little sick. After that first day, things were becoming pretty peaceful for the gang except for two things. Gold and Crystal had "Sexy Love" any chance they could and more importantly Walter and Hiro never showed up. For a week.

I know what you're thinking. A week? WTF? Let me remind you that this story follows the adventures of complete idiots. Idiots with intention spans equivalent to my foot. So once again I shall intervene so these aforementioned idiots do what they're supposed to.

Gold was sitting on the toilet, no cares in the world, just trying to take a dump. But that was before I came along. I typed a couple of words on my keyboard and Gold had instantly teleported to the Hall of Misfit Inventions. I'm God in this story; I can do whatever I want!

"Gold! Gold where are you?" Crystal called out to him from outside the bathroom door. After a couple of minutes she gave up and woke up Tit who was sleeping in the next room. "I need to go to the hospital so can you look after-?"

"NO!" Tit snapped. "You had me baby-sit those sons of bitches for six days straight! I need a break!"

"Please, Tit? This could be a life altering trip to the doctor's!"

"Unless you have AIDS or explain yourself, you're not going anywhere!" Crystal sighed and sat next to Tit.

"... I think I'm pregnant..."

MEANWHILE...

"Oomph!" Gold cried as he landed on his ass in the Hall of Misfit Inventions. "Damn you RTJ..." He pulled up his pants and started looking around for the others. The cave walls were trembling so much that Gold nearly lost balance. Just as he straightened himself, a monster came from the inside of the cave, none like Gold's ever seen before.

The creature was jet black from head to toe. Nine terrible swaggering tails smacked themselves against the broken inventions. At first glance it would like a black Ninetales but this_ thing_ was much more terrible than any Ninetales could ever hope to be. The thing reared its ugly head towards Gold and prepared to send a black fireball at him.

"OH SHIT!" Gold cried. For once, he started to think. Not knowing any better solutions, he tossed the Master Ball he got from Prof. Elm right between the creature's eyes. The monster had gotten instantly captured. Then, as if on cue, his dad came out of nowhere. He looked badly injured and slightly burnt.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" He smacked Gold in the back of the head.

"OW! What was that for?"

"You idiot! That _thing_ was Hiro..."

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Tit was on the floor praying to God (me) as hard as she could. Crystal was pacing the floor waiting for her to finish.

"Tit stop it! What are you praying for anyway?"

"For your baby! We could be having retarded babies up in here! Can you imagine what evil will be unleashed if there's a _third_ Gold running around?" Gold Jr. came into the room with nothing but is tightie whiteys on.

"Mommy, where are my pants?"

"In the _pants_ drawer, honey. We've been through this before..."


	55. Red's Gay Little Plan

Chapter 55

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Slowking-Lazy LV: 70

Pidgeot-Whirlwind: 36

Ninetales- Hiro??? LV: 100

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Copper and Platinum stood in front of the mouth of a cave they had found. They were playing rock, paper, scissors to determine who would go in first. Copper chose rock while Plat chose scissors. He replaced his expression of fear into complete confidence.

"Weren't you scared to death three seconds ago?" Copper asked scratching his head.

"I was. But I realized that I've done scarier things then this before."

"Like what?"

"I've been trampled by Stantlers, kidnapped by P.O.O.T goons and I've been changing diapers for bastard brothers and sisters for the past seven years."

"But you're only eight. How is that possible?"

"I don't get it either." Platinum's face turned into a scowl and he trudged into the cave.

"Who put sand in your vagina?" Copper remarked.

"If you're asking why I'm pissed it's because I hate all twelve of my siblings including Karen who has no real blood ties to me. Why should they get to be with actual families when I'm stuck with a slut that cares more about Gold then me? FUCK!" He kicked at the carcass of a dead Zubat. The Zubat hit a tall shadowy figure farther into the cave. The being wheeled around to see what hit him. He then started complaining to his partner.

"Yo, why the fuck do these God damn Zubats keep smackin' into us for? I'm getting tired of these blind ass bitches!"

"Take it easy Brock; it's just a Zubat..."

"BRUNO! BROCK! GET YOUR BLACK ASSES IN HERE!" Silver's voice came from deeper into the cavern.

"We're comin' ya racist!" Brock called back. Copper and Platinum followed them. Bruno and Brock led them into a simple room at the end of the tunnel. The room had nothing in it but a couch and a TV with a Gaystation2 plugged in. Silver and a guy that looked like Gold were staring at a computer screen at the far end of the room deep within their own thoughts. Copper and Plat hid behind a nearby rock and each pulled out a pokeball. Just in case.

"What d'you need us for white bread?" Bruno asked. Silver ignored the obvious racial joke.

"Red's finally gonna tell us what the plan is."

"Finally! I was beginning to think that this story didn't have a plot anymore..." Bruno said. Red rotated in his seat to face all three of them.

"Before we start I wanna y'all three things. Okay?" The others all nodded. Bruno and Brock stared at each other inquisitively and Silver was emotionless.

"Okay. First, who writes this story?"

"RTJ." They said simultaneously.

"Who controls everything that happens to us?"

"RTJ." They said at the same time again.

"Who has the power of a god?"

"RTJ..." They droned again. Silver shook his head angrily and clenched his fist.

"What does RTJ have to do with anything?"

"Everything!" Silver got taken aback by the sudden outburst and stepped backwards. "I figured out that RTJ gets his power from just a simple keyboard. With that keyboard he created this fanfiction thusly he made our entire world (Disclaimer: except for all the pokemon, lands and themes) with the power of his words. If we can get the keyboard off of him then we can control the world!"

Bruno and Brock were awestruck by this new revelation but Silver looked at Red disbelievingly.

"That's it? That's your stupid plan? Swiping a stupid keyboard from God? This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard and I know stupid! I've talked to your brother!"

"GOLD IS NOT MY BROTHER!" Red shouted so loud that small rocks fell from the ceiling. Platinum punched at the cave wall.

"Fuck! Now I have thirteen siblings!" Copper put his hand over Plat's mouth and kept listening.

"Now... all we need to do is send ourselves via an E-mail to RTJ," Red declared. The others gave him a look of "WHAT THE FUCK?" "Cut it out! We're practically made of data so all we have to do is type our names onto an E-mail and send it to RTJ. Then the four of us will be instantly sent to RTJ with the ultimate power of the internet!" The others typed their names onto the E-mail. Red clicked the send button. Suddenly all four of them were sent head first into the computer screen. Copper and Plat grabbed onto Brock and Bruno's feet just before they were completely through the computer. All six of them were being sent to me at the same time.

MEANWHILE...

My girlfriend Melissa was finally giving me the lap dance I so rightfully deserved.

"Who's your daddy?"

"You're my daddy, baby..." She was about to take off her shirt when a voice from my computer said "You've got evil."

"Oh snap..." I said getting up from my seat to go to the computer.

"What's going on?" Melissa asked. "What does it mean 'You've got evil'?"

"Evil entities from my fanfiction are coming to steal my keyboard which is making their God (me) lose all of its power over them." Melissa looked at me disbelievingly until Red poked his head out from my computer screen. And just like any other sensible person would, she ran away screaming.

"AWW FUCK! I WAS FINALLY GONNA TAP THAT HOT ASS!"


	56. All's End

Chapter 56

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Slowking-Lazy LV: 70

Pidgeot-Whirlwind: 36

Ninetales- Hiro??? LV: 100

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

H.U.M.P.M.E.B.I.T.C.H had climbed their way out of my computer and had me completely surrounded. Copper and Platinum stood in their way with their arms spread out to protect me.

"If you know what's good for you you'll give us your keyboard!" Red warned.

"HA! God will never give up something that important!" Copper said back. He and Plat were about to release their pokemon but Bruno and Brock tackled them to the ground before they got the chance. I sighed and stared Red right in the eyes.

"I guess I don't have a choice in this matter... Fine. Take it!" Silver disconnected the keyboard from the computer and jumped headfirst into the computer and disappeared. Bruno and Brock followed suit while Red hung back.

"You know... you shouldn't have made me evil..." he sneered at me. He then followed the others back to their world. Copper and Plat tried going after them but the screen had turned solid again.

"OH NO! WE'RE STUCK HERE!"

"THE WORLD IS GONNA END!" They started to run around in circles around me.

"GUYS STOP! Even if your world's destroyed, you can both stay here with me."

"Are you nuts?" Plat asked. "You have no pokemon in this world. And other then that you have Michael Jackson, George Bush and Osama Bin Laden running around!"

"How is that any different from Red and Gold trying to blow up the planet? And don't make Michael Jackson jokes. He's my idol!"

"You want to be a racially deficient pedophile too?"

"NO! He never touched anybody and he's not racially deficient, he had vitili-."

"Vitiligo. I get it. But doesn't it bother you that a little boy could identify his penis with extremely precise accuracy?"

"Hell no! Just because he knows what it looks like doesn't mean MJ did stuff with it and-."

"SHUT UP!" Copper shouted over me and Platinum. "What the fuck is wrong with you guys? Our world is about to end and you're arguing about Michael Jackson's innocence? ACT LIKE YOU HAVE SOME GOD DAMN SENSE YOU RETARDED COCK CRUNCHERS!"

"Cock crunchers? That's a new one; I gotta write that one down..." Platinum took out a notepad and pencil and started copying down what Copper said.

"Geez. You didn't have to yell," I said massaging my now shattered ear drum. "Relax dude. I've got this whole situation covered."

"How?"

"Those idiots forgot that most computers have on-screen keyboards. Your world is getting deleted when _I_ say so! Or when people stop reviewing. I like reviews..."

"Alright! Now it's my turn to save the world!" Copper said with newly found triumph.

"Okay. Now all we have to do is-." I was interrupted by my mother bursting into the room.

"PATRICK! You're not supposed to be using the computer or bring midgets in the house!"

"Oh snap! Not now Mom! An entire world in its entirety hinges on me staying at the computer!" I pleaded.

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT! YOU'RE JUST GONNA WATCH INTERNET PORN AGAIN! (That's the reason why I can't use the computer... I don't know if you noticed but I'm a horny bastard...)"

"Mom, I swear I'm not looking at por-." Before I could finish my Mom dragged me upstairs by the ear.

"We're doomed..." Plat sighed.

"Oh well. At least there's porn..."

CRYSTAL LEAVES

"Give it to me straight doc. Am I pregnant?" Crystal asked the doctor who was now looking at a sample of her blood under a microscope. Tit had refused to take Crystal's little monsters so Gold and Silver were forced to come with Crystal. To insure that they don't destroy something Crystal tied them to chairs. The doctor turned to face Crystal.

"Congratulations! You've just won twenty-two years of providence for another human being!"

"Damn it! I can barely take care of those little pinheads over there! How do you expect me to take care of a _third_ idiot!?" Both she and the doctor looked over at the clones' direction.

"Who would in a fight between a Tyranitar and a Dragonite?" Silver asked Gold while flipping through pages in Crystal's pokedex.

"Neither because a Metagross would come out of nowhere and beat the shit out of them."

"What the hell's a Metagross?" Silver pressed a couple of buttons too many and the pokedex blew up in his hands. "HOLY CRAP! DON'T HIT ME!" He yelled seeing the face on his mother's (sort of) face. Instead of beating the crap out of him she just sighed and picked up the broken pieces of what once was a pokedex.

"I guess this means my journey's over..."

"Wait. You can't keep traveling without a pokedex?" Gold asked.

"No, no. I can still travel without it but with the baby coming and everything... GOD DAMN YOU GOLD! THIS IS ALL YOU AND YOUR PENIS' FAULT!" she shouted at the top of her lungs.

"What the hell did I do?"

"Not you baby, your father."

"Oh." So the three of them went back to the pokemon center where Gold and his father had just returned from the Hall of Misfit Inventions. Gold and Tit were both staring somberly at a Masterball in between them. Mr. Ryu was trying to explain something to Tit but she wasn't completely listening.

"- I tried curing the curse Hiro had over a dozen times already. But everything I did just made him stronger, bigger and more beast like. I'm so sorry Tit; I should have stopped experimenting on him while I had the chance..." Tit didn't respond. She just kept on staring at the ball containing Hiro in it.

"What are you guys talking about? Where's Hiro?" Crystal questioned.

"He's in there," Gold said pointing at the ball. "Dr. Kevorkian here turned him into a full-fledged Ninetales and I accidentally caught him." Tit swiped the ball from the table. She got up from the table and started gathering up her things. She was preparing to leave. "Wait, where are you going?"

"I'm going back home to Hoenn. The only reason I was staying with you guys was because of Hiro. Now that he's gone I have no reason to stay here. This is the end of the line..."

"But Hiro's our friend! At least let my dad fix him!"

"Your dad and Michael Jackson are the whole reason he's like this in the first place! Trust me Gold; it's better this way... I'll see you guys around..." And with that she and Hiro were gone from their lives.

"Shit. All of our characters are disappearing! Can things get any worse?"

"Uh...they can... Um Gold I'm... pregnant..." Crystal stuttered.

"WHAT!? PREGNANT? HELL NO! IS IT MINE- NO! THIS BETTER BE SILVER'S BABY!"

"It's yours..."

"DAMN! THAT DOES IT! I QUIT!" Gold pulled out the script for the rest of the story and ripped it to shreds.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm doing exactly what I said! This storyline sucks! Tell RTJ I quit the fucking story!"

"You can't leave in the middle of a chapter!"

"I can and I am! PEACE OUT BITCH!" He was just about to leave the pokemon center but H.U.M.P.M.E.B.I.T.C.H appeared out of nowhere and blocked his path. "Oh what _now_?"

"WELCOME OBLIVION!" Red typed those words on my keyboard and they appeared in front of him out of thin air.

"What the fuck-?"

"The entire world of Golden Flames was deleted from existence save for Red, Gold and their father." Red typed all that on the keyboard. Silver, Bruno and Brock jumped back in horror.

"But Boss, what's gonna happen to the three of us?" Brock asked.

"I could care less about you goons..." And with that the whole world started to fade. All the color, the people, the pokemon, the scenery, all of it began to fade into nothing.

"CRYSTAL!" Gold shrieked as she and the clones disappeared from the world. Nothing was left. Only the whiteness of this page was left. "RED! I'LL MAKE YOU SUFFER!"

"Go ahead and try! I've suffered worse pains then you could ever imagine!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All I can say is DAMN! The whole world is gone and the gang is split up for good! If you don't review I'll kick your ass! Until next time my friends!"


	57. Tampon Guns and Legendary Eating

Chapter 57

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Slowking-Lazy LV: 70

Pidgeot-Whirlwind: 36

Ninetales- Hiro??? LV: 100

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: I've been poking around the site lately and I've seen something astonishing. All the Johto fics that pop up every so often are based off of MY ideas. Before I came along, only a couple of people nicknamed their pokemon! What really pisses me off is the damn titles! _Golden_ suns_, Silver _skies or some shit like that! MAKE UP YOUR OWN TITLES DAMN IT! Not to point any names (cough-I've Seen This Before-hack, sputter-Jordan R Was Here-cough) but if you're gonna read my fic and steal jokes and ideas from my true genius and not have the decency to leave a review that tells me how awesome I am, I WILL FIND YOU, YOU CHEAP IDEA STEALING WHORES! This rant has been brought to you by RTJ; the Supreme Being, telling you that if you take my ideas without asking I WILL hunt you down like the dogs that you are! PEACE OUT BITCH!

"Red; in all his sexy glory, summoned his Pikachu back from the dead," Red said and typed at the same time. "Only this time Pikachu was seventy stories high and resistance to all attacks." And so it happened. Red stood on top of his new monstrosity, mocking the ones he hated so much from up above.

"We are so screwed..." Gold sighed.

"Then Red had a brilliant idea. He raised a mighty stage for them to battle on." And so it happened. A stadium appeared out of the nothingness around them. Red had summoned a throne to sit on and had stationed it on his mutant Pikachu's head.

"What the fuck are you doing now?" Walter asked his first bastard.

"I've got the power to destroy you at any moment. But that'll be too boring. I'm having you fight against your own friends instead." He typed something on the keyboard swiftly. Crystal, Hiro (as his normal self), and Tit appeared in front of Gold and his father. Their expressions were blank, as if they had no life coursing through their veins.

"HOLY CRAP! YOU GUYS ARE BACK!" Gold sprinted towards to his friends. He was just about to give Crystal a hug but she kicked him in the-."

"MY CHOCALATE SALTY BALLS!" Gold shrieked as he fell to the ground. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" They all stayed silent. "FUCK YOU FAGGOTS!" He said limping back to his dad.

"Why did you bring them back Red?" Walter asked Red.

"I want to see you two squirm! You're gonna fight each of them in a pokemon battle. If you beat them all then you'll fight _me_!"

"Oh your evilness? I hate to interject but like almost all stories at one point has the main character fight his best friends." Gold pointed out while rummaging through things in his backpack.

"Are you trying to say that I'm an unoriginal villain?"

"Nope. I'm just saying that you're not the only who packs some heat!" Gold pulled out what he was looking for. OK. Get this. Gold is gonna fight Red; the evil master of non-existence and his gargantuan vengeful Pikachu with... a tampon gun. No. Your eyes aren't playing tricks on thee. I said tampon gun.

For those of you who don't know, a tampon gun is basically a blowgun made out of household foam and a glue gun... that shoots tampons... Ah yes. Golden Flames, destroying society one mind at a time. Gold's Dad dragged Gold by his hood so they were out of Red and their zombified friends were out of earshot.

"Gold what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm gonna knock some heads with some tampons!"

"Why can't you take this seriously? We're the last ditch effort and all you want to do is play with tampons." He started pacing the nonexistent floor rubbing his temples.

"Dad these aren't normal tampons. I stole these from Crystal and filled 'em with gunpowder. Watch and be stupefied!" Gold pulled out his lighter and set the tampon string on fire. He loaded it into the gun and aimed the weapon at his friends.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU LITTLE JACKASS!? DON'T AIM AT THEM!" But it was too late Gold already let out a shot.

"GOLD'S ABSORBENT COTTONY SPECIAL: EXPLODING TAMPON GRENADE!" The tampon exploded on contact in the same way a grenade would. The arena was sent into a scorching blaze of fire. When all the smoke and fire was out of the way, well... due to my fear of being bumped up to an M rated fic let's just say there were three less people in the fic.

"SUPREMELY PWNED!" Gold cried out in triumph. Red got off his throne out of horror."

"THUNDER!" He commanded of Pikachu. Gold rolled to the side of the bolt and shot three more rounds of Gold's Cottony Special at Red. Red typed something quickly and an instant Gold's gun and tampons disappeared.

"Oops... I forgot that he could do that..." Gold's father dragged him away again, only this time to dodge the oncoming massive lightning bolts. They didn't stop running until Red and Pikachu weren't seen in any direction. When they stopped to catch their breath my voice came to them from up above.

"Gold! Can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear boss! What do you want?"

"I'm here to help! Listen. Just as I'm the god of all people (in the story) there is a god of all pokemon. He's given me his finest pokemon to me so I could give them to you!"

"Who is this god of pokemon? Satoshi Tajiri?"

"What? No! It's Aru-. Never mind. I don't wanna spoil Diamond and Pearl. Just take these." Two pokeballs floated down from up above into Gold and Walter's hands. They released them at the same time, revealing Ho-oh and Lugia.

"FUCK YEAH!" Gold cried out. He jumped onto Ho-oh and hugged its beak. "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU GUYS IN AGES!"

"Isn't this touching?" All four of them turned around to find Red and Pikachu behind them.

"How the hell did you-." Red pulled out the keyboard again. "Oh yeah, evil keyboard powers... SACRED FIRE!"

"AEROBLAST!" Before the legendary duo released their attacks, Pikachu grabbed them by the throat. It hoisted them up and lifted the birds to its mouth.

"Uh... Dad? Please don't tell me it's gonna- HOLY CRAP!" Pikachu popped Ho-oh and Lugia into its gaping mouth and ate them as if they were Thanksgiving turkeys. "OH SNAP! THAT IS THE MOST MESSED UP THING THIS STORY'S EVER DONE! DAMN! PIKACHU'S AREN'T SUPPOSED TO _EAT_ LEGENDARIES! NOW WE'RE DOOMED! RTJJJJJJJJJJ!" Gold called.

"WHAT!?" I asked from up above.

"Can give you give us something to fight with again?"

"Nope. That was all we had!"

"FUCK!"


	58. Red Vs Gold: Brothers Born of Hatred

Chapter 58

Gold

Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Slowking-Lazy LV: 70

Pidgeot-Whirlwind: 36

Ninetales- Hiro??? LV: 100

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"GO WHIRLWIND!" Gold had finally gotten over Ho-oh and Lugia's brutal mutilation and was finally taking the battle seriously. He grabbed onto Whirlwind's tail feathers and had it fly around Pikachu's bulbous. "Whirlwind use uh... WHIRLWIND! Man that was awkward to say..." Okay. Not completely serious...

Whirlwind... uh... whirlwind (he was right. That is awkward to say...) blasted Red off of his perch. Red tried to save himself by releasing a pokemon but Walter and his Charizard tackled him in midair. Gold took this chance to snatch the keyboard out of the air.

"AWESOME! Gold had successfully stolen the keyboard away from Red. He then summoned up an army of Aerodactyls from the dead to fight Red!" Gold narrated. And so it happened. "Gold then realized that this was a stupid move. He could of just zapped Red away and- GAAAAH!" Pikachu snorted at Gold, Whirlwind and the Aerodactyls with a mere snort of breath. This also knocked the keyboard out of Gold's hands.

Meanwhile, Red had grabbed onto Charizard's tail. Walter kicked his first born in the face which made him lose his grip of Charizard. Pikachu caught Red just before he hit the ground. Pikachu let off a massive thunderbolt towards Charizard.

"AERODACTYLS! COUNTER WITH A COMBINED HYPER BEAM!" Gold ordered. All of his Aerodactyls did what they were told. Walter and Charizard then picked up the keyboard off the nonexistent ground. Red released his own Charizard and had it tackle his father to the ground. He stole the keyboard again and began typing again.

"Red got pissed off about how his father interfering with his fight with Gold." Red said and typed. "Red then decided to bring his mother back to the physical plane." Do I need to say it? She came back (duh). "Red then hypnotized his father into telling all the lies he told to her for the past twenty years as a distraction. Oh. And he sang it all in a parody-style version of the Usher song Confessions Part II." Walter got down on his knees in front of Red's Mom. He had the same glazed hypnotized look in his eyes as their now vaporized friends.

"Watch this,"

These are my confessions  
Just when I thought I said all I can say  
I came up with more secrets to tell you today

These are my confessions  
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me  
So now I gotta give you part three of my confessions

First I told you 'bout the skank (Gold: Skank? That's my Mom bitch!) that I was cheatin' with (with)  
Then I mentioned she's havin' my kid  
That's not all, now I recall more, you see  
So now I'll give you part three of my confessions

Now this gon' be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do  
Gonna tell you everything I left out of parts one and two  
Like, remember when I told you that I knew Pauley Shore, Pauley Shore  
That's a lie, I don't know what I said that for

I borrowed your ChapStick from you (without asking)  
Oh, and I tried out your nose hair trimmer too  
And by the way, that "diamond" ring is cubic zirconium  
I killed your goldeen accidentally, just replaced it with another one

These are my confessions  
Just when (oh) I thought I said all (oh) I can say  
I need to get some (yeah yeah) things off my chest right away

These are my confessions (these are my confessions)  
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me  
Now I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions, oh, oh

Threw up on your dog the last time I had too much to drink  
There've been times I've peed in your sink  
Don't know why (don't know why, no) but you and I (ah) should agree (ah)  
That blongs in part three of my confessions

Baby forgive me, I'm still trying to figure out  
Why I used your toothbrush to clean off the bathroom grout  
Oh, and sometimes in private, really like to dress up like Shirley Temple  
And spank myself with a hockey stick (hockey stick)

My boss thinks I'ma a jerk, didn't get that raise.

I haven't changed my underwear in twenty seven days.

And when I'm kissing you I fantasize you're a midget.

I'm so sorry Debbie (Karen's Mom) - I mean Bridget!

These are my confessions  
Just when (oh) I thought I said all I can say  
I got a few (got a few more) more secrets I'd like to convey

These are my confessions  
Slipped my mind (my mind) the last two times (my mind), silly me (silly me)  
Now I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions, oh, oh

Gave you buttered toast I dropped and picked up off the floor  
FYI (I), it was not a cold sore (not a cold sore)  
Whoops, my bad (hope you're not sore at me)  
You'll be madder (ah) at me (ah) when I (even more mad, yeah, baby) finish part three of my confessions."

Gold and Red stopped fighting each other to listen to their father make an ass out of himself.

"Wow..." Gold said in amazement. "Dad's a pretty good singer..."

"Doesn't it bother you that Dad's been married to my Mom all these years and has not only did all that stuff he just said, had kids with two sluts, and made an evil empire?" Red asked.

"DON'T CALL MY MOM A SLUT YOU LITTLE PIKACHU LOVING BITCH! Aerodactyl Brigade! COMBINED TAKE DOWN!" All of Gold's ancient pokemon dive bombed towards Red. Pikachu smacked them all away with one smack of its tail.

"This isn't gonna work as long as that stupid Pikachu's around... Return!" Gold returned all of his Aerodactyls back to their balls. "Dad! I could use your help!" His father was still confessing all of his lies to Red's mother.

These are my confessions  
Just when I thought I said all I can say  
I thought of some more things that should scare you away

These are my confessions  
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me  
I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions

Once I blew my nose and then I wiped it on your cat (cat)  
And I lied - yes, that dress makes you look fat  
Anyway, I shouldn't say anymore  
'Til I give you part four of my confessions

"AH FUCK YOU DAD! WHIRLWIND TAKE ME UP!" Gold hitched onto Whirlwind again. He took out Lazy, HF and Pyro's pokeballs. "Get that keyboard you lazy bitches!" Red typed something on the keyboard. The next thing Gold knew, Hell Frog and Lazy were on the ground having a tea party.

"Would you like some tea Mrs. Frog?" Lazy asked.

(Uh... did you just call me _Mrs. _Frog? That's Mr. Frog to you bitch...) Hell Frog replied. Pyro however managed to reach Red. It tackled him off of Pikachu's head and caught the keyboard in its mouth. Gold jumped off of Whirlwind's back and landed besides Pyro. He took he keyboard from it and started typing.

"After stealing the keyboard yet again Gold turned his beloved Pyro into the world's strongest-." Red had climbed his way back to Pikachu's head. He drop kicked Gold to the ground and took the keyboard.

"-cyndaquil!" Red had finished the sentence Gold started. Gold watched in sheer terror as his Typhlosion de-evolved back into a Cyndaquil.

"PYRO! YOU'RE A RUNT AGAIN!" Gold picked it up to get a better look at it again.

(HOLY CRAP! Where'd my long and supple Typhlosion's penis go?) Pyro looked around its crotch area and didn't like what it saw. (I am a mere shell of a pokemon! DON'T LOOK AT ME!) Pyro freed itself from Gold and returned itself to its pokeball.

Gold kicked the keyboard out of Gold's hands and caught it in midair.

"Gold forgot to bring the world back again and brought all the hundreds of pokemon he has in an attempt to take down Red!" Gold typed. Trunks, Kazam, Lummox, Sprout, Sparks all came back next to HF and Lazy. All of Gold's other pokemon back as well, Titty Twister and the Tauros herd, Jugs o' Poppin and the Nidoqueens, Coco and the Exxeggutors, his Magnetons, and Ironbutt and the Steelix's all came back at the same time.

"How do you like them apples Red?" Red just snorted at him and climbed to the top of Pikachu's ear. He pulled a Thunder Stone from his pocket and pressed it to Pikachu. In a couple of seconds the already gigantic Pikachu evolved into an even bigger Raichu. "Oh shit..."

"OMNIPOTENT THUNDER!" Raichu unleashed the Thunder attack to end all Thunder attacks. The electric wiped out every last one of Gold's pokemon out including the ones resistant to electricity.

"Face it Gold. Not even that stupid keyboard can save you from me and Raichu!" Raichu bucked Gold off of its head. It then stomped on him with its massive foot.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Gold shrieked under the tremendous weight of Raichu. The sounds of the groans of his pokemon was everywhere. Red's cackling laughter and his father's singing was filling his ears.

"I can't fight it... I'm gonna die here..." Gold thought to himself. "I just wish Hiro was here..." The keyboard in Gold's soon to be crushed arm suddenly glowed bright white. Suddenly Gold felt something round and bumpy in his other hand. Gold lifted Raichu's foot just enough to see that the keyboard just gave him the Master Ball containing Hiro in it.

"Hiro?" Gold suddenly got an idea. He pulled himself out from under Raichu. His legs were partially broken but all he needed was his hands. "Gold used his bond of friendship with Hiro to turn him into the biggest, baddest demonic black Ninetales ever!" Gold narrated. Gold's master ball exploded in his hands and the next thing he knew was that he was sitting on Hiro's head, almost eye level with Red and Raichu.

"THIS ENDS NOW!"


	59. Return to SemiNormalcy

Chapter 59

Gold

Cyndaquil-Pyro LV: 100

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Slowking-Lazy LV: 70

Pidgeot-Whirlwind: 36

Ninetales- Hiro??? LV: 100

Donphan-Trunks LV: 40

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 41

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 39

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 39

Alakazam-Kazam LV: 47

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"HIRO USE- GAAAAHH!" Hiro ignored Gold and attacked Raichu on its own. He reared his furry black head back unleashed a flurry of gigantic fireballs. Raichu countered with equally strong electric bolts. Hiro leaped over the mass of fire and electricity. He did a somersault kick straight at Raichu's stomach. The attack knocked Raichu onto its back. During this turmoil, Gold was hanging onto Hiro's mass of fur for dear life.

"Hiro stop! Are you trying to kill me too?"

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" Hiro tore away from Raichu and started searching for Gold. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE FAGGOT!"

"HOLY CRAP! I HAVE ANOTHER USELESS TALKING POKEMON!" This comment made Hiro go berserk. He began thrashing so hard that he bucked Gold off of his head.

"THERE YOU ARE! LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT! I'M NOT YOUR POKEMON! I'M JUST A VICTIM OF INCREDIBLE CIRCUMSTANCE'S!" Hiro turned away from him and started complaining to himself. "I TRY TO GO ON VACATION IN KANTO BUT BEFORE I GET THERE SOME IDIOT PRETENDING TO BE MICHAEL JACKSON HAS HIS RABID NINETALES BITE ME! (Just so you know, as a Ninetales, Hiro speaks in all capital letters) THEN THE NEXT THING I KNOW, I'M GROWING TAILS OUT OF MY ASS! THEN AN EVEN _BIGGER_ IDIOT TAKES AWAY MY ONLY SHOT AT BEING A HUMAN! ALL I NEEDED WAS A COUPLE OF MONTHS TO MAKE SURE TIT GOT PREGNANT! BUT THEN THE _BIGGEST _IDIOT OF THEM ALL RUBS SALT IN MY GAPING WOUNDS BY CAPTURING ME LIKE A SLAVE FROM AFRICA!"

"Uh...sorry dude..."

"SORRY?! DIDN'T LAZY TELL YOU THAT SORRY DOESN'T CUT IT ANYMORE? NOW WHERE'S THAT IDIOT DAD OF YOURS? AFTER I GET RID OF HIM I'M GONNA TAKE OUT THAT IDIOT ON THE RAICHU AND THEN COME AFTER YOU!" Gold's Dad was serenading his secrets to Red's mother. She wasn't even listening anymore. Instead she started reading a magazine that she got from... nowhere important at this point.

You don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this  
But you remember that shirt you got me for my birthday?  
Ahh, well, I returned it for store credit  
That thing was hideous; what were you thinking?  
Oh, by the way, I wasn't really sick last week  
I just didn't want to go to your stupid office picnic  
Oh, and when I told you at breakfast we were all out of Rice Krispies?  
What I meant was, there was only enough left for me, sorry

"Is he ever gonna stop singing?" Gold asked himself. Hiro was about to vaporize him with a fireball but Gold returned him to the master ball just in time. He pulled the keyboard out again. "Gold used the keyboard to turn Hiro into his bitch." The master ball flashed and then settled down again. Gold released Hiro again.

"WHAT TASK DO YOU HAVE FOR ME MASTER?" Hiro asked.

"Damn. Having omnipotent power kicks ass... RED! YOU'RE FINISHED!"

"LET'S GO!" Gold released Pyro from its ball. It climbed up his arm and hid itself under Gold's hat. Gold pulled both the hat and Pyro off of him.

"Pyro. You can't keep hiding forever. I swear that I'll do anything to turn you back into a Typhlosion. But the one that's blocking that goal is that emo on the giant Raichu. So in other words... IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR LONG AND SUPPLE TYPHLOSION'S PENIS EVER AGAIN YOU'LL HELP US BLOW HIM TO BITS!" This motivated Pyro alright. It took its position at the tip of Hiro's nose.

"You guys will attack on my order. But first I have to say my emo little speech," Gold said. "Red! Your heart is cold and empty. I would be doing you and the whole world a favor if I scattered that heart to these empty winds..."

Red didn't say anything. He was lost in silent thought. He finally looked at his little brother with a grin.

"I just can't help feeling so sorry for you. But for the world's sake I have to destroy you big brother. Prepare to be lost to the fury of Golden Flames! OMEGA BLAST BURN!" Pyro and Hiro both let out a Blast Burn attack. Raichu and Red were engulfed by the fires. Gold squinted through the chaotic fires. He saw Red facing him. Red was trying to say something to him but he couldn't hear it over the roar of the flames. Gold read his lips. Red was trying to "Thank you." When the calamity subsided, Red and Raichu were gone.

"WE DID IT!" Hiro roared. "BUT IT'S STRANGE THOUGH... IT WAS AS IF HE LET US KILL THEM..."

"What was started in agony always ends in agony..." Gold sighed. Hiro shook his head out of impatience.

"DUDE STOP IT! YOU'RE BECOMING A TOTAL EMO!" Gold smacked himself in the face and brought himself back to normal.

"Thanks dude. Now let's bring everything back to normal." He pulled the keyboard out again. "First, Gold released his Dad from Red's spell." Walter stopped singing immediately. Red's Mom kicked him in the nuts and stormed off.

"Honey wait! Stop! Women... Man I'm gonna get it when I get back home... Anyway... Good work boys! The three of us are truly heroes!"

"Three of us? What the hell did you do?" Gold questioned. Walter snatched the keyboard out of his hands.

"Walter returned the world back to its former glory." Walter narrated and typed. In a second they were all back in the Celadon Pokemon Center, right where they left it. "He also turned Hiro back into a human." And so it happened.

"Finally! The sexiness has landed!" Hiro said while grabbing crotch.

"You're a freak dude..." Gold said.

"And finally all people and pokemon were returned to their rightful places." Crystal, Tit, the clones, Copper and Platinum were brought back to them along with all the other non-important nameless people...

"I'll be taking that." Gold said taking away the keyboard. "Now I just got to make Pyro normal and make Crystal un- pregnant-." The keyboard suddenly disappeared out of his arms. "WHAT THE HELL?!"

"Finally. I thought I'd never get this back," I said from up above.

"Aw c'mon. Let me fix everything RTJ!"

"Fuck no! After that fiasco I'm not letting anyone touch this thing ever again! Everything stays as is, so decrees RTJ!" Thunder clapped outside for dramatic effect.

"God fucking damn you god!" Gold cursed. Crystal came over to him and gave the hardest punch to the face he had ever experienced. So hard that it knocked him out cold.

"That's for trying to eliminate our unborn child jerk!" She turned to all the others. "I think that's its safe to say that after everything that's happened to us these past few weeks, we all agree that the Kanto region sucks ass." Everyone instead of Copper nodded their heads in unison. "So tomorrow morning I say we head back to Johto." So it was decided. Everyone except Gold's Dad, who was married to Red's Mom, was leaving for Johto.

The next day, Gold woke up in his pokemon center room. But something was wrong. The place was pitch black. No sunlight was coming in and for some reason he felt like he was moving. He reasoned that it was still night time. He tried covering himself with the sheets but instead he pulled out a lump of orange hair.

He pulled out his lighter to see what was going on. He was not in a room. He was actually in a jet black cave. And instead of a bed, he was actually riding an Arcanine. The Arcanine happened to be driven by Copper himself.

"What the hell? Copper are you _kidnapping_ me?"

"Hell yes!"

"Are you high or something? We're heading back to Johto today!" Copper shook his head and pulled a badge case from his pocket. Gold took it from him and opened it. It had all of the badges in it except the Boulder and Earth badges.

"I'm not leaving until I have all eight badges and I'm the champion of Kanto. And you're coming with me!"

"Why me? Couldn't you have taken Plat?"

"NO! You're the master and I'm the apprentice, remember? Look back at Chapter 10 damn it!"

"No offense Copper but I always thought of you as a sidekick rather than an apprentice."

"Whatever." Copper had Flares jump over a bunch of passing Digletts.

"Copper this is stupid. I wanna go home! And besides, Crystal's pregnant. She needs me."

"Again. You're. Not. LEAVING!"

"I can see that you're adamant about this. Fine. I guess I can handle a little bit more adventure before I settle down..."

"Exactly! Now onward to Pewter City!" Copper said as they reached the exit of Diglett's Cave.


	60. Vhid's Very Own Chapter!

Chapter 60

Gold

Cyndaquil-Pyro LV: 100

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Slowking-Lazy LV: 70

Pidgeot-Whirlwind: 36

Ninetales- Hiro??? LV: 100

Donphan-Trunks LV: 40

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 41

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 39

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 39

Alakazam-Kazam LV: 47

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Tell me where she is Brock," Silver asked. They had closed all the curtains in the gym and sent Brock's brothers and sisters away. The two of them were sitting across from each at Brock's dining room table. Brock leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

"I'll tell you. For a price." Silver snapped his fingers and three white chicks in thongs walked out of Brock's closet. "WHOAH!" Brock leaned back to far on his chair and fell to the floor. "GOD DAMN!" He said I amazement.

"So now will you tell me?"

"Hmm... did you have to get me white chicks?" Brock asked out of disappointment.

"What!? I thought all black guys want white women!"

"That's a hurtful stereotype bitch!" Brock said whilst dipping a leg of fried Farfetch'd in barbecue sauce.

"Stereotype? You're the one smothering that fried Farfetch'd in barbecue sauce and lecturing me about stereotypes?" Brock finished his leg and pulled out a bag of watermelon and a gallon of Kool-Aid. "See! You're doing it again!"

"Listen white bread, it isn't a stereotype if it's true. All those food stereotypes for black people are true except the Kool-Aid thing. Now, back to the matter of these girls. I personally _love_ Latina women. I love them big ol' asses and teeny weeny titties..." (I would like to say if this conversation is a little racist or harassing women I'd like to apologize) Silver was about to add something but two idiots came in through the front door. By idiots I mean Copper and Gold. For some unknown reason, Copper was singing in a voice similar to SpongeBob SquarePants.

Mr. Sun came up and he smiled at me  
Said "it's gonna be a good one, just wait and see"  
Jumped out of bed, and I ran outside  
Feeling oh so extraexstatisfied

It's the Best Day Ever (best day ever)

It's the Best Day Ever (best day ever)

I'm so busy, got nothing to do  
Spent the last 2 hours just tying my shoe  
Every flower, every grain of sand  
Is reaching out to shake my hand

Sometimes the little things start closing in on me  
When I'm feeling down, I wanna lose that frown  
I stick my head out the window and look around  
Those crowds don't scare me, they can't disguise  
Its magic that's happening right before my eyes

Silly Mister Moon-

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP!?" Gold took off his shoe and smacked Copper in the back of the head.

"Shoes falling from the sky!" Copper screamed. He started running around in circles.

"Damn it... I knew I shouldn't have trusted that guy with the syringes in his arm again..." Gold said. The guy with syringes is kind of like the Magikarp salesman. He keeps tricking Gold into buying illegal drugs for Copper. Silver hid under the table as Gold and Copper confronted Brock.

"I challenge thee to a wrestling match for the Boulderbadge!" Copper announced.

"What my stupid and incredibly high friend is trying to say is-." Brock got up from the table and pushed Gold to the side to confront Copper.

"I heard what he said. He wants to fight me for a badge." He ripped his shirt off to reveal the six-pack he had underneath.

"Dude! You're ripped! You're gonna murder him!"

"That's the idea..." Gold told Brock to follow him to the back of the gym so Copper was out of earshot.

"Dude, I'll give you anything you want. Just don't kill Copper!" Brock gave the idea some thought and then remembered that he wanted a Latina chick.

"Go find me some Mexican chick and I'll give that runt a badge without killing him." Brock literally kicked Gold out of the gym while Copper stayed behind.

"Oh man... this anime/ fanfiction! There are no minorities in anime!" Gold looked around the streets for a Latina but found none. He then found Vhid on the sidewalk doing absolutely nothing. "Hey dude! You wanna make a hundred bucks?"

"Uh... sure. What do I have to do?"

"I need you to paint yourself brown and then put on this wig." Gold held up the aforementioned wig.

"What the hell? Is this some scheme to make me look like a beaner so Brock won't kill Copper?"

"Uh... yeah. How'd you know that?"

"I read the story Dumbass!"

"Oh yeah. So um... do you want that hundred or not?"

"Hell yeah! Just wait here." Vhid came back in about thirty minutes looking like a total Mexican chick.

"AWESOME! You kick ass dude!"

"I know I do. Now let's head back to Brock's place." When they entered the gym Brock was playing chess poker with Copper.

"King me bitch!"

"But we're playing poker... HOLY CRAP!" Brock took one look at Vhid and presumed him to be the Latina he yearned. He lifted Vhid off the ground and into his arms. "You and I are gonna get freaky..." Brock said seductively.

"Uh, Gold is this supposed to be happening?"

"I have no idea but thanks for saving our asses. Love you, see ya, BYE!" Gold took the Boulderbadge from Brock and ran away as fast as he could.

"WAIT YOU LITTLE BASTARD! YOU TRICKED ME!" Vhid shouted at Gold.

"Have you ever taken thirteen inches up the butt before?" Brock asked while pinching Vhid's ass.

"GGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

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This chapter is dedicated to Vhid. Not only did he take one for the team today (ROTFLOL) he has also submitted the majority of my reviews. Which is not a lot considering I only have 88. I'm kinda pissed that the people who take jokes and ideas from me get at least twice as many reviews as I do. But oh well! I guess it can't be helped. Reviews are still very much appreciated just so you know. Oh and Vhid if you're reading this I just want you to know that you kick major ass and hopefully Brock won't do anything horrible to your you- know- what area.


	61. Random Facts from Gold and Blue

Chapter 61

Gold

Cyndaquil-Pyro LV: 100

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Slowking-Lazy LV: 70

Pidgeot-Whirlwind: 36

Donphan-Trunks LV: 40

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 41

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 39

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 39

Alakazam-Kazam LV: 47

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"No way dude! Everyone knows that I'm the best trainer." Gold and Copper were presently traveling through Viridian Forest. They were arguing over who was the strongest trainer in the world was. Gold insisted that he was the best while Copper kept saying that was Lance.

"Nigga please! You don't hold a candle to Lance."

"Lance has his dragons but _I_ have the world's strongest Cynda- What'd you just call me?"

"Nothing... Lance would totally pwn joo with his uber dragon$!!!1!one!!1"

"Stop talking in g33k! Lance lost to my dad and I beat dad which makes me the best. And not only that, I'm the Champion of Johto and I've saved the world three times in less then one and a half years. I kick ass!"

"At least Lance has skills! You won all your battles on extreme dumb luck!"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"NO I DON'T! I'll prove it! You!" Gold singled out a random bug catcher. "I challenge you to a match!" The bug catcher accepted and released his Beedrill. Before Gold even tossed out a pokemon, a random lightning bolt hit the tree behind the Beedrill. The tree fell on top of Beedrill and SQUASHED it.

"BEEDRILL! OH MY GOD!"

"Haha! I OWNED YOU!" Gold taunted. "You play like a little bitch!" Gold then walked away with complacent satisfaction.

"DUDE! WHAT THE HELL?! MY MOTHERFUCKING BEEDRILL IS DYING! CALL A FREAKING NURSE JOY OR SOMETHING!"

"Um... I wish I could help you but um... I think my Mommy is calling me- See ya!" Copper ran after Gold. When he caught up with him they resumed their argument. "You didn't really beat that guy."

"How so?"

"You didn't even use a pokemon! You won because a lightning bolt struck on an un-cloudy day." Before Gold could answer back they had reached the end of the Viridian Forest.

"What the hell? What happened to the rest of the forest?" A random hippie came up to Gold and Copper.

"I'll like tell you what happened to the forest. The _man_ keeps cutting down the trees to build housing. Thus the decrease in length of the forest."

"Uh... is that bad?" Gold asked.

"Don't get involved with this guy Gold. Don't you remember what happened in Olivine?" Copper warned. Gold was already engaged in a heated argument with the hippie about how cutting trees causes global warming.

"Without trees we don't get air to breathe. And we need that extra oxygen because automobiles are cutting down the ozone layer. Damn the United States and Henry Ford!"

"Whoah, whoah, whoah! I'm officially pissed off now! How could you say that about the U.S? Technically that place isn't supposed to exist in the pokemon world!"

"It is a common fact that the United States produces 22 percent of the carbon dioxide, methane and other harmful gases in our atmosphere."

"Okay. Speech time. You say the U.S is the cause of global warming. What you neglect to tell me is that places like China and the Middle East make as much or more greenhouse gases then the U.S. You also blamed Henry Ford, the inventor of the car." Gold's voice suddenly got intense. The hippie was reading all of his facts off a pamphlet while Gold seemed to know all of them already and more.

"Let's pretend he didn't make the car. That isn't stopping some other guy from making the car! It's called natural selection bitch! And another thing. Carbon dioxide is what we breathe out. Methane is what we fart. So what you're telling me to do is to stop breathing so I could save the world while I die of lack of oxygen? Or spontaneously combust from lack of farting?"

"I-uh-well-you see..." The poor hippie had no way to answer back.

"Listen you little bitch! All major scientists on this topic say that Global Warming won't be an extreme problem until a hundred years from now. And the last time I checked, no one has ever lived to a hundred fifty so when I die Global Warming won't be a problem! So until then I'll breathe," he said taking a sharp intake of breath, "and fart all I want!" He bent over and farted right in the guy's face and then walked away towards Viridian City.

"You just got served at your own guilt trap bitch!" Copper teased at the poor man. Now that their little Global Warming episode is over let's check in on Silver. Shall we?

STORY CHANGE: Silver Ice

"Since Brock refused to tell me where she is after he got his Latin chick, you're the only one who could possibly know where she is," Silver told Blue of Viridian Gym. Blue was completely un-interested with what he had to say so while Silver was talking he was picking his nose. He stopped mining for gold up there and confronted Silver.

"What's in it for me?" Silver snapped his fingers and the three white chicks from before walked out of Blue's closet. This was weird because Blue didn't own a closet... "Where the hell did they come from?"

"Nowhere important. Now will you tell me?" Blue groaned and rubbed the back of his head.

"Did you have to get white chicks?" Blue complained. "I prefer black chicks better."

"WHAT!? How come no one likes white chicks anymore?"

"White chicks are _okay_... but they just don't have that BF..."

"What's BF?"

"Booty Factor. It's a well known fact that white people are the only race whose ass doesn't jiggle. And yet for some reason they make up 75 percent of gay people..." Silver had lost his patience and had started strangling Blue.

"I don't have time for your Caucasian statistics! Tell me where Green is right now or I'll make sure you never hump a big succulent jiggly ass ever again!" Blue pushed Silver off of him to catch his breath.

"Fine. She's on Mt. Silver. Now get out of my gym!" Gold and Copper had barged through the front door again.

"SILVER YOU LITTLE BITCH! YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME AND CRYSTAL!" Gold shouted and rushed towards Silver.


	62. The Copper Winds aren't blowing today

Chapter 62

Gold

Cyndaquil-Pyro LV: 100

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Slowking-Lazy LV: 70

Pidgeot-Whirlwind: 36

Donphan-Trunks LV: 40

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 41

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 39

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 39

Alakazam-Kazam LV: 47

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Silver's patented escape technique!" Silver shouted. He pulled out a can of pepper spray. Just before Gold punched him he sprayed into Gold's face.

"MY EYES! THEY BURN!" Gold collapsed on the floor. Silver pushed past Copper and escaped once again. Copper ignored his friend in pain and marched up to Blue.

"I challenge you to a-."

"A match. I know already. But before we start we need to move your friend over there." Gold was now flailing around spasmodically.

"SOMEONE HELP ME! I THINK I'M HAVING A SEIZURE!"

"Uh... is he gonna be alright?"

"He's fine. He's just having an orgasm. MOVE IT BITCH!" Copper commanded. Copper moved Gold into a corner and released his first pokemon which happened to be a Gengar he caught alongside Platinum.

"Go Julio Alexander Christopher Kyle Atticus Sasuke Samantha the fifth! Otherwise known as J.A.C.K.A.S.S!"

"When the hell did you get a Gengar?" Gold asked as he heard the pokemon say its name.

"When I got it, last month. Where I got it, not important. How I got it, hilarious yet fragile on my childhood psyche. ROLL THE CLIP!"

FLASHBACK

Copper had just finished Blaine's Arcanine with a Hydro Pump attack. Blaine tossed the badge over at Copper and then pulled out a random shotgun.

"Uh... what are you gonna do with- OH MY GOD! WHOOPI!" Blaine had just shot Whoopi right between the eyes.

"I HATE WATER POKEMON!"

"THEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN A GYM LEADER! OH MY FRIGGIN JESUS! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU FIRE LOVING BASTARD!? WHAT THE FUCK!? YOU KILLED MY QUAGSIRE!"

END FLASHBACK

"Why are your stories so dreadful?" Gold asked. He had finally got his sight back and was now working on a resume for him to use when they got back to Johto.

"I blame my upbringing... HOLY CRAP! DODGE!" Blue took the time while Copper was talking to Gold to release his Pidgeot. For some reason it disappeared and then reappeared behind Jackass and gave it a powerful peck to the back. "What attack was that attack Gold?" Gold shrugged and continued writing. Blue laughed at his confusion.

"That was an Aerial Ace you dunce!"

"That's no fair! I don't know anything about attacks from Hoenn!"

"Well that's too bad for you then! Aerial Ace!" Pidgeot kept disappearing and then reappearing so there was no way for Jackass to attack or defend.

"Jackass send a Thunderbolt in every direction!" Copper commanded.

"Use drill peck to dodge it!" Pidgeot drilled itself into the ground and the bolts of lightning completely missed. It then drilled itself out from underground with another drill peck. It rammed its beak up Jackass' butt and knocked it unconscious.

20 MINUTES LATER

Blue had continued his pattern of Aerial Ace and Drill peck. He had taken down everyone on Copper's team except for Fears who was having a limited time at dodging Aerial Ace. Pidgeot combined Double Team with Aerial Ace. Fears didn't see it coming until was too late...

"GOD DAMN IT!" Copper shouted as he and Gold left the gym.

"Don't sweat it my little sidekick of a friend. I have good news and bad news."

"What's the bad news?"

"The bad news is that you lost to a Pidgeot (which isn't a very good pokemon now that I think of it) and I'm just rubbing salt in your wounds," Gold said really fast. Copper began crying in a mix of anger and sadness. "Whoah! Don't forget that's a good side. The good news is that... I finished my resume!" He pressed it against Copper's face so he was forced to read it.

Name: Gold Bartholomew (Bart) Ryu

Alias: Golden Boy, Golden Showers, Jim Jones (BALLIN!)

Sex: Super sexy male

Age: 15

Birthday: June fourteenth

Education: Eighth grade education from New Bark Town Middle School

Former Occupation (s): McDunsparce cashier, gangsta rapper your mama, idiot, fart knocker, WNBA All Star, Santa Claus, Sex Monkey, Man whore, idiot, Vyse Legend's Daddy

Titles: Champion of Johto, savior of the world three times over, vagina penetrator

Hobbies: Porn, frequent masturbation, porn, pokemon battling, porn, watching Crystal masturbate, porn, sniffing paint, porn, adventuring, porn, battling, EATING NACHOS!... and porn...

Desired job: Gym Leader, gangsta rapper, king of the world, director of porn videos

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Extremely short, I know. I'm not gonna have as much free time as I've had these few weeks so don't expect anything until next week. SORRY!


	63. Foreshadowing

Chapter 63

Gold

Cyndaquil-Pyro LV: 100

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Slowking-Lazy LV: 70

Pidgeot-Whirlwind: 36

Donphan-Trunks LV: 40

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 41

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 39

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 39

Alakazam-Kazam LV: 47

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

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"Dude, I can't believe the fic is ending soon," Gold said. They were traveling towards Pallet Town to get their heads together. They were doomed from the start...

"WHAT!? The fic is ending?"

"Yep. RTJ brought us together yesterday and told us all about it. You were there."

"Then how come I can't remember?"

"Oh yeah. You were high during the entire meeting. So anyways, RTJ says that the next chapter or the one after it are gonna be extremely long and that'll be it for us."

"ONE CHAPTER!? THIS CAN'T BE! I CAN'T LOSE THIS JOB! I'VE GOT KIDS TO FEED AND-." Gold pimp slapped Copper across the face to make him shut up.

"If you shut up for three seconds I can tell you everything else RTJ said. Yep, he said something about Golden Flames 2..."

"Really? More adventures? YAY!"

"Hold on! There's a Golden Flames 2 but apparently it'll be thirteen years into the future and all of us won't be as important anymore..."

"AH DAMN IT! Wait. If it's not about us then who'll be the main characters?"

"I can't say. We're already spoiling the plot enough as it is. PALLET TOWN OFF THE STARBOARD BOW!" Surely enough they had reached the quiet village of Pallet. "Hey wait a minute. How can they call it a town if there's only three buildings?" The only buildings standing were Red and Blue's houses and Prof. Oak's lab. A bunch of homeless people were standing around doing nothing. Basically it looked exactly like it does in the games (minus the blocky graphics and lack of color).

"This place sucks..." The two of them walked down the only path in town to Prof. Oak's lab. They barged in without knocking (again). The professor was no where to be found. Blue's sister Daisy was working on what looked like a robotic Pidgeot.

"Hey Copper, isn't that the Pidgeot that whooped your ass yesterday?"

"SHUT UP!" Copper's yell caused Daisy to drop her gadgets. She jumped up and pulled a gun out on them.

"I TOLD YOU THAT I'D HAVE THE RENT TOMORROW OLD MAN!"

"WHOAH! Bitch if you don't put the gun down I swear I'll take out the tampon gun!" Gold warned her. She rubbed her eyes to get a better look at the two. After realizing that they weren't the 'old man' she put the gun down.

"Sorry about that," she said turning back to Robo Pidgeot. "I've been working all night on this thing and I'm going a little drowsy..."

"What's that thing for?"

"My little brother Blue."

"THAT SON OF A BITCH CHEATED!"

"No, no! Let me explain things. You see, my brother bet all of his pokemon in a poker game to this kid named Red. Since training takes years to do, he has me build robot pokemon instead. But the problem is that these things are to strong. No one is able to defeat him..."

"Now how am I supposed to get the badge?"

"I could give it to you instead but it only means that you're a lazy bastard that can't overcome adversity."

"I don't care! GIMME!" Daisy pulled an Earth badge out of her pocket. She flipped it like a coin at Copper which he gladly caught in one hand. Gold let out a sigh.

"What happened to the lengthy pokemon battle scenes we've come to know and love? Copper, you haven't really earned these last two badges, people just have been handing them to you."

"I don't give a damn! I worked my ass off for the other six badges so why should I care about these two? Now let's get to the Indigo Plateau so we can-." He was interrupted by Daisy's laughter.

"Some idiot blew up the Indigo Plateau last year." Copper gave Gold an enraged glare. Gold just shrugged at him. By then Prof. Oak had just come in through the back door.

"Did I just hear you correctly young man? You got all eight badges?"

"Yep. But their worthless if I can't be champion..."

"There's still a way. The Pokemon Association decided that whoever climbs to the top of Mt. Silver is the new champion of Kanto."

"That's a dumb rule... but easy! C'mon Gold, we've got climbing to do!" He sprinted towards the door Gold left his foot out and Copper tripped over it.

"Hang on! I've got to ask the professor something. You see, dude I've got this Cyndaquil..." Gold explained how Red turned Pyro into a runt again. The Prof. took Pyro and was examining it with some strange machine.

"Hmm... it seems that the keyboard's exact key words are important here. Pyro's been turned into the world's strongest _Cyndaquil_. Your Pyro is at level 100, making it resistant to evolution. But perhaps it's better this way..."

"Why?"

"The keyboard made it the strongest of its breed. So if it found a way to evolve then the keyboard's magic will wear off and actually make it _weaker_ because it's not a _Cyndaquil_." He took the wires off of Pyro and gave him back to Gold.

"Ain't that a bitch... Sorry Pyro. No long and supple penis…"

STORY CHANGE: Golden Flames and Silver Ice Jr.

Silver Jr. had gotten seasick and was now puking his lunch over the side of the S.S. Aqua. Everyone had decided to return back to Johto despite Gold and Copper's absence. Crystal wasn't worried however. No matter where Gold goes, she _will _find him and then _destroy_ him.

"Hey Silver, we're not really Mommy and Daddy's kids are we?"

"No, we're not. But why should that matter? They love us anyway. So that kinda makes us adopted. Why do you ask?"

"Because Mommy's new baby is their _real_ child. What if that makes him/her more special then us?" Silver climbed down from the railing and confronted his brother.

"Well... if the new kid thinks they can take Mommy and Daddy's love from us then we'll fight for what we want. Even if it takes an eternity. We'll make their lives a living nightmare!" A bit of foreshadowing between these two. You'll see in Golden Flames 2. I know I said next week but I managed to get it up today. Go Figure?


	64. Sapphire Endings

Chapter 64

Gold

Cyndaquil-Pyro LV: 100

Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35

Slowking-Lazy LV: 70

Pidgeot-Whirlwind: 36

Donphan-Trunks LV: 40

Snorlax-Lummox LV: 41

Ampharos-Sparks LV: 39

Sunflora-Sprout LV: 39

Alakazam-Kazam LV: 47

Hiro

Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32

Skarmory-Armor LV: 30

Muk-Stench LV: 38

Victreebel-Victor LV: 30

Magmar-Inferno LV: 30

Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42

Crystal

Meganium (Blue) LV: 40

Blissey LV: 35

Sudowoodo LV: 40

Jynx LV: 30

Dragonair LV: 32

Copper

Fears-Fearow LV: 32

Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31

Arcanine-Flares LV: 30

Machamp-Champion LV: 37

Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35

Red Gyarados LV: 50

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"Welcome to another exciting segment of Copper's expeditions!" Copper said out loud to no one in particular. "Today I am exploring the jungle frontier of Mt. Silver with my trusted monkey slave, Gold. I am leading the way to a glorious new title, Kantonian (I'm pretty sure that's not a word) Champion!"

Gold was the one leading this 'expedition'. He had somehow acquired a sword and was now cutting down bamboo thickets in their way. Copper got ahead of him and told him to stop.

"Stop Monkey Slave! Look at that!" He pointed towards a Nidoking and Rapidash fighting in the distance. "We are witnessing an altercation between two wild pokemon. For innuendo purposes I shall call the Nidoking Rod and the Rapidash Carpet."

"Innuendo purposes?"

"Yes, you poor Neanderthal, innuendo purposes."

"I swear if you call me your Monkey Slave or Neanderthal again, I'm gonna beat your skinny white-."

"ROD!"

"WHAT!? I WASN'T GONNA HIT YOU THERE!"

"NO! Rod just got pounded in the butt!" The Rapidash had just used horn attack on Nidoking's you-know-what. "Now Rod is turning around to stick it in carpet! Wow! That Rod is pounding Carpet with gusto! That Carpet is sweating like a whore in church now!" Gold had led them away from the fight and towards the base of Mt. Silver.

"I don't know what's worse, what you just said interpreted _with_ innuendo or _without_."

"Don't strain your tiny brain over it monkey. We have climbing to do!"

"THAT DOES IT!" Gold gripped Copper around the neck and proceeded to choke him. Unfortunately for him, Copper had the opportunity (and used it) to kick him in the...

"MY SUBMARINE AND TORPEDOES! (God, I'm gonna miss that joke)" Gold had released Copper and fell to the ground.

"STOP FOOLING AROUND!" Copper wheeled around to find a Nurse Joy sprinting towards them. She picked the two of them up by the ears.

"LET GO! WHERE'RE YOU TAKING US?!" Copper shrieked as he struggled against her. Gold; however, had nearly passed out from the kick.

"You two are here for the stupid race right? The line starts over there," she said releasing the both of them. She pointed to a mile-long line of people. The line started at the front of the cave. The newest President of the Pokemon Association stood above them all on a tall hill near the Pokemon Center. He held up a microphone to his mouth and began to speak.

"Hello and welcome trainers! My name is-."

"NO ONE CARES! GET TO THE DAMN POINT!" Copper ordered of him.

"Oh... OK..." the man said meekly. "The rules are simple. Whoever gets to the top first is the new champion. You're also allowed to use your pokemon to interfere with the other trainers' progress. On your mark... get set... GO!" All the other trainers ran in all at once but Copper and Gold stayed behind.

"You remember the plan right?" Copper asked. Gold nodded and released Whirlwind. Copper released Fears right after him. They climbed onto their respective pokemon and started flying towards the top of Mt. Silver instead of climbing through it. Technically, it wasn't cheating because they were using pokemon.

"You know what's funny Gold? The two of us have IQ's lower then your Mom's panties but we're the only ones smart enough to fly up here."

"HYPER BEAM!" Gold shouted. Whirlwind shot the beam of light towards Fears. Fears dodged to the left and let the attack bust open the side of the mountain. The hole it created revealed the place where you fight Red in the games. But instead, two unknown people were there.

"OH NO! SOMEONE'S TAKEN MY TITLE!" They flew into the hole and then landed behind a cluster of boulders to listen to the two people talk. Gold squinted through the dark and on further inspection, one of them was Silver.

"Okay. Can you run that by me again Silver? Why did you try to destroy the world twice?" Silver's female companion asked. She sounded supremely pissed off at Silver.

"... After we left the orphanage together, you started following around that Blue guy. I knew that I couldn't hold a candle to him so I tried taking over the world. You know... to show you how much I care... the thing is... I love you Green..." Green turned away from him.

"Let me get this straight. You got jealous of my relationship with Blue so you decided that you had to take over the world so I can notice you?"

"Yep." Green pushed past and was turning to leave.

"Psychopath..." she muttered as she went past him. Gold and Copper came out of their hiding spot to confront Silver.

"GET OFF OF MY MOUNTAIN BITCH! I'm supposed to be the Champ of Kanto! NOT YOU!" Copper roared. Silver was too zoned out by Green's sudden departure to notice them. Gold pulled Copper away from Silver.

"Silver doesn't have any badges you little asshole! And that Green chick left without claiming the trophy. Look!" Somehow the President of the Pokemon Association got there before all of them and was holding the Championship Trophy. Copper rushed at the man to get his trophy and Gold walked back to Silver's side.

"No offense dude but that has to be the DUMBEST reason for trying to take over the world EVER!" Gold said. Silver finally snapped back to normal and turned to face his rival.

"I just can't help it. I love her so much that I'd give her the whole world. Don't you feel the same way about Crystal?" Gold shuddered as he remembered that Crystal was gonna murder him when they got back home.

"Uh... I guess I never thought about it... I mean it's really hard to love Crystal because she's out to kill me half the time..." Gold sat down facing the hole they had made in the mountain, gazing at the endless blue sky. He suddenly felt much older. "I'm under the ball and chain of a solitary woman for the rest of my life. God, I feel married already..." Silver sat down next to him watching the clouds go by. For this instance, all of their past rivalries and hatred of each other just disintegrated.

"And I'm hopelessly following after a girl who can't stand me anymore... God damn it, I feel like a stalker!" Silver complained. Copper had beaten the President of the Pokemon Association for the trophy.

"WHO'S THE BEST? I'M THE BEST! AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF YOU TELL ME OTHERWISE! I AM THE CHAMP! I AM THE CHIMP- I MEAN THE CHAMP! OH YEAH! BOW DOWN TO ME YOU MORTAL FOOLS!" Copper said to no one in particular. The other racers didn't make it to the top yet.

"Hey Silver, I think this would be a good time to settle the old score between us," Gold said.

"What old score?"

"When me, Hiro and Crystal were going to Cherrygrove, you and Karen got the jump on us. We teleported away but I still say you won that battle. And then a couple of weeks later, I beat you in a pokemon battle. So one more match should settle it."

"You want a match right now?"

"Hell yeah! You and me, one on one, right now! Go Pyro!"

"Go Tyranitar!" The behemoth stared down at the fire mouse.

"Hah! Pyro's the world's strongest Cyndaquil! You can't hurt-." Tyranitar used is tail to smack Pyro into the rock wall behind Gold. It fell back to the ground but didn't get back up. Silver had taken Pyro out in one hit.

"That is so unfair... but I guess you win dude." Gold outstretched his hand to shake Silver's. Silver seemed confused.

"I don't get you. I nearly destroy you, made fun of you, beat you in battle and even slept with your girlfriend but no matter what I do, you keep being nice to me. Why?"

"Hmm... I don't know. I just can't hate you dude. It's like we're connected or something..." Silver took Gold's hand and shook it. Finally, the rivalry between Gold and Silver was officially ended.

NINE MONTHS LATER...

"Just sign here sir, and this gym will be yours." Gold and Copper returned to Johto without Silver. Since battling was about the only thing he was good at, he decided to make the abandoned Mahogany Gym his own. He signed the contract the man gave him on the dotted line. "Good. Now here are the keys Don't forget to lock up later." With that, the man left.

"Alright! I finally have a gym like Hiro! Copper, check this place out!" Gold said looking around the gym.

"Gold, this place is a dump." It was still singed and destroyed from when Pyro blew it up.

"Don't talk about your new home and workplace Copper that way Copper. We can fix this place up in three days."

"Home and workplace? You don't mean-."

"Yep. As of right now, you are my first gym trainer!" Gold and Copper started skipping around with glee but were interrupted by Gold's Pokegear ringing. "Hello, this is Gold, the new Mahogany Gym Leader. Who is calling? Crystal? Your water just broke? Uh... what does that mean?" Crystal started shouting into the phone. "GEEZ! No need to shout! The baby's coming. I get it! I'm on my way!" Gold hung up on her and ran past Copper.

"GOOD LUCK BUDDY!" Gold lifted off on Whirlwind once more and jetted towards New Bark Town Hospital. In 15 minutes he was only 2 miles away from the hospital. He ordered Pidgeot to fly along the road. Crystal's Mom drove up next to him. She wasn't looking to happy.

"HI MOTHER-IN-LAW!" Crystal's Mom pulled out her pet Swinub. "UH... WHAT'RE YOU- GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She had it use Ice Beam on Whirlwind. Whirlwind collapsed on the ground and Gold was sent flying onto the roof of her car. He returned Whirlwind to its ball before they got too far. He rode on top of her car until they got to the hospital.

"Hah! Now that stupid boy is gone, I can raise that child the way I want!" Crystal's Mom said climbing out of the car. Gold jumped off of the car and drop kicked his mother-in-law in the back.

"Take that bitch!" He got off of her and raced towards Crystal's hospital room. He kicked down the door to find Crystal holding a beautiful baby...

"BOY! And what a boy! He's got a bigger penis then me!"

"That's the umbilical cord you little Dumbass!" Crystal said as a doctor severed said cord. "It's a girl."

"Oh... I knew that... so have you named her yet?"

"No."

"Good. Because I've got the perfect name." Gold took the baby away from Crystal. "I christen thee... NINTENDO WII!" Crystal smacked Gold across the face and took their baby back.

"_I_ have the perfect name. Hmm... your name is... Sapphire. What do you think honey?"

"Perfect. Just like her mother." Gold kissed her cheek and stared happily down at his seed and she stared back.

And that's it! The story's finally over! But before I finish I want to tell you what happened to everyone. Tit and Hiro returned back to Olivine Gym (after buying their way back in). Tit was afraid of getting pregnant like Crystal so to Hiro's displeasure, she cut him off from sex. Gold's Dad finally sat all three of his would-be wives down to discuss how to handle dead, psychotic and outlawed children (Karen was never found). Silver and Green were never found again but hopefully they would find each other one day. Gold and Silver Jr. stayed Gold and Crystal as their 'sort of' adopted sons. They spent their days creating mischief and chaos for their parents. Speaking of which...

FOUR YEARS LATER...

"... and that's how I saved the world from my maniac father," Gold said. He had just finished telling Sapphire the story of P.O.O.T and how her grandfather nearly destroyed the world. She got up from his lap and looked at him inquisitively.

"Daddy, will I ever have great stories like you when I grow up?"

"You sure are! We still have Golden Flames 2 to get to!"

"Golden what?"

"You'll see, oh, you'll all see MUHAHAHAHA!"

"MOMMY! DADDY'S WARPING MY MIND AGAIN!

"GOLD STOP IT! I NEED YOU TO STOP YOUR SONS FROM ICE SKATING IN THE GYM!" Gold still kept the ice from his predecessor Pryce.

"God damn it! I told them to stop that a million times already!" Gold left Sapphire behind in her room to apprehend his sons.

"I'll probably get in trouble for saying this but, MY FAMILY SUCKS!" Little Sapphire yelled to herself.


End file.
